


Ganymede and Zeus: The Cup Bearing Dean's Love

by penultimateaxis



Series: Green-Eyed Dean-ial Winchester [4]
Category: Greek and Roman Mythology, Supernatural
Genre: Abused Castiel, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Gods & Goddesses, Alternate Universe - Human, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dark Dean Winchester, Dean Being an Asshole, Dean Has a Crush, Dean is Bad at Feelings, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Greek Mythology - Freeform, Heavy Angst, Homophobia, Hurt Castiel, Hurt Dean Winchester, Jealous Dean, John Winchester Abuses Dean Winchester, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, M/M, Manipulative Dean, Mildly Dubious Consent, Non-Consensual Somnophilia, Pining Dean, Possessive Dean, Protective Dean Winchester, Self-Sacrificing Castiel, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-03
Updated: 2016-02-02
Packaged: 2018-05-04 19:28:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 138,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5345894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/penultimateaxis/pseuds/penultimateaxis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel is the youngest son of the local pastor and he is beautiful from the inside out. His family and the town's people love him very much. When the Winchester brothers move into the neighborhood, Castiel unwittingly insults the older brother, Dean Winchester. Through an accursed agreement, Castiel becomes Dean's servant, plaything, amusement- and even consort. </p><p>Or the Abduction of Ganymede (Castiel) by the Lord Zeus (Dean)</p><p>Prompt: Castiel bent on all fours while working in Dean 's mansion and Dean teased or whispered filth into his ear.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1- Heavenly Beauty

**Author's Note:**

> Dear reader, 
> 
> Since I absolutely love Greek Mythology, I just had to post this. Ganymede/Zeus story was one of my favorite stories in the mythology and I would like to glorify it with destiel!
> 
> Again, it will have common themes however I'll try and make it as less cliche as possible.  
> If you wanna read some action between Master!Dean and Servant/Consort!Cas then I hope you have fun.
> 
> Kind regards,  
> penultimateaxis

[](http://s79.photobucket.com/user/penultimateaxis/media/Fanfiction/Ganymede%20amp%20Zeus_zps5mwxcjnn.png.html)

_Legends said that the mighty god of Olympus Zeus, fell for the Trojan prince Ganymede. Apparently, he took the form of an eagle and abducted the boy but not without compensating Ganymede’s father with horses that carried the gods themselves. This was probably the last time horses played a positive role in Troy._

_Anyway, Zeus brought the boy to Mount Olympus, gave him the role of cup-bearer and consort. Not much had been said since however for some, the legend bore more truth than fiction._

***

Castiel Novak was the youngest son of the local pastor and was regarded as the most beautiful out of his brothers. His mother passed away when he was very little and his older brothers Michael and Luke left their home as soon as they were able to and hadn’t returned to visit since. Only Gabriel and Castiel remained to take care of their beloved father, well mainly Castiel since Gabriel was too busy frolicking in town with too many people and Castiel could barely keep count.

At a ripe age of twenty-two, the youngest Novak was adored by the town, not only through his physical appearance (though it was certainly pleasing) but for his virtuous heart.

Castiel would help anyone in need. From the elderly, to the children, Castiel’s kindness knew no bounds. Men and women had courted him, begged and pleaded to be his, however Castiel could not be swayed. He was just not looking for anyone at the moment, much to his admirers’ dismay. Even so, Castiel’s heart remained in the right place.

His physical and inner beauty shone brighter than the blazing summer sun.

And it was in this very season that Castiel’s life would change forever.

***

**-Castiel-**

It was during the middle of one of the hottest days in town that the infamous Winchester brothers moved in. They lived up the very top of the highest hill of the town, overlooking the rooftops. The town’s people had whispered of their arrival weeks beforehand but Castiel didn’t really pay them any mind. Not when he was busy helping his father clean the church. It was his turn to sweep the courtyard and who knows how long that was going take.

Perhaps he would be done by sundown and he could go to town and hear about the newcomers.

While he did his chore, Gabriel arrived with an unsurprising lightness to his feet.

“Cassie! The hell are you doing working in this furnace? I know you sympathize with Moses and the slaves but this temperature feels more like the ninth circle of hell.” Gabriel melodramatically twirled and leaned on Castiel’s shoulder. Castiel sighed and shrugged his brother off.

“Would you please get off me Gabriel? I don’t think having our bodies close together helps.” Castiel continued sweeping as he thought about his father who was probably soaked in sweat in the master bedroom. It was midday but he was asleep due to another night of drinking.

One of the reasons as to why Michael and Luke left.

“Ugh I can’t believe you’re not dead from this heat! I can barely stand.” Gabriel moaned and Castiel just rolled his eyes.

“If you have time to complain then you have time to clean. Help me sweep.” Castiel growled but Gabriel just darted him a disgusted face.

“I don’t understand why you’re doing this when our darling father should be helping us out.” Gabe pouted and Castiel simply let it slide as he was not in the mood to fight with anyone regarding the topic of his father.

Even though most of the town’s people were fond of him, Castiel’s father on the other hand…had a reputation as an alcoholic. He would either be at the bar or at home destroying his liver using the money his family inherited from his mother’s side. Castiel’s father, Chuck, never used church money for his vice, it always went straight to charity because Castiel made sure of it. Since Michael and Luke were not around, Castiel administered the church whenever his father was incapable of doing so.

“Hello? Earth to Castiel?” Gabriel snapped his fingers as Castiel’s train of thought fizzled away like the moisture from their laundry.

“Did you hear anything that I just said?” Gabriel asked and Castiel didn’t but nodded regardless. “What did I just say?”

Castiel bit his cheek for a second. “That you’re craving iced coffee?” Castiel guessed as it was usually what Gabriel desired- the hyperactive fuel which were sweets.

“No- Well now that you’ve mentioned it, I could kill for some iced coffee but WRONG! You wound me Cassie! Why can’t you be as kind to me as you are to everybody else?” Gabriel cried out and slapped Castiel on the shoulder. He darted his older brother a glare.

“I am sorry Gabriel. My mind was elsewhere- what were you saying earlier?” Castiel groaned and waited until Gabriel could stop pretending to cry.

A minutes later, he did.

“As I was saying earlier, I saw the Winchester brothers roll into town! Oh my god Cassie! You should’ve seen them! God they were oh so hot!” Gabriel clamored but Castiel scowled at him.

“Do not utter the Lord’s name in vain.”

Gabriel didn’t seem to care. “Oh but wait til you see both of them with your own eyes! You’ll start uttering the lord’s name in vain more often _and_ in private if you catch my drift.” His older brother wriggled his eyebrows at the suggestion.

“You’re disgusting.”

“I’m just being realistic. Don’t pretend like you’ve never done it Castiel! You may be a virgin but you’re no pioneer when it comes to abstinence- the walls aren’t that thin you know!” Gabriel grinned and Castiel slapped his face away.

“You disgust me. Leave these grounds! I shall be the one to pray for your soul.” Castiel didn’t feel like sweeping anymore, not while Gabriel remained.

“Aww don’t be like that Cassie-poo! You know you love me. I was just joking around!” Gabriel said and Castiel groaned in irritation. His older brother followed him around and spoke about the two brothers extensively. Mostly rumors from town which were probably spread by Castiel’s brother.

“What have I told you about spreading gossip and listening to them?” Castiel narrowed his eyes but Gabriel just rolled his.

“Jeez, you’re really starting to sound like dad.” Gabriel whined and Castiel just shook his head. His older brother continued and explicitly described what the two brothers looked like. The youngest was apparently named Sam Winchester and he was very tall, with long hair and a great smile. Gabriel went on for a bit too long when it came to Sam.

“Oh you wouldn’t even believe how handsome he is Cassie-poo. All classy yet rugged. I bet he could lift me up and I’d let him. Oh I’d let him plow me in one of the confessional booths while I prayed for salvation.” Castiel groaned in despair but that didn’t deter Gabriel. “Yet, I wouldn’t mind it if he was possessed by the devil. I’d let him _condemn_ me. Oh I’d let him _condemn_ me over and over…”

“GABRIEL!” Castiel shouted and turned to their house at the back of the church, worried if their father was awake or had heard Gabriel’s profanities.

“Oh I’m sorry I almost forgot about the _other_ brother.” Gabriel snapped out of his blissful trance which worried Castiel a little. His brother wasn’t even worried about the things he was saying.

“He’s not that interesting, not as perfect as Sam of course. He was shorter than Sam but at least he didn’t fall short in the looks department. If you’re into that ken doll look.” Gabriel mentioned as if he had the right to judge other people by their height. “Anyway, their daddy passed away only recently, handing all their family money to the two brothers. Rumor has it that they’re planning on buying all the businesses in town.” Gabriel whispered as if what he said earlier was not as profane to what he was saying now.

“That’s…quite ambitious.” Castiel said and Gabriel nodded.

“I know right? But with how much money they have, I wouldn’t be surprised if they did. I heard that they don’t need to join their wealth to buy all the businesses!” Castiel pulled his ear away in shock and Gabriel simply nodded enthusiastically. “Here’s where it gets worse.”

Gabriel continued and Castiel leaned in again. “If the business owners, like Ellen and Bobby don’t agree to sell, then the brothers would open new businesses for cheaper products or have the government back them up. It’s all underhanded.” Gabriel whispered in panic and Castiel furrowed his brow.

If what Gabriel said was true then most of his friends in town would lose their livelihood. Ellen, Bobby and many others would have to submit or risk losing everything. Castiel felt pain ached in his chest.

“That can’t be.” Castiel scowled and Gabriel sighed.

“Oh it can be. Especially when you’ve got that much money. I couldn’t believe it myself until I heard the postman say that he heard it come straight out of the older brother’s mouth. He was the brother who wanted to buy everything.” Gabriel said. “Thank god Sam wasn’t the bad one out of the two.”

Castiel had to stop his brother before Gabriel started imagining about Sam’s body parts inside him.

“What’s his name?” Castiel asked and thank god Gabriel snapped out of it.

“Dean. Dean Winchester.”


	2. Chapter 2- Divine Wrath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ganymede's first day as Zeus' cup-bearer takes a dramatic turn. 
> 
> Castiel's first interaction with Dean is a slippery slope to Hell's throne.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delay. Here is the second chapter!  
> I got sick and had social commitments, a few 21st birthdays left right front and center. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you like this chapter. there will be plenty of feels. *insert Pepe Meme*

**-Ganymede-**

_Though he was the God of Olympus, Zeus was not content by Ganymede’s suddden entry to the divine realm. So he had the other gods fashion a celebration, one as elaborate as a heroes’ ascension. Dionysus, the god of wine, never took divinity seriously, however, when Zeus approached him, with Ganymede in his arms, the lord of wine took matters in his own hands._

_All of Olympus must know of Zeus’ newest conquest, one that was worthy of a celebration. Most of the gods helped except for Hera of course, the wretched thing. Jealous of Ganymede’s beauty and was already plotting for another Greek tragedy. But Zeus had learned much and kept Ganymede by his side at all times. Not wanted to risk his delicate flower._

_During the celebration, Zeus had Ganymede pour him drinks. Poseidon was impressed and Hades was grieved by the fact that Zeus gave Ganymede immortality, but Zeus merely brushed his brother’s greed aside._

_Ganymede on the other hand was on his way to gather more wine for his lord when he was approached by the god of wine. Unlike the other gods, Dionysus did not have much armor but his physical appearance did not disappoint._

_“Why so glum, dear Ganymede?” Dionysus asked and Ganymede sighed._

_“Do you wish for an honest answer?” Ganymede asked as he stirred the wine in his golden pitcher._

_“I just would like to know why the most beautiful boy in this realm is more miserable than the furies in the underworld.” Dionysus smiled and Ganymede blushed at the compliment._

_“Praise you my lord, however I grow homesick by the hour and I am certain that I will never be free of the feeling.” Ganymede frowned as he tried not to shed a tear in front of the deity._

_“My dear sweet Ganymede, if only I could undo what Zeus has done however we both know I cannot.” Dionysus said and it didn’t help Ganymede’s expression. “But such beauty as yours is worth the eternity.” The god stroked his arm to soothe him and it was taking its effect._

_“Thank you.” Ganymede smiled fondly as Zeus called for him to bring more wine. He was about to excuse himself when the wine god added a pinch of golden dust to Ganymede’s pitcher._

_“There, I made the drink extra special for him. The taste should overwhelm his senses.” The god smiled and so did Ganymede._

_Returned to Zeus once more, Ganymede wondered what fate had in store for him. Being a mere mortal prince, he was nothing against the mighty god. Tried as he might, the lord Zeus rules all, was above all. Thoughts about freedom were but a fleeting dream._

_“I believe your Lord will not be needing your services for a while.” The god Dionysus reappeared from behind and Ganymede was stricken by shock._

_“I was told to be at his side until he dismisses me.” Ganymede replied as he saw his Lord laughed and cheered with the other gods. Poseidon and Hades seemed to be very fond of their brother though they did not share the same expressions. Poseidon smiled like Zeus but his eyes hid secrets deeper than the Aegean Sea. The Lord Hades was quite like how Ganymede imagined him from the scriptures, brooding and dark. Unlike Poseidon’s seashell armor or Zeus’ golden tunic- the lord of the dead wore ash coated armor mixed with an ebony cape. Though they lived up to their roles, Ganymede had never seen this side of the immortals._

_They looked more like brothers than mighty deities._

_“You should take a break away from your master, I believe it would not benefit his lordship and yourself if exhausted.” Dionysus whispered and Ganymede did feel slightly tired from anticipating his Lord’s call. More importantly, he was sick and tired of being reminded of how bound he was._

_“Perhaps…” Ganymede bowed his head, tried not to remember his homeland._

_“I think there is a place near Hera’s garden where you can look over your city.” Dionysus said and Ganymede beamed._

_“There is such a place?”_

_“Yes! I can take you there. Only very quickly of course. We can return at once and the Lord Zeus will not even realize you were gone.”_

_Ganymede wanted to. Oh he wanted to get a glimpse of his homeland as much as he could. For who knows when he will able to go back. However, there was the Lord Zeus to worry about. He was not sure if it was wise to leave his side._

_Then he remembered that the deity did not hesitate to take him away without his consent._

_“Very well. I shall pour his lord another drink before we go.” Ganymede said and Dionysus grinned. Before Ganymede could return to the fountain of wine, Dionysus stopped him and gave him a cup._

_“Give him this. It will fill him for longer and it gives you more time to glance over your home.”_

_Ganymede appreciatively took the cup and went to Zeus who laughed with his brothers. The mighty god coiled his massive arm around him before kissing him on the lips. Ganymede faked a smile then slowly left his side and ran off with the wine god._

_Dionysus took him to Hera’s most precious garden where the rumored golden apple tree of Hesperides presided. It was as if the deity read his mind and pointed at the tree. The legends were true, a snake was guarding it and it looked more hideous than he imagined. One look at it could petrify the soul like the Gorgons._

_But Ganymede was not interested in the apples, something else was more important, more essential to his attention. The wine god took him to the top of a small hill where at the end he saw his world. Well his old world. The world of mortals._

_“Oh my…I did not realize how large the world was…and round.” Ganymede commented and the wine god laughed. As he gazed upon the mortal plane, he saw masses of oceans spread to the horizon…curved horizon. Unexplored continents had patches of green, brown and white. Of snow and desert, Ganymede had never seen anything more remarkable._

_“Amazing. Truly, the world is an amazing place.” Ganymede said and Dionysus stood beside him._

_“Would you like to see where you live?” Dionysus asked and Ganymede hastily nodded._

_With one swipe of his hand, the winds moved and the world grew larger until they passed clouds then onto land where the great walls of his city stood proudly. Ganymede’s eyes went wide in awe. His city looked exactly how it was before he left. His fellow Trojans seemed like ants from the distance._

_Even though his eyes could see them, it did not ease the ache and longing in his chest._

_“Would it be possible if we go closer?” Ganymede asked and Dionysus had a brief expression of worry but conceded. With another swipe of his hand, the view zoomed closer to the streets where Dionysus saw his fellow men’s faces. Street vendors whom he used to greet in the morning and the merchants who waved him goodbye when he returned to the palace. To his palace._

_They never got the chance to say goodbye._

_“My lord…” Ganymede scowled a whisper and Dionysus leaned closer to listen. “Could I look into the palace?”_

_Dionysus grew more concerned for some odd reason. “I do not think it is wise, I am afraid that you will see your father and grieve.”_

_“I will not- well I would be lying if I said that seeing his miserable face would not affect me however misery agrees with me. I can handle it.” Ganymede insisted and Dionysus sighed._

_“I don’t think misery is a word I’d ever associate with you. However you’ve moved me, I shall allow you to see him but it will be the last request I can fulfill. Already I have transgressed too much.” Dionysus wondered for a moment before giving Ganymede another smile._

_The god swiped his hand and the scene revealed Ganymede’s father, Tros on his throne with his hands clutching his face and his mother, Dardania weeping by the balcony. Ganymede almost reached out to hold his parents’ faces when suddenly the scene went black. Stars of the night sky filled the view and his parents and city were long gone. His whole world was gone._

_“What has happened? My city? My parents!” Ganymede cried out as Dionysus fell on his knees._

_Lighting and thunder boomed from above and the winds felt as if they were about to rip his skin off._

_“I am sorry young prince but it would seem that the Lord Zeus has noticed you were gone.” Dionysus bowed his head in shame as a burst of crackling light spat from the sky and pierced the earth. The very earth shook at the manifestation of the mighty Zeus, with eyes that burned with rage and teeth clenched in fury._

_“What is the meaning of this Dionysus? Taking Ganymede to the back gardens and wooing him? How dare you try and steal what belongs to the lord of Olympus!” Zeus hissed and Dionysus placed his face and hands on the ground in submission._

_“I implore you, mighty Zeus! I did not have the intention of taking what is only yours. I merely wished to show the boy his old home.”_

_Thunder exploded from the sky._

_“So you do not deny it? You tried to take him away from me by using his emotions! Such betrayal is only punishable by death!” Zeus held a hand up and a lightning bolt crashed onto his hand as if it weighed nothing. He took aim of the wine god who did not move from his spot. Ganymede had to act fast and could not think of nothing more than to clear the misunderstanding._

_Before the thunder god hurled his lightning bolt, Ganymede ran straight in front of the wine god and held his arms out._

_If a deity was to die because of his selfishness then he should be the one to take the punishment._

_“Step aside Ganymede!”_

_“I will not!” Ganymede snapped back and more thunder boomed behind the mighty god._

_“I will not ask twice.” Zeus threatened and Ganymede narrowed his eyes._

_“Then find yourself another cup-bearer. Should you exact your rage at me, at least I would be free of one suffering rather than have another. The death of an innocent god who has been nothing but kind and welcoming to me, will be in my conscience for eternity. May it end now.”_

_Zeus clenched the jaw and his grasp of the lightning bolt tightened, and it sent crackles of electricity to spit all over the soil. Ganymede closed his eyes as he awaited his fate. At least he could long for his city and family in the Elysian fields- far away from the Lord of Olympus._

_After a few seconds, Ganymede heard a loud roar at when he opened his eyes, he realized that it came from Zeus’ mouth. The thunder god threw the spear of lightning back to the sky and let it explode, as serpents of light slithered across the heavens. The thunderclouds dispersed soon after and Ganymede saw Dionysus look up in complete shock._

_Zeus took a moment to compose himself then his eyes pierced the god of wine._

_“You will leave Olympus and never return. Never show your face to me again.” Zeus pointed at the other god and Dionysus nodded. Zeus gave one last look at Ganymede before disappearing into the garden._

_Ganymede sighed and turned to the wine god who rose to his feet. “Are you alright?” Ganymede asked and Dionysus forced a smile._

_“Honestly, I am more shocked by the outcome than upset. It would seem that I have really pushed it too far and realize the cost of my boastfulness.” Dionysus smiled brightly this time but Ganymede did not feel convinced._

_“You should not have to be punished for anything, it was me who asked for this. It should be me who needs to be punished-,” Ganymede stopped as Dionysus held a hand up._

_“That is not what the lord Zeus thinks. He only worries about you so do not worry about me, I retain my powers and role as the god of wine. I simply have to take my affairs elsewhere, to the mortal world perhaps, which I would much rather be. Gods bore me at times…” Dionysus said but Ganymede remained unconvinced. There was something about his smile that didn’t seem sincere._

_“I am sorry.” Ganymede did not want to cry. No he wouldn’t but the tears were there._

_“Don’t cry, it does not suit you.” Dionysus rubbed his cheek and Ganymede held the wine god’s hand._

_“As a parting gift, I must give you this.” Dionysus pulled a small vial out. A small cord was tied to it as it was no bigger than a small pendant. “Keep this with you. I has three purposes: when you wish for it, it can transform into a pitcher that can make any wine you pour out of it into the most delicious refreshment. No god or mortal can resist its flavor.” Dionysus smiled while Ganymede played with the small vial._

_“Secondly, you can use it to contact me. All you have to do is transform it into its other form and put water inside.” Dionysus took the pendant and put it on Ganymede._

_“What of the last one?” Ganymede asked and Dionysus smiled again._

_“I will tell you, in time. Its last purpose will be revealed when you need it the most.” Dionysus said as he gave Ganymede a kiss on the lips. Ganymede was shocked but he didn’t pull away. He closed his eyes as Dionysus broke their kiss and whispered._

_“Farewell.”_

_When Ganymede opened his eyes, the wine god was gone. The one god who understood his plight had vanished and now Ganymede felt truly alone._

***

 

**-Castiel-**

Though he tried to ignore them, Castiel had heard many things about Dean Winchester that he could no longer distinguish fact from rumor. They said that the older Winchester was a tyrant yet some speak of him with adoration. Some said that he was a deviant yet some claim that he was in the arms of a woman named Lisa. However, none of it compared to the news about the Winchester attempting to buy all the local businesses.

Castiel frowned at that news which caught Gabriel’s attention while they were in the Winchester’s mansion. The mansion was located at the top of the hill and in no more than a week, a celebratory feast was announced and all the townspeople were invited into the brothers’ new home. Apparently it was the event of the year as all the business owners would be there for a meeting. Even Castiel’s father was included, Chuck was invited after the Winchester brothers attended morning mass. It was the first time Castiel saw the brothers. Gabriel was right about Sam since he was all that he talked about. However, Gabriel did not give justice to Dean’s appearance.

Castiel finally understood why there was word about the older Winchester’s personal life.

It would not surprise Castiel if the man had many lovers at his disposal and he certainly _did_ not let his eyes _wander_ too much over the man. He was just as guilty as all the others in that regard. During communion, Castiel had the misfortune of giving Dean the holy bread. Though most people held a hand out for the bread, Dean allowed Castiel to feed it to his mouth. Dean had dirty blonde hair, green eyes and freckles all over his face. Castiel wanted to trace those freckles with his fingers and amongst other things…

Pray the Lord forgive Castiel for having such impure thoughts during mass.

It did not help when Dean looked at him in such a way. His eyes scanned Castiel from top to bottom while he consumed the biscuit in his mouth. Once he was gone, Castiel grew conscious of his crotch. Worried that someone might notice his erection. After mass was finished, Castiel would say goodbye to the towns people for attending. People would shake his hand and the older ladies would give him a kiss on the cheek. To his dismay, Dean appeared and gave him thanks for the mass. They shook hands and Castiel tried not to overthink about the man’s firm grip. These inspired more impure thoughts in his head. Of course, Dean said thanks to his father as well since that was the very moment when he invited them all to tonight’s event. Dean was apparently looking forward to _‘Cas’ presence’_.

Since when did anyone call him ‘Cas’?

Anyway, now Castiel was here, in Dean’s mansion while Gabriel whined about the fact that Sam was in the meeting room with Dean and their father. Apparently there was chemistry between Sam and Gabriel but Castiel paid it no mind. He was more worried about Bobby and Ellen’s faces as they walked out of the meeting room. They all had frustration written all over their faces and Castiel could only guess why.

Once the rest of the business owners exited, Castiel’s father, Dean and Sam were last to come out. They were talking about something and Sam seemed distraught about it. Castiel noticed that his father didn’t look too well either, if the bottle of whiskey in his hand indicated anything.

“I’m not gonna talk about it anymore!” Dean shouted and Castiel stopped for a moment before Sam continued talking to his brother. Castiel had to grab his father before he did anything stupid.

Once he was closer, Dean noticed him first which made Sam stop talking. Castiel tried not to overthink the expression on Dean’s face. The expression had a hint of contempt.

“Good evening, Mr. Winchester and Mr. Winchester.” Castiel bowed his head.

“Hey Cas, you’re Chuck’s son and Gabriel’s brother right? From the mass?” Sam said and Castiel nodded. Dean didn’t say anything. He just held a steady stare that bore into Castiel’s soul.

“Yes I am-,”

“Ah Castiel! My youngest son! He’s such a beautiful young man don’t you think so Sam?” his father interrupted which made Castiel blush in embarrassment.

“Father-,”

“Yes he is. He’s a very good looking guy, ain’t that right Dean?” Sam nudged his older brother jokingly but Dean just held his stare.

“Not bad, for an altar boy.” Dean said and Castiel’s nerve twitched.

 _So Dean Winchester was not a very nice person,_ Castiel thought. He was about to excuse his father and himself when Gabriel arrived and threw an arm around Castiel’s shoulder.

“Cassie how rude of you! Why don’t you introduce me to these lovely gentlemen?” Gabriel wriggled his eyebrows which only indicated one thing: he wanted Castiel to be his wingman for Sam Winchester.

“My apologies. This is my brother, Gabriel. Gabriel this is your father: Chuck.” Castiel sarcastically noted which earned him a laugh from Sam. “This is Sam Winchester, whom you’ve met already and have a massive crush on.” Sam quirked his lips while Gabriel gasped in shock.

“And this is…” Castiel gestured his hand toward Dean’s direction and remembered what the man said earlier. “This is Dean, the _other_ brother.” Castiel made sure to roll his tone and watched as Dean’s face turned from stoic to anger.

A moment of awkward silence followed as Castiel stared Dean down.

“Well thanks for getting the introductions out of the way- I couldn’t have done it better myself.” Gabriel patted his shoulder and Castiel simply narrowed his eyes at Dean.

“Anytime Gabriel, now if you’ll excuse me, I shall find less unpleasant company.” Castiel bit out before turning around and left the group. He may or may not have heard Gabriel and Sam clamor, it didn’t matter.

All he wanted was to keep Dean’s eyes on him and remember this moment when he lost face to some ‘altar boy’.

***

 

With Gabriel’s help, Castiel tried his best to stay clear of Dean. Whenever he spotted the Winchester in the crowd, he’d run the other way. When he caught someone’s attention, he kept their conversations short just before Dean appeared. The Winchester seemed to be everywhere that Castiel went.

Usually he wouldn’t drink however, with his current predicament, he had to break some rules. He could not leave until his father and Gabriel were ready and who knows when that will be. At this rate, he could be hiding from Dean for the rest of the night. Besides, Castiel was not entirely against alcohol. If taken in moderation that was. Maybe tonight he could bend that rule as well.  He finished one glass before pouring himself another and another.

“You alright there mate?” a man with an accent asked.

“Do I look like I’m alright?” Castiel snapped unintentionally at the dirty blonde haired man with blue eyes.

“My apologies, I was just wondering why three glasses of wine was necessary under a minute.” The man asked and Castiel didn’t even notice his pace.

“I- I’ve had a very long day…” Castiel replied in shame to hide the truth that his troubles started from a man with green eyes and freckles.

“Ah I have one of those as well. Another glass should do the trick.” The man poured another glass for Castiel.

“Thank you and I’m sorry for my reply from earlier.”

“I forgive you, only if you introduce yourself.” The man smiled and Castiel did not know whether it was the alcohol or something else that reminded him of Dean’s smile during mass.

“Castiel. My name is Castiel, what is yours?”

“Balthazar. I feel as if our parents were trying to make a horrible joke when they named their children after biblical subjects.” Balthazar pointed out and Castiel chuckled.

“Mine was no joke. My father is the town’s pastor.” Castiel noted then suddenly realized what he said. “Actually now that I think about it, I think there’s more humor in the fact that the pastor is my father.”

Balthazar laughed at that. “You may be right.” And he sipped his wine.

Castiel beamed at the man when he noticed Dean Winchester from the corner of his eye. The man was searching through the crowd and Castiel was afraid to know what or _who_ he was searching for.

“Can we go somewhere else? Somewhere private perhaps?” Castiel pleaded as Dean was but a second away from looking over their direction.

“Sure.” Balthazar nodded and Castiel pulled the other man’s arm and dragged him through the crowd. He made sure to bow his head to hide from Dean until he found the meeting room. He quickly shut the door as soon as Balthazar was inside.

“Hiding from someone are we?” Balthazar asked after he sighed behind the door.

“I’m afraid I am. I had a misfortune encounter with someone quite dreadful.” Castiel said and Balthazar grinned.

“Have you now? Pray what is the bastard’s name and let me put him in his place.” Balthazar asked with a grin.

“I dare not say his name. For uttering it alone would only befoul my mood, it would be unfair in your presence since I have enjoyed it so much.” Castiel walked over to the round table at the center of the room. Just like the rest of the mansion, the room was breathtaking if not, more illustrious in design. There were plants hanging by the second floor and a golden chandelier was the centerfold of the ceiling where frescoes of angels and gods were painted. It was like a garden in another realm.

Castiel was too enthralled by the splendor to realize Balthazar’s presence behind him. The other man was shining brightly with a smile.

“Why thank you for being so considerate of my company. I hope I do not disappoint from this moment on wards.” Balthazar whispered as Castiel swallowed. Their faces were but an inch away as Castiel’s body leaned on the tallest seat of the round table. He could leave if he wanted to but right now, he didn’t want to.

Just before their lips touched, the door of the meeting room opened with a burst, and it revealed a very furious Dean Winchester.

“What the hell is going on in here?” Dean growled and Castiel just darted a glare. If Gabriel were here, he’d call him a _‘cockblock’_.

“Mr. Winchester!” Balthazar pulled away and bowed his head.

“Balthazar, explain yourself!” Dean shouted and took a step closer.

“I-I am-,” Balthazar stammered and Castiel had to interrupt.

“He is with me! There is no reason for you to shout.” Castiel went in between the two.

“I can shout whenever I freaking want! This is my freaking home!” Dean shouted again.

“If that were the case then I shall take our business elsewhere. We don’t need you to harass us-,” Castiel grabbed Balthazar’s arm who resisted.

“I cannot…I’m sorry.” Balthazar apologized and Castiel raised his eyebrow. “Mr. Winchester is my master. I am his personal chef.” Balthazar admitted and Castiel almost gave himself a face plant right there and then.

“Not anymore you’re not. You’re fired! Get out of my house!” Dean ordered and Balthazar nodded along.

“Hold on- you can’t just fire him! He did nothing wrong!” Castiel protested and Balthazar stopped just before he got to the door.

“Sure as hell I can! He works for me and he has no choice in the matter.” Dean replied and pointed at Balthazar. “If you ever show your face to me again, I’ll make you sorry.”

“Yes, I’m sorry Mr. Winchester. Please forgive me.”

“GET OUT!” Dean shouted and Balthazar nodded. He gave Castiel one more look before he left the room. Castiel’s nose flared as the door shut.

“Who on earth do you think you are? He has done nothing wrong!” Castiel was shouting now.

“Who am I? I’m the head of this house and whatever I say goes! He disobeyed my orders!” Dean angrily replied.

Castiel shook his head in disbelief. “If it’s because we went in here then I’ll have you know that it was my idea!”

“Whatever I do with my employees is my own damn business. I pay them to do their jobs and I can get rid of them if I don’t want them anymore.” Dean was about a meter away from him now.

“Is that so?” Castiel sarcastically asked, it would seem that Dean was indeed a tyrant.

“Damn straight! An altar boy like you wouldn’t understand. You just stand and kneel all day praying. I don’t need to hear judgement from you.” Dean spat out and Castiel was taken aback.

His mouth was open but nothing came out. Dean’s was no different. Another moment of silence passed as it did earlier.

“I’m sorry-,”

“Don’t.” Castiel interrupted Dean. “I don’t need your apology. Someone like you could never be sincere.” Castiel hissed.

Dean raised an eyebrow at that. “Someone like _me_? What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You know exactly what it means!” Castiel pointed and dug his finger on the other man’s chest. “They were right! You’re nothing but a despotic tyrant who looks down on everyone and has complete disregard for other people’s wellbeing!” he accused and Dean tried to interject but Castiel wouldn’t let him.

“Don’t pretend as if I don’t know! I know about your plan to force everyone to sell their business so they can work for you. You’d think someone who has that much money would use it to do something good but instead- you’re using it to feed your overgrown ego!” Castiel jabbed his fingers continually.

“Shut the hell up! You know nothing about my business!” Dean flicked his hand away.

“Oh really? Well let me tell you what this ‘altar boy’ knows.” Castiel pointed again. “I have lived in this town my whole life and I love everybody in it. They are my family and I will not have someone as selfish and conceited as yourself, ruin their livelihood for your greed! We were doing well before you showed up and we will be fine after!” his foot stomped the marble floor.

Dean stuttered to find the words to say. “You’re crazy.”

“Am I? You’re the one who fires people for no reason! Maybe someone should teach you a lesson! Don’t ever show your face at my church again. If you do, I won’t pray for your soul because I know there’s a special space in hell for it. And I’m pretty sure it’s the throne!” Castiel shouted before he furiously brushed his shoulder at the other man.

He left the room with weak and shaking legs.

If his father and brother were to bear the shame of the things he said then he wouldn’t mind if they never forgive him. He wouldn’t take it back. Not a single word.

He would never submit to Dean Winchester.

He would rather die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next few chapter might take the same format- Ancient Greek mythology then Destiel.   
> There's a reason for that so please bear with me.   
> Besides I love Ganymede's character, he's noble and just. 
> 
> I guess you all know where the plot is headed.


	3. Chapter 3- Contractual Obligation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ganymede cannot escape his fate and has no choice but to accept it.
> 
> Castiel made a mistake that will cost him his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: brief mention of rape in the context of war- The Fall of Troy story from the Iliad. I was uncomfortable writing it so i made as brief and non-explicit as possible. I apologize for any triggers- to avoid it: skip the Sister's of Fate Vision in Ganymede's POV
> 
> Anyway, I've set the foundations on how Ganymede and Castiel gave their sold to their masters- Zeus and Dean. 
> 
> I hope you don't cry too much.

**-Ganymede-**

_Olympus was in chaos ever since Dionysus’ banishment. Storm clouds plagued different parts of the realm and lightning would strike randomly at any place and at anyone. Luckily it wasn’t as fatal as Zeus’ lightning spears, these ones merely tickled the mighty deities while poked everybody else. However, one would still try and avoid them just in case and Ganymede had been locked in his quarters, gazing at the distance- to Hera’s gardens where he could possibly find a chance to see his city and family again. If anyone who was kind enough to do so, which was near to impossible at the current state of the Lord of Olympus._

_Even Hera, Zeus’ wife moaned about the state of the place, she beckoned her husband to straighten things out or take the problem to the mortal realm, Ganymede couldn’t believe the nerve of the woman. None of the gods dare spoke against Zeus about Ganymede however they implored for Dionysus’ return. Apparently the sake of Olympus’ felicity was in peril without the god of wine and celebrations. But the thunder god simply cast their concerns aside with a booming shout, loud enough for the rest of the world to hear. Perhaps even his city._

_Oh how his parents must grow weary of him, they must pray and pray for him, only for their words to fall in deaf ears. To a childlike God who sulked worse than a babe._

_Ganymede groaned in despair as life as an immortal had started out so woefully. He played with the mystical vial pendant that the god of wine gave him. If what Dionysus’ words bore truth, then he should be able to contact him through this. All he needed was some water. Being immortal, there was no need to do bodily functions such as defecating, thus the lack of quarters to do such business. However, there were fountains near the middle courtyard, one that Lord Poseidon fondly visited._

_Taking the vial at hand, he wondered the great halls of Olympus, red tapestry displayed the insignia of the gods, the marvel floors fortified their existence and to his surprise the sound of fluttering wings beat in thin air._

_“Dear oh me it’s Ganymede! How curious of you to be out of your quarters?” The Lord Hermes, messenger god appeared out of nowhere and just as legends had it, he had wings on his shoes. The messenger god was just as beautiful as all the others. His physique bridled with a runner’s form and a smile that flickered in one’s memory before being bedazzled by another._

_Ganymede quickly hid the vial behind him. “Lord Hermes! I was only trying to stretch my legs, for there is only so much room in my quarters…”_

_“Sure you were.” The messenger god was soon right behind Ganymede with the vial in hand._

_“Please return it!”_

_Hermes fluttered midair, at a distance beyond Ganymede’s reach._

_“Oh I know this vial! This is Dionysus’ very own pitcher of wine! Pray tell, how did you get in possession of such a prized item? And do not lie to me little prince. Though I rarely show my displeasure to anyone, I would not recommend being one of the few.” Hermes pointed the item at Ganymede and he conceded. There was little to no point in lying to these beings._

_“The Lord Dionysus gave it to me himself. Before he was unfairly banished.” Ganymede scowled and Hermes gave him a speculative look._

_“You mean, when you got him unfairly banished.” Hermes corrected and Ganymede was without fight. It was all his fault after all. Within a moment, the messenger god returned the item to him._

_“Come now, frowning does not do justice to your face. Although it remains very beautiful, it would be such a shame to see you miserable for all eternity.” Hermes smiled and Ganymede clutched the item close to his heart._

_“Bless you, messenger god…I do not think I would survive here without a few friends to keep me company.”_

_“Oh don’t thank me yet little prince. The fates did not bring us together by accident. Zeus requires you in the throne room. I believe a resolution has been made-,”_

_“I’m afraid one…that will bring an end to this charade.” Ganymede interrupted as he clutched his chest, where his fingers curled around Dionysus’ pendant._

_“Very well, I shall inform him of your arrival. Do you need a guide there?” Hermes asked and Ganymede shook his head._

_“No thank you, you are too kind.” Ganymede said and Hermes gave one last smile before he was gone._

_There was no helping it. His chance for the wine god’s comfort was snuffed out of him as swift as the wind._

_***_

_The Lord Zeus’ throne room was one of the largest rooms in Olympus, it was around the same size as the banquet hall and the treasury. Gold was seen as far as the eyes could see and red and purple tapestries decorated the walls with stories of times lost. Of moments when mortals were ignorant of the gods’ involvement with their affairs. Of wars fought and devastations made. Of sonnets and songs unheard but held truth to the soul. The throne room depicted everything that the gods of Olympus represented. Their might and power over all._

_Ganymede walked through the spacious hall with the last ounce of courage in his heart and the vial clutched in his hands. In the room, the gods of Olympus stood proud and mighty, their armor battle ready and insignias glowed even in the brightness of the room. The goddess Hera stood next to the three thrones before Ganymede. On the right was Poseidon’s, blue encrusted symbols covered the seat. On the left was Hades’, grey encrusted symbols etched the surface. And on the center was the Lord Zeus’, gold and the tallest. All three gods sat on their thrones with indicative looks._

_Turned to the crowd, Ganymede saw the messenger god amongst them and he found a small glint of hope as he remembered Hermes’ words of comfort. The gods talked amongst themselves until Zeus gestured them to stop. Then there was silence._

_“Everyone, you may all be dismissed.” Zeus commanded and all was gone except for one._

_“Hermes, a word.”_

_Ganymede’s heart raced. He feared that his interaction with the messenger god earlier had caused trouble to another Olympian. He would not wish for another to share Dionysus’ fate. The messenger god stood by Ganymede’s side and gave a faint smile. Ganymede feared for him, he prayed in his heart that no other should be harmed because of him._

_“Is it true that Dionysus left Ganymede his precious pitcher?” Zeus asked and Ganymede clutched on the said item tighter but all of a sudden realized his hand was empty._

_“Yes my Lord, it is the very same pitcher of his late god of wine.” Hermes suddenly had the vial in his hand and gave it Zeus. Ganymede could not believe it._

_He was subject to yet another ploy by the Olympians. There was truly no one that he could turn to._

_“Please give it back. It belonged to Lord Dionysus and he entrusted it to me.” Ganymede cried out, tears were building in his eyes as the two deities looked at him. Hermes’ expression was blank but on the other hand, Zeus’ was filled with fury._

_“Interesting…” Hermes muttered and Zeus stood up from his throne._

_“Hermes leave us be.” Zeus ordered and Hermes looked at the taller deity in confusion. “I said leave!”_

_Hermes was gone in a second._

_Now it was Ganymede and Zeus left in the throne room.  A large expanse of space which eventually became filled with Ganymede’s grief and fear._

_“Why do you cry Ganymede?” Zeus asked and Ganymede wiped his face._

_“Because I am upset. I am trapped here with no one to seek comfort to. I cannot trust anyone as they are all in your disposal. I am guilty of an Olympian’s banishment and chaos in this realm. I have done nothing but cause grief. Everywhere I go there is sadness and everything I touch is fated to ruin. That is why I shed tears oh mighty Lord.” Ganymede spitefully replied whilst he cleaned his face with his arm._

_“Is that all why you cry? Because of losing your precious god of wine?” Zeus asked._

_“It’s not-,”_

_“Oh but I heard you. Loud and clear Trojan prince.” Zeus interrupted and Ganymede swore he heard rumbling thunder in the distance._

_“There is no point in my words. You ask me a question yet choose only to hear what you wish to hear and nothing else.” Ganymede pointed out and Zeus straightened his back. The mighty god was as the scriptures described him. Beautiful, powerful and perfect. Out of all the gods, Zeus had the most perfect physique. Strong and rugged like what a true leader should have. His hair was white but not of old age but of godly heritage. They were like the clouds in a blue sky, gentle and soothing but when angered, they turned gray like the thunderclouds that covered all of Olympus. He had a beard which was not as long as many portraits depicted and his eyes were also blue like Poseidon’s only, it did not remind Ganymede of the ocean. It reminded him of a clear blue sky, one that he had not seen in a very long time. The Lord of Olympus was handsome, oh very handsome; if it were not for his first crime against Ganymede then the Trojan prince would fancy him._

_“You defy me in every word and manner. Even after I give you eternal life and youth you insist to deny me of gratitude.”_

_“It was because you denied me my freedom! You talk of denial when it was you who started this!” Ganymede rebuked._

_“Such a childish reason! One I should’ve expected from your youth. In fact it does not deserve the word ‘reason’.” Zeus flung his left hand in the air._

_“If I were so childish then why have you taken me? You could have someone better, more compliant, someone who would not defy your wishes. But rather it has come to this. One of your own gone to never return.” Ganymede said woefully as he clutched his hands close to his chest._

_“You mean Dionysus?” Zeus asked and Ganymede dared not to mention his name anymore. “My assumptions were right. All of this was because of him.”_

_“Have you not heard anything I said-,”_

_“I have heard enough!” Thunder definitely reached the throne room. “Do you love him?” Zeus asked and it piqued Ganymede’s interests._

_“What does he-,”_

_Zeus interrupted. “Do you care for him? Do you dream about him when Helios has blanketed the sky with darkness?”_

_“I don’t-,” Ganymede wanted to cry again._

_“Do you wish to be with him? Is that why you accepted this?” he pointed his fist which had the vial at Ganymede. “To be at his side for all of eternity even after everything I have done for you? After the prosperity and growth I have given your kingdom? Your people? Your family?” Lightning formed around Zeus’ right hand where he held Dionysus’ vial. Small sparks of electricity eventually formed into large one that crackled and ripped through the item as if it were made of dust._

_Soon it could be._

_“Do you love him even though he had no other intention but to seduce you into his bed? Into his loins?” Zeus shouted as he crushed the item in his grasp. Bolts of lightning lashed everywhere and Ganymede had to close his eyes._

_The vial, Dionysus’ keepsake for him was but ash and dust. It withered away into the wind as Ganymede dropped to his knees and wept._

_“All I want is to have your heart and I would give you the world.” Zeus muttered as Ganymede wiped his tears away. There was no hope in crying, it would not change anything. With one knee at a time, Ganymede stood up and pierced his eyes on the mighty god._

_“How can you?” Ganymede asked and Zeus took a step closer._

_“What did you say?”_

_“I said ‘how can you?’. How can you have my heart when you have ripped it to pieces? You’ve destroyed it in every sense of the word and yet you hope to have it. I must apologize but I cannot give you anything. Not my heart, not my soul.” Ganymede shouted and even he knew it was unheard of. Boastfulness was punishable by death in this realm and he prayed that it would happen to him. Preferably soon._

_The Lord of Olympus sighed and clutched his face in dismay. “It seems that it has come to this.”_

_Ganymede removed his hands from his chest and curled them into fists to his sides. “Be rid of me. Deny me the Elysian Fields and have me as the Furies’ plaything, I care not. Any other fate would be better than to be at your side.”_

_Zeus’ expression was dumbfounded. He dismissed the look then crossed his arms and stared into Ganymede’s challenging eyes. Even after Ganymede’s words, the lord of Olympus displayed absolute composure._

_“Before you make a resolution, I have a proposition to make.” Zeus said._

_“What proposition?” Ganymede asked._

_“Come up here and I will show you.” Zeus ordered and Ganymede did as he was told. Once he was atop the stairs, near the seats of the gods, Zeus stood firmly before him._

_“The Sisters of Fate have spoken to me, this must be kept between the two of us unless you wished to hasten its course.” Zeus said and Ganymede raised an eyebrow._

_“What did the Sisters say?” Ganymede asked._

_“They speak of a great calamity that will befall your city. Of your walls which stood proud and strong, crumbling to dust in the fires of war.” Zeus said and Ganymede was taken aback. There was no army that could penetrate the mighty walls of Troy. It had protected and saved them from disasters for generations._

_Before he could say anything, Zeus placed two fingers on his forehead and Ganymede entered a nightmare._

His city burned and ruined. Men were killed in their sleep, Women raped and also killed. Children fell into the fire as their parents and families did. Brothers, sisters, father, mothers, family and friends all suffered at the hands of war. A wooden horse, iconic for its role in Zeus’ compensation for Ganymede’s abduction- stood dark and ominous before Ganymede. Deep inside its dark eyes, Ganymede saw death. Death of his city and his people. Withered away in the sands of time.

_Then the vision ended and tears flooded Ganymede’s cheeks once more._

_“How? How can this be?” Ganymede asked and Zeus removed his hand from him._

_“It is not said when or how this event will take place. I was only given this vision when I asked the Sisters for advise when I gave you immortality. There is a cost to pay for everything you gain, even for the gods. Even for myself-,”_

_Ganymede interrupted. “But what of my city? The horse- my father- you gave my father horses! You have doomed my city forever!” he threw his fists on the mighty god’s chest. Zeus body was hard as rock or marble like the statues his people built for him._

_“I did not. I have not doomed your city or your people. These visions, they confuse you like riddles. That is why I asked you to keep this a secret. For fate has a cruel way in punishing those who transgressed too far.” Zeus held his wrists and Ganymede could not remove them even if he wanted to. The Lord of Olympus was very strong, perhaps the strongest to ever held him._

_“Then why did you show me? I will not sleep nor will my soul ever find solace from a nightmare! Not now, not ever!” Ganymede cried and Zeus let go of his wrists. They were bruised from the resistance and Ganymede would not have the deity touch him even if it were to heal him._

_“I showed you because remember that I have a proposition to make.” Zeus said and Ganymede narrowed his eyes._

_“Then what is it?”_

_Zeus stepped closer and wiped his tears away. “I will ensure that your city is safe and her people prosper if you do one thing for me.” Ganymede listened carefully._

_“Give yourself to me. That is all I ask and your city will know no suffering aside from the loss of their beloved prince. They will only know happiness while I preside in Olympus.” Zeus promised and Ganymede shook his head._

_“That is impossible.”_

_“You doubt me?” Zeus asked._

_“I doubt the power of the gods. There are somethings that you cannot know for sure. Prosperity is one of them. The promise to one city is impossible, there are wars not even the gods can avoid. That much I learned from the scriptures.” Ganymede remembered the Olympians’ war against the Titans and knew his words rang truth. “Besides, you said it yourself. Fate has a cruel way of punishing those who transgressed too far. Your promise would be an insult to their Sight, one that I feel would bring it closer to fruition.”_

_“I see.” Zeus wondered for a moment and looked around the room. “Then you would rather let your city meet its fate?”_

_“I believe in letting fate run its course.”_

_“Then what of your servitude here? How can you say that, when fate could have willed this and you are resisting it?” Zeus asked and Ganymede looked for an answer._

_“Then let them punish me. As cruelly as they want. It is my sole responsibility to bear.” Ganymede said with conviction. He was through with asking other people for help._

_“You have more courage than some of the gods in my stead. I was not shortsighted when I fell for you.” Zeus admitted and Ganymede tried not to overthink the compliment. He was still cross with the deity._

_“Very well, my proposition still stands- give yourself to me willingly, for it was apparently something I overlooked…” ‘Apparently’, no, Zeus did._

_“And I shall keep your family and city happy until your father takes his last breath. I believe it is not transgressing too far with Fates’ will. What say you, Trojan Prince?” Zeus said and Ganymede thought about it for a moment._

_“Why do you insist on having me? I cannot give anything else to you.” Ganymede said but Zeus shook his head._

_“But you can. You can submit yourself willingly and I will keep your family and city safe for more decades to come.” There was not a hint of falsehood in Zeus’ tone._

_“If I don’t?” Ganymede was afraid to ask._

_“Then you will remain here against your will and watch your city burn. It may not happen now, it may not happen tomorrow but there is no guarantee that your family and everyone you know will be safe from such a fate in the near future.” Zeus continued and Ganymede remembered flashes of those visions. The city looked very much like what it was right now and perhaps his parents could be subject to such a fate and he would not even be by their sides._

_He had to act fast since his family did not have eternity. Unlike him._

_“I accept.” Ganymede answered and Zeus raised an eyebrow._

_“Accept what?” Zeus asked as if he didn’t know._

_“I will submit myself to you. Spare my family and my city.” Ganymede verified and Zeus smiled faintly._

_“Then let us seal the deal.” Zeus stepped forward and held the back of Ganymede’s head. They pressed their lips together and Ganymede almost forgot what he was doing this for._

_“Now return to your quarters. I have arrangements to make. I shall have you in my arms later.” Zeus stroked his arm and Ganymede nodded. There were no more words to say, Ganymede could no longer find the words to protest. He had willingly traded his soul for eternity for the sake of his family and kingdom._

_It was underhanded, it was unfair but if anyone should fall, it must be himself._

_For how could he be so selfish as to let such a terrible fate happen to his city if he could avoid it? Besides, it wasn’t as if he was controlling fate entirely. It was a crime and he knew it was a losing battle to begin with. The only thing he could control was what his two hands could do._

_Right now, they were busy wiping the tears off his face._

***

 

**-Castiel-**

It was a surprise that Castiel did not hear anything from Gabriel or his father after the party. They returned drunk but nothing out of the ordinary. Gabriel apparently said that he made out with Sam in one of the quarters but he paid it no mind. He was too busy tending his father who could barely stand. It was even more surprising that they both made it home. Nevertheless, Castiel changed his father’s clothes. Held Gabriel’s hair up while he vomited in the toilet bowl and Castiel tucked them both to bed and left a bottle of water, and aspirin by their bedside tables. It was an eventful night, one that Castiel hoped to forget by morning.

***

 

It wasn’t until Wednesday that Castiel heard from the Winchesters. Earlier in the week, Castiel waited for some sort of spiteful tact on Dean’s behalf but there was nothing. He wasn’t disappointed that it lasted this long to hear something from Dean however it would be better if he never had to be in the same room as the other man. Unfortunately, fate was cruel and Castiel was given an invitation to visit Dean in his home. Seriously, who sends letters nowadays? He could’ve emailed his father through the church or Gabriel at least.  Apparently Dean needed to get in touch with technology.

Anyway Castiel accepted the invitation and visited Dean’s mansion. The walk was long and hard since it was atop a hill however it was not impossible for Castiel. He had been climbing this hill since he was a child. Even before the brothers moved in. At the door, he was greeted by the mansion’s butler named Garth. He seemed kind-hearted, quirky and Castiel pitied him for having Dean Winchester as his master.

They climbed more stairs until they reached Dean’s study. Once inside, Castiel saw the older Winchester for the third time. He must say, he looked just as attractive as he was during the party but he wasn’t going to dwell on those thoughts. Not when he despised the man.

“You might be wondering why I summoned you here.” Dean said as he waved his hand to dismiss Garth.

Castiel narrowed his eyes. “I was not summoned. I am not one of your subjects. I came here in my own volition.”

Dean raised an eyebrow then smiled. “Are you always such a delight?”

“Only to those who deserve it.” Lies, Castiel never liked spite however in Dean’s case, he had to make an exception.

“Oh really now? Then why did you come? Did you fall for me during the party? Was it love at first sight?” Dean smirked and Castiel gasped in shock than in offence.

“No you arrogant _assbutt_. I did not know how to decline your invitation since it was written in a letter. I might add is rather archaic. If you have nothing else to say then I would like to leave, this is clearly a waste of my time.” Castiel was about to head to the door when Dean laughed.

“Wow, are you sure you’re not into me? Cause from what I hear- you’re apparently a real saint around these parts. People talk about you all the time.”

That caught Castiel’s attention and he turned to dart Dean a glare. Dean on the other hand wore a smug smile which Castiel wanted to pulverize. The Winchester left his seat and walked to the front of his table and leaned on it.

“Got your attention didn’t I? To be honest, I was really shocked when I discovered that the son of the local pastor was into dudes. I’m not against it or anything but it is just interesting is all…” Dean admitted and Castiel curled his hands into fists.

“I’m glad you find it amusing however if this is what you asked me to come here-,”

“Jeez you really hate my guts dontcha Cas?” Dean asked and Castiel leered harder.

“I did not give you permission to call me that.”

“Oh ‘Cas’? Does it bother you, Cas? You hate it when I call you ‘Cas’?” Dean was just teasing now.

“Stop it.” Castiel growled and Dean laughed.

“Okay fine. Since I can’t appeal to your better nature- if you had any…” Castiel let the last but slide for now but his patience was wearing thin. “I remembered what you said to me, about my intentions in this town and who I am. Want me to remind you?” Dean walked to the back to his seat and opened a drawer.

“My opinion has not changed. You are as incorrigible as I said you were.” Castiel snapped and Dean laughed louder.

“Wow! From selfish, greedy to ‘incorrigible’! You really know how to sweep a man off his feet Cas!” Then there was that nickname again which Castiel was growing to hate just as much as the person who called him that.

Dean grabbed a large folder from the drawer and slammed it on the table before he sat back down.

“What is that?” Castiel was afraid to ask.

“This right here is the deed and contract of every single business in this town. Given to me by their owners, you’re quite close to some of them I think- Mrs. Harvelle, Mr. Singer-,” Dean listed and Castiel had to interrupt.

“You took it from them. Their businesses…” Castiel said in despair but Dean didn’t nod. He merely clasped his hands together and stared at Castiel from a distance.

“I didn’t take it from them. Not yet at least. I’m still thinking about a couple of things before I finalize the allocation of these businesses to my name.” Dean tapped his finger on the large wooden desk. Castiel was rendered speechless, he couldn’t believe that Ellen and Bobby lost everything in just a blink of an eye. They started those businesses long before Castiel was even born.

His mother and father met in the Roadhouse which Ellen owned. They wouldn’t have been together if it weren’t for Ellen’s help. His father’s first vehicle was bought from Singer’s Salvage Yard, where his mother used to work. Bobby and Ellen were there for him through everything, thick and thin. When Castiel’s mother died, Ellen and Bobby took care of him and his siblings. Ellen taught him how to fight and Bobby taught him right from wrong when his father was too drunk to stay awake. He had memories in those places and now they were gone. They were taken from the very people Castiel called family.

“Why-why would you do this to them? They’re my family- you can’t-,” Castiel was not about to cry in front of the man he hated the most.

Dean simply pouted and shrugged. “But I can and it’s all thanks to you Cas. You’re the one who said that I’m a selfish, greedy and incorrigible sonofabitch! I’m just playing my part in this and you’re just gonna have to accept it.”

Castiel stammered. “W-wait! I take it back. I take it all back. Please don’t take their businesses away. I was wrong. I shouldn’t have said those things! Please give it back!” Castiel slammed his hands on Dean’s desk. The Winchester flinched for a moment then retained his composure.

“Oh so now you’re saying sorry. Now you’re taking it all back? I think I need more than your _sorry_ Cas.” Dean smirked but Castiel wasn’t amused.

“This is not funny Dean! You are toying with people’s lives! These are good people! People who have spent their whole lives doing what they love and helping this community! You cannot take this from them you can’t!” Tears fell from Castiel’s eyes and the smile vanished from Dean’s face.

“Thought you said that I was damned? That I had a special space in hell and it’s on throne? Thought I’d forget about that?” Dean stood from his seat and glared at Castiel. “You think you’re better than me! Parading around as if you know everything when you don’t! You really don’t know who you’re dealing with here Cas. I really hate it when douchebags think that they can get away with the shit they say about me and not take any fucking consequences!” Dean swiped the folder out of the desk and papers flew everywhere. The deeds and contracts of the Roadhouse and the Salvage Yard spilled on the floor.

Castiel wept and his hands were shaking. He didn’t know what to do. His family’s future laid on the floor like it was nothing to Dean. If he could, he would’ve picked it up and taken it however it was a losing battle. This was all his fault.

“You know what? Forget about it. Get out and don’t come back. I shouldn’t have to deal with this. I don’t even remember why I asked you to come here anymore.” Dean rested his hands on the desk with his head down. “I’ll get Garth to call security.”

“Wait- you can’t! I beg you! Please reconsider! I’ll do anything! You can call me names! You can call me ‘altar boy’ as much as you want! Please just don’t ruin Bobby and Ellen’s lives!” Castiel pleaded and Dean raised his eyebrow.

“Do you really mean it?” the Winchester asked. “You’ll do anything?”

Castiel took a moment to think about it then nodded. “I’d throw my pride aside for their sakes. Just please don’t take their businesses from them.”

Dean crossed his arms and lifted his chin to think about it. Castiel’s eyes wandered at the papers on the floor. Even Alfie’s family restaurant was also in it. His favorite restaurant where they made the best burgers. Many other businesses were at stake, places he spent his whole life in. Memories that were irreplaceable no matter the cost.

“Fine. I’ll give their businesses back but in return you have to do something for me.” Dean narrowed his eyes and Castiel listened intently.

“Anything.”

Dean devilishly smirked. “Become mine. Be my servant. To do whatever I ask with absolute obedience. My beck and call, personal assistant, call it whatever you want. As long as it’s forever.” Castiel was shocked by the last part but he didn’t interrupt. “Do this and your family and friends gets to keep their precious businesses.” Dean asked and Castiel thought about it for a quick moment.

“W-Why would you want me?” Castiel asked and Dean glared.

“I thought you said you didn’t care if you put your pride aside. If you’re not up for it then you’re wasting my time. I’m only gonna offer this once and that’s it. Take it or leave for good. Let me know what everyone thinks when they find out that their precious ‘altar boy’ ruined their lives.” Dean hissed and Castiel swallowed. There really wasn’t an easy way out of this. Or a way out altogether.

It was now or never.

“I accept.”

“What was that?” Dean pretended as if he didn’t hear.

“I said I accept. I shall become yours as long as you keep true to your word.” Castiel said and Dean smiled.

“Hey I know you hate me and all but I keep my promises. Just make sure you do.” Dean pointed out and Castiel nodded.

“I shall start as soon as you return these deeds to their respective owners.” Castiel said.

“Fine. I’ll return each and every single one by tonight. That should be enough time for you to pack your things and say good-bye to your family.” Dean noted and Castiel furrowed his brow.

“Why would I say good-bye? Am I to live here? With you?” Castiel asked in disgust.

“Of course you are. I can probably give you the best accommodation of your life.” Dean nonchalantly waved his hand. “Just don’t tell them about the deal. It’s not in fine print and if word gets out, the deal is off.”

“And you called me crazy. I can’t just leave my family and my church to work for you. People will ask questions and what am I supposed to say?” Castiel asked and Dean rolled his eyes.

“I dunno. Deal with it. Tell them that we’re fucking each other. They all know you swing for the same team anyway.” Dean casually said and Castiel’s mouth went agape.

“Did you just say to tell everyone that we’re sleeping with each other? I do not remember _that_ as being part of our deal!” Castiel scrunched his face in disgust which earned him an offended look from Dean.

“Didn’t you agree that you’d do everything I say? Or did you forget? Because we can forget about this whole deal if you want.” Dean threatened and Castiel could not believe it. Not only was he sacrificing his pride, but his virginity as well to this monster.

“I-I have no choice…” Castiel muttered and Dean snickered.

“I always knew you wanted to get in my pants.” Dean grinned and Castiel threw him another disgusted look.

“So do we have a deal?” Dean asked and Castiel conceded for one last time.

“Good. Now you can go. I’ll have Garth prepare these papers to be delivered while you go home and sort your good-byes. You won’t be going to town any time soon. Not until you adjust to this home and to your role. Do you understand?” Dean asked as if he was an idiot.

“I do, I’m not an idiot.” Cas bit out and Dean hushed him.

“Remember that you’re doing this to uphold your end of the deal. I suggest you drop the attitude otherwise I’ll drop the deal. Are we clear?” Dean asked and Castiel glared at him but disdainfully nodded.

“We’ll work on your attitude later, for now you can go. I’m expecting you here by sundown. Around six, don’t be late. I hate tardy people.” Dean commented and Castiel rolled his eyes.

“I don’t have to do anything for you at the moment. Before everything else, those papers need to go back first.”

“You’re right.” Dean nodded. “I’ll let you enjoy these last few hours of freedom. Savor while it lasts.”

Castiel just left it at that and headed to the door.

“Wait, one last thing.” Dean called out and Castiel turned around in dismay.

“What?” Castiel bit out.

“We need to seal the deal.” Dean said and he held a hand out. Castiel took it and they shook hands.

Dean suddenly pulled him in and crushed their lips together. It was Castiel’s first kiss. Castiel broke it off and ripped his arm away.

“Why’d you do that?” Castiel felt his chest ache.

“To seal the deal of course.” Dean grinned and Castiel merely scoffed in disgust. He couldn’t stay in the room any longer so he left. Slammed the door shut and ran down the stairs. By the time he made it outside the mansion, tears ran down his face. He could not believe that he just lost his first kiss to the man he hated the most. Furthermore, he was about to lose everything to Dean. His very soul was in that monster’s hand and there was no escape. This wouldn’t have happened if he didn’t open his mouth. If he’d just let Dean torment him earlier. If he’d just set his pride aside then he wouldn’t have become this monster’s plaything.

Now it was too late and perhaps there was no hope to begin with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ganymede is 22 years old in my story (just like Castiel), in case anyone is wondering. I don't wanna make Zeus seem too pervy than he already is in the mythology.   
> Dean is 26, Zeus is ancient.
> 
> I'll update ASAP but I hope you enjoyed asshole Zeus and asshole Dean :)


	4. Chapter 4- Release Me (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ganymede allows himself to let go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I ran out of time to write Castiel's POV, I've split this chapter in two parts. 
> 
> This being the first and Castiel's POV being the second.
> 
> Ganymede has Marathon sex with the Lord Zeus. Enjoy :)

**-Ganymede-**

_Peace had returned to Olympus and the gods rejoiced at Zeus’ happy mood. Ganymede remained in his quarters and watched as the storm clouds disappear and blue skies spread across the heavens. Within a few hours of waiting, the sky eventually darkened and the Lord Helios tended to his horses before he covered the heavens in twilight. The chariot god wore a helmet with golden horns which depicted the sun. To Ganymede’s surprise, Helios did not actually drag the sun with him, the golden globe remained in one place while Helios flew across the sky and covered everything with a blanket._

_Ganymede watched in wonder before the Lord Hermes appeared out of the blue in front of him._

_“Hello little prince.”_

_“Bah!” Ganymede jumped and fell on his back. Though it hurt, it would not kill him._

_“Dreaming are we? Helios has only blanketed the sky with Nyx’s hair mere moments ago.” Hermes fluttered around Ganymede who gathered himself from the floor._

_“Why are you here?” Ganymede spitefully asked since he was still bitter about Hermes’ betrayal from earlier._

_“Still begrudged about the vial are we? You must really love Dionysus that much to grieve for him as if he were a fallen lover.” Hermes said and Ganymede shook his head._

_“I have no feelings as such nor do I need to justify myself to you or to Lord Zeus. My feelings do not have to be involved in this ordeal.” Ganymede crossed his arms in disdain._

_“Oh but your feelings is what Mighty Zeus wants more than anything, little prince. Tell me, why do you dislike him so?” Hermes asked and Ganymede sighed._

_“I would not hate the man if it weren’t for his arrogance and his abduction. Why am I explaining myself to you? You have wronged me when I trusted you!” Ganymede turned his head away._

_“Now don’t be like that Ganymede! Before everything else, my loyalty is to the king of Olympus of course. Do you honestly think it is wise to cross Zeus? Not even his brothers wish to incur his wrath for he is that powerful.” Hermes warned._

_“I know that but I am tired of my life having to revolve around him. It is as if he is the Planet Earth and the sun, moon, stars and all the other planets have to revolve around him as well.”_

_Hermes raised an eyebrow and corrected. “Everything doesn’t actually revolve around Planet Earth, it actually revolves around sun. It’s the third planet, first there is Mercury then Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune and Pluto-,”_

_“Wait- did you just say that the world revolves around the sun?” Ganymede asked in disbelief._

_“Of course it does! You humans were the ones who invented the thought of everything revolving around your planet when it’s completely false! The only thing that revolves around your planet is the moon. Humans have so much conceit!” Hermes laughs but Ganymede was still trying to make sense of everything. If only his people knew this knowledge, they’d think him as delusional._

_“Hello? Olympus to Ganymede?” Hermes called and Ganymede snapped out of his trance._

_“Forgive me. My mind was elsewhere.”_

_“Clearly.” Hermes pursed his lips. “Anyway his lordship needs you by his side in the banquet hall. Someone has to pour his drinks of course.” Hermes said and Ganymede scowled. He almost forgot about his significance in this plane._

_With a touch on his shoulder, Ganymede was transported to the front of the Banquet hall. Hermes levitated beside him as if they didn’t just travel such a great distance in mere seconds._

_“Best you behave now Ganymede. I do not wish to hear any more problems about you, do you understand?’ Hermes stopped him just as he was about to enter the hall. Ganymede nodded but he couldn’t find it in him to smile even if he wanted to._

_“And don’t cry anymore. I meant it when I said that your beauty gets soiled by your tears.” Hermes brushed his cheek with a thumb and Ganymede softly smiled. Perhaps it was too early to despise the Olympian._

_Just like most of them, if not all, Ganymede lived in fear of the mighty god’s wrath. Though he just recently learned it, Zeus was like the sun and all the planets revolved around him. If the sun was not bright and shining then it was only logical that darkness would cover everything else._

_Therefore, Ganymede forced his smiles. He served Zeus with as many drinks as the Olympians asked which reminded Ganymede of Dionysus and his keepsake. With it destroyed, Ganymede was unable to test the object’s powers. He would not be able to contact the wine god. Wherever he may be._

_The banquet eventually ended and everyone departed to their respective dwelling places. Lord Poseidon was most likely headed to the fountains which Ganymede believed had direct contact with the underwater realm. Ganymede wondered what the great oceans hid underneath all that blue. Lord Hades departed as well but he did not leave the banquet hall to do so. He took a pomegranate fruit and it grew into a tree which created a portal to the land of the dead. Ganymede felt his soul tremble at the sight. The rest of the deities left, even the Goddess Hera. She darted Zeus and Ganymede a look before departing the room._

_“Shall we be off to our bed chamber, Ganymede?” Zeus asked as his giant hand stroked Ganymede’s bicep. He nodded for how could he deny the Lord of Olympus anything? Just like what Lord Hermes did, Ganymede was instantly transported to Zeus’ bedchambers. His Lord kept one hand at the small of his back as they walked over to the bed. Most of the room was made of silver and gold with purple tapestries pertaining Zeus’ insignia. Ganymede briefly saw the room the first time Zeus brought him to Olympus._

_“Take off my robes.” His Lord commanded and Ganymede did not waste another second. Little by little, Zeus’ tunic spilled to the floor and Ganymede made sure to pick them up before he placed them on one of the golden platforms by the wall. If he had a brief sight of Zeus’ naked form, he paid it little to no mind. He dared not venture in those thoughts just yet. By the wall, he placed Zeus’ clothing and noticed that shields and swords were displayed. They were encrusted by gold and silver along with gems never before seen by Ganymede, perhaps even by mankind. He folded the tunic as neatly as he could before he heard his Lord call him._

_“Ganymede, enough of that. Come here.” Zeus said with a powerful voice. Ganymede turned to walk back to the bed which had the God of Olympus sitting in it and waited for him. At least Zeus’ lower half was covered by the purple blanket for he’d hate to witness the thing between his lordship’s legs too soon._

_At the age of twenty-two, Ganymede had never been with a man or woman. Which was no to say that man and/or woman had not tried to sweep him off his feet before. He had suitors, mostly older male, before he was in puberty but his father was over-protective of him. They wanted Ganymede to decide for himself as to who to spend his life with. He could marry a princess or nobility perhaps but his heart was allowed to seek for male company at least. Which was exactly Ganymede’s preference. Men who were dignified and experienced suited Ganymede’s tastes and if his current master were not lacking of the first asset, then Zeus would have fit the role perfectly. For experience was not something the God of Thunder lacked. If the scriptures rang truth, and so far many of them do, then Ganymede was about to get in bed with one of the most sexually active and experienced deity in all of Olympus, if not the most._

_Once Ganymede reached the bed he was about to climb on when Zeus ordered him to stop._

_“It would be a shame if only one of us slept in nude. Seek comfort and remove your robes.” He ordered and it was the exact opposite of what Ganymede wanted to do. To remove his clothes were too- intimate. He had not even received his first kiss until his first banquet night in Olympus. It was from Zeus then afterward, from Dionysus. By the end of his thoughts, his robes were spilled on the floor and when he went to pick it up, Zeus stopped him again._

_“Forget about them. I care not for where they are placed I only seek for your body next to mine.” Zeus held a hand out and gestured Ganymede to come closer. Ganymede swallowed and climbed on the bed. It was soft and the silky sheets felt sensuous to his skin._

_“Come hither.” Zeus uttered as softly as a whisper. When Ganymede took the god’s hand, he was pulled in for a tight hug. The God’s hold was almost painful but not damaging. Ganymede’s body was nothing compared to the mighty being, his penis was pressed on Zeus’ chiseled abs and Ganymede’s arms traced the fine muscles of Zeus’ shoulder. They flexed and tensed at the god’s hold._

_“My Ganymede. My sweet beautiful Ganymede.” Zeus whispered like a chant to Ganymede’s ears while the god’s hands stroked Ganymede’s back gently and possessively. Ganymede could smell the wine in Zeus’ breath and it was strong.  At the same time, the Lord of thunder scented his body. Zeus’ nose and lips brushed the area between Ganymede’s neck and shoulder. Kisses filled the surface of Ganymede’s skin, from his collar to the bottom of his jaw. Zeus kissed him as if he had been doing it for eternity and it was gradually affecting Ganymede. And so was Zeus._

_The god’s member pulsed and throbbed under him. He felt something warm and fleshy gradually hardened between his thighs and though it was spoken in whispers during scripture: without a doubt, the god of Olympus was well-endowed. Too well-endowed as Ganymede felt the heavy thing grew and grew until its hardness poked his supple bottom. This was the most intimate he had ever been with a man, another person, a GOD. Zeus kept kissing him all over and his hands eventually made its way to Ganymede’s pucker. Using one finger, the deity played and teased with the sensitive ring of muscle. He moaned a sound which he had never heard himself make before._

_“So beautiful, so warm, my Ganymede.” Zeus chanted praise into his ear and he tried his best not to be affected. He wasn’t supposed to enjoy this, this was the same god who unfairly took his liberty away and subjected him to blackmail. Zeus was a tyrant, a selfish despotic entity and Ganymede should not be writhing in his hold as Zeus coiled two of his thick fingers around Ganymede’s cock. The god stroked gently but firmly, there was a deliberate focus on the head of his cock which sent Ganymede mad with lust._

_Zeus was not righteous. Zeus was undignified. Ganymede tried to remind himself but Zeus’ hot member between his thighs felt too good and he feared that he was gradually losing sanity. The god rhythmically thrusted his member between his thighs and ass cheeks. With his cock in Zeus’ hand, Ganymede joined the thrusts with his hips for his thoughts became clouded with something else. Something other than his hate toward the god. He remembered that it had been a while since he touched himself. Misery and homesickness had affected him for many nights but now, he could barely remember what he was miserable about._

_“So wonderful, so delicious. You taste so good my love.” Zeus said and Ganymede did not whimper when the god called him his ‘love’. How could this being be so wonderful yet frightening at the same time? Pleasure coursed through Ganymede’s veins upon realizing that the Lord of all Olympus, of the whole world showered him with affections. Through words and actions, Ganymede felt heavenly, inside and out. He clutched on Zeus’ muscles harder. From Zeus’ shoulders to his bulging arms, Ganymede felt power and heat course through the immortal’s body. It was addictive in its own sense, one that he was afraid of never going to get enough of. However he must resist these thoughts, he could not possibly be affected by the god entirely._

_Covered in sweat, they both grinded and rubbed onto each other’s bodies. They both sought release as Zeus kept tugging at his cock with earnest, Ganymede’s eyes rolled to the back of his head when Zeus’ slick finger prodded deeper into his hole. The god must have been using his own sex to lubricate his hand while he busied the other around Ganymede’s cock. Even though nobody had ever touched him there before, Ganymede allowed Zeus’ finger to enter. He accepted it willingly and sought to clench around its thickness which seemed to satisfy the thunder god._

_“Very tight. You cannot take me yet.” Zeus grunted as he kept thrusting. At this point, Ganymede laid on top of Zeus’ body while the deity worked his finger inside him. Ganymede’s fingers on the other hand dug on Zeus’ chest as he was lost in pleasure._

_“I cannot take it anymore. I must come.” Zeus made another grunt and tugged Ganymede’s cock harder._

_“Ah! M-my lord!” Ganymede cried out and hot spurts of semen spilled all over Zeus’ chiseled abs. he begged and pleaded for the god to stop but Zeus ignored him and continued until his cock was oversensitive and red. The god even thumbed the slit just for added torture. Screams of pleasure escaped Ganymede’s mouth and he began babbling nonsense. He didn’t know whether he was begging to stop or for more._

_“Gah! Please! M-my lord!” Ganymede could not stop the deity even if he wanted to. His hands were nothing compared to the pace of Zeus’ strokes. The deity’s hips continued thrusting up between his thighs and Zeus’ hand left Ganymede’s hole to keep his ass in place as the strokes got more rigid._

_“G-Ganymede- so good!” Zeus praised and buckled his hips up as hot liquid spurted all over Ganymede’s back and lower back. His thighs were soaked and the scent of semen lingered in Ganymede’s nose. It was intoxicating and Ganymede wouldn’t say he hated it. Pleasure hit his oversensitive dick as Zeus kept coming and semen painted Ganymede’s body. At least the deity had stopped stroking him however Zeus kept a firm grip on his cock which was gradually getting hard again._

_Ganymede collapsed on Zeus, their breaths were ragged and bodies covered in sweat and come. Zeus possessively stroked Ganymede’s back regardless of the mess on it. Tears were beginning to dry on Ganymede’s cheeks and he didn’t even realize they were there to begin with. They were not entirely made from pain, mostly pleasure. Between his thighs, Ganymede could still feel Zeus’ thick member twitched and throbbed even after such a feat. The god slid his hand below Ganymede before a finger prodded on Ganymede’s hole again. This time, the finger was slicker due to Zeus’ come and it slid inside with ease from the stretch earlier. Ganymede noticed their breaths had evened out which made Zeus’ teasing bearable at least._

_“Did you like that my prince?” Zeus asked and Ganymede shuddered before answering._

_“It was- it was different and new…” he replied and Zeus poked deeper into the ring of muscle._

_“You did so well. I am proud of you.” Zeus kissed his hair and nuzzled it. He even breathed Ganymede’s scent. Zeus used his other hand and reached below Ganymede. He heard a small squelching sound and Zeus grunted. Then Ganymede felt the other hand smear more of the deity’s come in and around his pucker which sent pleasures to Ganymede’s cock. Zeus kept his finger in Ganymede as it wriggled with the ring of muscle and swirled in circles. Only the tip of the finger was in but Ganymede already felt full. It was just so big and thick._

_“L-Lord Zeus!” Ganymede squealed and Zeus kept going. One hand parted Ganymede’s ass cheeks while the other dug a finger into Ganymede’s sensitive pucker. It wasn’t until Ganymede felt the finger go deeper that something inside him twitched. In fact it was more of a pang or a flicker of pleasure which Zeus’ finger seemed to be causing. He choked a cry as Zeus kept brushing that part inside him. The part which sent him writhing atop the Olympian’s muscular physique._

_“Hush Ganymede, it will be alright. I will never hurt you. You are safe with me.” Zeus poked his finger deeper and Ganymede was whimpering now. He squirmed and felt his ass clenched around the finger as his erection rubbed on Zeus’ abs. “There there sweet Ganymede. I want to make you feel good. My goodness, you have no idea what you do to me.” Zeus’s hips were seeking friction between his thighs again and Ganymede clutched on Zeus’ broad shoulders. He couldn’t breath- he couldn’t think with all this pleasure inside._

_Zeus rolled Ganymede to his left so he could allow his giant engorged member to slap heavily on his abs. Ganymede did not see it in this state earlier. He had a small glimpse of it when it was between his thighs but never did he witness the actual thing. It throbbed and twitched atop the deity’s body and Ganymede didn’t know what possessed him to reach for it. His fingers could not even curl all around it, barely even half of it. The girth was almost the size of a grown man’s arm and its length, almost as long. He could not believe this thing was underneath him this entire time. Zeus pulled him atop of his body again but this time, their cocks were rubbing with each other’s. Ganymede’s sex was nothing in contrast to the immortal’s however, Zeus seemed to enjoy it. Zeus’ thick fingers played with his hard cock and thumbed the slit. Which of course caused him to gasp and moan inhuman sounds. Using both hands, Ganymede stroked Zeus’ member in time with the deity’s until he was almost bouncing by the thrusts of the god. He admired and observed the thing, veins covered it and the foreskin was pulled all the way down to reveal the massive purplish head, slick with semen._

_Out of curiosity, Ganymede poked the slit Zeus’ cockhead which the immortal appreciated then he rubbed it again and again and again. Until his fingers were slick with Zeus’ come. He kept one hand wrapped (well almost) around Zeus’ girth while the other nudged a pinky at the slit. With one slide, the tip off Ganymede’s pinky entered the slit and Zeus squirmed, the god’s back arched and hips buckled still. Ganymede slid in again, slowly and carefully, not to injure the immortal and fortunately it only gave more pleasure than pain. If Zeus’ contorted face indicated anything. The deity’s breath grew ragged and desperate. He no longer clutched and stroked Ganymede as all the attention went to his cock which Ganymede playfully stroked and prodded by his pinky. With one more slide, Zeus came with a shout and the large member spurted come everywhere. It went all over Ganymede’s hands, body and face as the cock erupted spurts after spurts of thick hot come. Zeus’ body was painted by it, white lines of sperms coated in between Zeus’ muscles until his cock was spent. The strained member went flaccid but heavy on Zeus’ abs while the deity panted for air._

_“You are- quite creative…” Zeus panted and Ganymede blushed. He couldn’t deny that he was greatly aroused by Zeus’ display. His cock was now painfully hard at what he had done._

_“For that- I must reward you.” Zeus grabbed his cock and stroked it in the way that Ganymede would when he touched himself. It was as if the deity read his mind and discovered all the ways in which Ganymede played with himself when he was on Earth. For only a few minutes passed before Ganymede spilled his seed all over Zeus, mixed both of their semen in a puddle on Zeus’ abs._

_“By the Gods!” Ganymede screamed before he collapsed in exhaustion and Zeus commenced stroking his back possessively, as he did before. With come all over their bodies, Ganymede also felt it at the corner of his mouth. His tongue swiped it, wondered what the fascination on the subject was about back on Earth. When he tasted it, it was bitter but had a hint of sweetness. Perhaps it was not his come but Zeus’, he did not know anymore. Regardless, something inside him compelled him to lick more of it off his fingers until the deity noticed._

_“What are you doing?” Zeus asked and Ganymede flinched at being caught._

_“I was merely curious my lord. Forgive me-,”_

_“No it is fine. I was also curious.” Zeus said and Ganymede glanced at the whiteness that covered Zeus’ body. A string of come was drying on Zeus’ chest and Ganymede leaned in and swiped his tongue on it. Zeus did not move nor did he say anything. If he did not mind then Ganymede decided to commence. He licked another near the middle of Zeus’ chest where small hairs grew and it made Ganymede wonder if the immortal groomed himself. Perhaps he did or he would not be so handsome. Ganymede went lower and found Zeus’ nipple which was also coated with come. He planted his lips on it and sucked at the nub which caused the god to grunt. Ganymede felt Zeus’ chest rumble as he kept going, as if he made it his goal to lick it all clean. Once he was finished with Zeus’ upper body, he went lower to Zeus’ abs, where his thick cock rested. Ganymede kissed and licked the semen off the member and it gave an interested twitch._

_“If you keep at it, then you must see to its completion.” Zeus warned and Ganymede thought about it for a moment before continuing. He suckled at the cockhead which started growing again. The god seemed pleased by this and made Ganymede’s position more comfortable by throwing his legs over Zeus’ chest. His hole was in clear view for the god._

_“Quite an eager prince.” Zeus muttered as Ganymede choked on the sizeable member. He could barely keep the cockhead inside his mouth let alone the girth._

_“You do not know what you do to me my prince. If I had known that you were this eager in bed then we could have spent the first few days in the sheets.” Zeus started poking at his hole again. Ganymede cried a moan while Zeus’ cock was buried in his mouth. The rumbling of his throat seemed to please the god and Zeus used it to his advantage._

_“Such a perfect boy.” Zeus spat on his hole and dug a finger inside. “Praise the fates for letting us meet!” Zeus spread Ganymede’s cheeks apart and played with his hole. “You are mine Ganymede. Only mine.” Zeus licked and nibbled Ganymede’s ass cheeks which only made Ganymede moan louder. With both hands, Ganymede stroked Zeus’ erection while his mouth worked the cockhead. Even after two orgasms, the mighty deity displayed no faltering._

_“And I am yours Ganymede. Only yours, if you allow me. I will give the world the universe to you.” Zeus whispered seductively and reached for Ganymede’s erection and began stroking it. Ganymede made a strangled cry and came all over the immortal’s chest which worried him a little. Such thoughts were banished as soon as Zeus eagerly suckled and licked Ganymede’s seed off his fingers, he continued milking in time with his thrusts into Ganymede’s mouth. It wasn’t long before Zeus erupted into Ganymede’s mouth. He suctioned his mouth around Zeus’ cockhead to drink it all but it was too much. He even choked a little but nevertheless he continued suckling. Of course he took a few seconds to breathe first but he ensured that his tongue was attentive._

_Once it was over, Zeus pulled him to his chest and caressed his back. This time, Ganymede was truly exhausted and sleep slowly took him but not before he heard Zeus whisper in his ear._

_“My heart, my life, my love, forever.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll try and make Castiel and Dean's sexy time just as good. 
> 
> Did you like it? thought I'd write something positive before more drama happens in the story. 
> 
> I'm particularly fond of some gods in Olympus like Hermes, Eros, Athena and Artemis for example. Who are your favorite gods?


	5. Chapter 5- Release Me (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel moving into Dean's home is a slippery slope to hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Dean is a major asshole in this however there are reasons for that. 
> 
> #hurt!Cas tag is in here
> 
> Hope you don't cry too much.

**-Castiel-**

Convincing Gabriel and his father about moving out then moving into the Winchester’s household was one of the toughest things that Castiel had to do with his life. His father grieved when he found out that Castiel said he was in an affair with Dean Winchester and Gabriel was not the slightest bit convinced.

“I don’t buy it Cassie. You’re moving out to move in with a man whom you hate more than anyone, who could actually make you _feel_ emotional hate. I’m not buying it one bit!” Gabriel blocked Castiel from packing his things. Castiel didn’t own much in terms of clothes. He never had to go anywhere and he had everything that he could ever need in town. Besides he could return to get more of his things later when he’s _‘adjusted’_ in the Winchester’s mansion.

“I am serious Gabriel, I have grown quite close with Dean and he allowed me to move in with him. All this was made by my own volition.” Castiel lied but he had to do it. If word gets out that all this was an agreement to let the business owners of the town keep their businesses then Dean would dissolve the deal. Which meant that Bobby, Ellen and Alfie’s businesses would be taken from them and he was not going to allow that.

Saving the people he loved was worth sacrificing his pride.

There wasn’t much to begin with. He was just a lowly ‘altar boy’ who happened to insult a monster in the shape of one of the most beautiful men he had ever laid his eyes on. If Dean was not as diabolic as he was then Castiel would probably have been smitten already. Now there was only hatred, hatred toward a man who treated him and his family like ants.

“Bullshit Castiel don’t lie to me! Tell me-,” Gabriel slammed his hand to shut Castiel’s suitcase. “Why are you really doing this?”

Castiel wondered about it for moment. He knew that Gabriel was going to be the toughest person to convince since his older brother was still hurt about the time when Michael and Lucifer left. To think he would have spared his older brother the same suffering. Castiel almost cried on the spot at the realization.

“I’m doing this because I want to.” Of course he had to lie.

“Bullshit Castiel! Stop lying to me! I am your brother! We tell each other everything!” Gabriel cursed again. “You can’t actually be going over there, to that ‘Assbutts’ mansion and live there! You hated the guy! What caused this? Is he threatening you?”

Castiel froze for a moment as panic escalated in his chest.

“No that can’t be right. Is it the money? Is he paying you to be with him? Are you selling your body to him? Castiel I didn’t know you wanted to be a prostitute!” Gabriel cried out and Castiel rolled his eyes.

“What on earth? No Gabriel! That’s not it!”

“Then what is it?” Gabriel shouted and Castiel had no choice but to keep lying.

“Because I need to change. I need some change in my life.” Castiel was already hurting and he wasn’t even finished. “Because an opportunity finally showed up. An opportunity to get away from you.”

_There he said it._

“To get away from you and our father. I am tired of living the same life day after day. Serving you two and forcing myself to think that everything is okay when it’s not. You know it’s not. You’re never here and father is always drinking. The church is barely manageable with the three of us left, let alone me having to shoulder all the responsibility around here.” Castiel said the words and felt like shards of glass were slashing his insides.

“No that’s not true Castiel. You’re hiding something. I can feel it. You _don’t_ actually hate living here.”

Castiel had to interrupt. “And how would you know? You never asked. You and father never asked what I want. All you do is take and take and you never give back and I’m sick of it. I’m sick and tired of letting the two of you step all over me. I’m not hiding anything Gabriel, in fact I’m finally letting everything out!” Castiel clutched his chest.

“I finally understood why Michael and Luke left. Why they left us. They shouldn’t have to bear the responsibility of taking care of two broken and selfish adults. I should have left with them when I had the chance.” Tears were rolling down his eyes and they burned his skin. He couldn’t believe the words that came out of his mouth. Those weren’t his words anymore, they were someone else. Someone so horrible.

Gabriel sniffled but there were no tears on his face. A piercing silence blanketed the room for a moment and Castiel hoped that the Almighty smote him from where he stood.

“I see. I get it.” Gabriel muttered and Castiel almost reached out to apologize to his brother. “Just close the door when you get out.”

Then his older brother was gone and Castiel was left in his room with nothing but the sound of his muffled cries.

***

 

Without looking back, Castiel left his home and went up to the mansion at the top of the hill. There was still some time before witching hour and Castiel used that moment to pray. He prayed for forgiveness from the Lord Almighty after he said such unforgivable things to Gabriel. After what he said, he knew there was no going back. No matter what could happen, Castiel prayed for the Lord to give him strength. For the will to go on, if not he would be lost.

For all his life, taking care of his family was the only thing he knew how to do best. His kindness was what brought him this far and he was afraid that he would forget how to do it. Forget how to be kind to others. After all, this was for the townspeople’s sake. For the ones he called family. For his father and brother who he had forsaken just to do what’s right.

_Who knew that the cost of pride was high?_

He was just about to finish his prayer when a vehicle appeared from behind. It was a classic black car and it stopped right in front of him. Castiel could not see the driver due to the headlights and when it turned off, it was the illustrious Dean Winchester behind the wheel.

“You lost stranger?” Dean said with a playful tone and Castiel quickly dismissed the charisma.

“I was just on my way to your mansion…you said you hated tardiness.” Castiel said and Dean smiled.

“Aw you remembered. You don’t known how much that means to me.” Again Castiel should not let the smile affect him.

“Well I hope you upheld your end of the deal.” Castiel bit out and Dean laughed.

“Of course Cas! I just got back from doing it.” Relief swelled in Castiel’s chest, one of his prayers was answered at least. “Are you just gonna stand there or are you gonna get in?” Dean interrupted and Castiel darted him a glare. He opened the back door and threw his luggage inside. He then entered the passenger’s seat.

“Hi.” Dean grinned and Castiel just threw him an unimpressed look. Dean ignored it but a smile never left his face. Some classic rock music was playing and Dean was singing to it while Castiel suppressed his emotions. The wound of what just happened to him and his family was still fresh and he could not have Dean use his misery to his advantage. For he was afraid of what could happen if Dean knew.

Dean parked the car in the garage and he turned to him before Castiel could get out.

“Okay talk to me.” Dean ordered.

“About what?” he asked.

“Tell me why you’re all quiet and mopey. Your first day hasn’t even started and you’re already in a bad mood.” Dean stated and Castiel just gave him the dirtiest look. Mouth slightly parted and eyes piercing daggers to the Winchester’s skull.

“Alright fine. Least I tried dealing with your PMS.” Dean unlocked the car and Castiel wondered what ‘PMS’ stood for. Then he realized that it didn’t matter, since everything that came out of the other man’s mouth was always going to be an insult.

***

 

Dean instructed his butler Garth to guide Castiel around the mansion while he retired to his study. Castiel took in as much information as he could in the given time. Plus, having Dean absent really helped as he grew irritated by the Winchester’s cocksure smile and condescending remarks. He kept pestering Castiel about his mood when it was quite obvious as to why he had it. None of this seemed to be taken seriously by Dean. All he did was joke about every little thing that he could point out and redirect every little detail in mansion about himself.

From the architecture, interior designing and choice of furniture, the man was clearly self-absorbed and Castiel found it infuriating. The most infuriating thing about it all was the fact that Dean didn’t seem to notice how obnoxious he was. Garth didn’t seem to notice, he just laughed and smiled at his master as if he wasn’t aware that he was serving the devil himself. To be fair, there was an element of bias in Castiel’s opinion. If he were a visitor in this house then he wouldn’t feel so unnerved by every little thing that came out of Dean’s mouth. He was bothered by it because he was going to live here against his will.

This was soon to be his prison regardless of how wondrous it appeared.

“And here is your room.” Garth turned the light on and the lanky man offered to take Castiel’s luggage.

“It is fine. I shall take care of it.” Castiel declined and Garth nodded. He didn’t want anyone touching his things, especially since this luggage was the only thing that reminded him of home apart from his memories. He ignored the pang of sadness in his chest as Garth pointed at the essential parts of the room.

Castiel must admit that it was beautiful, complete with antique ornaments and different buttons for lighting which he thought were unnecessary considering he only needed an on and off switch. His bed was king sized and the pillows were black while the covers and blanket were different shades of blue. The blanket reminded him of the blue sky and the bed sheets were like the ocean. Again, he would’ve liked them more if he wasn’t here for a _particular_ reason.

“Castiel?” Garth called out and Castiel snapped out of his thoughts. “Are you alright?” he asked and Castiel nodded slowly.

“Yes, my apologies, my mind was somewhere else.” Castiel admitted and Garth smiled softly.

“You know, I just wanna say thanks.” Garth said and Castiel raised an eyebrow.

“What for?” he asked and Garth smiled. “For being here.” The skinny man said.

Castiel gave him a confused look. “You do realize, I would not be here if I didn’t have a choice.” Then Garth stared into space for a moment.

“Oh right! Yeah the _deal_ \- er- that too. You’re really awesome for doing all this.” Garth commended and Castiel felt annoyed by the butler’s lack of moral compass. With such information in mind, how could anyone think this arrangement even humane?

“Thanks…I guess?” Castiel reluctantly said as there was something completely wrong with the people who worked for Dean. He placed his suitcase on the large bed for now to start unpacking.

“I thought you should know…” Garth continued and Castiel thought he left the room already. “Mr. Winchester hasn’t been this happy and excited in a very long time. Not since his father passed away. The old master was quite tough on his sons but regardless, Dean loved him. Still does actually though he rarely shows it.”

Castiel could not possibly comprehend why Garth was telling him this. Dean Winchester was evil incarnate and Castiel had no sympathy toward the man whatsoever. He lost his family and he may never look at them in the eye ever again if it weren’t for Dean.

“Garth.” Castiel interrupted and the butler stopped mid-sentence. “I appreciate your help but it would please me if I can unpack my things in peace.” Castiel bitterly said and Garth nodded.

“Oh sure of course let me help you-,”

“Don’t.” Castiel stopped the butler and silence quickly followed. “I would like to be alone for now. Please.” He said abruptly and Garth frowned at that. The butler left the room but not before he reminded Castiel that he will be summoned for dinner shortly and to wear something nice. Castiel nodded then finally he was alone in the room.

It was uncanny on how Garth treated his master as if he did nothing wrong. Could he not see that Castiel was being held here against his will and that his master did not hesitate to hurt people just to get what he wanted? There were truly disturbing people out there, people who didn’t understand the concept of suffering, for they had more than enough money to avert it. In the meantime, Castiel was going to ignore it as he had more important things to think about such as how he was going to survive in a place full of psychopaths. It hadn’t even been a day and he was already regretting everything.

***

 

During dinner, Castiel kept to himself. He sat right next to Dean on the massive table which could probably fit thirty to forty people. It was like one of those dining halls in the movies, with a large chandelier that hung in the ceiling and candles all across the table. Every single one of them were lit even though the room was bright enough. As illustrious as it looked, Castiel thought it was unnecessary. It would seem that Dean liked to boast about his wealth to people or maybe just to him since it was Castiel’s pride that started all this.

Castiel didn’t even have the appetite to eat the delicious looking food served before him. Dean’s new chef Benny replaced Balthazar. He was a burly man with a gruff beard, blue eyes and brown hair. He had a dazzling smile but a murderous stare, one that could suck the life out of anyone unsuspecting. It would seem that Dean liked him very much since the other man had not stopped talking about him.

“Benny’s a real great cook right? Much better than Balthazar.” Dean nudged his forearm and Castiel just gave him a deathly look.

“Well you haven’t really tasted it yet but I bet the flies would agree with me.” Dean cheekily grinned but Castiel simply ignored it.

“C’mon Cas. I’m trying here. You gotta give me credit for trying at least.” Dean pouted and Castiel had enough.

“Fine. You want me to commend you? Very well.” Castiel dropped his knife and fork which made it clatter loudly. “You are very funny Dean. Please tell more jokes for I cannot wait to hear them.” Castiel sarcastically and bitterly said.

Dean bit his cheek. “Okay Mr. Grumpy, since I can’t cheer you up and you won’t tell me what’s wrong, how am I supposed to fix it?”

“Perhaps you can start by leaving me in peace. In fact, leave _all_ of us alone.” Castiel sneered and Dean’s expression changed.

“I can’t do that Cas.” Dean stoically stated.

“And why not?”

“Because I say so and because we made a deal. A deal which you agreed to. And because you messed up. This is me trying to forgive you and this is the thanks I get? You’re giving me attitude when you should be getting on your knees and begging for mercy!” Dean slammed his hand on the table which made Castiel flinch. A moment passed and Dean composed himself.

“Look I’m just trying to make this easier for the both of us the least you could do is try-,”

Castiel’s nerve snapped at that. “Both of us? You mean easier for _you_. I can’t just force myself to feel better after everything that’s happened!” He stood up to loom over the other man.

“And what’s that?” Dean spat the question.

“Why should I tell you? You would never understand.” Castiel clutched at the table cloth.

“I tried asking but you wouldn’t say anything! Can you drop the condescending attitude and freaking tell me what’s wrong?” Dean jumped up from his seat to shout at him.

“Fine then! I’ll tell you what’s wrong!” Castiel pointed at Dean like he did earlier today. “Aside from having my freedom taken away, let me tell you what I had to endure today. I had to tell my family that I was going to leave them to live with someone who I’ve hated more than anyone in my entire life, which not only took a great amount of convincing but it also cost me something else. Something that I don’t think I can ever repair!” Castiel’s hands were shaking.

“In order to convince my brother to let go of me, I had to tell him that they were the reason why I wanted to leave. That their existence has been nothing more than a burden for me to bear. I had to lie and tell Gabriel that I understood why my other brothers left and it was because of _him_. Do you know how hard it was to say that to his face? To know why I truly had to leave yet _unable_ to say it? You don’t know how painful it was to watch my brother’s soul get ripped to shreds just so I can protect this foolish deal which benefits _you_ more than anyone?”

Castiel was crying now but Dean’s face kept its composure.

“You bring me here and tell me to _try_ even though everything in my life is ruined. Just so you can toy with my pride and see me suffer, well I’m suffering now. I’ve lied about everything else, the least you could do is let me be honest about how I truly feel.” Castiel clutched his chest as he tried to mend the growing ache in his chest. Dean just stood there and looked at him with a callous stare.

“And is that supposed to be _my_ fault?”

Castiel paused.

“I told you to deal with it. I don’t care how you were gonna do it just make sure they didn’t know about the deal. That’s all I asked and now you’re standing there crying like a baby for screwing yourself over. I can’t believe you’re actually blaming me when you should’ve handled things differently.” Dean hissed and pointed at Castiel. “This is so typical! People like you love to blame others for your problems. And you’re also being ungrateful after everything I did for you! I can’t believe this has been a complete waste of my time!” Dean slammed a fist on the table which caused everything to clatter.

“Now I’m the asshole. I’m the _selfish_ and _insensitive_ asshole- you know what? Forget about it. Forget about the deal and you can forget about everything-,”

“I CAN’T!” Castiel cried out and clutched onto Dean’s arm. “I can’t- I can’t turn back now.”

_If this was the price he had to pay…_

“I’m sorry- Forgive me, I shouldn’t have said anything…” Castiel pleaded but Dean didn’t seem at all convinced. His arm resisted a little but Castiel made sure not to let go. He couldn’t for everyone’s sake. “I’ll start over. I’ll keep my mouth shut just please don’t touch the others. I’ll do anything.”

Dean turned away and Castiel waited for what felt like the longest moment in his entire life.

“Please forget this ever happened.” Castiel begged again while Dean held his glare.

“I should’ve expected this...” Dean sighed and his arm didn’t resist anymore. “We’ll start over tomorrow. It’s been a long day and I’m too tired for this.” Castiel instinctively nodded. “I want you up by six so Garth can give you more thorough run through on what to do around here.”

Dean ripped his arm off and Castiel closed his fingers as if he had just done something that he shouldn’t have.

“If you really wanna take this deal seriously then I need you to show some commitment otherwise the door’s wide open. I don’t wanna hear you complain about being here when you could’ve said so sooner. I’d hate for this to be a complete waste of _my_ time.” Dean spitefully said and Castiel simply nodded along.

“I’m going to bed. Do what you want but just make sure to be up by six tomorrow or don’t bother sticking around.”

Castiel nodded silently while he held back his tears.

“Are we _clear_?”

Castiel nodded again.

“For someone who _whines_ a lot, you can’t even answer a simple _goddamn_ question: ARE WE CLEAR?” Dean barked out.

“Y-Yes. Yes, Dean.” Castiel squeaked out.

“That’s _sir_ or _Mr. Winchester_ to you.” Dean corrected then shook his head disapprovingly. “Can’t even do a single damn thing right.” And the other man was off, slamming the banquet hall’s doors behind him.

Castiel’s knees gave out and soon he found himself on the floor shaking. He wanted to cry but something was stopping him. As if his will to cry had been broken and shattered to pieces. He could no longer put the pieces back together.

“Mr. Castiel?” Garth appeared and he surprisingly looked concerned. “Mr. Winchester went to bed already, he told me to assist you if you needed anything.”

Castiel was still shaking but he there was no point in being here. “I-I don’t. Its fine- I’ll be fine…just leave me be.” he lied and even Garth could see it.

“I’m sorry.” Garth apologized. “He can be harsh sometimes but he’s actually really nice-,”

“Garth please. I just need to be alone.” Castiel begged and Garth nodded.

“Okay, but if you need anything I’ll be in my room. It’s in the west wing, same side as your room only yours is on the east wing which is on the other side of the mansion. Otherwise, I’ll be outside your room tomorrow at six. Mr. Winchester told me to take you around the mansion before he wakes up.” Garth softly said and Castiel nodded.

“Yes, thank you. I shall see you tomorrow, Garth.” Castiel said and Garth left soon after. He gathered himself from the floor and headed to his room. Though the place was unfamiliar, it wasn’t difficult to find his way back to his room.

Once inside, he didn’t bother with unpacking. Though he did pull out a photo frame of his family just before his mother died. All his brothers were there and his father was smiling. A genuine smile, one he had not seen in a very long time. Michael and Luke looked happy and so was Gabriel. His brother had a mischievous grin because he just pranked him and his other brothers earlier. Lastly, Castiel looked at himself in the picture and he frowned. It was the last photo of them altogether and Castiel held the frame to his chest as tears started tracing lines on his face. The tears were hot as he gasped to breath in between his cries.

_If this was the price he had to pay for everyone’s sake…then so be it._

The sooner he accepted it the sooner everything could make sense again because right now, he felt chaos deep in his chest. He had given up everything for this and it was too late to turn back now. He could not face Gabriel and his father, especially not after everything he said. Perhaps he was mistaken.

Rather than blame everything on Dean’s cruelty, maybe he should reflect on his actions first. Perhaps Dean was right, this was his burden to bear and his alone. If he were to remind himself why he did this- then he’d say it was out of pure kindness. However after everything that had happened, he couldn’t help but wonder if he was wrong. Perhaps this was the Lord’s way of punishing him for his pride, for crossing those who overreach him. Now that he had nothing, maybe he could start anew. After all, that was what he said to Gabriel. To get some _change_.

Oh but it was such a cruel way to grant his wish.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't skip the part where Dean has to assert his dominance in his own home otherwise it will look weird later on. So here it is, Castiel broken over and over.  
> Although I must admit, I kind of enjoyed writing Dean being an asshole- especially when his whole expression changed from cheeky to angry real quick. 
> 
> Courtesy to John Winchester's A+ Parenting
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	6. Chapter 6- Prudent Planning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel has difficulty adjusting to Dean's household but he tries to turn it around. 
> 
> The result...it's a surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be more asshole!Dean in this chapter however I can assure you all that it's gonna be okay...i think.
> 
> Hurt baby Cas!

**-Castiel-**

Adjusting to Dean’s household was not very difficult, even though the place was vast and there were more rooms than Castiel could count (and he could count quite high), Garth helped by giving him prompts to remember. The West Wing had the Banquet Hall and Dean’s study while the East had Castiel and Dean’s bedchambers along with the library. The North Wing had the fountain courtyard and back gardens where Castiel saw flowers as far as his eyes could see. The South Wing was the entrance to the mansion and it was also where the garage was located where Dean spent most of his time working, since he had a passion for cars. Apparently the Winchesters owned major mechanical, automobile industries and other small businesses.

It was only until Garth shared this information that Castiel finally grasped how powerful and rich the Winchesters were. He might not had paid much attention to Dean yesterday however everything in Dean’s mansion really did represent his family in some way. Dean’s mother Mary apparently loved flowers and gardens hence that part of his home was very well-kept. The library was filled with books from both Campbell and Winchester families. Dean’s father, John Winchester, was fond of hunting. Plus by being the old head of the family, he had a large collection of weaponry and hunting gear all over the mansion. Guns and animal heads were mounted on the walls of Dean’s study and the parlor which Castiel disliked. Killing never appealed to him since he preferred the garden and the library more. After all, he absolutely loved bees and books. Dean on the other hand had other interests. Garth said he usually busied himself with fine-tuning his 67’ Chevy Impala which was the car Dean used yesterday, to drive Castiel to the mansion.

“I hope I’m not confusing you or anything…” Garth asked and Castiel waved his hand.

“You’re not. You have been very helpful.” Castiel replied and it brought a smile on Garth’s face. Before they could go on, Garth’s phone rang and he answered. The skinny man asked for a moment and Castiel nodded. They were in the foyer of the mansion which Castiel remembered being filled by guests a few nights ago. It was also in the same night when Castiel insulted Dean and started this charade. Sam was also here that night but when Castiel asked about the younger Winchester, Garth said that he was staying in town for business. What type of business it was, Garth did not specify, and Castiel did not let it bother him. It was just a shame that the younger Winchester were not here to witness his brother’s despotic rule. Perhaps he left because of Dean and at least Castiel knew someone else guilty of the same crime.

He dearly missed Gabriel and his father. It was difficult trying to sleep last night when all he could do was pray for forgiveness to the Almighty God. He prayed and prayed for the strength to move on because at this rate, he was going to need it. Dean truly expected obedience and Castiel was adamant about making this worthwhile for the townspeople’s sake. Castiel had to be strong in the face of adversity from what he learned from the scriptures in the bible. If he were to live with the devil then he had to have courage and faith in himself.

_For God helps those who helped themselves._

“That was the boss.” Garth said as he slotted the phone back into his pocket. “He wants you to join him for breakfast, to debrief on what you’ve learned so far.” He said and Castiel nodded.

“Wear something else for now, I think he’s gonna get you a whole new wardrobe.” Garth inspected his night gown which he used to wear to sleep.

“I see.” Castiel nodded and Garth smiled softly.

“I need you to behave now. Don’t want you getting in trouble again okay? Crying doesn’t help your pretty face.” Garth held his chin up which made him smile.

“Thank you, Garth. I don’t know what I would do without your help.” Castiel said and Garth beamed at him.

“No worries. Glad I can help.” It was the last thing he said before they went their separate ways. Castiel really meant what he said, he wouldn’t have been able to bear living in this mansion if he was all alone. Though Garth was eccentric and unfathomably ignorant to Castiel’s moral dilemma, he was somewhat supportive and Castiel would rather take it than deal with Dean all by himself.

***

 

During breakfast, Dean kept to himself. Aside from asking Castiel how the trip with Garth went and commented on it, he did not attempt to engage in small talk, which Castiel wondered whether it was a good or a bad thing. It was good that he could eat his meal in peace because it meant that he could not risk angering Dean even more. Yet at the same time, Castiel feared the ominous silence.

“Here’s the paper boss. How’s your breakfast?” Benny appeared and handed the newspaper to Dean.

“Ah Benny! It’s fantastic! I’m tryna lose weight and you’re not helping! Had to unbutton my pants actually.” Dean gleefully said. Dean was right, the food was very nice if only Castiel had better company, it would have been a pleasant breakfast. Benny smiled at that before he turned to Castiel.

“How about you brotha? Did you enjoy it?” Benny asked but before Castiel could reply, Dean interrupted.

“Nah Cas here doesn’t enjoy anything. Don’t even bother asking- he prefers to act all miserable when he’s around me.” Dean casually pointed out and Castiel was about to protest but he stopped himself. He was supposed to uphold his end of the deal, which meant complete _subjugation_. Dean just stared him down and the smile faded from Benny’s face. The burly man excused himself and left Dean and Castiel in awkward silence. Castiel kept his lips sealed as he let Dean’s words sink deep into chest like a dagger.

The first of the many he expected to get from now onwards.

Clearly Dean held a grudge from last night and to think they were supposed to start anew today. Castiel fiddled with his thumbs as he lost his appetite. There wasn’t much left on his plate but he couldn’t stomach the tension in the air. He wondered if it would do more good than bad to engage in small talk with Dean since this was his road to redemption.

There was only one way to find out.

“Do you have work today?” Castiel asked and Dean was in the middle of drinking some his coffee. Dean wore a black shirt and dark purple shorts underneath his gray robes. This was the most amount of skin he’d seen from Dean and his thoughts betrayed his morals. He worked for Dean and there should be nothing more!

Dean gazed at him while he finished his coffee. When he placed the cup down, there was more force than Castiel liked. “I always have work to do.” Dean said before he turned his eyes back to the newspaper. He flipped a page while Castiel nodded. At least Dean didn’t shout at him or anything of the same likeness.

A deer in front of the Impala’s headlights, that’s what Castiel thought of himself only- Castiel’s hooves were stuck on the asphalt and Dean was behind the wheel of the Impala. He waited for Dean to step on the gas and to ran him over.

“I’ll give Garth a list of things for you to do. After all, you ain’t stayin’ here for free so you better pay it back with hard work. It was part of our agreement…unless you forgot.” Dean read the newspaper and not once did he look at Castiel while he spoke.

“No I didn’t. I remember.” Castiel replied and Dean finally turned to him but his eyes were testing him.

“You better. Cause I never give second chances. There won’t be a third time if you don’t uphold your end of the deal, you got that?” Dean asked and Castiel nodded.

“Did you hit your head this morning? Cause I could’ve sworn I already told you how to answer me properly.” Dean raised his voice.

“Yes! I mean- no I didn’t! Sir…” Castiel squeaked again just as he did last night.

Dean sighed disapprovingly and closed the newspaper before throwing it to the side of the table.

“And you’ve gotta learn how to address me. While you’re under my roof, you better show me some proper respect. Didn’t your father- the _pastor_ , teach you how to get in line? I could’ve sworn obedience was a huge part of the bible or did you sleep during every mass ‘altar boy’?” Dean hissed and Castiel just took it in. This was a test and God was testing him. He had to endure.

“No…sir.” Castiel meekly muttered and bowed his head. From the corner of his eye, he could see Dean shaking his head in disappointment.

“Real great start for your first day at work Cas. You could’ve shown some initiative after last night but I guess I’m asking for too much. Is it really that hard for you to _try_? Because I feel like I’m wasting my breath here-,”

“No it’s not! Sir…I must apologize. I shall do better next time.” Castiel cried out as he held back his tears.

Dean sighed. “Again, you interrupted while I’m talking. Can’t you do anything right?” the other man slammed his hand on the table and it made Castiel jolt. “I’ll get Garth to deal with you. You’re no use to me like this.”

The words hurt but for his sake, Castiel kept his mouth shut and simply listened. Dean stood up with the newspaper clutched in hand. “When you’re ready to show some commitment to this deal, then you can start serving me. Otherwise you’re just wastin’ my time, is that what you want?” Dean asked and Castiel instantly replied.

“No sir.”

Dean tapped his foot. “Better see to it that you do Cas. I’m not a very patient man and I can only take so much crap from you, which frankly, I don’t really have to put up with.” Then Dean left and slammed the doors behind him. Castiel’s fingers dug into his thighs the whole time as tears slowly trickled down his face.

***

 

The rest of the morning went through like a blur as Garth bombarded Castiel with information. He instructed Castiel on how to address Dean from _hello_ to _good-bye_. When to speak and when to answer. Rather than keep a script, Garth said it was easier to remember what _not_ to do around Dean. Firstly, to never interrupt Dean. The best way to demonstrate this was to always think that Dean was right and could never do wrong. If Dean did something wrong, never criticize or call him out on it. If Dean did something right then shower him with praise. This was the best way to avoid stepping on a land mine. Questioning Dean must be kept to a minimum and Castiel must ask the appropriate questions to not waste Dean’s time. By considering every second as valuable to Dean’s time then Castiel could avert asking the wrong questions. Then there was the body language. Crossing one’s arms was a sign of challenge which was a big ‘no-no’ according to Garth. Overall, Castiel realized the one recurring concept in handling Dean, which was to treat him like a god.

It should have been obvious from the start since Castiel’s first impression of the man was narcissistic and greatly self-absorbed however this was before they made the deal and now, if Castiel had hopes in surviving Dean’s reign, he had to do everything that Garth said. Thankfully Garth was his mentor for he would hate it if Dean had to teach him. With Dean’s lack of patience and Castiel’s stubbornness, it was a sure-fire recipe for disaster: for both of them. And Castiel could not afford for Dean to dissolve their deal. Despite his current predicament, Castiel had not forgotten about why he was here. He was doing this for the townspeople.

Nevertheless, Castiel wouldn’t allow himself to lose face in front of Dean. He was determined to be well-trained the next time he served Dean. It could take days, weeks or even months, it didn’t matter. Castiel had the rest of his life to gain Dean’s approval and he was going to get it. In the face of adversity, Castiel had the Almighty to watch over him. After all, what was one person’s suffering compared to the many?

***

 

For two weeks, Castiel had been in rigorous training with Garth on how to serve Dean. From how he addressed Dean to what questions to ask, Castiel must admit that he was proud of his progress. Even Garth commended him and it wasn’t very long before he was ready to put his acquired skills to test. Garth was an excellent teacher and Castiel got plenty of practice since Dean surprisingly kept his distance. There might had been several snide comments here and there, but it only helped Castiel practice the skills that Garth taught him.

By Thursday morning of the second week of his training, Castiel was ready. At six o’clock, Castiel had already showered, brushed his teeth and had his clothes changed. When Garth met him outside his bedroom door, the skinny butler congratulated him on his proactivity.

“I’m so proud of you Castiel! You learned quickly and in only two weeks! I didn’t even learn that fast when I started.” Garth said as they walked toward Dean’s room. “I wasn’t always the family butler even though I’ve known Mr. Winchester since we were kids. I was adopted by the Head Maid Missouri. She was one tough and sharp toughed woman but she was like a mother to me. She taught me everything there is to know about serving the Winchesters until she retired when we moved here. That’s when I became head butler.” They went to the front door first to pick up Dean’s newspaper and Garth tucked it under his arm before they commenced to Dean’s room. “She stayed back in the old estate just so she could place flowers on Mr. and Mrs. Winchesters graves.” Garth said and in Castiel’s time here, only Garth was the one who shared Dean’s family history. Not even Dean mentioned anything about the way his father loved his mother with everything he had, which took a toll on him when she passed away. It was kind of like his parents, his father, whom he had not seen in weeks.

He wondered if Gabriel was taking care of their father.

He dismissed the sentimental thoughts aside as soon as they were outside Dean’s bedroom. It was only a few doors down from Castiel’s bedroom however he never once saw Dean enter his bedroom. His master always retired late at night or was already in the Banquet Hall by the time Castiel had time to greet him ‘good morning’. Today, he was going to make some changes.

“Alright here we are, he should be awake by now but he’s too lazy to get up. He’s probably on his phone looking through his emails or texts until he gets hungry and calls me to fetch him.” Garth handed him the newspaper and Castiel took it. Lately Dean hadn’t been having breakfast, lunch or dinner with Castiel. He’d either eat before or after Castiel and he quickly noticed the pattern. Dean wasn’t exactly subtle at letting people know he didn’t like them.

“If you surprise him with a newspaper and looking ready to serve him, I’m sure he’d appreciate it. You’ll finally get in his good side.” Garth smiled and Castiel agreed. He hoped that was going to be the case for he’d hate all his hard work to go to waste.

“Now go in there and make me proud.” Garth said and Castiel nodded. He took one deep breath before he shook his body to release some anxiety.

“You can do this.” Castiel told himself then he turned to Garth quickly. “Thank you, for everything.” Garth smiled and gave him two thumbs up before he turned and walked down the hall. Castiel straightened his back, clutched the door handle and twisted it.

It was now or never.

He had gotten used to addressing Dean as his _master_ or _sir_ , in his head or through word of mouth which quickened the learning process. Once inside, Castiel walked right in to greet his master.

“Good morning sir-,” Castiel looked over to the bed to find Dean laid on his back, naked from top to bottom with a hand pumping his engorged cock. Up and down went Castiel’s eyes. When Dean noticed Castiel’s presence, his face was instantly filled with shock before he pulled the covers over his nether regions.

“SONOFA-WHAT THE HELL CAS?” Dean shouted and Castiel took a few steps back.

“I-I was…oh god forgive me!” Castiel ran outside and did not look back.

Two weeks of hard work and determination just went down the drain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now there is a reason why people should knock before entering- oldest trick in the damn book. 
> 
> Anyway Castiel's problems are just getting started.


	7. Chapter 7- Crime and Punishment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of Castiel walking in on Dean's private time takes an extreme turn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be more Asshole Dean scenarios here. in fact there will be lots of it. I was amused but also horrified after writing this chapter.
> 
> Enjoy!

**-Castiel-**

Ever since the incident, Castiel had not looked Dean in the eye. For good measure, since all he could think about was the sight of Dean’s naked form on the bed grunting and pumping his large member. Tried as he might, Castiel could not take the image out of his head. When Garth asked him what happened, it was too late, Dean had summoned the butler to his room. And Castiel spent almost an hour waiting for the verdict. With his recklessness, he was sure that the deal would be dissolved. In fact, he thought he was about to die from anticipation but alas, Garth reappeared and shared the news. Apparently, Dean was not mad or upset, much to Castiel’s worry.

There was no telling what could happen, especially since Castiel was dealing with someone like Dean. Over the past two weeks, he had learned much and if everything in this mansion revolved around Dean and his will, then it could mean that sooner or later, Castiel was doomed.

***

During breakfast, Dean allowed Castiel to join him. They hadn’t shared a meal since Dean ordered Castiel to get proper training from Garth. Castiel watched his master closely and searched for any signs of anger or distraught; to his dismay, there was none. In fact he thought that Dean’s current behavior was worse than taking his wrath because Castiel had no clue how to handle it. Yet there he was, Dean was the epitome of composure which made Castiel feel sick with worry.

Perhaps he was overthinking and for once, he should be grateful for a strange yet peaceful meal. Plus he got to enjoy Benny’s delicious cooking for once. Castiel must admit that the gruff man’s culinary skills was extraordinary. To prove it, Castiel was usually not a fan of sausages. Back home, he made eggs for himself while he served sausages to Gabriel and his father. However, Castiel could not find it in himself to resist the delectable meat. He took one bite off it and a moan escaped his mouth. His tongue savored the taste but was soon interrupted by Dean’s sudden sputtering of coffee all over the table.

“Sir, are you alright?” Castiel asked and poured him a glass of water which Dean took appreciatively. Castiel had grown accustomed to serving Garth by practice and now he could demonstrate his skill with earnest.

Dean finished the glass before he turned to him. “You enjoying that sausage?” he asked and Castiel nodded.

“Yes sir, it was rather delicious.” Castiel no longer hesitated to call him ‘sir’ and he must admit that he was quite proud of himself.

“Really? I bet you enjoy all kinds of sausages.” Dean smiled then winked at him which made Castiel tilt his head in confusion.

Was Dean _propositioning_ him?

He was about to question Dean about it however he remembered to treat Dean’s time as valuable and to be careful not to waste it. After all, everything in the mansion revolved around Dean but Castiel could not for the life of him wonder if Dean intended what he meant. Maybe it was Dean’s way of amusing himself. Perhaps being aware of Castiel’s sexuality was Dean’s new way of repressing him. It wouldn’t affect Castiel so much since he had accepted his sexuality years ago and being brothers with Gabriel, it wasn’t difficult to accept one’s sexual preference. However, the more sinister thought that itched deep inside Castiel’s mind was the possibility of Dean being actually interested in him.

After all, Castiel had only heard of Dean’s personal relationship from other people’s mouths but never from Dean himself. He just assumed that Dean wasn’t interested in men. Perhaps this was payback for this morning’s incident and if it were, then Castiel could handle it. Especially since it was all his fault for barging in without knocking.

And Garth had taught him to never direct blame on Dean, for his master was either always right or one must treat his mistakes as if they never happened.

***

Even though Dean did not confront them about their mistake from earlier, it would seem that Dean exacted punishment by giving them both a very long list of chores. Overwhelmed by the lengthy list, he accidentally dropped Garth’s pen under one of the couches. When he went down to pick it up, Dean appeared out of the blue and stood right behind Castiel.

“Mr. Winchester! I did not hear you walk in.” Castiel quickly gathered himself as Dean stared at him with an unsettling expression.

“S’alright Cas. Was just wondering how you and Garth were doing…” Dean said as he continued staring at Castiel. His master’s eyes scanned him from top to bottom before his eyes bore into Castiel’s soul. Castiel remembered the feeling of being a deer in front of the Impala’s headlights before. Only this time, something was different.

“I’m back!” thankfully Garth appeared. “Mr. Winchester! I thought you were in the study?” Garth asked and it was a good question since they were currently in the left wing. Which was right on the other side of the mansion…

“Went for a walk- can’t a guy stretch his legs in his own house? I mean _c’mon_!” Dean said before he made a ‘pfft’ sound and departed the room. Garth gave him a bewildered expression.

“Did something happen while I was in the little boy’s room?” Garth asked and Castiel carefully shook his head.

“None that I can think of…he just appeared out of nowhere.” Castiel admitted and Garth paid it no mind. They continued with their task which helped Castiel ignore his thoughts on the matter. Rather than feel like a deer in front of the Impala’s headlights, Castiel felt as if Dean was going to step out of the car and tie him up. Before Dean threw him on the back seat and driving away. To be mounted on one of the walls of the mansion.

***

 

For whatever reason, Dean’s mysterious behavior had only gotten worse. Worse for Castiel at least as he now felt Dean’s eyes on his every move. Everywhere he went, no matter how tedious the task, Dean would suddenly appear to comment on what Castiel was doing. It wasn’t even subtle anymore and to make matters worse, there was not a hint of condescension or spite in his tone. Quite the opposite, in fact Castiel had never heard Dean praise him ever.

“Working hard aren’t ya Cas?” or “You’re really showing some commitment around here.” Were some of the things Dean had said and it was starting to trouble him. From the way Dean bit his lip when he thought Castiel wasn’t looking or the way his eyes lingered on Castiel’s backside, were really starting to affect Castiel in the most inappropriate way. If this was Dean’s way of tormenting Castiel then it was definitely working as Castiel could not deny that he was attracted to the Winchester. Something about the lust in Dean’s eyes that stirred Castiel and made his dick twitch in his pants. It was rather cruel because Castiel knew that all this was just for Dean’s amusement. To see him suffer was his master’s main objective.

However the worst part of it was that Castiel did not want Dean to stop. Out of sheer naivety, Castiel no longer knew whether he was intentionally or unintentionally giving his master opportunities to stare at him. In the end, Castiel blamed himself for allowing Dean to play with his head.

By noon, Castiel was covered with sweat since most off his tasks involved moving furniture and cleaning dust off décor. When Garth got a call that Dean wanted lunch, Castiel asked if he could get cleaned up first but Garth told him that Dean insisted they go immediately. Castiel didn’t understand why Dean wanted him at once when he was covered in filth. Once they were in the banquet hall, Dean grinned from ear to ear and asked him to sit down however Castiel insisted on washing his hands and face before eating. At least Dean allowed it. Though he felt uncomfortable eating while covered in sweat, it was nothing compared to Dean’s cheerful mood where he actually laughed at Garth’s jokes. Even Benny joined and all men ate in a strange yet pleasant mood as Dean did not show any signs of displeasure or callousness.

For Castiel, he feared the worst was yet to come.

***

 

At dusk, Castiel and Garth’s tasks were finished and most of the necessary furnishings in the mansion were completed. There was something gratifying about rearranging the place. Little by little, Castiel was beginning to treat the place as his home rather than a prison. It helped that Garth was very supportive. Although he could say the same to Benny, who even though Castiel did not converse with as much, had never given him grief. The only person who he really had to watch out for was Dean. It was manageable since Castiel was now aware of Dean’s hobbies and tasks around the mansion. Just because today started out as _shocking_ and the rest of it _strange_ , it didn’t mean that every day would be like this.

Castiel expected it to pass just like his worries.

Now he wasn’t so concerned about what to do or not to do around Dean. With every hour that passed, Castiel grew more confident and less agitated to serve his master which was a good thing since it maintained the peace. And as long as Dean was happy then everyone was happy. Castiel could handle Dean’s torment if it meant that the deal remained intact. After all, Castiel reminded himself to set his pride aside, for it was what started everything.

During dinner, Dean was still in his uplifted mood that even Garth was growing concerned. When they were finished Garth dragged Castiel to the side while Dean retired to his bedchamber.

“Castiel, are you sure nothing happened with you and Dean today?” Garth asked and Castiel shook his head.

“I absolutely have no idea on what is going through his head anymore. I feel as if he has lost his wit or it is us who have lost it…” Castiel confessed and Garth looked riddled by his thoughts.

“Maybe it’s a good thing that he’s in this mood. Again, it’s been a while since he’s smiled this much but I think it’s a bit over the top today.”

They both sighed at that before Garth’s phone rang. The butler immediately answered and Castiel wondered about what Garth just said. Perhaps Dean was not playing games with him and it  was all in his head.

“That was the boss, he says he wants you upstairs.” Garth said and Castiel was dumbfounded.

“Upstairs? You mean his bedroom?” Castiel asked and Garth nodded with reluctance.

“That’s what he said…” Garth muttered which made Castiel tilt his head.

“Can I go clean myself up first?” Castiel asked then Garth shook his head.

“He says he wants you at once. That was it, he didn’t say anything else.” Garth answered and Castiel sighed. Dean truly had a sick and twisted way of making Castiel feel like dirt. Of course Castiel had no choice but to follow through and head upstairs while he scratched the back off his neck and felt the dirt go under his fingernails. He was revolting, smelly and exhausted. A good hot shower would be nice but it would have to wait until Dean was asleep.

Since he did not want to make the same mistake twice, Castiel knocked on the door but heard nobody answer. He knocked again for safe measure and still there was silence. He opened the door, hoping to find his master decent and was relieved when he heard running water in the bathroom. Castiel waited outside and noticed Dean’s dirty clothes spilled all over the floor so he picked them up when suddenly, he heard the shower turn off. Castiel gathered the clothes in a bunch and placed them on a nearby chair and saw Dean’s shadow emerged from the bathroom.

Dean stepped out while he wiped himself with a towel. Castiel tried not to let his eyes linger on his master’s muscular body and the thing between his legs.

“I didn’t know you were already in here. You could’ve told me.” Dean smirked but Castiel did not let the teasing get to him.

“My apologies, I did not want to interrupt you sir.” Castiel bowed his head which helped avert Dean’s gaze.

“It’s alright Cas, I was expecting you anyway.” Dean said as he leaned on one of the posters of his oversized canopy bed. Castiel looked at everything else to resist gazing upon Dean. Almost everything in Dean’s room was massive in size, from the furniture, to Dean’s closet, to the windows and _oh_ _my_ …

The low-hanging thing between Dean’s legs was also massive in size…

Castiel did not imagine it this morning, his master was very well-endowed. His toes curled and palms grew sweaty, Castiel breathed anxiously at the sight of his master walking around naked. Dean walked to the dresser to gather clean clothes and a devilish smile never left Dean’s face. Castiel swallowed as he kept his eyes fixated on the music box next to Dean’s bedside lamp. He forced himself to look anywhere but Dean’s crotch.

“What’s wrong Cas? You’ve seen me naked before, I’m pretty sure this morning you got the whole view.” Dean said as he threw new clothes on the bed before he leaned on the bed poster again with his arms crossed. Castiel was now certain that Dean was teasing him but Garth trained him well. Despite the fact that his body, more specifically his erection said otherwise.

“About that, I must apologize again sir. I should have knocked-,”

“Don’t worry about it! Water under the bridge Cas.” Dean interrupted but he didn’t sound angry. A moment of silence passed while Dean kept his gaze upon Castiel. He made no move to put his underwear on, which laid on the bed’s green covers.

“Garth said you summoned me here.” Castiel stated and Dean nodded.

“Yeah about that…I think you should get yourself cleaned up first.” Dean suggested and Castiel was relieved that he could finally shower.

“Yes sir. I shall return at once-,” Castiel was about to turn to the door when Dean stopped him.

“You can use my shower since you’re already in here and all.” Dean pointed out and Castiel furrowed his eyebrows.

“That won’t be necessary sir, besides my clothes are in my room-,”

“I wasn’t asking Cas.” Dean sternly interrupted. His master’s tone had completely changed from earlier today and Castiel feared that he was placing himself in a very dangerous situation. Dean had been acting strange and there was no telling what could set him off so Castiel had no choice but to concede.

“Very well then sir…I shall use your shower.” Castiel bowed his head as he passed Dean. His master kept his eyes fixated on him until he could hide behind the bathroom door.

Castiel looked at himself in the mirror and wondered what Dean’s angle was. It was foolish to shower here since he had no clothes to change into. Nevertheless, Castiel did as he was told and stripped until all of his clothes were spilled on the marble floor. He placed them on one of the counters before he entered the shower and closed the blinds. All his worries were washed away by the hot water and in the middle of using Dean’s body wash, Castiel heard the bathroom door open.

“Hello? Mr. Winchester?” Castiel asked and Dean answered. “Am here Cas.”

Castiel stopped as all sorts of inappropriate thoughts were swimming in his head and they made his dick twitch. Even Castiel was taught that it was very inappropriate for someone to enter the bathroom when someone was using it.

“Mr. Winchester, do you need anything?” Castiel asked, his hands covered his nether regions even though the shower curtain protected his view.

“Just brushing my teeth Cas.” Dean said as Castiel heard the toothpaste cap click open. Castiel waited until Dean finished which seemed like eternity.

“Don’t use up all the hot water now.” Dean said and Castiel knew that was impossible since they had more than enough hot water for the entire mansion. When the door was finally shut, Castiel checked to see if he was alone in the bathroom, to his relief, Mr. Winchester was nowhere to be found. In fear of the possibility that Dean might enter again, Castiel quickly finished and jumped out of the shower.

To his dismay, not a single towel was on any rack. He groaned in despair upon the realization that he was going to have to wear his dirty old clothes again. When he checked the counter, they weren’t there anymore. He checked the floor to see if they had fallen but alas...nothing. He checked the cupboards and the drawers even though he could’ve sworn that he left them on the counter. They couldn’t have disappeared into thin air-

Then he realized that Dean went in here earlier. Taking his clothes had to be part of his scheme to humiliate Castiel and it was starting to get childish. He would’ve expected this sort of behavior from Gabriel since his brother had a reputation as the town’s trickster. However it seemed that there were people out there who were just as immature. Nonetheless, Castiel decided to endure for this was nothing compared to what Gabriel had put him through. Besides he found a face towel under the bathroom sink. It barely wrapped around his waist let alone cover his thighs but it would have to do. It covered his private parts and that would suffice.

When he stepped out of the bathroom, he found Dean on the bed…still naked. Again Castiel looked everywhere but Dean’s direction as he searched for his dirty old clothes.

From the corner of his eyes, Dean scanned him from top to bottom and a blush formed on his face.

“Where’d you get that?” Dean asked and Castiel tried to ignore the bitterness in the other man’s tone. When he turned to Dean, he saw the man gazing upon the towel which he held together with his left hand since it wasn’t long enough.

“I found it under the sink since there were no towels and my clothes were missing.” Castiel replied and he didn’t bother with calling Dean ‘sir’ or ‘Mr. Winchester’. Besides Dean didn’t call him out on it. His master simply scowled while Castiel searched for his clothes around the room.

“If you’re looking for you clothes, they’re not here.” Dean said and Castiel darted him a glare.

“Where would they be?” Castiel asked with slight bitterness in his tone.

“Got rid of em because they were dirty and they stank.” Dean replied.

“Then I shall return to my room and get new ones-,”

“Don’t worry about it.” Dean interrupted and Castiel frowned at him.

“But sir, I am currently unpresentable.” Castiel protested but Dean didn’t seem fazed.

“You look presentable enough.” Dean grinned and Castiel tried not to let his penis get hard. Dean’s eyes shamelessly inspected Castiel’s private parts and it was getting rather uncomfortable.

“Mr. Winchester, if this is about earlier I must have you know that I did not intend to walk in during your personal…recreation.” Castiel apologized again, hoping for Dean to drop this charade once and for all.

“Oh you mean when you walked in on me jacking off?” Dean clarified and Castiel took a moment before he nodded.

“Yes sir, when you were _busy_.”

A smile formed on Dean’s face as he noticed Dean’s cock grew bigger and it stood proudly between his thighs. The same was happening between Castiel’s legs.

“What else did you notice Cas?” Dean asked as he clasped his fingers around his engorged member and began stroking it.

“S-Sir this is highly inappropriate, I can leave you alone.” Castiel squeaked out and turned to the door but not before Dean stopped him.

“Answer the question Cas.” Dean ordered and Castiel turned his eyes on his master who was pumping his cock with his right hand while his left hand played with his right nipple. Castiel swallowed as his dick was now straining underneath the small white towel. It was almost exposed if not for Castiel placing his hands to cover it up with the rest of his towel. His ass was exposed and it was facing away but Dean tried to peek regardless. Castiel was blushing so hard, he didn’t know what to do as Dean was clearly teasing him. With lust lidded eyes, Dean stared at him as he continued stroking his leaking cock. A drool of precome landed on his thigh and Castiel’s tongue hungered for it.

This was what he dreamed in his sleep.

“What did you notice this morning?” Dean asked again and Castiel knew Dean would not ask twice.

“I-I noticed…that you were…” Castiel tried to rip his eyes away but Dean only pumped harder and faster at his thick cock. It made squelching sounds while Castiel’s eyes went up and down.

“That you were doing _that_ …” Castiel replied and Dean squirmed on the sheets.

“Yeah Cas, that’s right…hnngh!” Dean moaned as his toes curled while his left hand reached below his cock to play with his balls. Castiel’s mouth went dry as his dick had never felt this hard before.

“Mr. Winchester, if I may find my clothes-,” Castiel resisted but Dean groaned disapprovingly.

“Forget about em. I gave em to Garth while you were in the shower…” Dean admitted and Castiel knew it was so.

“Why would you do that?” Castiel had to ask in order to divert the topic somewhere else, somewhere other than Dean touching and pumping his massive cock.

“Cause I wanted to. I wanted to see you naked which frankly I have yet to see. And I can’t believe that you found something to cover up but there’s really not very much left for the imagination.” Dean grinned and panted as he continued stroking and stroking until Castiel could barely keep his eyes away.

“If you have had your _fun_ then I would like to get some clothes. I will be back shortly and do what it is that you need me to do.” Castiel quickly said as he planned on making his escape.

“You don’t get it yet do you Cas? I don’t need you to put on clothes for what I want you to do. In fact you don’t need to have anything on at all.” Dean said as Castiel swallowed. If this was Dean’s way of tormenting him then it was rather cruel.

“I don’t think this is funny.” Castiel said and Dean slowed his strokes.

“Come again?” Dean pretended like he didn’t hear.

“I mean what you’re doing- I don’t think it is amusing.” Castiel said as he clenched his fists. Dean stopped stroking altogether and raised an eyebrow.

“Say what again?” Dean commanded and Castiel shook his head.

“I won’t repeat myself! If this is your way of toying with me then I think it is rather disgusting and cruel.” Castiel could feel tears welling in his eyelids. “I know you dislike me but I can’t believe you would actually go this far just so you can play some practical joke.” Castiel confessed and Dean rose from his bed.

“Whoa whoa wait a second. This isn’t some joke Cas and I don’t appreciate you raising your voice and interrupting me-,”

“I don’t care!” Castiel barked out which earned him a glare from Dean. “Now hold on Cas- don’t you remember the little deal we had? I think you’re forgetting your place.”

“This isn’t about some stupid deal right now! This is about you toying with me in such a disgusting manner- I can’t believe you’d stoop so low.” Castiel cried out and Dean shook his head in confusion.

“I don’t get it. One minute you’re interested and the next you’re crying.” Dean pointed out but Castiel wailed regardless. “Why do you think? When your boss is a sadistic psychopath, anybody has the right to have a meltdown!” He dug a finger on Dean’s chest.

“Hold on, ‘sadistic psychopath’? You really wanna add that to the list of things you’ve called me? After all of this started because of the same reason?” Dean held a hand up but Castiel flicked it away.

“I do remember and it has been my deepest regret! However manipulating me into getting in bed is a completely different thing!” Castiel pointed at the sheets in disgust and Dean scoffed.

“How? How is it different when you’ve sold yourself to me- don’t you realize that I _own_ you now? You knew this was gonna happen sooner or later Cas. I didn’t just buy you so you can be a part of my décor, this is gonna happen. If you want to save your precious townspeople from losing their jobs and businesses then I suggest you pay up with your body-,”

Castiel slapped him.

“I am not some common whore that you can buy off the streets! You may take away my freedom and my pride but you will never have my body and my heart! You shameless pig!” His words were not enough to describe how monstrous Dean was.

“You wanna know what a shameless pig is? Fine! I’ll show you what a shameless pig truly is!” with one swift move, Dean threw Castiel over his shoulder.

“Heaven forbid! Dean Winchester let me go!” Castiel struggled while Dean single-handedly carried him all the way down the hall. Castiel screamed and screamed with every step that Dean took.

“DEAN! LET GO!” Castiel punched Dean’s back and the other man had to shove him to a wall just to make him stop but Castiel didn’t abate. He kept hitting Dean with all his might and screamed till his lungs burned. “PUT ME DOWN YOU ASSBUTT!”

Amidst Castiel’s screams he heard another voice. “Mr. Winchester?” it was Garth. “Sir what is happening and why are you both naked?”

Dean kept walking while Garth followed from behind. Castiel cried out for Garth but the other man could not do anything but ask questions.

Once they were downstairs, they went deeper into the mansion until they reached the back courtyard. “Open the back gates Garth.” Dean ordered and Castiel finally realized what Dean intended to do.

“DON’T YOU DARE!” Castiel yelled but Dean turned to his butler.

“But sir-,” Garth protested.

“I said OPEN the FUCKING gates!” Dean shouted and Garth fumbled to get the keys.

“DEAN YOU ASS!” Castiel screamed and protested as the back gates unlocked.

“Open it.” Dean ordered but Garth declined. “Sir I can’t-,”

“ARE YO DEAF? I SAID OPEN IT!” Dean commanded and his voice echoed into the mansion.

“Boss what’s happening?” That voice, it was Benny. “Whoa you two just did the nasty?”

“Benny open the gates now.” Dean ignored his questions before he ordered the burly man. Benny gave Garth a hesitant look. “I SAID NOW!” Benny jumped but obeyed. Once the ivory gates were opened, Dean stepped out barefooted and threw Castiel to the ground. He spilled on the ground with a thud and saw Dean walk inside. Castiel gathered himself and ran after the Winchester, only for the ivory gates to be shut on his face. His hands banged the glass as he heard Dean spoke. “This right here is me teaching this ungrateful douche bag a lesson. Now you sleep there tonight and think about what you’ve done. I expect an apology in the morning.”

Castiel growled. “THE ONLY THING YOU’RE GOING TO GET IS A KICK ON YOUR ASS! LET ME IN WINCHESTER! I SWEAR TO GOD-,” He searched for something to break the glass which Dean instantly noticed.

“If you break anything, I’ll make you pay for it later and you’ll be sorry.” Dean threatened which only aggravated Castiel even more. “NO I’LL MAKE YOU SORRY!” He pointed at Dean who held a hand by his ear.

“WHAT WAS THAT? I CAN’T HEAR YOU?” Dean shouted and Castiel made an inhuman sound.

“Sir this is wrong. Even you know this is wrong-,” Garth said between Castiel’s banging.

“Don’t ever challenge my authority again Garth, unless you wanna find someplace else to live.” Dean threatened but Garth just gave him a challenging look.

“Give the keys to Benny, I don’t trust you with them.” Dean ordered and Castiel noticed the betrayed look on Garth’s face.

“And drop the attitude. Don’t let years of our friendship go down the drain for some- some ‘altar boy’.” Dean pointed at Castiel before he turned back to the mansion.

“DON’T YOU DARE! GET BACK HERE DEAN!” Castiel shouted but was ignored.

“Let’s go.” Dean ordered and the two quickly followed but not before Garth gave Castiel one more apologetic look.

Castiel continued screaming. “Garth? Benny? Let me in! Please let me in! Somebody _please_ let me in!”

He kept screaming but not one person looked back. Not Garth, nor Benny, nor Dean returned for him. When exhaustion finally defeated him, Castiel pressed his back against the gates and he slid until his ass was on the ground.

Naked and cold, Castiel hugged his knees while he cried and cried, and prayed for some higher power to rescue him from this perdition. Since he feared that he no longer had the strength to do it for himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Demon!Dean should be a tag however he's not possessed. Well maybe he's possessed by his overwhelming love toward Cas, despite how unhealthy it is.
> 
> Hope you liked this chapter!


	8. Chapter 8- Partners in Crime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel wakes up from a dream to enter another nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I haven't posted for a few days- been working and personal family stuff happened. Anyway, here's the next chapter and it's the morning after Castiel slept outside.  
> Enjoy!

**-Castiel-**

In his sleep, Castiel dreamed of his town and his family. It was more of a memory rather than a dream since Castiel could vividly smell the delicious scent of food served in Alfie’s restaurant. They served his favorite burgers and his family would always go there after mass. The townspeople would greet his father, the pastor, in the streets and thank him for a wonderful mass. Even those who didn’t go to church respected him and that was one of the reasons why his mother loved his father very much. His father’s ability to deliver faith even to those who didn’t believe in God. Castiel smiled brightly at his mother and father who lovingly locked their arms together as they headed to the restaurant. His mother had dark brown burly hair and blue eyes, everyone said that Castiel took after her. Michael and Luke were blonde haired and blue eyed which genetically ran through both sides of the family. Gabriel on the other hand had light brown hair and mother said that it was because Gabriel was a mixture of everyone. Nevertheless, their father said that they were all special and wonderful in their own way and Castiel took his words to heart.

Speaking of his siblings, Michael, Luke and Gabriel were running around Castiel, chasing each other in circles. Being the fastest, Luke and Gabriel could never catch Michael. Castiel’s eldest brother was almost perfect and his younger siblings, especially Castiel looked up to him. Luke and Gabriel may not show it much but Castiel knew they did. In the restaurant, Michael never forgot to say grace before eating, sometimes father would give him the honor of doing it like a born leader. When their food arrived, each brother had different meals. Michael would have a balance of a burger and salad, Luke would never have salad, just burger and fries, Gabriel skipped over to dessert and had pie with strawberry milkshakes on the side. Lastly, Castiel had a burger which he munched in silence while his brothers argued and his father tried to get Gabriel to sit back down. His mother laughed and Castiel loved the sound.

They would order dessert afterwards with the exception of Gabriel since already had plenty. Michael would decline, Luke also said no since he already had some from Gabriel’s plate and before father could ask Castiel: his brothers ran to the back of the restaurant to play their favorite arcade game. Mother told dad to go watch over Castiel’s older brothers while she remained at the table with Castiel. When their waiter, Gadreel, returned, mother ordered another batch of fries and a strawberry milkshake for Castiel. His mother knew what he wanted before he even had to say it. Mother pointed out that Gadreel was getting taller and he thanked her before he returned to the kitchen with their order.

It was a day when his family and the townspeople’s smiles were as bright as the sun, perhaps brighter. To Castiel, it was the most wonderful day and the memory had a special place in his heart forever.

When Castiel opened his eyes, the sun was just on the horizon and most of the sky remained blanketed in darkness. He laid on his side and felt the grass and dirt all over the right side of his body. He speculated that it was before six as the lights were still off therefore Garth hadn’t woken up to do his morning chores. Castiel blinked a few times and stretched his limbs in hopes of easing the pain. His throat hurt and he was also covered in goosebumps as the cold sunk in his bones. He tried scraping the dirt off his skin but they were too dry and his touch only made it worse.

His arms coiled around him as her shivered, who knows how long he was going to be out here but it didn’t matter. He was going to try and get as much sleep as he possibly could. Perhaps he could dream again and that would be nice.

***

 

“Wake up.”

Castiel heard a voice as he slowly opened his eyes to realize that the sun was high up in the sky.

“Wake up Cas.” he turned around to find Dean standing behind him. He wore his grey robe as he kept both hands on the ivory gates.

“Get up.” Dean ordered and Castiel shuddered as the pain had not left his limbs. He rubbed the sleep off his eyes and looked at Dean carefully. He didn’t know whether to get up or stay on the ground. He chose the latter.

“Did you get a good night sleep? Learned your lesson yet? Ready to apologize?” Dean asked and Castiel was too dazed to answer.

“Hey are you listening?” Dean asked and Castiel simply shut his eyes in exhaustion. Apart from his physical ache, he was not in the mood to answer Dean. The other man seemed to notice so Dean took a step back.

“I’ll get Garth to clean you up. When you’re ready to say sorry, I’ll be at breakfast.” Dean said and retired into the mansion. Garth stood right behind him the whole time and quickly got on his knees to check him.

“Are you hurt?” Garth asked and Castiel shook his head.

“Nothing out of the ordinary.” Castiel muttered and Garth looked pained.

“I’m so sorry-,”

“Don’t.” Castiel interrupted and gathered himself. “I won’t have you apologize for his behavior.” He said but Garth didn’t look convinced.

“But still, I should’ve done something. I should’ve helped more-,”

“It was beyond your control.” Castiel interrupted again. “I understand and thank you, for considering me.”

Garth frowned. “Well considering this isn’t gonna get you cleaned up. I’ll bring you upstairs and put some clothes on you. You look like death.” The butler threw a blanket over him as they walked through the mansion.

Castiel chuckled. “I’ve looked worse.”

“Yeah well tell that to the mirror.” Garth held him all the way upstairs and to his room.

***

 

When they got to Castiel’s bathroom, Castiel looked at himself in the mirror as Garth turned the shower on for him. He looked revolting as dirt, dried tears and snot were all over his face and his body was a reminder of where he slept last night. Once he was under the shower, Garth gave him some privacy and Castiel cherished the warmth. He took a moment to let the water clean his pores as he held his tears back. Right there and then he promised himself that he wasn’t going to cry.

If he cried then it would only give Dean more power and he wasn’t going to let that happen. Not anymore. Once he stepped out of the bathroom, Garth gave him clean clothes and Castiel keened at the feeling. He almost forgot what it felt like to have clothing. While he was getting ready, Garth’s phone rang and the butler answered it. From the sounds of it, Dean was growing impatient so Castiel had to hurry it up. Castiel conceded but he wasn’t doing it out of fear. In fact he could not wait to face Dean.

As they walked down to the Banquet Hall, Garth asked what happened last night and Castiel explained. When they reached the doors, Garth stopped Castiel.  

“Hey Castiel, I know you did nothing wrong but I suggest that you apologize. Dean is more stubborn than you think and he’ll never accept that he’s wrong.” Garth said in concern and Castiel nodded.

“I must apologize to you for I will not submit to that man. I am probably just as stubborn.”

Garth shook his head. “You don’t understand Castiel, he will turn your life into a living hell. He didn’t even listen or trust me. I’ve never seen him act like that before and I’m scared he’ll do it again. That he’d treat you like _that_ again.” Garth frowned but Castiel soothed him.

“I’ll be fine. Do not worry about me, I can take care of myself. I don’t want you getting on his bad side.”

Garth gave a defeated expression. “That’s what worries me. You’re too kind for your own sake.”

He smiled at that. “I have my limits, I will not forgive him so easily. If he turns my life into a living hell then so be it. If I give in to it then he’ll never stop.”

“But that’s also another thing- what if he doesn’t stop because you don’t give in?” Garth asked and Castiel wondered about it. He remembered his dream and his mother’s face when she looked at her husband. Castiel’s father.

“Then we must have faith. Have faith in me Garth. I’ll find a way.” Castiel assured but Garth didn’t look convinced. It did not really matter as there was nothing left to do but act.

He was going to do this for himself. For what was right.

***

“So when you’re ready.” Dean said as he waited and had his hands clasped together. Castiel stood before his master with narrow eyes and clenched fists. He was not going to give up so easily.

“C’mon Cas, I’m tired of waiting and I’m starving. Don’t make me lose my patience.” Dean cooed and Castiel almost slapped him again there and then.

“No.” he said.

“What was that?” Dean asked and Castiel inhaled deeply.

“I said no. I will not apologize.” Castiel reiterated and Dean’s expression grew dark.

“Think real hard about what you’re saying Cas. For I’d hate to have to punish you again.” Dean threatened and narrowed his eyes. Castiel simply held his glare and raised his chin in insubordination.

“Do your worse. Id’ rather _die_ than _apologize_ to you.” Castiel spat out and Dean shook his head. Garth stood behind Dean’s left hand side and groaned in despair. Benny was on the right but his expression remained blank. Dean curled his fingers into fists and jaw clenched. Castiel enjoyed the sight of Dean losing face in front of his subordinates.

“Fine. Have it your way. Can’t say I didn’t give you a chance.” Dean said and ordered Benny to come forward and whispered something to his ear. Benny firmly nodded and departed to the kitchen.

“Sit down.” Dean ordered and Castiel did but not without glaring at him. “I think I’ve been too soft on you all lately.” Dean stated as he readied for breakfast.

“Was that you being _nice_? I’ve thought we were your slaves. Worse, dogs in a leash.” Castiel bit out and Garth shook his head in panic and mouthed ‘stop’ while he remained behind Dean’s left. Dean gritted his teeth before he continued.

“Anyway, it seemed as if my generosity-,” Castiel scoffed and rolled his eyes but Dean dismissed it. “Has been taken advantage of and now there has been a lack of _discipline_ and _order_ -,” Dean snapped his neck toward Garth’s direction which made his butler bow his head in shame. “In this household.”

Benny arrived with their food and served Dean first as per usual. When Benny walked to Castiel, Dean stopped him.

“Now Cas won’t be having any food this morning.” Dean said and Benny just looked at his master before he trailed his eyes on the plate of food then to Castiel. Dean waved his hand and gestured Benny to return to the kitchen with the plate of food.

Castiel frowned at Dean and squinted his eyes. “If I am not going to eat then I don’t need to be in here.” He stood up and headed to the door.

“I’m not done talking.” Dean raised his voice and Castiel slowly turned around to look at his master. Dean chewed his toast and pointed his fork at Castiel’s seat.

“Sit.” Dean ordered and Castiel sighed in annoyance. If this was Dean’s method of punishment then it was rather uncreative. Castiel had worse days of starvation, preferably on days when their father had spent their weekly allowance on alcohol. It wasn’t often and his father always apologized afterwards which usually entailed a fight with Gabriel however Castiel forgave his father. In Dean’s case, this was just petty.

“Don’t ever leave my presence unless you’re dismissed-,”

“But there’s-,”

“AND don’t interrupt me. God, were you and Garth wasting time?” Dean looked over his shoulder and gestured Garth to come closer. “Is this the result of your training?” Dean asked and Garth shook his head. “No, Castiel just-,”

“I thought I told you to have him ready to serve me.” Dean interrupted as he continued cutting some bacon.

“Yes he can but-,” Garth tried to answer but Dean interrupted again.

“So why is he like this? What have you been teaching him? Garth, you’ve been in this family for decades and I expected more from you.” Dean snapped and Garth frowned.

“I’m sorry sir.” Garth apologized and it only made Castiel’s nose flare. Garth shouldn’t have to put up with Dean’s arrogance.

“Yeah well **_sorry’s_** not gonna cut it. Maybe you should go back to the old estate, tell Missouri how much you’ve been a failure? The look in her face- she’d be disappointed!”

“No sir...” Garth mewed.

“Better yet, I should have you transferred to the Campbell’s is that what you want?” Dean asked and Garth shook his head.

“Please no!”

“Are you sure? Because I know my cousin Christian’s been dying to have a plaything and you’d be perfect for the role.” Dean shouted and Garth was almost in tears.

“No sir. I’m sorry.”

“Should’ve thought of that before disobeying me last night.” Dean commented and Garth was crying now.

“STOP IT!” Castiel shouted and slammed his hand on the table. The cutlery along with Dean’s plate clattered and silenced the room. “Dean stop! You cannot do this to Garth!” Castiel hissed but Dean simply raised an eyebrow.

Dean darted him a glare. “And why not? He works for me-,”

“But that doesn’t mean you can do whatever you want to him! He’s been nothing but loyal and obedient- you can’t punish him just because you have a problem with me!” Castiel pointed at Garth then to himself.

At that, Dean slammed both of his hands on the table and stood up to scream at Castiel. “Oh yeah? Well he should’ve thought about that before taking _your_ side over _mine_! I can’t believe that one of my most trusted servants went against me.” Dean pointed accusingly at Castiel then to Garth.

“Can you blame him? He works for a heartless Neanderthal! Of course he’s going to protest!” Castiel growled which made Dean’s face go red.

“Oh heartless and Neanderthal? The list of things you call me just keeps piling up.” Dean counted his fingers which made Castiel swipe his on the table. “And the list goes on! Can’t you see why I call you those things?”

“I don’t have to take this-,” Dean grimaced and shook his head before he turned to Garth. “Garth, if this is the result you’ve given me then I have to say that I am deeply disappointed. I don’t think you should work for me anymore.” Panic escalated in Castiel’s face and it was written all over Garth’s face. “I want you to pack your things and get out. Missouri and Christian shouldn’t have to deal with you. I don’t want you to have anything to do with my family-,”

Castiel hastily interjected, “Dean you can’t do this!”

“Watch me-,” Dean snapped at him and Castiel was about to hit the man when Garth grabbed his arm and threw him to the floor. He landed on his back side with a loud thud.

Garth stammered. “I’m sorry…I’m sorry Castiel…but I can’t.” Castiel saw hope leave the Garth’s eyes. “I’ve been in this family for decades and it’s the only life I know. I have no relatives- no connections. I was raised into this life and this is it. I have nowhere else to go.” Garth got on his knees, took Dean’s hand and kissed it. Tears were in his eyes as he looked at his master with pleading eyes.

“I’m sorry Mr. Winchester. I’m truly sorry. You were right. I should’ve done better. I should’ve tried harder. Please forgive me.” Garth’s hands were shaking but Dean just sneered at him before he looked away.

“If you’re really sorry then do something about it. I’m sick and tired of giving chances and empty promises.” Dean leered at Castiel before he looked down on Garth.

“Anything! I’ll do anything!” Garth begged and a smile slowly formed on Dean’s face. Castiel scrunched his face as he stared into Dean’s eyes with hatred. Dean ordered Garth to get up and the butler praised him for it. Castiel almost vomited there and then. Dean sat back down as Garth cleaned his face with his arms. Castiel also got up from the floor and just stared at the disgusting sight. The look of pride in Dean’s face while Garth attempted to compose himself consequentially made Castiel’s stomach twist.

“Well action speaks louder than words right?” Dean looked at Garth who nodded along. “If you’ll really do anything then why don’t you start by punishing the one who started it all hm?” Dean smiled and both he and Garth turned to Castiel.

“How about you punish the one who put a wedge between us? Could you do that Garth? Could you punish Cas for me?” Dean asked and Garth kept nodding. This didn’t surprise Castiel since Dean wouldn’t be above forcing others to hate each other.

“What would you like me to do?” Garth asked and Dean pursed his lips to think.

“I dunno. You tell me. _Surprise_ me.” Dean said and Castiel stared at him in disgust.

Garth turned to him with apologetic eyes which Castiel instantly took to heart. In return, he softened his expression to inform Garth that he understood. “You will clean the floors of the west wing, including the east.” Garth said and Castiel nodded when suddenly Dean interrupted. 

“You gotta give me more than that Garth. You barely scraped the surface.” Dean said and Garth returned his gaze to Castiel. “Then you shall clean all the floors in the mansion. Not a single room left uncharted.” Garth continued and Dean nodded. When the butler turned to his master to see if Dean was satisfied, Dean gave him an expectant look.

“C’mon Garth, you can be more _creative_ than that.” By creative, he meant _cruel_ , Castiel thought. Then Garth looked at him, teary eyed and his mouth stammered. “You will do this before you can eat. It doesn’t matter if it takes all morning or all night. You will not sleep until all the floors have been cleaned.” Garth regrettably said and the smile on Dean’s face widened.

“Will that be all sir?” Garth asked and Dean nodded.

“Yup. Could’ve been better but I’m satisfied.”

_Bastard._

Castiel had to wait until Dean finished eating before he started his task. Garth hadn’t looked at him since and Castiel understood. The only person who was at fault here was the one who pulled the strings. Dean just so happened to have it wrapped around their necks.

***

 

The rest of the morning, Castiel cleaned the floors of the West and the East wing. It wasn’t easy as starvation rendered him weak and quickly tired as the number of rooms in both wings was not to be underestimated. Each room was spacious and massive, and some were difficult to access. Not to mention the furniture, they posed a challenge while he vacuumed. In one of the last rooms, there were strange artefacts which according to Garth, were from both sides of the family. The Winchester and the Campbell families must had been collectors or some sort. If Castiel did not hate Dean he would have loved to explore the mansion more. Maybe Dean was cursed by one of these strange artefacts, which would probably explain much.

Then Castiel quickly dismissed the thought.

The accursed man stood right next to the door with a sandwich in his hand. He bit and chewed on it with an open mouth which Castiel thought was disgusting.

“Hey Cas.” Dean said with a grin but Castiel simply ignored him and commenced with his task. He wasn’t going to let Dean get to him. “Bet you’re real hungry.” He taunted but this was not news to Castiel. The man was not above cruelty. At least Castiel could dampen the sound of the other man’s voice through the loud roaring of the vacuum.

“I could cut you some slack. Give you a chance to eat.” To Castiel’s dismay, Dean walked closer and pointed the sandwich at him. “If you say sorry for last night and this morning’s events then I promise to let you eat.” Despite his gut wrenching hunger, Castiel was not going submit so he simply scoffed and rolled his eyes.

“This offer’s gonna expire once I’m finished with this sandwich.” Dean stated as Castiel noticed that the sandwich was half-way done. It looked mouth-watering but Castiel resisted. On the other hand, his stomach said otherwise. “Betcha can’t wait to have my _meat_ in your mouth.” Dean wriggled his eyebrows and Castiel pushed the end of the vacuum on Dean’s foot. “Son of a- that fucking hurt!” Dean shouted and Castiel turned the other way.

“Fine! You missed your chance Cas!” Dean spat out and threw the sandwich on the ground which made Castiel’s nose flare.

“Pick it up!” he shouted but Dean simply grinned. “I’m finished with it.” And the tyrant left Castiel alone in the room but not before Castiel picked up the sandwich and threw it at the door.

_What’s another mess going to do?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next few chapters will be up soon! Give me a few hours!
> 
> Please don't hate on Dean!


	9. Chapter 9- The Prince and the Pauper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel is starting to forget the whole point of his resistance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am gonna post again soon! Social life's killing my writing life.  
> But I love you all so I keep writing <3

**-Castiel-**

Despite his hunger and exhaustion, Castiel soldiered through. He cleaned and wiped every floor of the house, cleared dust and even found a dead rat’s carcass which was absolutely revolting. All the while Dean followed him everywhere. Well not _everywhere_ , more like whenever Dean thought of a new idea to torment Castiel.

“What do you want now?” Castiel whined in anguish as Dean arrived with a bag of potato chips and smiled while he ate them.

“It’s not really a question of what I want, it’s what you want Cas.” Dean pointed the potato chip temptingly at him and his eyes followed the chip from side to side. Then it vanished into Dean’s mouth and ate it with great smug. “I’ll let you eat if you get on your knees and beg for mercy.” Castiel was gradually losing his mind out of starvation, Dean had given him so many chances yet he denied every single one of them. With more aggression each time.

“Bite me.” Castiel said and Dean smirked.

“I just might, you look hot when you’re all sweaty and hard…working, but I’m not gonna do it.” Dean nobly stated. “I’m not some sicko who’d take you against your will…no, I want your consent first.” he said and Castiel scoffed condescendingly.

“No. No, that’s not going to happen.” He replied and he had to rip his eyes away from the bag of chips. By cleaning, he distracted himself from the sound of Dean munching at the delicious looking chips. 

“Oh you will. I can wait. Sooner or later you will agree.” Castiel heard Dean said from behind as he bent over to sweep underneath one of the tables. He ignored the bastard as he focused on the task at hand.

“I know it’ll feel so much better once you start begging me to take you.” Dean was suddenly behind him and whispered into his ear. Castiel jumped and squirmed as far away from the man as possible.

“You disgust me! I will never give myself to you!” Castiel said as his stomach growled in pain. The sound bounced off the walls and Dean must have heard it clear as day.

“You say that now but your body says otherwise.” Dean grinned devilishly before he poured the contents of the potato chip bag all over the floor and stomped it with his feet. Dean even kicked some of it from side to side, to areas where Castiel already cleaned. Castiel simply death stared the man but Dean pretended not to see. Then Dean hummed as he turned to the door.

“What’re you waiting for? You’re nowhere near done with the place.” Dean smiled and left the room.

Castiel would’ve screamed. He should’ve but he had very little strength left to shout as his body shuddered and stomach churned. The contents on the ground looked tempting as he licked his dry and rough lips. Slowly but surely, Castiel was beginning to lose himself. With no one else in the room, perhaps he could try and _taste_ -

Castiel resisted and pulled his hand away. He clutched it in his chest as he reminded himself that this was a game to Dean. For a moment there, he was about to feed on crushed potato chips. He chuckled as he realized how revolting it was but then again, those chips were going to waste regardless.

He shouldn’t- It was _disgusting_ -

But what else did he have to lose? Dean practically treated him like dirt and even made him sleep outside like an animal. It was his aching limbs and bones that reminded him. Every single time he moved a muscle, he was reminded of the darkness and the cold…

His body cried out for some nourishment, or some rest for that matter, even for just a moment-

With trembling hands, he reached for a broken chip. One that he assumed wasn’t stepped on by Dean’s shoes. It was a decent sized piece and after inspecting for any signs of dirt, Castiel’s tongue reached for it. Oh the taste, the salty sensation seemed like paradise long lost and Castiel only hungered for more. So he had another and another and another, until his fingers were covered in salt and potato chip crumbs. After licking his fingers clean, Castiel tasted dirt. He pulled his finger out of his mouth and saw bitter tasting remnants underneath his fingernails. Immediately, Castiel felt sick but he was not going to throw up. Not when he had more floors to clean.

Tears covered his face as they dripped on the floor. If he looked at himself in the mirror, he’d look hideous. Shame and disgust filled his conscious yet his stomach churned for more potato chips. He bit his lips and cried to crush his weakness.

He promised himself to not let Dean witness his anguish but now, he wasn’t so sure if it was worth it. If something good could ever come out of this because right now, it was hard to believe.

***

 

After cleaning upstairs, Castiel was downstairs, bent on all fours scrubbing mud off the marble floor. Apart from his exhausted muscles, cold shivers ran down his spine. Dean had not stopped taunting or toying him. Despite his tiredness, Dean’s taunting only got worse.

“C’mon Cas. You’re all quiet now…I thought there’d be more fight in you.” Dean stated while he drank a glass of lemonade. The refreshment made Castiel’s mouth dry as he could not remember the last time he had something to drink. His thirst did not help his current state as well as rebutting Dean’s comments. Castiel took one moment to gaze at the glass in Dean’s hand before commencing his task.

“Fine. Be like that, can’t say I didn’t offer.” Dean left him and Castiel was reminded of the countless offers Dean had made. He declined all of them of course, with persistent force. However, he did not know how much more he could take. His vision was getting blurry and his lungs burned. A small voice in his head which told him to resist was gradually fading. In fact his consciousness was slowly fading.

“Castiel?” a voice called but Castiel whimpered. If Dean was back then he was back too soon. However, he realized that Dean never called him by his full name.

“Castiel?”

Castiel turned around to find Garth standing right behind him. Worry burdened the butler’s eyelids even from the floor.

“Garth?” Castiel managed to croak out but his voice was coarse.

“Oh god I’m so sorry!” Garth dropped to his knees and started to cry. Castiel shook his head and hushed the butler…his friend. Despite everything else, Garth cared about him and Castiel could not find it in himself to blame his friend.

“Don’t be. I completely understand. I really do.” Castiel said but Garth didn’t seem convinced.

“Doesn’t mean you should have to go through this- you shouldn’t- you shouldn’t have to…” Garth’s hands were shaking but Castiel had to hold them still.

“It’s okay. I’ll be fine. You need to look out for yourself. I don’t want Dean to send you away because of me.” Castiel admitted as it was the truth. He’d rather take this punishment than Garth.

“Don’t say that. You’re not fine! You shouldn’t have resisted-,” Garth muttered in regret.

“No, I need to show him. I need to-,” Castiel stumbled to find the words as to why he was doing this. Flickered through his thoughts, the faces of his family and the townspeople smiling. “I need to be strong. I need to show him that he can’t simply push people around. I’ll show him the limits of his own arrogance.”

Garth frowned at that. “I’m sorry to say but I think your body will give out before that even happens…” he looked unsure.

“Maybe his arrogance knows no bounds.” Castiel said with a smile which made both of them giggle.

“But Cas…” Garth said and Castiel darted him a look. “Castiel! Sorry, didn’t know if you liked the nickname…” Garth quickly squeaked out.

“I don’t mind it. I just hate it when _he_ uses it to spite me.” Castiel confessed which strangely brought a smile on Garth’s face.

“So you do like it when he calls you that?” Garth excitedly said but Castiel had to quickly dismiss it.

“No, I did not say that. Honestly, why do you insist on defending him? Even worse, venerating him to me? You shouldn’t be begging for his forgiveness. The man is a **demon**.” Castiel said but Garth shook his head.

“He may have his bad days…” Garth declared which made Castiel raise an eyebrow. “But the truth is, he has a heart of gold once you get to know him more.” He said but Castiel could not see it even if what Garth said was the truth. All this time, Dean had been nothing but a selfish, arrogant child and Castiel would never take those things back. Dean deserved to hear them and if Garth or Benny could not say it then Castiel would. It was Castiel’s personal servitude to Dean.

“Well I don’t believe it. I have to see it for myself.” Castiel usually preached faith as an unseen thing but not in Dean’s case.

“Okay. I’ll prove it to you. I’ll appeal to Dean’s better nature and prove to you that he can be nice.” Garth promised then went off to approach their master. Castiel doubted it, there was no way Dean would/could shed some mercy.

Despite this, he was willing to give his friend some faith.

***

 

Garth returned with bright eyes and a victorious grin. When Castiel asked why he was practically glowing, Garth said that Dean agreed to give Castiel something to eat and drink. It surprised Castiel however if there was one thing he learned in this mansion, it was that nothing ever came without a price.

“I don’t believe it Garth, Dean’s soul is as black as his shadow. Probably darker. He couldn’t have possibly agreed to this without a hidden agenda. The devil also tempted the Lord in the desert and this would not be so different.” Castiel frowned but Garth shook his head. They walked to the Banquet hall after Castiel washed his hands and face.

“Have a little bit of faith Cas. Your father is the pastor, you should have some faith in our master. And a little bit of patience!” Garth poked him in the arm but Castiel was not amused.

He had a bad feeling about this.

Dean appeared and he sat on his seat. Grease covered him all over, from his gray shirt all the way down his pants. If Castiel did not hate the man, he would have been awed by the sight. Dean had a smile which somehow brightened up the room despite the fact that it disguised the devil underneath. Castiel hid his face as he did not want Dean to notice his blush.

“Mr. Winchester, how thoughtful of you to allow Castiel to join you for lunch!” Garth said with enthusiasm and Dean smiled at the compliment. Castiel almost felt sick at the false praise, Dean was not _thoughtful_.

“What can I say? I’m getting soft on you guys, especially on the cute altar boy who’s been on his hands and knees the whole day.” Dean wriggled his eyebrows and Castiel almost threw up. His master was truly twisted as he shifted between moods faster than the season of spring.

“Thank you sir, you are too kind!” Garth said and Castiel rolled his eyes. _Why was everyone in this house demented?_

“Now the least Cas could do is say thanks. Manners costs nothing.” Dean said and Castiel’s jaw clenched. _What did Dean know about manners?_

“Yes, Mr. Winchester is right, you should say _thanks_ Castiel.” Garth said with added emphasis. Castiel was truly exhausted and hungry, there was little to no point in fighting it.

“T-Thank you.” Castiel muttered.

“What was that?” Dean leaned in to hear him again.

“Thank you _sir_ …” Castiel forgot that he was talking to a madman.

“It’s okay Cas. Now give me a kiss.” Dean made a kissy face and Castiel scrunched his nose. “C’mon Cas! I’m not asking you to make out with me! I just want a kiss! We’re both covered in dirt anyway.” Dean gestured his lips again but Castiel leaned away.

“Fine! You’re lucky I’m in a good mood. Fine tuning my baby does that to me but next time, I’m expecting a kiss.” Dean said and Castiel narrowed his eyes.

“Don’t count on it.” Castiel growled but Dean ignored it as Benny arrived with their food. As always, Benny served Dean first before anyone else. Then Castiel was next and he never thought he’d miss the smell of food or food in general. He ate too fast that he choked a little.

“Slow down there.” Dean said and Castiel ignored him. He was too immersed in eating. Garth disappeared somewhere in the house and once Castiel finished, hesighed in relief. His hunger was finally sated. Dean also finished and sipped his beer.

“Y’know, I can drop the punishment altogether if you just apologize and promise to do whatever I want.” Dean said and Castiel frowned at that.

“Never.” He replied. “You underestimate me. I will not submit to your every whim-,”

“But at what cost?” Dean interrupted. “You’re just making this harder for yourself. Even Garth thinks so and I thought you two were tied to the hip and listened to each other’s feelings or whatever.” Dean waved his hand and Castiel narrowed his eyes.

“I’m sorry for making you feel _bad_ for me. You do not have to use _others_ to validate your feelings on the matter. Especially since I know there is none and you’re merely pretend to have a heart after the things I called you this morning. Do not mistake me Dean, I will not apologize for what I said nor will I take it back. What I said is what you deserve and that is that.” Castiel snapped back which turned Dean’s expression dark.

“So that’s how it’s gonna be?” Dean asked and Castiel spat out. “It is how it **should** be.”

“Fine. Get your work done and I promise not to get in your way. You should be able to get it all done before dinner.” Dean ordered and stood from his seat. “I expect you to be ready to join me, you understand?” Dean asked and Castiel nodded carefully.

Dean didn’t comment on his lack of propriety, instead left the room without looking back. Castiel was left wondering if the road to hell just only got worse.

***

 

Castiel finished cleaning all the floors of the mansion by nightfall. Dean had not interfered with his task, in fact the man had not acknowledged him since lunch. When Castiel stumbled upon him to clean the kitchen floors, he saw Dean talking and laughing with Benny. It wasn’t long before the two noticed him and Dean made this blank look before he excused himself to Benny. Benny and Castiel shared a look but said nothing, they simply busied themselves while Castiel wondered why Dean was being distant all of a sudden. It was a great contrast to this morning but then again, nothing ever made sense with that man.

All Castiel could do was stay true to his word and finish his task.

“Hey brother-,” Benny said and Castiel turned to the burly man. “I really think you should say sorry to the big man. He’s really hurt about what you said.”

Castiel darted the man a look. “I will not. How can you say that after you saw what he did to me last night? Have you no morals?”

“I know he may be rough and all but he really cares about you, y’know?” Benny said but Castiel had to interrupt.

“He certainly has a twisted way of showing it. I am sorry Benny but I will not apologize. He has been nothing but selfish and cruel and I cannot begin to count how many offences he has laid against me.” Castiel said and Benny frowned. “Besides, how can you ask for compassion when he has shown me none? Everything I do for him, is exchanged for a price. I do not understand you all. You and Garth, you worship him and pardon his errors even though he is clearly in the wrong!”

“I understand why you feel like that brother but you need to know that he is really nice underneath all that tough exterior. Take me for example, I wasn’t born to serve this family like Garth. In fact I was convicted for piracy. I served my time and got out with no family or friends to turn to. No employer would take me except for a rundown bar near where the old estate was. I was barely making any money to keep a roof over my head and food to eat until one day, I met Dean and made a good impression. He gave me work, put a roof over my head and kept my belly full. I owe him my life and gave me a purpose to live.” Benny said as he cut up some vegetables for tonight. “So you see, one way or another, we all owe our lives to him and the least we could do is be nice.”

“I don’t owe him anything. I don’t know what he has told you but I am here against my will. He threatened to take over my town’s businesses and ruin people’s lives. Good people might I add, people who I call my family so my answer remains the same. I will not be nice to him, in fact how can I? When I have not heard a single apology from him. Not once has he admitted his mistakes. I cannot fathom why you would even ask that from me.” Castiel bitterly noted and Benny frowned.

“Sorry brother but I’m just looking out for ya.” Benny apologized.

“Well I don’t need your pity.” Castiel bit out. “I can take care of myself.”

Benny shrugged at that and continued with his task. The kitchen was the last place to clean and it just so happened to be the place where Benny lurked. Unlike Garth, Benny gave Castiel a strange inclining. Perhaps it was the way that Benny talked about Dean as if he was actually a kind person. Castiel truthfully could not comprehend why Benny and Garth thought their master had any heart.

Instantly, he dismissed the thought and left the kitchen floor spotless.

***

 

Before dinner, at least Castiel was allowed to clean up before he went down to the Banquet Hall. Dean was already in his seat when Castiel arrived and his master’s expression toward him had not changed. Crippling silence gripped the room as he and Garth waited for Benny to arrive with their food. Garth sat on the opposite end of Castiel and in occasions, ate before or after Dean.

“Garth.” Dean broke the silence and both servants turned to their master. “Did Castiel finish his tasks?”

Dean hadn’t called Castiel by his proper name in a very long time.

“Yes he did. He cleaned all the floors of the mansion.” Garth answered proudly which made Castiel feel better about himself. It didn’t seem to interest Dean as he merely stared into empty space and kept to his thoughts. A wave of tension filled the air and Castiel was unsure of what to do.

This charade was supposed to prove a point, a point which Castiel had already forgotten.

Benny arrived with a trolley of their food and served Dean first, followed by Garth but not Castiel. If this was Dean’s ploy to punish him then Castiel was ready to endure. It would not be the first that the man had made him suffer in starvation.

Garth and Castiel shared a look of concern as no one touched their food. Not even Dean.

“If I’m not going to eat tonight-,”

“Oh you’ll eat.” Dean interrupted. “Benny can you please get Cas’ food from the kitchen.” Dean ordered and the bigger man nodded. Soon Benny returned with a tray covered by a cloche. Dean gestured Benny to come closer and reached out to uncover Castiel’s food which was in a bowl.

A _dog’s_ food bowl.

Dean took the bowl from Benny and placed it on the floor. He dismissed Benny then started eating.

“What the hell is this?” Castiel asked and pointed at the bowl on the ground.

Dean looked at him lazily and said. “Dig in.”

“I’m not eating from that you ass.” Castiel’s nose flared and Dean pursed his lips.

“Then don’t but your food’s down there and it’ll stay there until I’m done.” Dean nonchalantly said as he commenced eating.

“Then I won’t eat.” Castiel bit back.

“Fine but I’m telling you now, this is where you’re gonna eat from now on.” Dean noted and Castiel gave Garth a look. The butler had not even touched his plate as he stared at both Castiel and Dean.

“Sir, you cannot be serious-,” Garth pleaded but Dean raised his hand and hushed him.

“I don’t wanna hear another word Garth. I know you mean well but I’ve really had it with you taking his side over mine. Is this what you want? To end up like him?” Dean accusingly pointed at Castiel which made Garth shake his head. “Didn’t think so. So shut up and eat your food.” Dean snapped his head toward Castiel. “The same goes for you, if you don’t eat before I finish then sleep with an empty stomach.”

Dean bitterly said as he munched on his food. Castiel looked at Garth for a moment and saw the butler shake his head a little. With a groan, Castiel kicked the bowl and its contents spilled all over the floor. Some of it landed on Dean’s shoe but Castiel did not care.

“Hey you’re cleaning that up.” Dean said and Castiel gritted his teeth.

“You are the most despicable thing that I have ever had the misfortune of gazing upon.” Castiel hissed and jumped from his seat but Dean did not seem fazed.

“Well you’re the most ungrateful douchebag I have ever met but what can we do?” Dean retaliated and sucked his teeth. “We could drop the deal and I can send you packing tonight, is that what you want?” Dean asked and Castiel thought about it for a moment.

“I’m not gonna stop you. You can go back home and never come back. Never show your face to me again or in town because once you step out that door.” Dean pointed at the Banquet hall doors. “The deal is over and I’ll make sure that you never step foot on a store or business in town. In fact, the only place you’ll be welcome into is your church. You can pray to God to forgive you for what I’ll put the townspeople through. When I’m done with them, they’re gonna wish they hadn’t met you, you understand?” Dean asked and Castiel sat back down.

“Didn’t think so.” Dean stated and commenced eating. Garth ate in silence while Castiel stared at empty space.

When Dean finished he cleared his throat. “So here’s how it’s going to be...” Dean pointed at Castiel. “You’ve been disrespectful, out of line and I can’t have that. Not in my household, so until I can see some _changes_ and some _improvement_ then you’ll only get what you deserve.” Dean’s jaw clenched before he kicked the bowl of food on the floor. More of its contents spilled everywhere.

“I’ll leave it up to you to make amends. From the looks of it, you got a lot of work to do _Castiel_.” Dean said his name sharply then he turned to Garth. “He’s sleeping in the cellars tonight. Since he cleaned the floors then he won’t have any problems sleeping on it.” Dean said and Garth reluctantly nodded.

“Yes sir…” the butler replied then Dean turned to Castiel.

“Better get some rest angel. You’ve got a lotta things to make up for.” Dean said as the Banquet hall doors shut behind him.

Castiel shared a look at Garth before he turned his eyes on the food spilled all over the floor. The floors were sparkling when he cleaned it. He could even see his reflection before, but now he could barely see a thing. Only a mess and wasted efforts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm warning you now that I feel sick writing the next chapter...but it's gotta happen.
> 
> Season 11 SPOILER  
> anyway- did you notice how I added the consent part where Castiel said "No. No, that's not gonna happen."  
> I got it from Season 11 epi. 9 (11x09) during Amara and Dean's exchange. When I saw that shit on Tumblr and Facebook, I felt like I was gonna vomit.


	10. Chapter 10- God and His Martyr

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel and Dean revisit old issues and create new ones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't write this fic fast enough due to the following reasons:
> 
> Firstly, I did not have a writer's block- just a motivational block as I felt sick of thinking about how the chapter was going to close. 
> 
> Secondly, I rearranged some ideas which will be explored later rather than now...
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter!

**-Castiel-**

The morning after he slept in the cellars, Dean kept to his word and fed him using the dog bowl. Castiel resisted at first, in fact he repeated the events the night before and cursed at Dean before he threw his food everywhere. Dean told him to clean it up and ordered Garth to punish Castiel. This time, Castiel had to wipe all the windows of the mansion. By lunch, Castiel was exhausted and hungry yet Dean maintained a stoic expression. He fed Castiel using the dog bowl again and Castiel declined. This time, he did not spill food everywhere and merely waited for Dean to finish while Castiel’s eyes remain transfixed on the bowl.

He soon dismissed the thought of getting on his knees and eating like a dog. He was not about to repeat the events with the potato chips.

By nightfall, Castiel was beyond hungry and during dinner time, Dean fed him the dog bowl, only this time, and it had even less portions.

“If you’re wondering why you got less than today, I had Benny ration your meal since you’ve wasted the other two.” Dean pointed out as Castiel stared at his bowl. “So if you’re gonna waste this one, you’ll have less tomorrow.”

Castiel exchanged one look with Garth before he got down on his knees and faced the bowl. Dean did not look deterred and Castiel realized that time was running out as the food will go to waste once Dean finished. He crouched lower and was about to scoop some food using his hand when Dean stopped him.

“Hold on- I didn’t tell you to eat using your hands. There’s a reason why it’s in a dog bowl.” Dean casually said and Castiel’s jaw twitched. He was furious, exhausted and starving yet out of all these emotions, he knew there was only one thing that Dean wanted to see.

Without another word, Castiel leaned closer and scooped the food using his mouth. He burned his tongue and hissed in pain but persevered. He couldn’t even appreciate the taste since he was crying. Despite his state, he kept eating until he was licking the bottom of the bowl with his tongue. He ate as much as he could finish and Dean took the bowl off him.

“See that wasn’t so hard.” Dean said before he walked into the kitchen. Garth quickly ran to his side and took him to one of the showers in the floor. While in there, Castiel continued to cry as his limbs were shaking from both exhaustion and humiliation.

Once he was finished, Garth painfully directed him to the cold dark cellar while the butler apologized. Castiel did not even make a sound as Garth closed the door behind him. The cellars were filled with Dean’s liquor collection and on the far end, Garth set up a mattress and pillow just for him. He did not remember Dean ordering Garth to do this. At least it was a big change from the night before as Castiel slept on the cold hard ground.

Under the covers, Castiel prayed. He prayed for God to give him strength and to forgive him. Regardless of everything that had happened, Castiel had never forgotten to pray.

He just hoped that God had not forgotten about him.

***

 

Perhaps God _had_ forgotten about him. Even though Castiel prayed for strength, Dean defeated him in every step of the way. There probably wasn’t much chance for victory to begin with. In fact, as days went by, Castiel was starting to forget what he was fighting for. Eating in the dog bowl became a part of Castiel’s routine. He no longer cursed or shouted at Dean, in fact he had grown accustomed to the passive aggression and blatant condescension.

If Castiel cleaned a new part of the mansion, Dean would always find a flaw and criticize him for it. One afternoon when Dean returned to the mansion, Castiel just finished polishing his shoe collection.  Castiel was about to retire to the cellars when Dean called for him. Dean was in his study reading some documents.

“What can I do for you, sir?” Castiel remembered to address Dean properly even though his master had not acknowledged the change. 

“I could’ve sworn I told Garth to tell you to clean my shoe collection.” Dean said and Castiel nodded.

“Yes you did. I cleaned them all.” Castiel pointed his thumb at the door.

“Did you now?” Dean condescendingly nodded his head. “Did you hit your head when you were doing it? Cause you missed a pair.” Dean asked and Castiel tilted his head in confusion.

“I did?” it was a question directed to himself rather than to Dean.

“C’m over here.” Dean gestured for him to come closer and Castiel did. He went around the large mahogany table which he cleaned yesterday. Then he stood before his master who remained seated. “Lemme show you the pair you missed.” Dean stood up and leaned on the arm rest. His chair was quite large, like those palace thrones that Castiel had seen in the movies.

Dean stretched his legs while he kept his heels planted firmly on the ground. Castiel’s eyes gazed upon Dean’s shoes which were leather and black like most of his shoes. Today he wore a suit and Garth said that Dean went to a business meeting with some clients.

“Get started.” Dean ordered and Castiel nodded and headed to the door. “Where are the hell do you think you’re going?’ Dean asked harshly.

“I-um…I need to get my cleaning equipment.” Castiel muttered and Dean’s lips made an ‘O’ shape.

“Is that so?” Dean rhetorically asked while Castiel’s hand was on the door handle. His master strode to the front of the study table and leaned on it. “You don’t need those things, you got what you need right here.” Dean said and Castiel slowly shut the door. All sorts of ideas were running through Castiel’s head as there was tension that hung in the air. It concerned and filled him with panic.

“I-I don’t understand…” Castiel admitted and Dean sighed in disappointment.

“C’mon Cas. I thought you were smart.” At least Dean called him by his nickname again, which should be a ‘good’ thing…right? “How about you use your shirt?” his master asked.

“Excuse me?”

“I said, you can use your shirt to clean my shoes. They’re not that dirty and it’d be a waste of time going downstairs to grab your stuff.” Dean said and Castiel understood. Though he had a bad feeling about this, he had no choice but to obey. Dean only recently started acknowledging him again and the punishments had gotten less severe since. His food portions had been consistent and Dean’s criticisms had been scarce. So Castiel took his shirt off and dropped to his knees to clean Dean’s shoes. His master was right, they were not so dirty and wherever he went, it must have been outdoors since Castiel saw some traces of cut grass on the soles and sides. This had to be one of the easiest tasks Dean had asked from him and maybe Castiel did not need to worry so much anymore.

Perhaps things were beginning to look up.

“Y’know…” Dean caught his attention but Castiel had not stopped wiping the shoe. “It’s been a while since I saw you smile.”

That was… _surprising_.

“I mean genuinely. I haven’t seen you smile in a while.” Dean muttered and a few weeks ago, Castiel would have replied with a snarky comment but the Castiel now, the one on his knees cleaning Dean’s shoes carefully, no longer saw the point.

It would only ruin the peace.

“I’m sorry…” Castiel instinctively apologized and forced a smile. He did not know what possessed him to do it. Perhaps in the back of his mind, he had gotten used to doing what pleased Dean.

“You don’t have to force it if you don’t want to.” Dean said with a hint of… _guilt_? Now Castiel was even more confused as he did not know what Dean wanted from him. It had been days since he accepted the fact that he was just a toy to Dean. Something used for a quick amusement then only to be discarded when Dean got bored.

“I-I see…” Castiel bowed his head as he tried not to look at Dean’s face. It was hard to believe that he saw a trace of sincere pain. It frightened and concerned Castiel at the same time. He was determined to get his task out of the way so he could leave the room as soon as possible.

“Get up.” Dean ordered and Castiel stopped wiping. He rose to his feet and felt his limbs ache in pain. At the same time, Dean had not left his eyes on Castiel. “Y’know, the reason why I’m doing this is because I don’t wanna lose you.” Dean said and Castiel wrinkled his brow in confusion. “You’re special to me Cas. You just have no idea.” Dean brushed his right hand on Castiel’s right cheek.

Castiel closed his eyes for a moment and felt the tenderness of Dean’s touch. There was not a hint of malice in it even though Castiel wanted there to be. He wanted Dean to be harsh or callous toward him, anything but this…this thing that Dean made Castiel feel. It was sick.

He pulled his face away which formed a frown on Dean’s face. “Why d’ya pull away?”

Castiel narrowed his eyes. “You confuse me. One moment you despise me then the next you show affection-,”

“Ya didn’t pull away when Balthazar touched you.” Dean said bitterly and it made Castiel squint.

“There’s a difference.” Castiel muttered. “A great difference between you two.” He added while Dean grimaced.

“I know there’s a difference. He’s nothing compared to me but I’m the dick. You can’t stand being in the same room as me but you’d sneak into the meeting room with that sleazy asshole.” Dean was raising his voice and Castiel tried turning away before Dean twirled him around so that his backside was pressed up against Dean’s table.

“You thought I forgot about that? I haven’t forgotten the way he was all up in your face like he was about to eat you. What’s worse is remembering the look on your face when you two were grinding your bodies- I remembered that you liked it…” Dean snaked his arms around his waist before he started sliding his left hand up to Castiel’s chest. “I remember it…clear as day. Like a nightmare playin over and over in a spiral. It drives me freakin crazy Cas. You have no freakin idea…” Dean’s face was so close to his that they were sharing breathes and lips were almost touching.

“You drive me crazy…I should’ve been the one in the meeting room with you. And no one would walk in on us- I wouldn’t let em…” Dean leaned closer and Castiel instinctively leaned back to avoid his lips. “Then I’d put you on the round table, rip all your clothes off and kiss you all over. You’d like that won’t you Cas?” One of Dean’s hand was on his back which supported his weight. On the other hand, Castiel’s hands gripped the edge of the table until his knuckles were white.

Being half naked, Castiel could feel Dean’s rough hands on his body and Dean’s shirt tickled his chest…his nipples. His heart was beating so fast that Dean could probably hear it. “Once I’ve got you all hot and bothered then I’ll take you. I’ll take you rough and hard until you can’t remember what it was like without having me _inside_ you.” Castiel gasped and slithered out of Dean’s hold.

His erection tented in his pants and Castiel hid it with his hands. “I can’t- I can’t do it…”

Dean frowned at that. “Why not? Dammit Cas- why are you being stubborn? I know you _want_ me! I can _feel_ it!” he slammed his hand on the table. “You didn’t pull away when Balthazar was practically molesting you. Is that what you want? For someone to take you against your will?”

“No-,” Castiel bowed his head.

“Then what the hell Cas? You didn’t seem to have a problem giving it away to some nobody- is that how low your standards are? Thought you said you weren’t some common whore?” Dean pointed accusingly.

“I’m not-,” Castiel shook his head.

“Then why? Answer me dammit!” Dean shouted.

“Because!” Castiel stammered. “Because this is wrong and you know it. I cannot give what you want because although my body _wills_ it…my heart does not. You do not wish to take me against my will in hopes to have my heart when in fact, there is not much left to take- you have hurt me in such unforgivable ways. And because the real difference between you and Balthazar is that I chose to give myself to him. You did not give me a choice. Everything I have done up to now is out of callous manipulation…” Castiel clutched his chest and held back his tears.

“I cannot give myself to someone as cruel and disgusting as you.” Castiel said it like something shattered inside his chest. “You make me sick.” He said with tears on his face.

Dean’s expression displayed devastation and his eyes were quite glassy. “I-I…” Castiel struggled to get his words out. He was contemplating on either apologizing or keeping his lips sealed. He chose the latter.

“Get out.” Dean ordered and no one could have stopped Castiel even if they tried.

***

 

Regardless of what happened, Castiel was summoned to dinner. Before that, he cried his eyes out in the cellars and when Garth appeared to fetch him, the look on the butler’s face was enough indication of the doom that awaited. In the Banquet Hall, Dean was already seated and if Castiel noticed some redness in Dean’s eyes, he paid it no mind. He simply sat in silence as Dean cleared his throat to grab their attention.

“Garth, I want you to get rid of Castiel’s mattress, pillow and blanket from the cellars-,” Garth was about to interrupt but Dean hushed him. “Didn’t think I wouldn’t notice? Do you think I’m stupid?” Dean shouted and Garth sunk in his seat.

“For your punishment, you’re not having any dinner tonight. I hope it doesn’t happen again.” Dean told Garth before he turned to Castiel. “And neither are you. In fact I don’t need you here.” He said and Castiel panicked. If Dean was going to dissolve the deal then all of this was for nothing.

Dean pointed at Castiel. “You don’t deserve to sleep in comfort until I say so.” The he looked at them both. “Both of you, get rid of the stuff downstairs. I’ll call you when I need you Garth.” Dean turned to the butler then back to Castiel. “That’s all. Get out of my sight.” Dean ordered and they both did.

When they were headed to the cellars, Castiel apologized to Garth but the butler told him to pay it no mind. He had been punished worse. However, it wasn’t what Castiel was afraid of. He was afraid for Garth’s sake as he did not wish for his friend to suffer as he had. Garth told him to dismiss the thought but then again…when did Castiel ever stopped worrying about others?

***

 

Over the next few days, Dean had been distant but he still ordered Castiel around. He made him do the most tedious tasks like rearrange furniture just because he felt like it or fold his clothes the way he wanted. Throughout it all, Dean never stayed in the same room for too long which was a blessing for Castiel since he worried that if the Winchester was not going to be the death of him then the tension will. He even had the time to explain what happened to Garth.

“You gotta understand Castiel, you hurt his feelings which is why he’s being like this.” Garth said and Castiel scoffed at the thought.

“One must have a heart first.” Castiel bit out but Garth rolled his eyes.

“Honestly, you really need to stop being so stubborn and be more honest with yourself.” Garth said and Castiel furrowed his brow.

“Be honest about what?” Castiel asked.

“About your feelings toward Dean. Don’t lie. I see the way you check him out and stare into his eyes for too long. If you didn’t have to feed out of a dog bowl then you’d spend half the time eating and other staring into Dean’s eyes.” Garth chuckled but Castiel was not amused.

“I am not. To be honest, I’d rather eat from a dog bowl than look into that assbutt’s eyes.” Castiel hissed which only made Garth laugh more.

“So you like it when he treats you like a pet?” Garth wriggled his eyebrows suggestively.

“How can you think like that? That’s disgusting!” Castiel slapped the butler’s arm.

“What? I’m not kink shaming- in fact, I’m just trying to get you two to be nicer to each other.” Garth snickered but Castiel only stared daggers into the other man.

“That’s not going to happen. Not when he is like this.” Castiel said and Garth tilted his head.

“Like what?” Garth asked.

“Like an assbutt!” Castiel growled and Garth sighed in disappointment. Before Castiel could add something else, Garth’s phone rang.

“Hello?” The butler answered and Castiel took a moment to compose himself. He wondered why everyone still persisted on him to like Dean when clearly their master was a madman. Castiel’s back hurt from sleeping on the cold floor but Dean had made their tasks less strenuous. Castiel quickly dismissed the thought of Dean actually cutting them some slack because that wouldn’t make sense. Although Dean had dropped advances to Castiel and actually respected his personal boundaries.

In a sense, Dean had been more respectful toward Castiel than he had ever been.

“Cas.” Garth interrupted his thoughts but they were going nowhere. “Dean needs you to bring his newspaper to the garage.”

Castiel rolled his eyes. “Can’t he do that himself? Am I supposed to mother him as well?” he barked out but Garth just shook his head.

“At least he’s not asking you to clean all the floors again! Be grateful that he’s been cutting you some slack!” Garth handed him the newspaper which Dean forgot to take since he was up early for a jog this morning and skipped breakfast to work on his Baby. And Castiel knew that working on the Impala usually lifted Dean’s mood. As he headed to the garage, Castiel wondered about what Garth said about being more grateful toward Dean. Perhaps Dean was right when he said that Castiel was being ungrateful despite the fact that he was practically manipulated into staying here. Nevertheless, his parents taught Castiel that gratitude was not a selfish thing but rather the opposite. Appreciating another person should not be selective nor capricious. It should be done with heart.

Perhaps with _love_.

Castiel quickly diminished the thought as he was not about to dwell in those emotions. They were buried somewhere deep in his heart, somewhere far beyond Dean’s reach. His only purpose in this mansion was to uphold his end of the deal and that was it. He was not about to fall for some sociopath who could not even get his own newspaper.

Once in the garage, he saw an ungodly sight.

Dean was on the counter with his pants pulled all the way down to his ankles while Benny sat on a chair and had his head between Dean’s pale thighs. Moans were coming out of Dean’s mouth as Benny bobbed up and down on his massive dick and Castiel’s eyes went along with it. Castiel couldn’t speak, in fact his heart stopped for second as Dean grabbed onto Benny’s hair and thrusted into the burly man’s mouth.

“Mmphff…god Benny…” Dean groaned and Castiel’s memories slowly returned to him.

 _‘...I met Dean and made a good impression…’_ Benny’s voice echoed in his head which was quickly interrupted when Dean’s eyes met his.

“Cas…” Dean managed to say but Benny did not stop sucking his cock. In fact, the larger man seemed more eager with his actions than before.

Castiel ripped his eyes away and said, “I brought your newspaper.” He managed to squeak out and fro his peripherals, he could see Dean smile mischievously.

“P-Put it there…ah!” Dean pointed at the counter next to him while the moaning sounds grew louder. Benny was really getting more into it and Castiel was about to head to the door when Dean called for him.

“Wait!” He said as Benny licked his balls while had his large hands wrapped around Dean’s dick.

“Will that be all sir?” Castiel hesitantly asked to muffle the sounds of Dean gasps as Benny started stroking the base of dick while licking the head.

“That’s-mff…that’s-,” Dean struggled while his both hands grabbed ahold of Benny’s head. “I- I’m coming!” and he did. Benny made a choking sound as his head bobbed up and down to swallow Dean’s seed. Some of it spilled and dribbled from the corner of Benny’s mouth but the rest would have been swallowed down his throat. Castiel’s mouth slightly parted at the sight of Dean going down of his high and gradually loosening his grip on Benny’s head.

They all waited for Dean to catch his breath as Benny simply let Dean’s flaccid cock sit in his mouth like drinking a bottle of beer. The oversensitivity seemed to have awakened Dean.

“That’s-That’s all…” he said and without looking back, Castiel slammed the door shut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a guilty pleasure- I ship Castiel/Benny, Dean/Benny, Castiel/Benny/Dean in that order but not in this story...I actually felt sick and was heavily reluctant to take the story in this direction but I had already caused Castiel so much siffering and wondered- what's another one gonna do?  
> Well now my soul is crushed and I'm gonna need to recover because truthfully, I do not like this part of the story- and I'm the one WRITING it.   
> I've read Denny (Benny/Dean) fics before- freakin came so hard on some but god...after reading everything up to now...Castiel does not deserve any of this. but here it is. Dean's not so subtle way of making Castiel jealous.   
> I know some of you recommended/suggested it and it's fine. I appreciate it. 
> 
> But Castiel's life is only going to get worse


	11. Chapter 11- Angel of Sacrifice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ganymede leaves a good impression to the Olympians.
> 
> Castiel and Dean agree on better terms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning:  
> Some and very little Benny/Dean in this chapter. I hated it myself but i had to do it. It was self-torture.
> 
> Anyway, I hope I did not lose any readers because of this story. I deeply apologize for my monstrosity.
> 
> I will avenge Castiel...

**-Zeus-**

_Bringing Ganymede to Olympus brought unimaginable yet surprising harmony to the Olympians. Zeus did not foresee its possibility be brought about by a mortal prince who despised him at first but now handsomely smiled at the company of the mighty deities._

_He could not believe his eyes when he saw the boy taking part in dancing with the muses. Apparently, they had taught him so much about the human arts._

_Demeter, who wailed for her daughter Persephone for six months in the year, held back the seasonal autumn to teach Ganymede how to plant and tend to vegetation. She told him that Hera’s gardens would only maintain its beauty through love and nurture._

_Thirsty for the knowledge of nature, Zeus had Ganymede ride in the chariot with the sun god Helios and they travelled the world. The boy was beside himself at the size of his planet._

_When Artemis noticed how Ganymede kindly tended to Helios’ horses, she took him hunting with her wolves. She reported Ganymede’s genius trap and they celebrated by mounting his bounty in Olympus’ treasury._

_When Athena heard of Ganymede’s trap, she tested his wit and was impressed when he solved all her riddles and identified the flaws in her strategies. What Ganymede was not aware of was the fact that Athena’s strategies were wars previously fought by his fellow mortals._

_As soon as the word ‘war’ was said, Ares appeared and challenged the boy to a duel. Zeus warned the god of war about the risks but Ganymede insisted. Though Ares boasted in size, strength and skill, Ganymede used one of the strategies Athena showed him and quickly sent the god of war to his knees. Usually Ares would have erupted in anger but instead was awed by Ganymede’s victory and clamored, “If you did not lay in bed with my father, I would have shown you the true might of the god of war.” Ares ruffled Ganymede’s hair and the boy beamed. Zeus’ thunder clouds suddenly appeared but not before Hera stopped him._

_“My lord, you are quick to get jealous! Your son was merely jesting.” Hera said but Zeus was not convinced. Ares stood too close to Ganymede and touched too fondly. “Send your thunder clouds away. I will not have you lash out for no reason when we all know that the boy has only eyes for you.” Hera added and Zeus raised a brow._

_“Is that true?” he asked his wife but Hera merely laughed._

_“You should know this, oh mighty one.” Hera disappeared then transported to Ganymede and Ares’ side. “Come my child, I shall introduce you to my other son, Hephaestus and he shall be delighted by your company…” Hera said before she left Zeus a smirk and teleported with the boy._

_***_

_Zeus’ patience was running thin. The peace in Olympus was unsettling as it did not coincide with his heart. The other gods were awestruck by the boy in fact, he could not even believe his eyes when he saw Hera favor the boy over him. All they seem to talk about was how wonderful the boy was and Zeus did not know whether to be wary or delighted by this. For how could he? The boy was currently in the gardens with Eros and Hermes. The messenger god and cupid were very fond of the boy’s attention and never stopped seeking for it. Ganymede on the other hand did not see how the two other gods delightfully attended to him. How they would not leave his side for longer than a minute and speak to him as if they had known each other for eternity._

_Thus Zeus’ patience was wearing very thin._

_“What troubles you, my brother? I can practically hear the thunder clouds from the sea.” Poseidon appeared with a drink in hand._

_“I do not know. For some reason, this picture is unsettling…” Zeus pointed his cup to the three boys.  Ganymede laughed as Hermes twirled around him in circles. Eros had not let go of Ganymede’s hand since Helios set Nyx’ hair to the horizon._

_“You should be at ease brother, those two have not the courage to hurt your prince. They are too fond of him.” Poseidon reassured but that was not what worried Zeus._

_“It is in their fondness that I find myself concerned.” Zeus replied and a laugh appeared from behind._

_“My lord you are too quick to be envious.” Aphrodite, the goddess of love and beauty._

_“Spare me your amusement Aphrodite, for I do not feel like laughing at this moment.” Zeus said as he took another sip of his wine. Hermes was now dancing with Ganymede by holding hands and spinning the prince around in circles while Eros laughed and clapped his hands. Zeus was about to interrupt, worried for the boy’s state of mind._

_“Do not be alarmed. Eros and Hermes will not harm him. They care for him too much.” Aphrodite snickered and sipped her own wine._

_“It is what worries me, that their care might potentially do more harm than good.” Zeus stated and Aphrodite chuckled._

_“You worry too much my lord and easily jealous. You must know that the boy only has eyes for you. I can feel it…in fact I should be envious for he is gifted with great beauty, from the inside and out. It would be an honor if you share him with me.” Aphrodite said but it only made the blood in Zeus’ veins boil._

_“Be careful with your words Aphrodite, do you dare defy me?” Zeus asked as thunderclouds appeared above them._

_“Be at ease my lord for I was merely jesting.” Aphrodite smiled without a hint of fear in her voice. “If you want I can ask Hermes and Eros to disperse so you can have the prince for yourself?” Aphrodite asked and Zeus ignored the condescension in her tone._

_“Very well however I will not be as forgiving and patient next time goddess of love.” Zeus threatened and Aphrodite pursed her lips._

_“You should be thankful my lord, for you cannot say that I did not have my hands involved in this. The Prince should despise you out of his own volition yet he submits. See for yourself at the hour of dusk.” Aphrodite pranced to the three boys and ordered the gods to disperse. Ganymede was left and the sky soon turned dark as Helios’ chariot rode across the sky. The gentle blanket that is Nyx’ hair covered everything._

_Zeus quickly teleported to Ganymede’s side and the boy flinched in surprise._

_“My lord-,” Ganymede squeaked out and Zeus touched the boy’s shoulder then brought them both to his bedchambers._

_“Did you have fun my prince?” Zeus asked as Ganymede made quick work of his robes._

_“Yes I did my lord. The gods are frightening in a sense but too kind…” Ganymede replied and Zeus chuckled. He turned to the prince and caressed his face._

_“Is that so??” Zeus asked and Ganymede nodded._

_“But not as kind as you my lord…you are- extraordinary…” Ganymede complemented which brought a smile on his face._

_“No my prince. You are the kind one, you are everything to me.” Zeus said as he planted a kiss on the boy’s lips._

_“M-my lord…” Ganymede whispered as Zeus slid under the covers with a protruding erection between his thighs._

_Zeus watched as the boy blushed before him and stood at the side of the bed. “Remove your robes.” And Ganymede did. He quickly removed everything and went into bed with him._

_His prince always did what he was told._

***

 

**-Castiel-**

For days on end, Castiel had to witness Dean and Benny fornicating in different parts of the house. Even Garth had noticed and merely apologized for Dean’s behavior. However, Castiel would not have it. It was not Garth who should be apologizing to him since he had done nothing wrong. In fact, Castiel did not know why he was so upset about it. Why he felt like breaking into tears every time he saw Dean underneath Benny or Benny hovering atop of Dean. He should be relieved that Dean no longer asked or taunted him for sexual favors. Instead, his chest ached and his lungs stopped breathing every time he heard Dean or Benny’s moans around the house.

His only solitude was the cellars at night, when he did not have to hear a sound.

It was worst whenever Dean ordered him to do something and he expected the scene. He was no longer surprised by it, actually he thought of it as a personal punishment. He wanted to find those two in compromising positions. It was a reminder that Castiel should not want this. That all of this was done out of spite and it was better this way. He would rather despise Dean than feel otherwise. For it hurts so much, it  hurt every time Castiel remembered how Dean played with his emotions just so he could get in bed with him, only to be slapped in the face by this. He no longer knew why he resisted. No matter how hard he thought about it, there wasn’t much sense left to his struggle. All he could do was accept the fact that Dean made him sick.

Or an even worse fact that he felt sick for letting Dean affect him so much.

***

 

“Mmff…Benny!” Dean moaned while Benny thrusted in and out of him. Castiel stood there while he waited for Dean to dismiss him. He had been standing there for a while now. His eyes watered and he could barely breath however he would not leave the room again since the last time he did, Dean ordered Castiel to wear nothing but a robe. He no longer wore underwear or pants. Just a sleeveless robe that covered him all the way to his upper thighs. He had never felt more like a slave than ever before.

The fact that he slept on the ground at night and his body was always sore probably indicated as much. However Castiel did not care, he no longer had the energy to care as he had been feeling hot and cold lately. Lately he worked around the house in a daze and he barely spoke. _For how could he?_ There was nothing left to be said between him and Dean. His master had done everything to strip him of dignity. He no longer showered as it was part of his punishment for cursing at Dean. Castiel did it the very first morning when he found Dean in a compromising position. But now, Castiel regretted it. He regretted cursing at Dean, for calling him names, for agreeing to this.

He was now regretting everything however he could not do a thing about it…

“Will that be all sir?” Castiel said in a whisper as Benny’s thrusts got harder which turned Dean into a gasping mess.

“God ah!” Dean came and Benny’s hips stilled. The larger man also came and collapsed on Dean.

Castiel waited for Dean to compose himself then answered his question.

“You can go…” Dean huffed and Castiel quickly turned to the door.

This had been a daily routine for Castiel and he was no longer deterred by it. He had gotten used to the pain in chest and the way his sight blurred a little from crying or by will. Everything felt hot and cold at the same time which didn’t make sense. Well nothing made sense anymore.

Then he started to cough and his throat hurt. He clutched his chest and waited for the moment to pass. He had been coughing a lot lately but he never showed it to anyone, not even Garth. He was afraid that Dean would blame him for neglecting himself so he kept the coughing in secrecy. He walked down the corridor with one hand on the wall supporting his weight as he coughed and coughed-

And coughed.

There was blood on his hands but he wiped it off with his robe. He kept coughing until his breathing stopped and he stumbled to the floor with his hands in his chest. His vision was getting blurry and a piercing sound filled his ears. The last thing he saw and heard was someone calling him from the distance, he thought it was Garth however he couldn’t be too sure.

It couldn’t possibly had been Dean-

Then everything went black.

***

When Castiel gained consciousness he heard loud noises. He tried opening his eyes to find himself on a bed while Garth and Dean were shouting at each other. He couldn’t understand what they were saying as he could barely keep his eyes open. Then there was a loud slap and someone fell over. Castiel whimpered as he tried getting up but his body was in so much pain and he could barely breathe. He stopped resisting and went back to sleep.

The next time he woke up, Castiel felt someone or something holding his hand. Perhaps he was dreaming since he wasn’t sure if he was even conscious. When he tried opening his eyes, he caught a glimpse of a figure next to him. It was probably Garth and Castiel’s hands were warm in contrast to the rest of his body. Without opening his eyes, he smiled in hopes that Garth saw it. Little by little, he remembered how his mother used to take care of him when he was sick. He missed his mother and wondered if she was watching over him, wherever she was.

***

 

The third time Castiel woke up was also the last. He felt better as his eyes blew wide open and his limbs did not hurt as much. He looked around to find himself in one of the white rooms of the mansion. If he could remember, this room was in the East Wing and it overlooked the sunrise. He was right as sunlight trickled between the white curtains and he was not alone.

Someone was standing by the windows and their shadow was cast on the floor. It was Garth. Castiel tried getting up but Garth noticed.

“You shouldn’t force yourself to get up Cas.” Garth suggested while his back was turned to him. Then the butler quickly turned and walked around his bed. “How are you feeling?” Garth asked as he tended to the some medication on the table next to the door.

Castiel shuffled a little then stretched his legs. “I feel better now-,”

Castiel stopped as Garth turned to face him. A smile was on the butler’s face along with a busted lip and bruised left eye.

“Garth…what- what happened?” Castiel asked while the butler sat on the stool on his right. “Drink this…” Garth handed him a glass of water and a pill which Castiel hesitantly took.

“What happened?” Garth looked confused for a moment before Castiel reached over to touch the other man’s face.

“Oh this? This- I forgot to cover it up…it’s nothing! I fell down the stairs, you know how clumsy I am.” Garth laughed but Castiel knew it was a lie.

“Tell me the truth.” Castiel demanded.

“It’s the truth Cas-,”

“Don’t lie to me!” Castiel raised his voice and Garth bowed his head in shame.

“I got into a fight with Dean and he-,”

“He hurt you…” Castiel finished Garth’s sentence.

“Seriously Cas, don’t worry about it-,”

Castiel growled. “Don’t you dare! Don’t you- don’t you ever tell me not to worry about you! Especially since this is my fault- I know it is!” His hands were shaking and Garth had to hold them still.

Garth shook his head. “It’s not your fault Cas. I did this to myself- don’t ever blame yourself for what happened. It was going to happen sooner or later-,”

“But this isn’t what I wanted! I never wanted this for you- God what have I done? I’m sorry!” Castiel clutched Garth’s hands and cried. He never thought he’d ever cry this much again but apparently, God had a twisted humor.

“I’m sorry Garth- I’m sorry…please forgive me…” Castiel choked on his tears as Garth tried to comfort him.

“Don’t cry Castiel. This is not your fault- I was angry and I shouted at him. I stepped out of line because I couldn’t stand it anymore. It’s not your fault, none of it is your fault. You were not even aware of what happened…” Garth held him as Castiel continued to cry. He cried and cried until he could no longer speak and his voice babbled nonsense.

“He hurt you…he shouldn’t have touched you. I shouldn’t have resisted…I shouldn’t- I should have given myself over. None of this would have ever happened if I had not been so stubborn!” Castiel wailed as Garth continued to soothe him.

“Hush now Castiel…it’s gonna be alright. I should be sorry for asking you to apologize. You were never in the wrong. I was too afraid to stand up for what was right. To stand up for you- You have nothing to be sorry for…” Garth whispered as Castiel continued to cry.

“But at what cost? If this is the result of my arrogance then it’s not worth it. I cannot bear to see anyone else hurt because of me. He should say sorry. I should say sorry…I’m so sorry Garth. I’m very sorry…” Castiel clutched onto his friend like a baby in need of a mother.

“You just need to focus on getting better okay?” Garth hushed him and wiped the tears off his face.

“No, no don’t go Garth- he’s out there! He’ll hurt you! I don’t want him to hurt you anymore, you don’t deserve it. Don’t go!” Castiel demanded but Garth shook his head.

“I won’t let him. You haven’t heard the rest of the story Castiel. I promise you that everything will get better okay? You just stay here and rest for now. Let someone else take care of you for once.” Garth demanded but Castiel was not convinced. Then suddenly Garth got up and walked a few meters away.

“No Garth please! Don’t go! I’m scared- I’m scared that he’ll hurt you. I don’t want him-,”

Garth hushed him again. “I promise he won’t hurt me Castiel. Trust me on this. Just rest up now.” Then Garth took the medicine tray from the table and headed to the door.

“Garth? Garth! Don’t go please! It’s not safe! Please!” Castiel cried out but Garth just gave him an apologetic look before exiting the room. Castiel tried leaving the bed but his body felt weak despite his recovery. His eyelids grew heavy and his mouth went slack as consciousness slowly drained out of him.

***

 

When Castiel gained consciousness, the room was dark and it was dusk outside. From the look of it, he had been unconscious for hours, perhaps for the whole day. Suddenly the door clicked open.

Garth entered with a tray of food and water. He turned the light on before he walked to the bed.

“Eat up, you’re probably hungry.” He said as Castiel glared at the other man. Even now, Castiel could see the bruises on Garth’s face. They healed but left a constant reminder to Castiel.

“Where’s Dean?” Castiel bitterly said and Garth sighed.

“He won’t be here for now…” Garth muttered and Castiel’s nose flared.

“Why? Is he too busy fucking around with Benny?” Castiel never swore which caught Garth by surprise. “Or is he doing the fucking at the moment? I know he has some sick power complex.”

“Please don’t say that-,”

“WHY NOT? After everything that’s happened, why do you defend him?” Castiel shouted and Garth placed the tray on the bedside table.

“Because- because you must!” Garth said and Castiel stopped. “Putting everything aside, Dean is my friend. I grew up with him. I played a part in raising him and for that, I’m taking some blame for his actions.” He confessed but Castiel’s hands gripped the sheets.

“I’ve stepped too far out of line already and for that I am at fault.” Garth confessed. “I’ve stepped out of line for Dean and for you and I can’t- I can’t keep doing this every time the two of you have a disagreement. I don’t know who to stick my neck out for anymore…” Garth was crying now and the grip on Castiel’s sheets loosened. “I punish you to please him then I argue with him for your sake and I can’t- I can’t just let this household go to hell…I just can’t- I don’t know what to do anymore.” _Defeated_ , Garth sat on the stool next to his bed. Castiel reached for the butler’s shaking hands and clutched it tightly.

“You are a good friend Garth. I don’t think I would have survived in here if not for you.” Castiel said then sighed.

“When it is possible, I would like to speak to Dean.” Castiel said and Garth looked up with tears on his face.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea Cas…” Garth suggested.

“Only when he’s ready…if not, I shall approach him.” Castiel said while Garth wiped his face.

“You need to rest some more. I’ll go talk to him.” Garth said and handed him some food which Castiel took.

“Thank you.” Castiel said before Garth smiled softly and left the room.

At that moment, Castiel took a moment to pray. He prayed for his mother to forgive him for getting Garth caught in this…crossfire. After Castiel was finished with his meal, he turned the light off and went back to bed.

***

 

“Cas?”

A voice called which awakened Castiel. The room was dark and there was a figure standing at the foot of his bed.

“Cas you awake?” It was Dean who whispered, judging from the deep voice.

Fear stricken and surprised, Castiel shuddered on the bed.“Yes. Yes I am…” Castiel muttered and he did not know why Dean was whispering.

“Garth said you wanted to talk.” Dean said and Castiel nodded. “I did. I did not expect you to come. I was going to-,” he answered.

“I know.” Dean interrupted. “Wanted to talk to you in private.” There was an unsettling silence in the room and Castiel wondered why Dean visited tonight rather than wait tomorrow. Even if it was left unsaid, Castiel could practically hear Dean expecting him to make the first move.

“Why did you hit him?” Castiel asked and Dean’s figure shuffled uncomfortably.

“You want the truth?” Dean asked and Castiel nodded. “Yes.”

“Because he stepped out of line. He blamed me for everything and I had to- I had to make him stop.  Had to show him who’s the boss.” Dean confessed and even though it was the answer Castiel expected, it hurt to hear it come out of Dean’s lips.

Castiel bit his bottom lip to stop a whimper from escaping his throat. His hands were shaking and now he was grateful for the darkness for covering it.

“I see…” Castiel managed to croak out and Dean sighed.

“I didn’t mean it-,”

“Don’t. Please.” Castiel interrupted and Dean’s figure shuffled some more. “This is the last time I’ll ever interrupt you and the last time I will resist. You have broken me body and soul and I’ve had enough. I am tired. I am tired of playing this game.” Castiel choked out his tears. “You win. You have defeated me in every shape and form.”

“But Cas-,”

“Please let me finish.” Castiel waited for silence and noticed Dean nod. “I apologize for calling you names. I am sorry for insulting you and I am sorry for my ingratitude, for my spite and for the complete disregard for what we agreed on. I should have kept it. I should have kept my promise right from the start and for that I am sorry. I no longer have the strength nor will to resist so I ask you to take me. For I give myself willingly to you. All of me.” Castiel said and this time Dean did not interrupt.

“Leave everyone alone including Garth and have me. I promise to be good from now on just don’t hurt anyone. Promise me you will leave everyone alone.” Castiel pleaded and Dean’s head bobbed up and down.

“Okay fine. I promise.” Dean returned it and relief swelled in Castiel’s chest.

“Thank you…” he gasped out as tears burned his cheeks. “If you have anything to say then say it.” Castiel demanded but Dean was already at the door.

“No…no Cas, go to sleep.” Dean said and shut the door behind him.

Castiel was finally alone in the dark. This time he did not pray to God. He did not pray for salvation for he knew he would not receive it. From now on, Castiel decided to forget about praying, for worshipping a deity who’d let atrocities befall such kind and good people. Nobody deserved this suffering, not Garth, nor should the townspeople suffer. And Castiel was sick and tired of worshipping a God who had no mercy. He could no longer find it in himself to believe in Him.

For if he existed, the Lord Almighty should apologize to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know what you're all thinking- Castiel and Dean should not have sexy times. It's impossible after everything right?  
> It shouldn't happen...but it will. 
> 
> Now that I've gotten the really crappy part of the story out of the way- I should be able to bear writing the next few chapters. Thank you for everyone who supported me and given feedback. I appreciate you all from the bottom of my tattered remnant of a heart.


	12. Chapter 12- Humanity at its Finest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel becomes determined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lemme clear things up with the Benny/Dean thing. Some of you were right on target with their relationship. Some of you may already know what I'm planning to do with it. But for now enjoy this chapter. Don't try to cry too much. 
> 
> I love you all

**-Castiel-**

It takes another couple of days before Castiel could get back up on his feet and serve Dean. During this period, Dean had not spoken to him directly, Castiel had to hear everything through Garth. In fact Castiel did not see Dean much. His master had not shared a meal with him nor had made himself noticed around the mansion. At least Castiel no longer walked in on Dean and Benny in compromising positions. Even Benny had been very scarce and when Castiel asked Garth about it, the butler simply smiled and told Castiel to pay them no mind. Though Garth said not to worry, of course Castiel was going to _worry_ as he caught Dean looking at him from afar. Sometimes, when Castiel lurked around the West Wing, the door to Dean’s study would be ajar and it surprised Castiel since Dean hated it when doors were left as such.

Castiel was about to walk to Dean’s study when Garth came out, followed by Dean. He quickly turned the other way and walked down the stairs to stumble upon Benny of all people.

“Hey there brother, how are you feeling?” the larger man asked and Castiel cleared his throat.

“I am fine. Thank you for asking…” Castiel said and Benny gripped his shoulder.

“Listen, about me and Dean-,”

“Don’t worry about it.” Castiel interrupted though he didn’t mean it.

“Are you sure bout that?” Benny asked and Castiel firmly nodded.

“I am…” Even Castiel knew he didn’t sound convincing.

“Look if you’re gonna be mad at anyone, be mad at me. It was my idea- I was the one who suggested it to him.” Benny scratched the back of his head.

“Why? Why should I be mad at anyone?” Castiel asked sarcastically.

“Because you should be. Y’know I’m not the type to play mind games on people but Dean was seriously hurt by what you said and thought I could help him out-,”

“By _fornicating_ with him.” Castiel interrupted again but this time, he meant it.

“By lending a helping hand…even if it was for a short time.” Benny muttered then bowed his head. A wave of awkward tension swooped the air and Castiel tried to look anywhere but Benny’s face for he was too scared to feel something he shouldn’t be feeling at all.

“Listen…” Benny continued. “I meant it when I said that we owe our lives to him. One way or another…I was only thinking about another way to pay him back…” Benny said and it sounded more of an apology than actually saying ‘I’m sorry.’ The man patted his shoulder and climbed the stairs as Castiel tried not to cry. He wasn’t going to cry needlessly anymore. He was tired of feeling sorry for himself.

However Benny didn’t make that promise and now Castiel felt pity and worse-

 _Guilt_.

***

 

It wasn’t until Castiel approached Dean one afternoon in the garage that he finally got a chance to speak to him properly. Dean was covered in grease while Castiel was spotless, in fact he was not assigned to do any tasks today. Garth simply told him to recover and wait for Dean to give an order but it had been days since Castiel got out of bed. It was time to do the responsible thing-

To uphold his end of the deal.

“Hello sir…” Castiel said and Dean stopped what he was doing on the counter. That was the counter where Castiel found Benny and Dean a few weeks ago.

“Cas? What’re you doing here I thought you were in the library?” Dean asked and Castiel nodded. Since Castiel had nothing to do, he decided to explore the mansion to pass the time. He always wanted to read the books in the library however previous _circumstances_ made it impossible.

“I was…you have a very extensive and well-kept collection…” Castiel muttered and he tried to look away to hide his blush. He had not been this nervous to Dean before, usually he was too exhausted, angry, upset or dirty whenever he was in Dean’s presence. There was never time to be anxious.

“Thanks I guess?” Dean said and he walked with a slight limp.

“What’s wrong?” Castiel asked which made Dean stop in his tracks. The Winchester was confused at first then Castiel’s eyes directed him to his leg.

“Oh this? I uhh…my toolbox accidentally kicked my leg…I mean- I kicked my leg with the toolbox- wait fuck- I mean, I accidentally kicked the toolbox with my leg…” Dean stumbled and scratched the back of his neck while a blush formed on his face.

“I see…” Castiel blushed as well and an awkward tension hung in the air.

“Hey Cas…” Dean broke the silence. “I gotta say…” Castiel waited for it. “I gotta say I’m sorry...for everything.” _There it was._ “I know I’ve been a dick…more than the usual. And I just wanna start by saying I’m sorry, I’ve got a bunch of things to make up for and I wanted to start from there.” Dean said with a straight face and Castiel could not find a trace of insincerity.

“Okay.” Castiel replied and Dean raised an eyebrow.

“Okay? Is that it?” Dean asked and Castiel nodded.

“Yes.” Castiel said without a reluctance.

“I mean if you wanna say anything you can say it. I freakin deserve it, I know…” Dean said and Castiel bit his bottom lip then smiled.

“I just wanted to ask if you could join me for dinner.” Castiel asked and Dean’s went wide open in surprise. “Or I could join you…I know it has been a while and despite everything, I would like to share time during meals with you…”

Dean’s mouth was agape as if he was looking for the right words to say. “Are you sure about that Cas?” he asked and Castiel firmly nodded.

“Of course.”

Dean thought about it for a moment while Castiel waited for a response. The Winchester looked around the room and scratched his head before sighing. “Okay. I’ll come join you tonight.”

Castiel smiled softly and bowed his head. “Thank you.” Then he headed to the door but Dean stopped him just in time.

“Hey Cas?” Castiel turned around. “Just so you know, y’don’t have to force yourself to do anything you don’t want to…when you got sick, I was- I was…” Dean stuttered and Castiel squinted his eyes. “I got _concerned_ …y’know just a _little_ bit concerned…”

Castiel slowly nodded his head. “Okay…?”

“And I just- I don’t wanna see you go through that again, y’know?” Dean asked and Castiel nodded again.

“Yes. I understand.” Castiel replied with a smile.

“Seriously, if something’s bothering you or everything’s too difficult to handle just say the word…ya got that?” Dean asked and Castiel merely nodded again.

“Of course Dean. Anything to keep my promise.” Castiel said and Dean reluctantly agreed. “Will that be all sir?”

“Yeah…Yeah that’s all.” Then Castiel left the garage. His fists were curled and his teeth gritted. The only thing that was running through Castiel’s mind was determination. Now that he was better, he promised himself to uphold his end of the deal and failure was not an option. It infuriated him when Dean showed him pity for how could he? Castiel may had been sick however he was not incapable. He was not going give up. He was going to prove to Dean that he could keep promises.

Not simply through words but by actions.

***

 

During dinner, Castiel asked Garth to pick something nice to wear. The butler helped him and they both arrived at the Banquet Hall with smiles on their faces. Dean was already there and Castiel noticed that Garth had not looked at Dean in the eye for a while now. Garth still followed Dean’s orders however there was coldness in his tone. Castiel paid it no mind as he was not there to dwell on their business. He was there for his own agenda. He asked how Dean’s day was and engaged in small talk with his master. Garth and Dean looked surprised but they didn’t call him out on it. They merely went along with the conversation as if nothing happened over the past few weeks…months even.

Dean asked about Castiel’s condition and Garth answered, it turned out that the butler was also medically trained in order to serve the family. With everything else aside, it was a good dinner. Castiel ate in the table with them and not in the dog bowl which was a great relief although he didn’t dwell on it. In fact, he didn’t dwell on the little changes around the mansion such as the tasks that Garth did or the fact that Benny stayed out of his way. More importantly, Castiel was not going to overthink Dean’s kindness. The Winchester’s smiles and gentle gestures were not surprising nor unheard of.

Dean had done this before but it resulted with Castiel sleeping in the back courtyard many nights ago. Tonight, Castiel was not going to let things get to that. Tonight, Castiel planned on completing unfinished business.

***

 

When everyone retired to their rooms, Castiel walked over to Dean’s room with nothing but a robe on. He knocked on the door and Dean opened it.

“Cas? What’s up?” Dean asked and he was wearing a white shirt and boxer shorts. Castiel breathed in the scent of Dean’s shampoo and body wash which lingered all around the man.

“May I come in?” Castiel asked and Dean nodded. His master closed the door as Castiel started unravelling his robe.

“Hey Cas it’s pretty late and-,” Dean turned to him with a startled expression.

Castiel was fully naked as he wore nothing under the robe. He dropped the robe and it spilled all over the floor before he kicked it to the side and walked toward Dean. Dean’s expression quickly turned from shock to lust as Castiel gripped the back of Dean’s neck and pulled him in for a kiss. Dean’s lips were soft and warm. It tasted delicious just as Castiel expected.

“Hold on-,” Dean pulled away. “What are you doing Cas?”

“What do you think?” Castiel whispered and pressed his body on Dean’s before grabbing Dean’s ass. It was just as firm as Castiel imagined.

“Cas…” Dean muttered then Castiel pressed their lips together. Dean’s breathing grew ragged and Castiel could feel Dean’s erection underneath his boxers.

“Cas…” Dean gasped out and Castiel licked his lips then planted their lips together for another round. Dean pulled away again and gripped Castiel’s biceps.

“Cas seriously, what’re you doing?” Dean asked again and Castiel smirked.

“Serving my master…” Castiel dropped to Dean’s crotch and pulled the boxer briefs down to release Dean’s half-hard cock. Even at this state, it was huge in Castiel’s grip. Maybe it wouldn’t even fit his mouth.

“Cas you can’t do this.” Dean said as he pulled his hips away and gripped Castiel’s hair. Castiel’s tongue was just about to taste it.

“Why not?” Castiel asked then he tried reaching for Dean’s cock with his tongue.

“Because! This isn’t right- this isn’t you! You’re not really doing this out of pure consent!” Dean said and Castiel frowned.

“Why does my consent matter? You are my master and I am your servant…or consort at times. This is my duty and what you want- I plan on fulfilling both…” Castiel snaked his head from Dean’s hand and wrapped his lips around Dean’s protruding dick.

Dean groaned but pulled his head out again. “Cas stop this- this isn’t what I want!” Dean ordered and Castiel decided to use his hands instead. He gripped Dean’s dick with his right hand and started stroking it. Both his spit and precome caused some squelching sounds.

A gasp escaped Dean’s mouth before he stepped away and pulled his boxers up. “I said stop!” Dean barked out and Castiel licked his lips.

“I’m sorry my lord. I’m sorry for upsetting you.” Castiel planted his hands and face on the floor in apology while he tried not to shiver so obviously. He was afraid- very afraid that Dean would get mad and send him outside. Throw him to the cold hard ground.

Gentle hands cusped his face as Castiel could not stop shaking even if he wanted to. He was cold even though Dean’s room had a heater. It wasn’t his nakedness that made him shudder. Actually it was the memory of being alone that made him shiver. He remembered it, clear as day as Dean, Garth and Benny turned their backs on Castiel and didn’t look back.

They left him alone as he screamed and screamed until he could scream no more. Until he was only shivering, shivering like this-

“Cas…” Castiel snapped back into reality as he realized that he was no longer on Dean’s floor shaking. He was on Dean’s bed with a blanket wrapped around him while Dean held him in his arms and rocked him. Dean hummed something which sounded familiar but Castiel quickly dismissed the thought. His hands were still shaking but Dean continued rocking him back and forth like a mother with her baby in church when father orchestrated the mass.

Dean’s hand clasped around his hands and pushed them closer to his chest. Dean’s breath was on his neck; it was warm and soothing. The cold slowly left his body as Dean whispered comforting words into his ears.

“It’s gonna be okay Cas. It’s gonna be okay, I’m here. It’s okay.” Dean wiped his tears even though Castiel didn’t notice they were there. He eventually stopped shaking but Dean did not stop calming him down. His master continued to hum until Castiel eventually went to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just gonna leave this chapter here and let you guys writhe, twist and wait in agony. 
> 
> Due to circumstances, it's only reasonable that Castiel is in PTSD mode. Just finished Season 3 of Teen Wolf and is very depressed. I have all the SPN DVDs up to Season 10 and choose not to watch them unless I feel like torturing myself even more. Reason why I mentioned this is because I am thinking of a way on how to write Castiel in the next chapter. 
> 
> Based on this chapter, I think you all know what I'm talking about and planning...


	13. Chapter 13- Broken Wings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Non-Con Somnophilia- you saw, you came, Castiel conquered  
> Anyway i know the chapter's slightly short and it's kind of a tease but I'm doing this for reasons. (Mostly because I wanna get it out of the way while the other reason is because the chapter breaks are suspenseful)
> 
> Who here wants to pay for Cas' psychological therapy?

**-Castiel-**

Castiel woke up with a jolt. When his eyes opened, he realized that he was not in his room and he was not alone. There was someone sleeping on the bed next to him and it was Dean. Dean who had one arm on his chest while the other was under Castiel’s head. Castiel was using it as a pillow this entire time. Castiel shuffled slightly and turned to face his sleeping master. Even though the room was dark, Dean was very handsome. There were freckles all over his face and Castiel resisted to touch them. He did not wish to wake Dean up for what he planned to do.

He shimmied under the covers and searched for Dean’s dick. Half of his work was done as Dean already had morning wood. He pulled Dean’s boxers down and released the large erection. Castiel licked his lips and carefully nestled his body between Dean’s legs. Cautiously, Castiel wrapped his mouth around the cockhead and licked the slit. He ensured to cover his teeth using his lips as he slowly bobbed his head up and down to get used to Dean’s size. Even with just the head, Castiel’s mouth was full. In fact, he savored the taste as he swallowed Dean’s precome. His eyes rolled to the back of his head and even he was hard.

He wrapped his hand around the base and gave the underside a few swipes of his tongue before letting Dean’s cockhead rest in his mouth. Dean groaned and thrashed in his sleep while Castiel checked to see if his master had woken up. He hadn’t, which Castiel used to his advantage.

Castiel played with Dean’s balls and slid his fingers on Dean’s powerful thighs, he felt the strong muscles flex under his touch. Dean’s manly musk was invigorating as Castiel swallowed Dean’s cock all the way down his throat until his nose was buried in Dean’s pubes. When he bobbed his head back, his eyes quickly checked if Dean was awake, but he wasn’t, Castiel continued his task. He gave a few kitten licks under Dean’s cockhead and squeezed the precome using his fingers. He even swiped his tongues on Dean’s balls and tasted its bitterness. Nevertheless, Castiel ensured that Dean would not wake up- well not until Castiel was finished.

Castiel would stop moving his fingers whenever Dean shuffled too much or groaned loudly. All he wanted was to please his master and if Dean would not let him if he was awake, then Castiel would have to do it in his sleep. He continued stroking and sucking the head until his cheeks were hollow and Dean thrashed in his sleep. Castiel could feel Dean’s balls tighten and he was ready to take it all. He wanted to drink Dean’s seed.

When Dean came, Castiel swallowed Dean’s cock until he choked. His throat contracted and twitched as Dean’s come spurted warm seed into its walls. Castiel’s eyes went to the back of his neck as he groaned at the sensation. It was sinfully _delicious_. With his own erection ignored, Castiel suckled every last drop of Dean’s come until his master stirred. Eventually Dean’s eyes were wide open.

“What the- WHAT THE FUCK CAS?” Dean jumped up and pressed his back on the bed’s headboard. Castiel whined at the loss of contact.

“Good morning sir…” Castiel noticed a bead of come on the corner of his lips and his tongue quickly swiped it.

“Cas you- you were freakin touching me! In my sleep!” Dean pointed out the obvious.

“Did you like it sir?” Castiel asked and crawled closer to Dean’s space.

“No-I mean- _I don’t know_! Cas you can’t just touch people in their sleep!” Dean shouted but Castiel was not deterred.

“But you liked it my lord? Perhaps we should do it when you’re awake. I could make it feel even better.” Castiel reached for Dean’s dick but his master’s powerful thighs snapped together.

“No Cas you’re not doing this!” Dean ordered and Castiel frowned.

“Why not?”

“Because I said so! You’re not thinking straight! You were practically shaking last night-,” Dean grabbed a pillow to cover his crotch.

“I am sorry about that. I promise that it won’t happen again, please let me help you.” Castiel tried grabbing his pillow but Dean stopped him by the wrist.

“Cas I **ordered** you to stop.” Dean commanded and Castiel nodded.

“Yes of course. I’m sorry for disobeying you. Forgive me. I should know better.”  Castiel clasped his hands together and pressed his forehead on the mattress.

“Cas…” Dean muttered. “Cas please get up.” He ordered and Castiel got up.

“Please punish me for my actions. I shall await for it with no complaints-,” Castiel pleaded with his eyes but Dean hushed him.

“Cas I won’t punish you.” Dean said and a something tugged Castiel’s insides. Though it was only for a moment, it felt like it was for longer.

“Why not? I disobeyed your command, I must be punished!” Castiel pleaded and his hands were shaking again.

“No Cas. Look at you, you’re shaking again…” Dean pointed out and Castiel swallowed before he stared at his hands. They were shaking but they needed to stop.

“It will go away.” Castiel dismissed it and grabbed his elbows instead. “Now about my punishment-,” he said expectantly.

“I said no Cas. You’re not getting punished!” Then there was that tug again, right after Dean spoke.

“I have to…” Castiel muttered but he wasn’t sure if he was talking to himself or to Dean anymore. Dean sighed and pulled his pants back up.

“Cas…I know it’s weird coming from me but I think we need to talk about this.” Dean stated and Castiel intrinsically shook his head.

“We don’t-we don’t need to talk…just do…” Castiel blurted out then Dean shook his head again.

“Cas-,”

“I said we don’t need to talk!” Castiel accidentally shouted then quickly slapped his mouth shut. “I’m sorry!” he squeaked out and worry deepened on Dean’s face. “I’m sorry- I’m sorry- it won’t happen again! I’m sorry!’ Castiel chanted and he started rocking back and forth.

“Cas…Cas!” Dean called out as he pulled Castiel into his arms. “We need to get you some help. You don’t look alright.”

“I’m fine.” Castiel protested.

“No you’re not!” Dean scolded. “You’re not thinking straight. I’ll call Garth to talk to you-,”

Castiel jumped in panicked. “No, you don’t have to. You can’t!” he beckoned as Dean reached for his phone on the nightstand. Dean slid off the bed while Castiel tugged his shirt. He continued begging but Dean just ignored him.

“Garth?” Dean muttered. “Something’s wrong with Cas. I need you to come up here ASAP.”

“Dean don’t! There’s nothing- there’s nothing wrong with me!” Castiel was slowly raising his voice then Dean turned to him and gave him a pitiful look. The feeling inside him tugged harder.

“Dean…” Castiel muttered and his master turned around again to meet his gaze. With his right hand on his left nipple and the other wrapped around his cock, Castiel spread his legs open for Dean. “My master, please come back to bed.”  He remembered to address Dean properly.

Dean’s eyes blew wide open and Castiel noticed a hint of lust underneath those green emeralds.

“Please sir, come back to bed with me mnng!” Castiel moaned as reached below his balls and rubbed his fingers on his wrinkly hole.

Dean’s Adam’s apple bobbed up and down and he slowly walked to the bed. He placed his phone back onto the night stand then flit his gaze back to Castiel who shimmied back to give Dean some room. Dean got on all fours until his face was about an inch away from Castiel’s face.

“That’s it my lord, come here…” Castiel leaned in once Dean was on the bed and whispered. “Come _inside_ me…” a groan escaped Dean’s throat while a smirk formed on Castiel’s face.

“Cas…” Dean muttered and Castiel guided his hands on Dean’s broad shoulders.

“Yes master?” Castiel asked.

“We can’t…” Dean admitted and the smile left Castiel’s face as quickly as the feeling tugged everything inside him.

“Yes…Y-Yes we can…” Castiel stuttered.

“No we can’t…” Dean pleaded and the tug felt stronger.

“Why not?” Castiel whispered while he desperately seduced Dean with his hands. He reached further down Dean’s body to feel the garter of Dean’s boxers.

“Because this isn’t you…” Dean protested but Castiel was working on Dean’s boxers and had one hand sliding on Dean’s bulging arms.

“But this is me…all of me…” Castiel teased then kissed Dean on the lips.

“No it’s not.” Dean firmly said.

“Yes it is.” Castiel denied it then went back to kissing Dean who did not cooperate.

“Cas…” Dean whispered and Castiel stuck a tongue out to shove it in Dean’s mouth. “Cas stop…this isn’t going to work.” Castiel pouted in distress. “This isn’t you…this isn’t right…”

Then the feeling was there again.

“WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT WHAT’S RIGHT?” Castiel shouted then Dean pulled back all the way up until he was no longer on the bed. A moment of silence passed before Castiel noticed what he had done.

“No…I’m sorry! I’m sorry for shouting!”

“Cas…”

“I’M SORRY! Please- Please forgive me! I’ll do anything! ANYTHING! Please don’t be mad- I’ll do better-,” Castiel was shaking again and this time, even holding his elbows didn’t help.

“Cas…” Dean said with pleading eyes then sat back down on the bed.

“I shouldn’t have said that- I shouldn’t have-,” Castiel was shaking more now. When he stared into Dean’s eyes, he remembered the night of the party. Remembered all those things that he said to Dean. He remembered what he did.

“I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have said it!” Castiel’s vision blurred as he could barely make sense of what was happening or where he was. One minute he felt like he was in the banquet hall, dancing and spinning around with the guests and the townspeople. Then afterwards, he was back in the corridors running naked with no clue where to go. Then next he was running toward his empty home because Gabriel and father were still in the party. When he got inside, his first thought was to jump onto his bed and cry.

“I’m sorry!”

Then a moment later he was back in the corridor and someone was holding him.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”

Suddenly he was back in his house and there was an unknown figure holding him down.

“Help please! Please help!”

He kept struggling although he no longer knew which one was which. One moment he was on his bedroom back in his old home struggling, the next he was on the corridor with his body pinned to the ground while his eyes stared into the ceiling as he screamed and screamed for help.

“Somebody! Anybody! Father! Michael! Luke! Gabriel! Mother…” then he felt something pricked his skin then it was all black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was kidding about paying for Cas' Psychological therapy...
> 
> Crazy!Cas tag from Season 7ish? I know things got confusing at the end there but then again, when does someone going crazy ever make sense?
> 
> Anyway what do you think of the story so far with everything spiraling out of control?  
> That's okay if you're hurting right now. I say this now- patience is a virtue


	14. Chapter 14- Empty Promises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel makes another promise to Dean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this is the last chapter for today. I've exhausted myself and my train of thought is out of fuel. i haven't eaten for hours and I've caused enough emotional strain on a person to drive them insane. 
> 
> Anyway- i hope this fulfills your need for angst and drama because even I have had it with Castiel and Dean. Those two need to sort their shit out.   
> Also I skimmed read this chapter so editing is a must.
> 
> Love you all and enjoy!

**-Castiel-**

When Castiel came to, he was in the white room again and this time he was alone. He remembered what happened as it flickered through his thoughts like an embarrassing childhood memory. Perhaps it was worse than a childhood memory. He sighed deeply then slid off the bed while thinking about what to say to Dean after everything that’s happened. He walked to the door and found that when he twisted the knob, it was locked. He tried twisting it again and again but it wouldn’t budge until he was banging on it. Calling for someone or anyone.

“Garth? Dean? Open the door! Please open it!” Castiel kept banging but no one answered. When he realized there was no hope, he sat back on the bed and looked outside. He thought carefully about everything that had happened until now. About his actions and where they drove him. They drove him to this quiet and subordinate husk of a person who he could barely recognize as himself.

He didn’t pray though however back then he would’ve if he really needed it.

All his life, he relied on God for support when he felt alone or was losing faith. Faith in himself most of all. However he decided God was gone. Noo merciful Lord watching over him and _His_ angels were just as much of a fantasy as the deity who created them. With his faith lost, he grieved for what could have possibly happened to his mother. Ever since she left this world, Castiel always found comfort in praying for her in heaven. Asking the angels to take care of her however now that he thought about it, perhaps there were no angels who tended to his mother. Perhaps she was also alone, in a white room like this. Trapped in a place void of hope and color. Of comfort and affection- of the God who was promised to her but never showed up. If she was in a room like this, then Castiel clasped his hands together.

He prayed for her to hear his words.

_‘Mother, wherever you are, I hope you are well. I know I have been distant and I apologize for that. However, I hope you know that I will never forget you and that I love you. Please take care, your son, Castiel.’_

Castiel’s eyes were watery but before a single tear dropped on his face, the door opened and Castiel quickly cleared his face of any remnant of the prayer.

“Hello? Cas?” To Castiel’s disappointment, it wasn’t Dean. Garth entered the room and walked over to his bed before sitting on the stool on the right. He had a clipboard and a pen.

“How are you feeling?” Garth asked and Castiel’s lips answered. He answered every question that Garth asked and they also beckoned to ask him what happened before he lost consciousness.

Apparently he went hysterical and ran around the mansion naked until he stumbled upon one of the rooms. Benny’s room. Benny had to pin him down and called everyone to help him bring Castiel to his current room where Garth got a sedative and put him down for a few hours. When Castiel heard all of this, he apologized and of course Garth told him that it wasn’t his fault. That none of this was.

Regardless of what Garth said, Castiel knew that deep down, it was all his fault.

“I know what you’re thinking…” Garth stated which made Castiel shuffle on his bed. “You don’t believe that this isn’t your fault.” That caught Castiel’s attention.

“You can read my mind?” Castiel asked and Garth softly smiled.

“Nah, I just know you that well. Anyway Dean told me that you were insistent in getting him back to bed and you were touching yourself to seduce him…is that right?” Garth asked which made Castiel blush but he nodded. “I think the suddenness of your desire to be in bed with Dean is quite surprising…but that’s not what alarms me the most.”

Castiel tilted his head and squinted in confusion.

“Dean also said that you also insisted on getting punished. Is that right?” Garth asked and Castiel nodded. His blush deepened.

“I see.” Garth wrote some more notes on his clipboard. Castiel tried to peek at what Garth was writing.

“Since when were you accomplished in counselling?” Castiel asked and Garth smiled.

“Since it was necessary, especially in this _household_.” Garth said and clicked his pen off. “Now, I need to talk to Dean about this first before we continue. We need to think about how you are going to recover from this.” Garth said and Castiel whimpered.

“But there is nothing wrong with me…”

Garth looked at him the same pitiful eyes as Dean. “Cas, you should know how wrong that sounds.” Then he left the room. Castiel was alone again and this time he did not pray. He simply curled on the bed with his knees to his chest and waited for the sun to go down.

At dusk, the door opened and Castiel gathered himself then sat right back up. Dean was here followed by Garth, to Castiel’s misfortune.

“Dean- I’m sorry- my master.” Castiel bowed his head in embarrassment as Dean sat on the bed. Garth leaned on the wall by the door and watched them.

“Cas…”

Castiel quickly reached for Dean’s hand and kissed it. “I’m sorry- I’m sorry! For everything. I made a mistake! I’m sorry…please forgive me.” He begged while Dean looked at him with pity in his eyes. Dean turned to Garth then flicked his eyes to the door.

“We’ll be fine. I just need some time alone with him.” Dean said and Garth nodded his head before exiting the room. Castiel wasted no time to get his hands all over Dean. He started unbuttoning his master’s shirt but Dean resisted.

“Cas…” Castiel ignored him. “Cas…stop this-,” Dean grabbed his wrists and Castiel resisted at first before he realized that he was disobeying.

“I’m sorry…” The words left Castiel’s lips like a broken record.

“Don’t apologize, you did nothing wrong…” Dean said and Castiel couldn’t say anything to that. The feeling before returned and it tugged his chest so using his fingers, he made quick work of Dean’s pants. Dean stopped him again and grabbed him by the wrists.

“Cas please don’t do this.” Dean pleaded and this time Castiel did not look at Dean’s eyes.

“What are you talking about? I need to do this- I need to make up for what I did. I need to show you that I’ve learned my lesson.” Castiel babbled and struggled because Dean did not let go.

“No you don’t.” Dean said.

“YES I do. Please. Let me do this. Let me make you feel good-,” Castiel resisted but Dean only tightened his grip.

“No you can’t. Cas look at me!” Dean shook him until they were face to face. “You are not well. You‘re still not okay so I can’t let you do this. You’re not thinking straight-,”

“It doesn’t matter.” Castiel interrupted even though he promised he wouldn’t. “How I am doesn’t matter. What matters is giving you what you want and making you happy, that’s all.”

Dean shook his head. “But Cas, can’t you see that I’m not happy?” he asked and Castiel flicked his eyes away.

“Cas look at me.” Dean ordered but Castiel declined. “Cas I need you to look at me.” Then Castiel did. He looked into Dean’s eyes and found a small reflection of himself. All torn up and tattered like a scrunched up paper doll.

“Does it I look like I’m happy?” Dean asked and Castiel’s mouth jittered. “Tell me, does it look like I’m enjoying this? Enjoy, seeing you like this?” Dean asked and Castiel did not answer in fact, he did not want to move or say anything. He simply wished that his heart stopped right there and then. To complete the picture, to _actually_ become a torn up paper doll.

“Tell me!” Dean demanded with pleading eyes.

“N-No…No….” Castiel replied and his eyes were watery even though he told himself not to cry. Dean let go of his wrists and covered his face with his left hand while his right rested on his thigh.

“Cas, I’m sorry for this. I never wanted this from you.” Dean said and Castiel tended to his wrists. They were going to bruise. “I want you to know that I’m sorry.” Dean turned to him with teary eyes. “I really am.” Dean reached for his hand and clasped their fingers together.

“When you got sick, I got so scared. I was so scared that I was going to lose you. I thought my whole world was about to fall apart and I couldn’t do anything about it. All I could do was wait. And I did. I waited for you to wake up.” Dean admitted then Castiel remembered something from the time he was sick. There was someone holding his hand and it felt like this. It felt like how Dean was holding his hand right now.

“I really meant it when I said that I never wanted to see you go through that again. It hurt- it hurts so much.” Dean tightened his grip. “You are special to me Cas. You really are…so please, I need you to get better. We need to get past this otherwise-,” Dean choked out the last bit.

“I don’t think I can ever get over the guilt. The guilt of turning you into this…” And there it was. The one thing Castiel was most afraid of.

Castiel reached for Dean’s face and leaned closer. Dean was reluctant at first but Castiel gave him a look and waited. He waited for a second to get Dean’s permission before he kissed him on the lips. The kiss was deep but Castiel eventually pulled back.

“I understand…you are right. I need to get better.” Castiel said but Dean furrowed his brow, unconvinced. “It’s going to be alright, don’t worry…” Castiel held Dean’s hand. “I’ll get better. I promise.” He said and it put a smile on Dean’s face.

“That’s good…that’s really good Cas.” Dean admitted and there was not a single hint of doubt in his tone. “I’ll talk to Garth about this. I’ll tell him that you’re ready to get started but it’ll have to be tomorrow…” Dean pointed out then he turned to the door. “You really promise to get better Cas?” Dean asked and Castiel nodded.

“I promise.” And Dean smiled at that.

When Dean left the room, Garth had a few more words to Castiel before he was finally alone. Garth brought him some dinner and told Castiel that if he did not want the door locked then he must promise not to leave the room. Castiel agreed and Garth accompanied him during his meal. They spoke about what they’re planning on doing tomorrow and some of the things that Garth needed to ask. He did not specify the questions since he did not want to spoil Castiel’s dinner. Castiel thanked him then Garth the tray and headed to the door. He told Castiel that he could shower and there were fresh new clothes in the bathroom. Castiel gave his gratitude then the butler was off.

In the shower, Castiel contemplated Dean’s words. He clutched his chest as he felt the tug pulsed under his skin. When he turned the water off, he quickly dismissed the feeling then went straight to bed.

***

 

Over the next few days, Castiel and Garth underwent their sessions. During the visits, Garth asked him questions while Castiel answered them to the best of his ability. The first few questions were easy but as time went by, the questions became more personal, more in depth to Castiel’s life. Castiel had no problems sharing them with Garth, aside from being his therapist, he was also Castiel’s dearest friend. He had no qualms about sharing his experiences back at home, with his family and his siblings. His relationships or lack thereof. For some odd reason, Castiel was comfortable with sharing everything despite the fact that an overwhelming feeling tugged his chest.

He wondered about it every time Garth asked him about the things that bothered Castiel, about what he experienced before he fell ill. Whenever Castiel remembered it, he felt troubled which Garth quickly noticed and stopped for the day. He would leave Castiel a book to read whenever Castiel finished. He even left Castiel some drawing materials.

Out of all the questions Garth asked, the most bothersome question was about Castiel’s faith. About God. Castiel was reluctant to answer then Garth stopped before leaving more materials for him to read and draw. Castiel used his time alone to gather his thoughts and prepared himself for the next day.

In their next session, Castiel asked Garth to ask him the same question from the day before. The one about God and his faith. When Garth did, Castiel answered perfectly, without doubt or reluctance in his tone.

He admitted that he did not need faith anymore. He only had himself and his servitude to Dean.

Garth ended the session quickly and gave him a smile. He assured Castiel that these sessions were nearly over even though Castiel was not thoroughly convinced. It was from the way Garth looked at him, day after day that made Castiel expect the worse. He knew he was doomed right from the start and it was going to take a while before he could be fit to serve Dean. However Castiel was patient and he’ll wait for as long as he needed.

Time was all he had left.

***

 

“Hey Cas…” Garth entered and this time, he didn’t have a clipboard.

“Good morning Garth.” Castiel greeted him with a smile. He was just in the middle of drawing another portrait of his mother out of memory. He had already finished drawing his father, Michael, Luke and Gabriel’s portraits and they all hung on the white walls. Garth helped him get them up.

“What are we doing today?” Castiel asked while he put the sketchbook and pencil away. 

“Nothing. I just wanna share the results of our sessions.”  Garth said and Castiel shuffled on his bed uncomfortably.

“From what I’ve gathered, it would seem that you’ve been through a lot of trauma, made worse due to the lack of rest and nourishment. That sound about right?” Garth asked with a faint smile. Castiel alleviated the mood by smiling as well though both of them knew it was not a laughing matter. Castiel’s hands were cold from anxiety but at least they didn’t shake anymore.

“Despite all this, you’ve shown no resistance in sharing your troubles, your thoughts and your fears. And after a few weeks of our sessions I must say that you’re ready to get back on your feet.” Garth said and it surprised Castiel. This was not what he expected.

“You’re fit to serve Dean again-,” Castiel brightened up but then Garth held a hand up. “However I strongly recommend you ease into your role for now. It would appear that the sudden immersion into your job caused the meltdown amongst other things…” Garth wondered for a moment and Castiel narrowed his eyes.

“When will I see Dean?” Castiel asked and Garth pursed his lips.

“Tonight. You can join him at dinner.” Garth said and Castiel pouted, it had been a while since he saw Dean. It had also been a while since he fulfilled his role.

“Cas?” Garth snapped him out of his thoughts. “Yes Garth?” Castiel answered.

“I just wanna let you know that there is nothing much I can do for now. You’re free to do what you want, if you need me, I’ll be in the library rearranging some books.” Garth said then Castiel looked at his own pile of books.

“Need some help?” Castiel asked and a smile formed on Garth’s face.

***

 

Throughout the day, Castiel followed Garth around to get used to the feel of the mansion again. Castiel did not see Dean the entire time. He did see Benny in the garden though, he was tending to some flowers and Castiel did not know why he was relieved to see him. Perhaps not being able to see anyone other than Garth for days made him long for others, not that Garth was terrible company or anything. The sight of new rooms and open doors made Castiel feel at ease. Much more than being trapped in a room by himself, days on end.

When the sun went down, Castiel was excited to join Dean for dinner. Dean was already in his seat when he got there and Castiel’s eyes had not moved from his master’s figure. Dean looked immaculate as ever and Castiel could not wait until he could get in bed with him. Dean asked how he was and how the sessions went with Garth. Castiel answered honestly since there was little to no point in lying. Garth was sitting right there and besides, it didn’t even cross his mind to hide anything from Dean. There was nothing to hide and Castiel did not want to disappoint his master.

He really wanted to be good.

Once they were finished, Castiel requested if he could go to Dean’s room. He made sure Garth wasn’t around to get in the way since Dean looked reluctant.

“Cas are you sure about this? Garth said you needed to ease into things first.”

“I’m ready.” Castiel replied and grabbed Dean’s hands. “I’m ready to serve you, if you’d allow me.”

Dean thought about it for a moment then smiled. He nodded then walked with Castiel to his bed chambers. This was it, this was what Castiel was waiting for. His time to prove his worth to Dean.

***

 

In Dean’s bedroom, Castiel was allowed to shower first while Dean waited. When he was finished, Dean went in then Castiel jumped on the bed and got ready. He found a bottle of lube in Dean’s bedside drawer and to his lick, it was warming lube. He squeezed an ample amount and began fingering himself carefully. He didn’t want to cause any tearing for it would make a mess of Dean’s sheets. He wanted tonight to be special, to be perfect. It didn’t matter if he wasn’t experienced in this department, all he wanted was to please his master.

He inserted one finger first then another, until the stretch made him shudder. It was quite an uncomfortable feeling however he remembered what he had learned from Gabriel and in the internet. About how to prep oneself in these situations. He was in a hurry yet at the same time, he had to be very thorough so that Dean could just slide right in and use him. This was what he wanted, he wanted Dean to take him apart and use him until he was satisfied. Castiel’s cock gave an interesting twitch at the thought however he quickly perished the thought as this was not about him. This was about Dean. This was about making his master feel good and bringing him to the throes of ecstasy.

When Castiel heard the shower turn up, he only had three fingers inside which was a pity since he expected four. He remembered the size of Dean’s dick and he knew four fingers would make it easier however he had no time. Perhaps he’d have to bear with it. A little bit of pain wouldn’t hurt, he’s had worse.

Once Dean stepped out, he had a towel wrapped around his waist and Castiel thought it was a pity.

“I’ve seen you more naked than that.” Castiel said with a smile and Dean chuckled to himself.

“And I’ve seen you more eager than that.” Dean got on the bed then Castiel leaned forward to push their lips together. They kissed deeply and Castiel noticed Dean’s erection give an enthusiastic twitch.

“Come here…” Castiel pulled his master further up the bed with him as they kissed passionately. His tongue traced Dean’s lips and tasted Dean’s tongue. It tasted like mouthwash and Castiel couldn’t get enough of it. He reached down to remove Dean’s towel and gripped his massive erection. His fingers rolled around the head and he thumbed the slit to find a bead of precome. Dean gasped in his mouth and Castiel swallowed it with his lips. He kept rolling his wrists until Dean’s dick was coated with a bit of lube from before. Most of it was in Castiel’s ass and it should help with the intrusion.

Dean bit his lip and groaned with lust as Castiel spread his legs apart. He grabbed Dean’s hand and guided it to his slick hole.

“Feel that?” Castiel asked as Dean’s fingers intrinsically entered his tight channel. “I prepared myself already. Is that alright?” Castiel had to ask despite already doing so.

“Yeah.” Dean said in between kissing and licking Castiel’s neck. “Mmf- Cas I need you.”

“Yes.” Castiel said eagerly as Dean’s body hovered on top of him. “Yes Dean, I need you too.” Dean’s dick rubbed around his slick hole, it tried to get as much lube as possible. Castiel moaned from the sensation and wondered what it would feel like once Dean was inside.

Castiel held the base of Dean’s dick and started guiding it in but Dean’s hips pulled back.

“Cas wait-,” a whimper escaped Castiel’s throat. “Let’s go slow.” Dean whispered but Castiel whined. Before he could say anything, Dean dropped down to his crotch and swallowed his cock.

“Gggnngh Dean!” Castiel moaned as he gripped Dean’s hair with his hands. He tried not to grip too hard however Dean did not complain. His master simply bobbed his head up and down until Castiel’s cock was covered in spit. He had never had a blowjob before, in fact he had never gotten this far with anybody. The most he had done was make out with other men behind closed doors but nothing more. He never had the occasion.

On the other hand, Dean must be quite experienced in this department as he skillfully swallowed Castiel’s cock all the way to the hilt with no trouble.

“Delicious…you taste so good Cas…” Dean muttered in between licking his shaft. “And big. Look at this thing.” Dean praised him but Castiel tried not to overthink it. This was not about Castiel. This was about Dean taking what he wanted and Castiel giving it to him, willingly.

Dean continued sucking him until Castiel noticed a finger slide inside his hole. He hissed a little, despite how slick it was. Dean thrusted his fingers in and out. Started with one finger then two until the third one joined and Castiel writhed on the sheets. His hips bucked up unexpectedly.

“I’m sorry!” he cried out but Dean hushed him. “It’s okay Cas. You’re doing well but I need you to relax alright?” Dean muttered as he kept stroking Castiel’s dick while he had three fingers thrusting and scissoring inside.

“Y-yes…” Castiel managed to get out and Dean made a pleased expression. Dean found the lube and took his hands off Castiel which made Castiel whimper at the loss.

“It’s okay angel. I plan on making it better.” Dean whispered and Castiel did not know why but the tugging feeling in his chest returned. It flickered at the word ‘angel’. Before he could overthink it, Dean shoved a finger back into his hole and he squirmed. His hands clutched onto the sheets and Dean’s pillows, almost ruined them in the process. Dean’s finger was slicker now and he added another then another then lastly, he tried one more finger. His pinky and it slipped in between the others while he scissor and brushed that special part inside Castiel. It was the part that made him tingle and burn up at the same time.

Castiel’s eyes rolled to the back of his head as he tried to roll his hips and clench around Dean’s fingers. He was chasing after that feeling, the thing that Dean wanted to make him feel. If Dean wanted Castiel come apart and lose himself through his fingers, then Castiel would let him. When Dean wrapped his fingers around Castiel’s cock, Castiel whined.

“Dean- nngh you don’t have to-,” Castiel protested but Dean merely tightened his grip.

“Let me do this Cas. Let me make you feel good.” There it was again, the tug in his gut was crying out for some reason. Dean started stroking and it interrupted Castiel’s thoughts on the subject. He clasped his hands on Dean’s wrist as his master furiously tugged his cock. Dean kept a firm grip on the skin and added extra pressure to the large underside vein. All the while, Dean’s fingers in Castiel’s hole squirmed and tickled that special part.

“Oh Dean- mmnghhrrgh.” Castiel thrashed as his orgasm built up. He was about to come but he didn’t want to. He shouldn’t-

Dean should be inside him.

“Dean please! Put it inside me-,” Castiel begged and moved his gaze on Dean’s straining erection. Dean leaned forward and kissed Castiel’s temple before whispering, “I am inside you angel…”

That was it, Castiel came all over his stomach and Dean’s hand. “Deeeaaan!” His seed spurted and spurted. White hot lines traced his skin as the remaining droplets oozed out of his slit. He came for a few more seconds until he was a twitching mess. Dean’s fingers were still inside him and around Castiel’s cock as he milked the last few drops out of Castiel.

When Castiel’s high was gone, he panicked. He saw Dean’s erection unattended and he quickly started stroking it.

“Cas- Cas it’s okay, there’s no need to rush…” Dean calmed him down but Castiel’s heart wwas racing.

This wasn’t what he wanted to happen.

“Dean I’m sorry. How can I be so selfish? You need to come! You need to be inside me!” Castiel pulled Dean closer so that their bodies were pressed to each other.

“Cas it’s fine. I wanted you to come first so you can loosen up. I know you haven’t had sex with anyone before.” Dean admitted but Castiel did not feel assured.

“It doesn’t matter! You need to feel good- you need to come!” Castiel stroked Dean’s dick and guided it to his gaping red hole.

“Cas wait, lemme grab the lube first-,”

“No there’s no time! You need this- it has to hurt!” Castiel fumbled while trying to guide the head of Dean’s dick inside him. Dean’s hand quickly grabbed his wrist to stop.

“Cas look at me.”

Castiel ignored him and resisted, he used his other hand to reach for Dean’s dick only to be grabbed by the wrist as well.

“Cas stop.”

But Castiel shook his head. If Dean wouldn’t let him guide it inside, then he’d just have to push up to it. He thrusted his hips up so the head of Dean’s cock could get caught but the rim of his hole.

“Cas I said stop!” Dean raised his voice and Castiel looked up to find hurt in Dean’s eyes. Dean let him go as soon as he stopped resisting.

“I’m sorry- I’m sorry I messed up!” Castiel was crying now but he wiped it off almost instantly. “Ignore this. We should keep going.”

“No we’re not. We’re not gonna do this.” Dean said and Castiel stopped.

“Yes we must-,” Castiel looked at Dean’s erection which was slowly softening.

“No Cas **enough**. I’m not gonna have sex with you if your heart’s not into it.” There it was again, the tugging feeling but it was stronger now. It was stronger than ever before.

“Yes it is. I want this. I want it Dean, we can keep going.” Castiel pleaded but Dean shook his head.

“No Cas…we’re not. You don’t want this. You want to be hurt. You want me to hurt you.” Dean admitted and Castiel’s heart was racing so fast.

“No…N-no I don’t- you’re wrong! I want you to feel good. I want to please you- please let me make you feel good.” Dean grabbed him the wrists again. 

“Cas look at me.” Dean said again and Castiel did not. “I need you to stop hurting yourself. I need you to stop hating yourself. It isn’t right.” There was not a hint of insincerity in Dean’s eyes and Castiel wailed. He shoved the Winchester away and dug his fingers into his scalp.

“WHY? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? WHY DO INSIST THAT I STOP HURTING?” Castiel shouted and Dean did not interrupt him. He did not look shocked, he did not look offended and in fact he looked- expectant…

“You are very confusing! You’re confusing me! First you treat me like dirt then the next you care for me! You take everything away then you give back and you say I’m _special_ to you? I don’t understand! You destroy every aspect of existence! My mind, my body, my soul…my FAITH? All of them ended up at the palm of your hands and yet when I finally submit myself to you- you deny me. You reject me. You make me feel like I deserve better when I don’t. I have learned that much! I have learned never to expect anything good from now on and only to obey your every whim! Why do you change your mind so suddenly? Why do you torture me? If you wanted to treat me like an object or a toy then fine! I give you full permission but why must you do this? Why do you insist on giving me a soul when we both know that I’m dead? I’ve been dead for a long time and I can’t…I don’t…I don’t deserve this…” Castiel clutched onto Dean’s shoulders and cried. He cried and cried as days’ worth of suppressed tears rained on his skin.

He waited for Dean to answer. The sound of his sobbing filled his mind with memories of times past. Of times when all Castiel had left was his bare skin shivering on the cold hard ground. Of the back courtyard- of the cellars…and even now in Dean’s room: he felt the cold, the darkness. In time, it sucked pieces of his soul: little by little, until there was nothing left but an empty shell. A husk of a cocoon filled with unanswered prayers. It was chaotic and Castiel got lost somewhere in the process.

Dean grabbed his cheeks and pulled him in for a kiss.

Then he broke it off. “Because I love you Cas. I love you so much that I didn’t know what to do with myself. Didn’t know what to do with you. And I’m sorry because I couldn’t have love you proper. Love you the way you deserve.” Dean confessed and Castiel slapped him with his right hand. Dean’s head snapped to the left and when he straightened his face, Castiel punched him with his left hand. The force sent Dean flying to his left.

Castiel’s nose flared as he waited for Dean to gather himself.

“You, Dean Winchester, are but a liar!” Castiel made sure Dean looked at him in the eye when he said it. There was blood on Dean’s bottom lip.

“You can’t possibly love me. You don’t even know what love is- Nor do you deserve it!” Castiel jabbed his finger on Dean’s chest, above his heart, before he jumped off the bed and exited the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's not exactly the best circumstances to say 'I love you' but it'll have to do.   
> Did anyone think the violence was justified?
> 
> I just really wanna get the essential angst out of the way before the good part of the plot happens. For those who have questions regarding the missing characters such as Benny, Sam and etc. don't fret. They will be back. 
> 
> The Ganymede and Zeus story will also return but in the meantime- I'm gonna grab something to eat. Strawberry Milkshake and Fries? Twist and Shout anyone?


	15. Chapter 15- Absence makes the heart grow fonder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel remembers the time when Gabriel wore their Father's priest robes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! I have been very busy with my social life and this holiday season, family and friends wanna do things so I got lost in the tide. 
> 
> Anyway, here's a break from the angst with some light humor. Hope you enjoy this chapter. I shall post the next once soon.   
> Once I get some time that is.

**-Castiel-**

The next morning after the incident with Dean, Castiel locked himself in his room and did not come out until Garth knocked on the door and asked how he was. He told Garth everything that happened last night and broke down to tears. Garth took him downstairs for breakfast and promised that Dean wouldn’t be around. Apparently the Winchester had been locked in his room as well hence Garth went to Castiel’s room to fetch him. During breakfast, Benny served him whatever he wanted. When he asked for black coffee with one sugar, Benny obeyed then gave him a solemn smile. Castiel had not even spoken to Benny since their last talk. On the other hand, Garth tended to him and asked how he was feeling every few minutes.

“Garth honestly, I’m fine. There’s no need to worry so much. I’m not made of glass.” Castiel said but Garth frowned at him.

“You’re more fragile than you think.” Garth said then he grabbed Castiel’s hand. “I lied when I told you that you were ready to serve Dean. I lied because there was nothing left for me to do. If I had told you that I knew you wanted Dean to hurt you, I was afraid that you would get into deep denial and all those weeks’ work would go to waste. So I informed Dean about the risk and he still went along with it. Dean wanted to see it for himself- see how broken you’ve become…” Garth got teary eyed while Castiel thought about the look on Dean’s face during his meltdown yesterday.

He _expected_ it.

“It-It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter how I feel, I harmed Dean and I should be punished-,” Castiel jumped up but Garth shook his head and grabbed his forearms.

“Don’t-,”

The look on Garth’s face forced Castiel to sit back down.

“Don’t mistake what you did yesterday as a crime, in fact I need you to stop thinking of ways to punish yourself. Right now, you need tender care and affection…it must also hurt, having to reject someone. Reject Dean.” Garth muttered but Castiel quickly shook his head.

“I did not reject him. Not in the usual sense. I rejected playing his sick twisted mind games but not his heart. He couldn’t possibly have feelings for me-,” Castiel stopped as a particular look dawned on Garth’s face. It was a look he’d seen before. A look he had seen in himself far too often.

“Is that was you think?” Garth asked and Castiel thought about it for a moment.

***

 

_His whole life, Castiel had only experienced rejection from romance through observing other people. By other people he meant his older brother Gabriel. Apart from being the town’s infamous trickster, Castiel’s older brother frequently entered relationships as quickly as he escaped them. Despite this fact, sometimes Gabriel was the one left behind or rejected before any relationship could start. In all his years of watching Gabriel, Castiel learned a pattern on how Gabriel dealt with his short-comings (pun-intended). Firstly, Gabriel would be distant to the person who broke his heart or rejected him._

_Castiel had to get something from the back of the church when his older brother slammed the front doors open._

_“Gabriel! Don’t slam the doors of the church!” Castiel hissed but Gabriel paid him little attention. For some odd reason, his brother was wearing their father’s priest robes._

_“Not now Cassie!” Then Gabriel ran inside one of the confessional booths and Castiel heard the lock clicked shut. Castiel instantly trailed after his brother._

_“Gabriel! What are you doing-,”_

_“Psst! Be quiet Cassie! Gadreel’s coming, tell him that dad’s in here!” Gabriel instructed but Castiel merely furrowed his brow._

_“That’s not true, father’s in the kitchen, he asked me to get his book from the back-,”_

_“Just do it for me Cassie! Please? I’ll do your laundry for a month!” Gabriel pleaded but Castiel shook his head._

_“No, I won’t help you until you tell me what is going on with you and your boyfriend, and why you’re wearing our father’s robes!” Castiel growled then Gabriel opened the door and dragged him inside._

_“Gabriel-,”_

_“Shhh!” Gabriel hushed him as they could barely fit in the tight cramped space. “Listen- Gadreel broke up with me and Alfie told me that he wants to ask dad for some advice through confession. I wanna know what he’s thinking and the real reason why he broke up with me!” He confessed but Castiel rolled his eyes._

_“Gabriel this is wrong! You shouldn’t be doing this!”_

_“Why not?” Gabriel pouted._

_“Because of a lot of reasons! Firstly, you’re wearing father’s robes-,”_

_“Bible doesn’t say borrowing your dad’s clothes is a sin.” Gabriel shrugged but Castiel tugged his arm._

_“No- but impersonating his role is not only illegal to the church but also a sin!” Gabriel merely rolled his eyes at him. “Secondly, Gadreel will recognize you and you will get into so much trouble. More than you’re already in!”_

_Gabriel furiously shook his head. “No Castiel! I gotta do this! I need to know why he broke up with me!” Castiel was about to say something else but his words suddenly went mute when he saw deep sorrow in Gabriel’s eyes. “Listen, he says he didn’t feel like being with me anymore and usually I’d just go along with it but-,” Gabriel shrugged. “He’s kinda the first serious relationship I’ve ever had…”_

_Castiel was shocked. He had never heard his brother speak so serious about someone before. Throughout Gabriel’s countless lovers, Castiel did notice a strong bond between his brother and Gadreel._

_“Also he’s just my type- tall, strong and lean. God you should feel his muscles underneath all those layers!” Gabriel drooled and Castiel scrunched up his face in disgust._

_“Hold your tongue! We are inside sacred walls!” Castiel hissed but Gabriel simply rolled his eyes._

_“Please as if that ever stopped me-,” The sound of closing doors were heard and both Castiel and Gabriel stilled in the booth. “Oh my God it’s him!” Gabriel whispered and Castiel quickly got up._

_“I’m not getting involved in this-,”_

_“Castiel get down!” Gabriel grabbed him then Castiel wrestled to break free from his brother. Gabriel covered his mouth with a hand while he whispered. “Castiel please just do this for me! I won’t ask for any more favors!” That was a lie of course but Castiel conceded._

_“Father?” That voice. It was Gadreel. “Is that you Father Chuck?” Gadreel asked from outside the booth while Gabriel placed a hand over Castiel’s mouth. “Yes- yes my child. Come in.” Gabriel quickly had Castiel on his knees with a hand on Castiel’s mouth. It was rarely seen but Gabriel was actually stronger than Castiel._

_Gadreel entered the other booth while Castiel struggled to break free however Gabriel had him locked. One hand on his wrists and the other one covered his mouth._

_“Forgive me Father for I have sinned.” Gadreel said and Gabriel cleared his throat._

_“What is it that you seek?” Gabriel said with a deep voice. He surprisingly sounded like father however-_

_He was doing confession very wrong._

_“Um- don’t I need to tell you how long since I last confessed or something?” Gadreel asked and Castiel almost heard Gabriel squeak in panic._

_“Uhhh, my apologies, it has been a busy day and I was about to retire back home- to the uh…back of the church…” Gabriel stumbled and Castiel almost groaned in shame._

_“Oh I should be sorry. I didn’t know, I could come back next time-,”_

_“No child! Stay and confess what troubles you- err your sins!” Gabriel stuttered even more and Castiel almost died in embarrassment._

_Gadreel sat back down and sighed. Gabriel finally let go of Castiel’s mouth then they both gave each other a look. He didn’t know what compelled him to do it however Castiel decided to give Gabriel this chance._

_“Do you swear not to tell Father?” Gadreel asked and Gabriel nodded._

_“Of course my child. Upon my sacred word.” Gabriel said and Castiel simply rolled his eyes for what felt like a hundredth time._

_“I have been in a relationship with someone…for a while now…” Gadreel cleared his throat while Gabriel and Castiel listened in silence._

_“Go on.” Gabriel said and Gadreel nodded._

_“I’ve been in a relationship with a man…” Gadreel said Castiel slowly sat on the space next to Gabriel and was relieved that Gadreel didn’t notice._

_“Pray what is his name?” Gabriel smugly asked and Gadreel fidgeted nervously._

_“I shouldn’t- I shouldn’t say his name-,” Gadreel said and Gabriel shook his head._

_“You may say it my child- this is a safe place. I will not judge, for only He has the right to do that.” Gabriel muttered and Castiel’s eye rolling ensued._

_“I don’t know- fine…I have to!” Gadreel said and Gabriel nodded. “I have been in a relationship with your son, Gabriel. Well **was** in a relationship…” Gadreel confessed and Gabriel kept bobbing his head up and down. _

_“Yes my child. Do not be frightened. My personal life has nothing to do with this confession. Although I am relieved that such a fine, handsome, tall and fit young man has been in my precious son’s arms.” Gabriel commented and Castiel almost vomited in his mouth._

_“Thank you…Father…” Gadreel replied._

_“Say why did you say that your relationship is a thing of the past?” Gabriel asked and Castiel simply gave up._

_“It is actually why I am here Father. I am here to ask if breaking up with your son was the right thing…” Even to Castiel, Gadreel sounded genuinely troubled._

_“Well firstly, it would help if I can get a reason as to why you broke up with me- I MEAN- my son!” Gabriel fumbled but Gadreel didn’t seem to notice._

_“I told your son, that I just didn’t feel like being with him anymore and it would be better if we end it now rather than later…” Gadreel confessed and it’s exactly what Gabriel told Castiel earlier. “However that wasn’t everything.”_

_Gabriel shuffled closer to the partition to hear it clearly._

_“I still find it hard to believe that I broke up with your son, he was such a wonderful person and a passionate lover-,”_

_Gabriel interrupted. “What do you mean by **passionate**?” he asked and Gadreel shuffled uncomfortably on the other side._

_“Forgive me but I shouldn’t-,”_

_“TELL ME- I mean, it would be wise for me to hear everything there is to know about your relationship with my son. After all he is my flesh and blood.” Gabriel noted._

_“But I thought you said that-,”_

_Gabriel interrupted again. “Forget about what I said!” He blurted out then composed himself afterward. “My child, God needs to hear your heart. There is no point in being here if you close it off to one of his shepherds…”_

_It was blatant manipulation and Castiel was about to stop Gabriel when Gadreel continued._

_“You are right…my apologies Father.” Gadreel said and Gabriel smiled smugly._

_“Do not apologize to me child, apologize to Him. But enough of that, tell me more about my son. What it is you like about him- or liked...” Gabriel demanded and Gadreel nodded._

_“Well firstly, Gabriel is humorous and playful…” Castiel had to agree with Gadreel about the second part. “However he does not take kindly toward those who make fun of him.” Castiel nodded alongside Gabriel. “In fact he is very outspoken and confident. When we’re alone, he knows what to say….where to touch….” Castiel rolled his eyes when he saw Gabriel’s goofy smirk._

_“It would seem that my son is quite the catch Gadreel, why did you **really** leave him?” Gabriel sternly asked and Gadreel shuffled. _

_“It’s because…despite the wonderful things I’ve said, Gabriel…Gabriel’s heart is closed off.” Gadreel confessed and Castiel could practically see despair in Gabriel’s eyes._

_“Even though Gabriel portrays himself as somewhat confident, I can tell that he is also be affected by other people’s words. He hides it quite well however…when we’re alone, I could tell from the vacant look in his eyes that he worried about a lot of things. Things that I want him to share however he would always brush me off or aggressively denies the subject. Sometimes we would not talk for days because I asked him what was wrong and insisted he shares it.  I had tried my best to talk to him about his feelings but all I get is passive aggression, I couldn’t stand being unable to know or do anything.” Gadreel’s head leaned on the partition._

_“I was unable to help him because he wouldn’t even tell me what was wrong. And I know there was something wrong only he wouldn’t say it. I asked if it had something to do with his family, his brothers…but he simply yelled at me and told me to get out of his face. I felt so blind and helpless. The guilt of not being able to save Gabriel tore me apart- tore the relationship apart…” Gadreel said somberly as a tear trickled down Gabriel’s cheek._

_“I had to get out for my sake and his. Though it sounds selfish, I just couldn’t bear the fact that Gabriel was hurting and I couldn’t help him. Or worse, I was starting to think that my uselessness would become Gabriel’s despair. I was so afraid…afraid that I would become the reason why it all fell apart- so I broke it off. I broke it off before I’d let it happen.” Gadreel admitted and Castiel clasped his fingers with Gabriel’s._

_“I’m sorry Father…I’ve said too much-,”_

_Gabriel interrupted. “No. No, Gadreel…you couldn’t have said it better.” Castiel’s older brother wiped his face._

_“Thank you…I was beginning to think that I had done your son a great deal of injustice.” Gadreel said and Gabriel shook his head._

_“No- No you did the right thing…” Gabriel replied and Castiel’s heart dropped. The truth was even worse than the lie._

_“Thank you Father.” Gadreel said and Gabriel gave Castiel a look. It was a look of acceptance. Gabriel mouthed ‘it’s fine’ but Castiel kept his frown. He knew that his brother was hurting but he couldn’t do anything about it._

_“No, I should be thanking you Gadreel…for caring about my son so much. Even if it meant giving him up in the process.” Gabriel said._

_“I just hope that he is happy. Wherever or whatever he may be doing.” Gadreel said and Gabriel chuckled to himself._

_“Oh he is more okay than you think.” Gabriel smiled at Castiel. Castiel returned the gesture._

_“Oh good because I want to ask for another advice.” Gadreel said and Gabriel turned to the partition._

_“What is it my child?” Gabriel asked._

_“During the break-up I went to my friend Samandriel or Alfie, do you remember him Father?” Gadreel asked and Gabriel nodded._

_“He attends mass quite frequently, his father owns one of the local restaurants. I believe you work with him.” Gabriel said and Gadreel nodded._

_“Yes. He is also a very dear friend of mine. I went to him after the break up and told him everything. He was very understanding and agreed that what I did was right…” Gadreel said and Gabriel continued to listen. “He also said that I should be in a relationship with someone who is willing to share their feelings because it wouldn’t be called a relationship if it was just sex…” Gadreel said and Castiel had a bad feeling about this._

_“I was so blind and didn’t realize that there was a person out there who I can share both my body and my soul.” A smile formed on Gadreel’s face and Gabriel’s grip on Castiel’s hand tightened._

_“What I’m trying to say father, is that I am in a relationship with Alfie now. In fact, I believe that I’m in love with him.” Oh Lord, Castiel thought._

_“Do you think I did the right thing, Father?” Gadreel asked and Castiel’s hand was getting crushed._

_“WHAT THE FUCK?” Gabriel shouted._

***

 

Castiel left the memory at that. He remembered there were lots of screaming. Lots of struggling as Gabriel burst out of the booth and ripped Gadreel out of the other to kick and scream at him. Castiel tried holding his brother back but Gabriel was on a rampage. His brother went completely berserk that even his father heard it from the house and ran into the church to restrain Gabriel. Gadreel was sent to the hospital and Alfie visited him. Castiel had to beg Alfie not to get Gabriel arrested and with Gadreel and father’s help, Gabriel was pardoned, in one condition that Gabriel was to stay away from Gadreel and Alfie.

Gabriel was in enough trouble as it is from impersonating father. Father was still bitter about Gabriel’s actions and quite disappointed in Castiel for letting it happen.

Nevertheless, the point of the story was Gabriel’s inability to handle confrontations. He had to wear their father’s robes in order to approach his former boyfriend. Castiel wondered about his situation with Dean as he stood in his bedroom’s balcony and watched Benny tend the garden. The larger man was cutting a rose bush in the distance when Garth appeared.  

“Hey Cas-,”

Castiel turned to the butler.

“I need to talk to you, can you come inside?” Garth asked and Castiel nodded. Garth looked at Castiel’s drawings stuck to the wall. They were the same drawings in the white room and Castiel decided to move them into his room. To the wall near the door and Garth inspected the each and every single one of them.

Castiel made himself comfortable on one of the couches.

“I know I shouldn’t be asking you this but here goes-,” Garth said and Castiel shuffled uncomfortably. “Would it be possible if you can say sorry to Dean?”

Castiel narrowed his eyes then he stood up. “You’re right you shouldn’t be asking me that question.” He bit out.

“Hear me out…” Garth stammered. “I know he messed up, like really messed you up but he hasn’t been out of his room today and hasn’t even eaten anything.”

Castiel furiously shook his head. “Why on earth should I apologize? In fact, what gives him the right to be upset? He ABUSED me Garth. He inflicted unimaginable suffering and **you** witnessed it! You saw it all yet you have the audacity to come up here and tell me to say SORRY? Who in the world does that?”

“I know that! I know how much he’s hurt you and I know he deserves what you did to him last night. I know you have every right to be angry but Cas, he’s really hurt. Not just physically but also by what you said.” Garth’s words tugged Castiel’s guilt.

“He’s been all distant because he doesn’t know what to do with himself. If you can just go over to his room and see how he looks then maybe you can say sorry- actually, you don’t even have to be sincere about it. In fact you don’t even need to say _‘sorry’_ at all but he needs to see you Cas. He needs to talk to you because Benny and I have tried and he won’t budge. He won’t leave his room. He won’t talk to us- won’t even take his anger out on us. He just sits in his room and plays the music box his father gave him. He hasn’t been like this since Mr. John Winchester died…” Garth admitted and Castiel frowned at that.

“This is not fair…this is not fair and I don’t deserve this Garth. You can’t just lay that on me and expect me to resist…” Castiel buried his face in his hands.

“I’m sorry Cas. I know it’s underhanded but I’m still the butler of this house and if my master is not well then it is my job to make him feel better.” Garth apologized but Castiel waved his hand to pardon the other man.

“I understand. Although I don’t agree with your methods, I know you mean well and you’re also my friend. The only friend I have right now and I don’t wish to see you suffer from my problems with Dean.” Castiel confessed which brought a smile on Garth’s face.

“Thank you Cas. You’re also my friend and I appreciate your understanding. At least stubborn out of the two of you…” Garth said and Castiel scoffed.

“There is more difference between me and Dean than just stubbornness. You’ll do well to remember that Garth.” Castiel threatened and Garth agreed.

“Sorry. You’re right. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

Castiel chuckled. “You owe me-,” They were headed to the door when Castiel noticed the shadows underneath. He gave one look at Garth before he ran straight to the door.

“Cas- wait!” Garth called out but Castiel ignored him as he opened the door to see Dean with his hand cupping his ear.

“Shit- umm, hey- hey Cas…” Dean backpedaled while Castiel threw him the dirtiest look.

“Dean- I mean Mr. Winchester! What are you doing out of your room?” Garth nervously asked then Castiel’s shifted their stare to the butler who fidgeted.

“I came to uhh- I came to see Cas…” Dean said and it almost sounded like a whisper.

“What a coincidence! Cas was just about to see you!” Garth blurted out but Castiel could tell by his tone that he was expecting this.

It took a moment for Castiel to realize what was going on.

“Get out.” Castiel muttered.

“But Cas-,” Garth pleaded however Castiel wouldn’t have any of it.

“I said GET OUT!” Castiel grabbed the butler and threw him at Dean before he slammed it shut. He heard Dean and Garth arguing outside but Castiel covered his ears. He heard some keys jingled so he grabbed one of the chairs and used it to lock the door. Garth unlocked it but was unable to open it.

“Cas? Castiel! Please let us in! There’s been a huge misunderstanding-,”

“Go away! Both of you! ALL OF YOU! LEAVE ME ALONE!” Castiel shouted before he ran to his bed and grabbed a pillow to cover his ears. Garth was banging on his door now and so was Dean.

“Cas! Open the door! Castiel! Cas!”

They kept calling and they kept banging and banging and banging but Castiel did not leave his bed. He cried and cried until the banging stopped and they stopped calling. Once the shadows under the door disappeared, Castiel muttered.

“Traitors. The lot of you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ended the chapter here because i'm a tease ;)
> 
> Reason why Gabriel sounds like Chuck because I have this headcanon that Gabriel is the voice of God and can imitate his voice if he wanted to.   
> Up until now, Garth and Dean are still playing mind games with Castiel. What do you think Castiel is going to do? Or should do?


	16. Chapter 16- Blind Faith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel and Dean's relationship returns to square one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello beautiful people, next chapter's up! I don't actually know how many of you are reading this- I know there are around thirty subscribers but I wonder how others are able to know that I've updated this fic...
> 
> Maybe you saved it as a tab? I do that as well however my computer updates automatically and deletes everything which is a tragedy to anyone who forgets to save fanfiction. 
> 
> Oh this chapter...  
> Have I got more surprises for all of you!

**-Castiel-**

It didn’t take long for Garth to apologize to him. The very next morning, the butler stood right outside of his door waiting. Castiel had not left his room since yesterday and once the barricade had been removed, he wondered if he should’ve left it on.

“I’m sorry-,” Garth stuttered. “I’m sorry Cas…I’m so sorry…” the butler was immediately in tears before he wrapped his arms around Castiel.

“Garth…” he muttered.

“I’m so sorry- I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking- I should’ve…” Garth cried and cried. “I’m sorry…” Garth looked him in the eye then stroked his cheek. “Your face…you shouldn’t have to cry. You shouldn’t go through this, Castiel…”

Castiel got confused. “What are you-,”

“I’m not- I’m not just saying sorry for yesterday…I’m sorry for everything. For what you’ve been through and for all the hurt. I should’ve- I should’ve done more. I should’ve stopped him…instead I helped him. I helped him because I thought that if you saw him. If you saw how much he was affected by what you said then you would find it in your heart to care for him. Pity him at least. That was all I wanted…” Garth shook his head while he clung onto Castiel’s shoulders.

“But I was so focused on keeping the peace in this household to realize that you were hurting too. You were hurting- you were dying in the inside and I didn’t do a thing to stop him. I just let him. I was so selfish- I didn’t think about you. About your peace of mind, I just left you alone to fend for yourself... And I’m- I’m sorry…I really am.” Garth dropped to his knees and held Castiel’s hand. Garth’s forehead was pressed against the back of his hand and Castiel held his tears back.

_Why did he forgive so easily?_

“I forgive you.” Castiel answered and Garth looked up. “I forgive you but I don’t think I can trust you…not for now at least.”

Castiel pulled Garth up and the butler wrapped his arms around Castiel tightly.

“I understand…thank you. Thank you Cas…” Garth said before he continued. “Cas…” Garth muttered. “He’s still hurt by what you said. Despite yesterday, Dean still feels bad about what everything that’s happened. In fact he’s more upset now…”

“Please stop.” Castiel mumbled. “If he’s truly sorry for what he did then I should hear it from his mouth, not through yours. I can’t- I can’t have you apologizing for his sake every time he makes a mistake. He hasn’t even made an effort-,” Castiel stopped there. “You said it yourself…you said that you were involved in raising him and he’s your responsibility. Then I must ask you to give him a chance to redeem himself. Allow him to bear some responsibility.”

Garth thought about it for a moment then nodded. “Yes, yes you are right Castiel. I’ve been babying him for too long…he should- he should learn how to stand on his own two feet.”

“Thank you Garth.” Castiel smiled. “I must also ask you to let me deal with him on my own.”

“But Cas-,”

“Promise me. Promise me that you won’t get in between me and Dean again. This is for your own sake. I don’t want you getting hurt again.” Castiel frowned but Garth reassured him with a nod.

“Fine. I’ll try.”

Castiel beamed at the thought that he wasn’t truly alone.

***

 

When Garth and Castiel arrived at breakfast, Dean was already in the Banquet Hall with Benny. They were talking and laughing about something and Castiel told himself not to pay attention.

“Morning Garth!” Dean yelled out before he turned to him. “Morning Cas.” but Castiel ignored him.

When he sat on his spot, Dean and Benny stopped talking. They started eating in silence while Castiel saw Dean and Garth exchanged looks from the corner of his eye.

“So Cas…whatcha doin’ today?” Dean asked before Castiel turned to him.

“None of your business.” Castiel sarcastically smiled before he continued eating.

Dean didn’t comment on it. In fact, he didn’t look angry but rather frowned. Castiel didn’t look at him in the eye, he kept eating while a wave of tension swept the air.

“Uhh, Garth said you liked reading the books in the library.” Dean said while Garth and Castiel exchanged a look.

“Really? Are you sure you didn’t overhear it behind the door?” Castiel asked which sent Dean red.

“Yeah bout that…” Dean stumbled to find the words and Castiel took a moment to listen. He wasn’t giving Dean a chance or anything like that. He was merely being polite.

“It was Garth’s fault. It was his idea. I don’t even- he’s that manipulative. Been pulling the strings around here my whole life…” Dean pointed at Garth whose eyes were blown wide open.

“Wow.” Castiel said and Dean nodded.

“I know right!” Dean turned to his butler. “Freaking puppet master, Garth! Don’t know why I put up with you!”

“You can’t be serious?” Garth asked then his mouth was agape.

“Ain’t that right Cas?” Dean asked him then Castiel smiled at him.

He grabbed the glass by his side then threw water all over Dean’s face.

“You make me sick.” Castiel spitefully said and Garth chuckled.

He left the Banquet Hall without another word.

***

 

Castiel stumbled upon a book on Greek Mythology in the library. He came across the story of Orpheus and Eurydice. The story was about the most talented musician in the world whose wife died from a snake bite on the night of their wedding. When he went to the underworld to retrieve his love, Hades made a deal with Orpheus and told him to leave the underworld without looking back. If he succeeded in doing this, his beloved Eurydice would be resurrected however Orpheus had doubt and turned around to watch his beloved disappear and whisper blame into his heart. The lord of the Underworld kept his word but Orpheus failed, he failed himself and his loved one then suffered the consequences. He was about to flip to the next page when Dean appeared, he towered over Castiel with an irritated expression.

“We need to talk.” Dean said and Castiel sighed. ‘About time’, Castiel thought.

Dean crossed his arms while Castiel stayed on his seat.

“What you did this morning was unacceptable.” Dean said and something ached in Castiel’s chest.

They were back from the start.

“I know.” Castiel responded and Dean stammered.

“ _Yeah_ well this means I have to punish you. I can’t have you disrespecting me in front of everyone.” Dean said with conviction and Castiel nodded.

“If that is what you want.” Castiel narrowed his eyes.

“To hell it is! You brought this to yourself Cas! You should’ve thought about that when you threw water all over my face!” Dean pointed accusingly but Castiel merely frowned at the man.

“Fine. Punish me.” Castiel said and Dean grimaced.

“I **really** will! I don’t appreciate your attitude Cas. Just because you got sick and all doesn’t mean I’m gonna take it easy on you!” Dean’s nose flared but Castiel didn’t care. He wasn’t really surprised anymore.

“Fine.”

“FINE!” Dean spat out. Castiel didn’t really see the point of this conversation. “You’ll clean my room. I expect it to be spotless by the end of the day.” Dean ordered and Castiel nodded.

“Fine.” Castiel casually said. “Will that be all, sir?” he sarcastically asked.

“Y-Yeah! That’s all!” Dean stomped out of the library.

***

 

Not a moment later, Castiel started cleaning Dean’s room. There were a few beer bottles lying around and several dirty clothes but overall, the room was immaculate. It didn’t really seem like a punishment to Castiel, except for the annoying fact that Dean had to audacity to be angry at him when Dean hadn’t even apologized to him. Castiel decided to forget about it and looked around to find anything else that looked out of place.

He noticed the music box on Dean’s nightstand and approached it. Garth said that Dean hadn’t played it since his father died. Castiel didn’t really know much about John Winchester apart from what he looked like in pictures. There was even a portrait of John in one of the rooms. It was in the room filled with hunting equipment and miscellaneous artefacts. Perhaps the music box belonged in that room but Dean kept it here. Next to him. Out of curiosity, Castiel opened the box and it started playing a tune. It was a nice tune, it felt like he heard it before.

“As Time Goes By.”

Castiel jumped as he saw Dean leaning by the door. “The song’s called _‘As Time Goes By’_ my dad used to sing it to my mom when I was a kid.” Dean walked toward the music box before taking it from the nightstand and closing it.

The sweet music stopped.

“You done cleaning my room?” Dean asked and Castiel narrowed his eyes. The Winchester was within his personal space and he did not appreciate it.

“Yes I have. Can I leave?” Castiel asked and Dean nodded. He headed to the door but stopped when Dean called for him.

“Hey Cas-,”

“Yes?” Castiel asked

“Nothin’…” Dean shook his head before Castiel left the room without looking back.

***

 

It was late in the afternoon when Dean called for Castiel again. Castiel was in the garden looking at the rose bushes that Benny carefully tended to every day. Garth approached him with a worried look in his eyes.

“Cas- Dean wants you. He wants you upstairs.” Garth looked tense and Castiel furrowed his brow.

“What for?” Castiel asked but Garth shrugged.

“Not sure.”

Castiel nodded then headed to the door but not before Garth stopped him.

“Cas- I know you can’t trust me but I need to warn you, Dean’s more stubborn than you think. He’s gonna go out of his way just to forget about what happened…I mean what happened the _other_ night.” Garth warned and Castiel nodded.

“It’s okay. Thank you Garth, for at least trying to earn my trust.” Castiel said. “I wish I can say the same to some people.” He mumbled.

“Good luck…” Garth said like almost a whisper.

Castiel walked all the way upstairs to Dean’s room. When he was inside, the other man was nowhere to be found until he shut the door.

“Garth is that you?” Dean called and he’s in the bathroom. Its door was left open.

“It’s Castiel.” Castiel answered then Dean called out.

“Come in here.”

Castiel clenched his fists. If this was another plan to play with his emotions then Dean had another thing coming for him. All sorts of thoughts were running through Castiel’s mind, thoughts of Dean and Benny _copulating_.

He poked his head through the door and saw Dean in the enormous bathtub. The Winchester’s arms were relaxed to the sides while Castiel kept his eyes away from Dean’s body. He was afraid that Benny might come out of the water in any second…

“Cas.” Dean looked at him with lust in his eyes but Castiel tried not to return the gesture. “Cas come here…” Dean ordered and Castiel obeyed. He knew this was a bad idea but he couldn’t find the words to resist. 

“Cas I want you to come here.” Dean held a hand out and Castiel walked closer. He should leave- he really should.

“Dean what is this?” Castiel sternly asked then Dean looked at the water.

“This? I’m having a bubble bath Cas. What else does it look like?” Dean grinned smugly but Castiel did not seem amused.

“Why am I here?”

“Because, I need you- I need you to scrub my back. Can you do that for me?” Dean asked and Castiel sighed. Garth was right, Dean would go out of his way to avoid the subject.

“Very well.” Castiel noted then he rolled his sleeves up along with his pants. He stepped behind Dean then dipped his feet in the water and grabbed the washcloth. Dean shuffled forward to give Cas some room and presented his back. There were also freckles all over it.

Dean turned to his left and spoke. “Y’know it’d be easier if you didn’t have any clothes on…” Castiel rolled his eyes.

“I am only washing your back and nothing more-,”

Castiel stopped as Dean rolled to face him. His face was close to Castiel’s crotch.

“Are you sure about that?” Dean asked with a Cheshire grin.

“Yes I am sure-,”

“Cause y’know, I can ask Benny to come in here instead…” Dean pouted but Castiel knew a threat when he heard one.

“Then go and ask for him. I’ll call him for you-,” Castiel was about to leave the tub when Dean gripped his thigh.

“Wait- why are you being so stubborn Cas? I know you _want_ it- you were practically _begging_ me to take you the other night-,” Castiel flicked Dean’s hand away.

“And I distinctly remember you telling me to stop and amongst _other_ things…”

Dean shook his head.

“Let’s forget about that night- we can start all over and I can make you feel good again.” Dean grinned and started fondling Castiel’s thigh.

“Fine. I’ll go along with it. It’s all play and games to you isn’t it?” Castiel asked but Dean frowned.

“I’m not playing Cas. I meant what I said about making you feel good…” Dean stuttered at the end then straightened himself up. “I care about you Cas. That’s why I’m doing this. I’m doing this to make you feel good.” Dean leaned in to unbutton his pants when Castiel gripped his head.

“Let me clear something for you.” Castiel looked Dean directly in the eye. “You cannot possibly have feelings for me Dean. It insults me when you don’t mean those things. Do not mistake my obedience toward you as affection, you need to understand that feelings were not involved when I agreed to this deal.”

Dean pulled his head away and scoffed.  “Now I’m the liar. I can tell by the way you look at me Cas that you care about me as well. Can you stop making excuses for the both of us and admit that you care about me? What’s it gonna take for you to give in Cas? Should I take it out on Garth? Should I keep fucking with Benny? Believe me, I’ll do it. I’ll do all those things just to make you be more honest about yourself. About us.” Dean got on his knees then snaked his hands around Castiel’s waist.

“Tell me you love me. I need to hear you say it. I need to hear it come out of your mouth. Say you love me back- just say it. I promise to be faithful, to be loyal and stay by your side. I promise- I promise to give you the world Cas. Just say the words and I can make you happy.”

Castiel gritted his teeth then shook his head. “No- No you can’t Dean. I’m sorry but you can’t possibly make me happy. You can’t-,”

Dean started to shake his head. “No Cas- don’t say that- say you love me back- Say it!” The Winchester cusped his hands on Castiel’s cheek.

“Dean please…” Castiel struggled as Dean forced him to meet his eyes.

“Cas look at me- I said **look** at me!” Dean raised his voice and Castile stared into his eyes.

“I need you to look me in the eye and tell me you love me. I promise I’ll do anything! Anything- just say it back!” Dean pleaded with his eyes but Castiel just shook his head.

“I-I can’t…I’m sorry I can’t-,”

“No No No No NO NO NO!” Dean gripped Castiel’s wrists. “Take it back! I need you to take it back Cas! Say you love me!”

Castiel shook his head.

“Open your mouth and say it! I order- I command you Castiel. Take it back and say that you love me-,”

“I can’t- I’m sorry-,” Dean’s crushing grip made Castiel’s wrists hurt.

“I don’t want your FUCKING APOLOGY! I want- I want you to say you love me! You love me Cas I know you do! Just say it!” Dean buried his face in Castiel’s chest as Castiel struggled to get away.

“Dean I can’t- I won’t say it-,”

“NO! Fucking tell me! Tell me Cas! _I love you_ just say it!” Dean kept struggling as Castiel had one foot out of the tub while the other kept slipping. Dean’s hold kept him in place but he had no plans to stay. The man below him had tears in his eyes.

“No Dean- I can’t-,” Then Castiel broke free while Dean slipped out of the tub with a thud. Castiel instinctively went down to check him.

“Cas!” Dean vice-gripped him with his arms. “Cas please don’t go.” Castiel lost balance and landed on his back side. Dean climbed on top of him then kissed him on the lips.

“Cas. I love you.” Kiss. “I love you- say it for me.” “I love you.” Kiss. “I love you so much.” And another kiss. Dean kept kissing him on the lips but they were sealed shut. Instead Dean proceeded to kiss his cheek then the stubble on his jaw. “Cas. I love you. You’re everything to me. Say it.”

“I can’t-,” Castiel replied but Dean crushed their lips together.

“No Cas. That’s not what I asked for. I want you to say: _‘I love you too’_. That’s all I ask- it’s what I’ve been _praying_ for.” Dean muttered as he continued kissing and licking Castiel’s lips, cheek and neck.

Something twitched inside Castiel as his gaze moved to the sobbing man on top of him.

“You know I’ve stopped praying.” Castiel said and Dean stopped. He was in the middle of unbuttoning Castiel’s shirt. “I stopped praying to God because I don’t believe in his existence. I don’t believe in him anymore. Not after the way you treated me- not after the way you treated _others_.”

Castiel got up but he kept his eyes on Dean. His expression was blank. “After everything you’ve done, you have the audacity to pray- to pray for _this_.” Castiel cusped the sides of Dean’s face. “I hate to break it to you Dean but there is no God. There is no God listening to our prayers. To your prayers.” Then Castiel rose to his feet.

“A higher being cannot answer your prayers because just like your so called _love_ \- it doesn’t exist. What is the point of me saying those words when both you and I know that it’s not real? It doesn’t exist Dean.” Castiel removed his hands from the man kneeling on the floor.

“God and his angels are not watching over us. Watching over you- so you can forget about me saying _‘I love you’_ back. Those words mean nothing. I can never love someone as cruel and selfish as you.” Castiel walked out of the bathroom without looking back. Dean did not follow him nor did he care. After all he was right about what he said. Dean did not actually love him. All those things Dean said were empty words. If a hint of hope flickered in Castiel’s chest then he instantly forgot about it.

There wasn’t much point in believing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Castiel has no chill- actually, his heart is as cold as ice in this chapter. 
> 
> how are you all feeling? Did you enjoy reading the chapter?
> 
> I thought the last bit was so fun.
> 
> Anyone notice the Orpheus story parallel to Castiel's scene?


	17. Chapter 17- Depths of Despair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel should've left when he had the chance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: BENNY/DEAN Explicit scene- due to reasons.  
> I cannot stress how fucked up this is. This chapter sort of messed me up and it's pretty long- due to reasons. 
> 
> To those who hate Benny- this chapter is the result.  
> To those who hate Dean right now- this chapter is a massive cliffhanger.
> 
> Enjoy my lovelies.

**-Castiel-**

Dean had plenty of things in common with Gabriel, at least in terms of how to cope with depression. There was the obligatory distance which occurred whenever Gabriel’s heart was rejected. He did it to long term relationships with Gadreel or short term, or on and off relationships with a woman named Kali. Gabriel would not see the sunlight for hours and when Castiel grew concerned and arrived with food at his bedroom door, Gabriel told him to go away. Sometimes he wouldn’t even answer. Castiel would brush it off and wait until his brother got over it.

In Dean’s case, Castiel noticed that he did the same thing as Gabriel did. He would enter this state of isolation which was unsettling and concerning at the same time. Garth tried distracting everyone with menial small talk while Benny had not even spoken to Castiel since. The larger man hated him and it wasn’t subtle anymore. He would leave the room whenever Castiel arrived or eat his meals before or after him.

Castiel didn’t care because he had worse things to think about.

Garth returned to the Banquet Hall with a tray of Dean’s lunch and a frown on his face.

“He won’t eat. He hasn’t eaten in hours and he kept the door locked shut. When I opened it, he merely stared out the window and didn’t even notice me leave…” Garth said and Benny gave Castiel a glare before he left the room. It didn’t bother Castiel because Benny was the least of his concern. Castiel knew exactly what Dean was doing, he had seen it all before and despite his callous hatred toward the divine, he had a feeling that prayers would be needed very soon.

***

 

Not surprisingly, Dean underwent the second stage of Gabriel’s depression.

_Denial._

Sometimes Gabriel went delirious and pretended as if nothing was wrong. If he pretended long enough, he would eventually get over his depression. It was the morning the day after that Dean exhibited this.

“Hey Garth! Good morning Benny! Where are you going?” Dean arrived in the Banquet Hall just as Benny was about to leave because Castiel arrived with Garth. Their breakfast was already on the table, but there was none for Dean because Garth and Benny were surprised if their gaping mouths indicated anything. Dean had a bright smile and the dark circles under his eyes were almost nonexistent.

“I-I was…uhh- good morning-,” Benny stuttered as he and Garth exchanged a look. Dean just smiled, it was practically brighter than the day.

“Ain’t it a great morning, right Cas?” Dean nudged his shoulder but Castiel just blankly stared at him.

“Let’s all have breakfast together! It feels like forever since we all sat in the table together.” Dean patted Castiel’s shoulder and it made Castiel shudder. He was so similar to Gabriel, it was difficult to stomach.

They all nodded and sat on their respective seats. Benny sat next to Garth on the other side of the table while the butler and Castiel sat closest to Dean.

“Dammit- I forgot to make you something!” Benny jumped back up but Dean gestured a pardon.

“It’s okay Benny. Cas and I can share. Ain’t that right Cas?” Dean winked at Castiel. Then Castiel nodded.

“You’re so nice Cas! It’s one of the things _Iloveaboutyou_.” Dean muttered quickly as he grabbed his cutlery.

“What?” Castiel asked blinkingly.

“Nothing.” Dean smirked then moved his plate closer to Castiel’s. Castiel gave Garth a look but the butler just sipped his water and shrugged. When Dean was finished taking half of Castiel’s food, which Castiel struggled finishing most of the time, he smiled at Castiel. Castiel smiled back of course, though Dean’s behavior was unpredictable, he thought there was little to no point in being spiteful.

Instead, he anticipated.

They ate in awkward silence while Dean cheerfully chewed his food. It was quite unnerving since it felt like a five year old joined them on the table, excited about ice cream. Only it wasn’t a five year old who joined them, it was a full-grown man who looked at Castiel as if he was the ice cream. And if their recent exchange in Dean’s bathroom floor indicated anything, it was that Dean liked to lick Castiel’s body.

“So whatcha up to today Cas? Doing some reading? Some drawing? I saw the drawings in your room. They look fantastic!” Dean flicked his finger at Castiel’s wrist.

“Thank you.” Castiel replied, hoping Dean left the conversation at that. His hopes were crushed of course.

“You should draw the two of us! I’d have it framed and hung on the wall! Maybe in our bedroom!” Dean slid his hand on Castiel’s forearm but that wasn’t what concerned him. Garth and Benny also heard it if their frozen expressions indicated anything.

“You mean _your_ bedroom?” Castiel reinstated as he looked into Dean’s eyes.

“Yeah whatever… _it’soursbutanyway_...” Dean muttered something again and Castiel stopped eating.

“What did you say?”

“I said I wanna see you draw us two! We’d look so cute together! Dontcha think Garth? Benny?” Dean snapped Garth a look which made the butler jump and nod furiously.

“Yes of course! Of course, Mr. Winchester…” Garth smiled nervously then sipped his water while he shifted his gaze to Castiel. His eyes displayed unimaginable fear. Benny on the other hand simply nodded slowly while he kept a glare on Castiel.

Dean turned to Castiel with a delighted grin and scooched his seat closer. It then allowed him to throw an arm over Castiel’s shoulder. “See Cas? You should draw us since we look so good together.” Dean grinned from ear to ear as he stroked Castiel’s left shoulder and played with his food using his fork.

“Perhaps…” Castiel whispered in concern as Dean’s arm shouldn’t be on his shoulder. In fact, Dean shouldn’t even be touching him. “However I cannot draw us. It’s impossible for an artist to draw and at the same time pose…”

“Then we’ll have Garth take a photo of us!” Dean beamed before he turned to Garth. “You can do that can’t you Garth?” the butler nodded nervously and Dean quickly turned to Castiel. “Garth can take it and you and I can be in a photo. We don’t even have a photo together. We don’t even have photo of you and you live here now! Jesus Christ!” Dean jumped up then pointed at Garth. “Garth get the camera! We’re doing a photo shoot for Cas today!” Then he sat back down to get into Castiel’s eye level. “Then you and I can have some photos _together_. I’ll fill up a whole photo album with our photos. Actually I’ll fill up plenty of photo albums with photos of us!”

“Dean-,” Castiel tried to interrupt.

“It’s gonna be amazing Cas! We’ll be in lots of photos together! Ain’t that awesome?” Dean smiled while he nodded. His eyes expected Castiel to agree.

“Dean, we can’t-,”

Dean quickly turned to Benny. “Benny!” The burly man straightened up. “Yes sir!”

“I need you to order a couple of photo albums. The best looking ones- I don’t care about the price. They better be good!” Dean ordered while Benny nodded along.

“No, Dean listen-,” Castiel tried again but to no avail.

“Maybe they can be clad in gold. Can we get photo albums made of gold?” Dean asked Garth who nodded in panic. “Anyway, I’ll put the best ones up with gold frames. Whatcha think Cas?”

“DEAN I SAID NO!” he finally shouted and the whole room went silent.

“It’s okay Cas. It’s a stupid idea. Dammit Garth! Gold photo albums? It’s a fucking stupid idea!” Dean pointed accusingly at Garth and the butler squeaked.

“Dean stop it!” Castiel grabbed Dean’s forearms to take his attention. Dean turned to him with apologetic eyes.

“I’m sorry Cas. Don’t get mad. I just wanted some memories of us together. You don’t have to draw it. Hell we don’t need to have them in photo albums. But I want something hung up so I can look at it every day to remind myself how much we love each other.” Dean smoldered but Castiel’s mouth went agape.

“Dean, you are mistaken. I never said I _love_ you nor will I say it. You need to get your head wrapped around that or else you’re just crazy.” Castiel couldn’t believe he actually called someone crazy. He wasn’t exactly a role model for sanity. It took him a moment to realize he was towering over Dean.

Dean laughed then stood up. “Cas you’re funny. I am crazy- crazy in love with you!” Dean leaned in and kissed him on the lips. Castiel kept his lips sealed shut as he looked at both Garth and Benny who were clueless as to what to do.

“I need to go.” Castiel said firmly then he headed to the door.

“But you’re not done with your breakfast?” Dean frowned and looked genuinely concerned.

“You may have it.” Castiel held a hand out.

“I’ll come with you then.” Dean nodded with that annoying smile of his.

“No. Just leave me alone.” Castiel quickly shut the door behind him and left them all.

***

 

Dean was a nightmare worse than Gabriel. Castiel was used to watch his brother prance around and pretend everything was alright. He would go with his brother to Gadreel or Kali’s house for moral support while Gabriel showered them with gifts or begged on his knees, only to be rejected over and over again. To think Dean would get the message but unfortunately, he was as hard-headed and persistent as Gabriel. Dean didn’t give up even if he was rejected-

“Hey Cas, here’s some roses from the back garden, Benny helped me pluck them out for you.”

-over…

“Hey Cas smile for the camera, I hear it’s called a selfie!”

…and over…

“Cas, Garth told me you liked reading books on Greek Mythology, I had him pick them all out from the library so we can read together.”

…and over..

“Can you read me a story from this book Cas? I love hearing the sound of your voice.”

…and over…

“Cas you’ve been in the bathroom for twenty minutes now. When are you gonna come out? Is it something you ate?”

…again.

“Please Cas, can you come out? I’ve got a surprise for you!””

Castiel gave up. Garth was right about Dean’s stubbornness. They were in his room because Castiel could not find peace since Dean followed him everywhere. The fact that he lived under Dean’s roof frustrated him even more. When he opened his bathroom door, he was about to find out just how much.

“Hey Cas.”

Dean’s stubbornness knew no bounds.

“What are you doing?” Castiel asked.

“What’s it look like I’m doing?” Dean wriggled his ass as he presented it to Castiel. Dean poked his head to the side and had a Cheshire grin while he stroked his large erection. Castiel’s mouth went dry at the sight. Dean’s body was quite pink and sweaty as he pumped his right hand under him. His left hand reached around to pull his left ass cheek and finger his hole.  He then played with his balls before he returned them to his pink hole. It was quite puffy and red. Cleanly shaven and slick from the lube which coincidentally appeared on Castiel’s bed.

“Dean…”

“Yeah Cas, say my name.” Dean pumped his dick harder and inserted two fingers deep into his hole. “I can’t- it won’t go deep enough Cas. I need you to get inside me…” Dean seductively whispered while Castiel let out a frustrated groan.

“Please don’t do this…” Castiel begged before he buried his face in his hands.

“You don’t wanna top? That’s okay Cas. I’m more than happy to top. Just thought it’d be easier since I’ve prepped myself-,” Dean got on his back and pumped his cock using both of his hands.

“Dean that’s not what I mean…”

“C’mon Cas. I’ll make it feel real good. You won’t even believe!” Dean thrusted his hips up as he pumped his thick member. Castiel swallowed at the sight, despite the lust in his veins, he knew Dean was doing this for something else.

“Dean, why are you doing this?” Castiel had to ask just to be sure.

“’Cause I wanna make you forget all your problems with my cock.” Dean licked his lips then his left hand snaked up to tweak his nipple. “Ggghhng Cas you should play with my nips. They’re real sensitive. I imagine you sucking them. And biting…nngh!” Dean rolled his hips up in the air, desperate for friction.

“Dean, if this is about what I said…” Castiel averted his eyes at the sight. One look in Dean’s eyes and the other man will know that he also wanted this.

“Forgetaboutit! Enough talking! Let’s just do nggh.” Dean gestured his hand to ask Castiel to come closer. Dean’s stroked harder and faster at every step that Castiel took.

“Dean, I can’t-,”

“C’mon Cas! I know you wanna do me, and I wanna do you. I wanna do you HARD…” Dean thrusted his hips up again but Castiel looked away, his eyes gazed upon the door.

“Dean, I must tell you that what I said is not a matter of ‘actions speak louder than words’, I really meant it when I said that I don’t believe you. I don’t believe that you truly care about me.” Castiel admitted then Dean up while his hand continued to stroke his cock.

“But Cas you gotta believe! If you come over here, I’ll show you. I ‘ll make you believe- I’ll show you just how much I love you…” Dean writhed and panted as his strokes got faster. His other hand gripped the sheets until they were white and his eyes lidded with lust.

“I’m sorry Dean.” Castiel had to rip himself away.

“Cas don’t go!” Dean had a hand out. “Please don’t! I need you! I need you to believe! Just come here and I promise that you’ll never doubt me again!” Dean pleaded with his eyes.

“I’m sorry Dean but I never believed you to begin with.”

Then Castiel exited the room without a second thought. He might’ve heard Dean scream his name as he marched down the corridor. Then again, he chose not to believe it.

***

The next morning, the mansion was quiet. By quiet, Castiel meant deathly. When he returned to his room last night, Dean was gone and he didn’t join them for dinner. Castiel told Garth what happened which only made the butler panic more. As for Benny, the man glared at Castiel before he exited the room. There was something amiss and Castiel couldn’t’ put a finger into it. He hoped that Dean had given up.

When he went downstairs to get breakfast, he realized that he was asking for too much.

“Garth?” Castiel stumbled upon the butler scrubbing the marble floors of the front entrance.

“Good morning…Cas…” Garth got up with his head bowed.

“Garth what’s wrong? Why are you cleaning the floor so early in the morning? Have you eaten breakfast?” Castiel asked and Garth looked at him with sorrowful eyes.

“Cas don’t get mad but Dean told me to clean all the floors of the mansion before I can eat…” Garth whimpered and Castiel’s jaw clenched.

“What-Why is he doing this?” Castiel asked then Garth looked over his shoulder. Dean was right behind them.

“Because I keep my _promises_ Cas.” Dean said and Castiel noticed his puffy eyes. He had a more slumped posture than yesterday and it reminded Castiel of someone he knew too well.

“I told you that I’ll do anything- anything just to convince you to be more honest about yourself. About us. Since being nice didn’t work then I’ll just have to find another way.” Dean crept closer before he pointed at Garth.

“What’s it gonna be angel? Give up and give in or Garth suffers.” Dean threatened and Castiel looked at the butler for a moment before he shifted his eyes to Dean.

“You really don’t get it do you?” Castiel looked Dean in the eye. “I can’t possibly believe you love me when you do these horrible acts.” He pointed at Garth. “Can’t you see? How can you ask for my heart when you’ve shown none?” Castiel clutched his chest.

“But it’s not-,” Dean stuttered. “It’s not enough. My heart’s not enough. I’ve given everything but it’s never enough- you just take and take but you never give back! Won’t even admit you love me-,”

Castiel’s nose flared. “Have you not listened to a word I’ve said? You can’t possibly love me because I can’t even believe that you have a heart. You wish to know why?”

Dean furrowed his brow in confusion before Castiel continued. “Because you feel nothing. You don’t really love me. You never have. If you did then you will know _hurt_ and you will know _sympathy_ \- you will feel the _pain_ that you have inflicted on others. So don’t give me lies about giving your heart. You couldn’t possibly be _suffering_ when all of this has been a game and every single one of us-,” Castiel pointed at Garth and himself. “Has been a piece on your board. But you can’t do this Dean. You can’t bend the rules every time you feel like you’re cornered…”

Castiel wiped the tears off his face. He didn’t even realize they were there until it was too late.

“You promised me that you’d never lay a finger on anyone- _except_ me. You can hurt me as much as you want just as long as you don’t make anyone else suffer. So _move_ me. _Use_ me as your final chess piece, just- get everyone else off the board.” Castiel begged then saw Dean give Garth a look.

“I can’t do that Cas.” Dean muttered then Castiel almost interrupted. “If this is a game then I play to win. Garth doesn’t have to play.” Dean darted a look at Garth before leaving them both.

Castiel sighed deeply and noticed his hands were shaking. Garth held him so they could stop however the butler was unable to halt his tears.

***

 

By midday, Castiel was feeling better. Dean’s actions had been quite terrifying but predictable. Gabriel had been like this before. He used to take his anger out on Castiel when Gadreel stopped answering his calls or when he came home after seeing Gadreel on a date with Alfie. Since Dean was very much like Gabriel, Castiel had a feeling that he would endure.

The library was quieter now that he had some privacy. Being in his room was quite risky since it was in the same part of the house as Dean’s room and if living with Gabriel indicated anything, there was no such thing as privacy. Actually, if he could remember clearly, Dean should be up to the stage of Gabriel’s-

“Cas!” Garth called for him while Benny trailed from behind. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m getting better. Thanks.” Castiel replied and noticed Benny glaring at him.

“Dean needs to talk to you and Benny. He wants you up there at the same time.” Garth said nervously but Castiel nodded. Since he was dealing with someone like Gabriel, he expected the worse.

“Cas- listen, if you don’t want to. You don’t have to go.” Garth stopped him but Castiel just gave him a smile.

“I’ll be fine Garth. Do not worry.”

“But I will worry. I have a bad feeling about this.” Garth warned but Castiel soothed his friend.

“Trust me. I’ll be fine.” Castiel reassured before he left the butler to follow Benny up the stairs. The larger man gave him the cold shoulder. They had not said a word to each other for days.

“Lemme ask you something.” Benny stopped him halfway up the stairway. “Why are you doing this?”

Castiel tilted his head in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“Don’t act all _innocent_ now. I mean the whole _‘pain in the ass’_ act. It was cute at the start but now it’s pretty goddamn annoying.” Benny scratched the back of his head.

“I must have you know Benny that I am not putting on an act. I am merely being upfront about how I feel toward our master who happens to be a psychopath.” Castiel looked at the top of the stairs before he returned this gaze upon the bearded man.

“Now don’t be like that Cherie, he may be rough around the edges but he’s really a softie inside. If you’d given him a chance then me and Garth wouldn’t have to keep wasting our breath tryin to convince someone so stubborn.” Benny glared at him in fact he did not have a hint of reluctance in his eyes. They looked so sure that Castiel was the embodiment of evil.

This of course made Castiel’s blood boil. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves Benny, your master threw me outside and made me sleep on the ground, starved me, locked me down the cellars just so he can break me, only to turn around and claim that he _loves_ me? I don’t know if you’re just ignorant or just as psychopathic as he is.”

“You see? That kind of talk really gets me fired up. This is what I hate about you so much. You think that the rest of the world should bow down to your pretty face when in fact we owe you shit. You think I’m ignorant? Try grateful. Not all of us were raised to bite the hand that feeds us.” Benny went ahead and left Castiel standing there.

He thought about Benny’s words for a moment and concluded that there was little to no point in arguing with him. Benny was clearly enamored by Dean and despised Castiel’s resistance. It didn’t matter, Castiel was fighting for what was right and not for what Dean wanted. Without dignity or anything to his name, Castiel managed to send someone as powerful and rich as Dean to his knees.

It wasn’t an assertion of power but rather, a message. A voice to remind Dean that he was not omnipotent. That he was not _God_ since His _Almighty_ did not exist. Not in this mansion, not in this world and certainly not in Castiel’s heart.

When they both reached Dean’s bedroom, Castiel saw the Winchester’s face and was instantly reminded of the next stage of Gabriel’s depression.

_Desperation._

It was evident in the darkness of Dean’s emerald eyes that Castiel was about to regret something.

“Lock the door.” Dean ordered and Benny did as he was told. Dean’s piercing glare had not left Castiel’s eyes as he stood next to his bed. “Benny-,” Dean turned to the man next to Castiel. “I need you to strip.”

_Here it was._

Benny gave Castiel a look before he shifted his eyes to Dean. “Uh boss, Castiel is-,”

“I SAID STRIP!” Dean commanded and Benny did as he was told. Dean started undressing himself but his eyes did not leave Castiel’s. Dean’s glare held him there, petrified and cold.

“My dad told me once that pain reminds us that we’re alive. That we’re real. That’s why people hurt themselves when they’re suffering from a nightmare. They do it so  they can wake up. You see where I’m going with this?” Dean asked Castiel who shook his head. “What I’m about to do is help you wake up Cas. I’m gonna help you wake up from your nightmare. I’ll help you realize it through pain.”

In less than a minute, Dean and Benny were naked and Castiel looked everywhere but their general direction.

“Benny come here-,” Dean ordered but Benny showed some reluctance.

“But boss-,”

“I’m not gonna ask twice.” Dean said then Benny gave Castiel a look.

“Not everyone can afford to be so lucky…” Benny said before he went over to Dean and started kissing him all over. Castiel turned his head away, almost like an instinct.

“Cas look at me.” Dean ordered but Castiel resisted he didn’t want to look at the sight of Benny kissing Dean all over. “I said look at me.” Dean raised his voice and Castiel conceded. Benny’s mouth looked hungry as it nipped and sucked Dean’s skin.

“I need you to look at me. Look at this.” Dean’s hands trailed on Benny’s back then his fingers dug into the skin as a gasp escaped his mouth. Benny swallowed it with his mouth. Castiel just stood there and let grief build in his gut. He shouldn’t be so affected by this- he shouldn’t…

He expected this to happen yet it still hurt.

“C-Cas…” Dean moaned out as Benny continued to suck hickeys on his skin. “They say there’s a fine line between love and pain…unnngh!!!” Benny lifted Dean’s thighs then slammed their master to the wall. Benny had not stopped kissing and licking Dean all over. From his jaw, to his collar, to his shoulder…

Castiel felt hot and bothered but not in a good way. His palms were sweaty as he dug his fingers in them. His fists were shaking yet his mouth was dry at the sight. He did not know whether to be aroused or troubled at the sight.

“I need you to wake up Cas…I need you to wake up from your nightmare and this is the best way I know how...haah!” Dean gasped again as Benny started rutting hips. Dean’s right hand clasped on their erections as precome filled the room with squelching sounds.

“Dean…rnngh…so _good_ …” Benny moaned and practically worshipped their master. Benny had not looked at Castiel since. His eyes remained transfixed on Dean’s face and body however Dean had not left Castiel’s gaze. He kept staring into Castiel as if he could see his soul.

Castiel was afraid of what Dean might find.

Benny thrusted harder and Castiel almost felt its force as Dean’s body slammed on the wall. Dean bit Benny’s shoulder and just like everything about the larger man, it was thick and covered in hair. With Dean’s eyes squeezed shut, Castiel scanned Benny’s figure from top to bottom. From his powerful arms who could practically lift Dean with ease and his thick muscular legs which supported both their weights. Castiel’s lips twitched a little from jealousy and lust.

It was getting harder to tell them apart.

“C-Cas…that look…” Dean was drooling on Benny’s shoulder as the gruff man kept thrusting. This time Dean had both arms on Benny’s shoulder for support while Benny rubbed their erections together. Dean’s eyes were filled with lust but they retained the darkness from earlier.

“I can see it…you want us to stop…” Dean panted and Benny only heaved harder.

“I-It’s not…” Castiel protested.

“It’s okay. I want you to tell us to stop…” Dean somehow found some consciousness amidst Benny’s thrusts. It was a stark contrast from the writhing mess that he was just moments ago.

“No…” Castiel shook his head.

“C’mon Cas! Tell us to stop…I know you want to! I know you don’t want this! Just say the word. Just tell us to stop-,” Dean was interrupted by Benny crushing their lips together. Dean groaned for a second before he broke it to continue talking.

“I’m not gonna last much longer- just say stop! It’s not that hard!” Dean suggested but Castiel merely shook his head. He could no longer find the means to speak at this rate.

Dean’s eyes quickly turned from lust lidded to frustration. Benny on the other hand struggled to make sense of everything.

“D-Dean…I can’t- I’m gonna-,” Benny’s hips stuttered but not before Dean’s eyes turned into a glare.

“Get off.” Dean said but Benny didn’t seem to hear.

“Benny get off-” Dean slapped Benny’s thick shoulder and the gruff man groaned in frustration.

“Dean _please_ -,” Benny seethed and started kissing Dean’s lips but Dean kept them tightly shut.

“I said GET OFF!” Dean surprisingly threw the larger man on the bed.

Castiel saw Benny’s dick twitch. His seed erupted on his chest then all over his thick thighs. It dribbled as Benny thrashed and writhed through his orgasm. Even though Castiel was in a safe distance, he took one step back out of instinct. Some of Benny’s come landed on Dean’s arm and torso, he quickly bent down to grab his shirt and cleaned it up.

“Fucking hell Benny!” Dean shouted at the man before he turned his eyes to Castiel. Benny laid boneless and exposed.

“Look what you made me do!” Dean accusingly pointed at Castiel.

“I didn’t make you do anything-,”

“Yes you did! Dammit Cas!” Dean threw his hands wildly in anger. “You could’ve stopped- you could’ve told us to stop! Why didn’t you do it?” Dean actually looked hurt, his eyes were teary and his mouth grimaced.

“Because I- I can’t-,” Castiel nervously replied, his chest ached and he didn’t know how to feel about it all. If he could still feel.

“YES- Yes you can Cas! I saw it in your eyes, you hated every second of it! You hated me with Benny but why didn’t you say **stop**? You could’ve stopped us!”

“I-I can’t…I can’t because you and Benny-,” Castiel struggled to find the words.

“Benny and I are what? There’s nothing going on between us Cas! There was nothing there! I only fucked around with him because I knew it affected you! Way before you got sick- I knew you hated seeing me and Benny together! Guess what: I **hated** it as well! I was just using him to hurt you! You think I want this? You actually think I like fucking Benny? I hated every second of it and it hurt me every time I had to fuck him just so I can get a reaction outta you!” Dean pointed out and Benny crept from behind with his clothes in his arms.

“I’m still _here_ brother…you could’ve said those things when I left-,” Benny had tears in his eyes but Dean just shook his head.

“Jesus Christ! Then get the fuck out Benny! Get out of my face!” Dean threw his hand toward the door and the larger man gave one miserable look at Castiel before he slammed the door shut.

“Cas- Cas…we’re alone now.” Dean started unbuttoning his shirt and kissed his jaw. “He’s gone. No one’s here. You can touch me. I know you want to.” Dean planted kisses on Castiel’s tightly shut lips, his jaw and neck while Dean’s hands worked Castiel’s shirt.

It took a moment for Castiel to snap back into reality.

“Dean…”

“Yeah Cas, say my name. I wanna hear you say my name.” Dean grinned then kissed Castiel’s lips again.

“Dean…” Castiel spoke again but Dean took the opportunity to quickly cover Castiel’s mouth with his. Dean’s tongue intruded and licked Castiel’s. Castiel resisted and flicked his face away.

“Dean stop this…you have to stop…” Castiel ordered but Dean didn’t seem to be listening as the naked man went down and started unbuttoning his pants. Castiel grabbed Dean’s head and pushed it away.

During the resistance, Castiel lost his balance and fell on the floor with a thud. Dean climbed on his and kept giving him kisses while he chanted ‘Cas’ under his breath.

“Dean this isn’t going to work. You have to stop.” Castiel begged and Dean scowled.

“Why not? Why are you being so difficult Cas? I know you want this- I know you want me!” Dean looked him in the eye while he said it.

“No, this isn’t what I want. None of this is what I want.” Castiel said but Dean shook his head in disagreement.

“No, No, NO! This has to be what you want. I have to be what you want! I’ve tried everything Cas! I got rid of everyone and hurt myself just for you. Why can’t you see how much I love you? Feel this-,” Dean grabbed Castiel’s hand and placed it on his chest.

“Feel my heart, it only beats for you no one else. There’s no one else for me. I chose you. I want you. Why can’t you want me back? Tell me!” Dean shouted then Castiel got up and cusped his hand on Dean’s face.

“Look at me Dean. Look at me in the eye.” Castiel commanded and Dean obeyed. “Do you really wish to know?”

Dean nodded before Castiel continued. “Very well, let me tell you. When you ruined my faith, you ruined my heart. I don’t even know if I have any heart left. Regardless, should there be a trace of a soul left inside me- I need you to know that you will never have it. Hear my words Dean, you will never have that fragment of my heart. That part is reserved for myself or for _someone_ else. Someone more worthy because you Dean Winchester…you do not deserve it. Understand?” Castiel asked but Dean did not answer. In fact he did not move or speak for a moment. Castiel tried to look for a trace of life in Dean’s eyes but all he saw was grief. Those emeralds had lost their shine.

“I’m sorry.” Castiel broke their stare and stood up. He left Dean on the floor while he headed to the door.

“Cas?” Dean stopped him just in time.

“Yes Dean?” Castiel asked.

“What should I do now?” Dean questioned softly.

“Give up.” Castiel said and he shut the door behind him.

***

 

Castiel thought about leaving. He thought about it at times when he suffered in exhaustion, torment or sorrow; or in other words the majority of his time in the mansion. When Dean caused him anguish, he looked at the front door and thought about escaping. He thought about it meticulously. He thought about it carefully. Every detail was played in his head again and again and again. There were plenty of opportunities of course. Benny was usually in the kitchen or the back gardens, Garth was usually in the library or tidying up Dean’s study. The only person who could really catch him was Dean. Dean worked in the garage and had the view of the front lawn, all the way to the gates. Even then, Castiel could get away.

However Castiel never left. He never took the countless of opportunities. The escape scenarios replayed in his head but he never acted them out. They tormented him like a broken record. Castiel asked himself how it was possible for freedom to be a means of prison. _How could sweet escape be another gateway to perdition?_

The answer rested deep inside him. Deep in his hollow and aching chest, Castiel found the answer. He saw his family and the townspeople. He could not bear the guilt of what would happen to them if he left and never came back. Perhaps there wouldn’t be a home to return to. Only a town filled with grief and suffering at the hands of his own hubris and selfishness. But Castiel tried not to think about it.

Over the past few days, Dean reminded Castiel so much of Gabriel that it made him miss his family even more. He frequently wondered about Gabriel and his father. Every time he read in the library, he felt as if he was back at home with his family. As if nothing had changed and he was not chained into a mansion full of evil and despair.

At times, Castiel wondered if all his efforts were worth it. Perhaps doubt managed to find its way into his heart and latched onto it. Perhaps it was made possible by a gaping hole in his heart in the shape of Dean Winchester.

“Castiel?” Garth’s voice called for him which made Castiel snap back into reality; he had been staring at an open page of a book since the break of dawn.

“In the library Garth.” Castiel called out and the butler scurried toward him with a concerned look on his face.

“Cas, where the hell have you been? You weren’t in your room!” Garth asked in panic.

“Couldn’t sleep…” Castiel had been in the library since midnight. Garth pulled him up then turned to the door.

“What’s wrong?” he asked the butler.

“Listen carefully to what I’m about to say-,” Garth was interrupted by a loud crashing sound somewhere deep in the mansion.

“What was that?” Castiel asked but Garth ignored the question.

“Castiel listen, I don’t have much time to explain: I’ve known Dean since forever I raised him along with everyone in this household-,” The crashing sound got louder and Castiel was beginning to worry.

“Is Dean making those sounds?” Castiel asked but Garth ignored him again.

“Listen! Dean’s father, John Winchester was quite tough in raising his sons and he-,” Garth winced at the sound of a loud thump outside the door.

“He drank a lot…” Garth muttered and stared at the door with fear in his eyes.

“What does that supposed to mean?” Castiel asked then he heard some shouting. It sounded like Benny.

“Look- John was a drunk ever since Mary died and Dean was abused…” Garth was interrupted again as he heard Dean’s voice scream his name from the mansion. The hairs on Castiel’s neck stood up.

“Get to the point!” Castiel demanded.

“Dean’s been depressed and we knew things would get to this so Benny and I locked the cellars and put all the alcohol away. Well every bottle we could find…” Garth whispered then he gripped Castiel’s hand. Garth’s hands were shivering cold.

“H-He hid a bottle from us…” Garth said as Castiel noticed a figure appear from the door.

It was Dean, fully clothed and a piercing glare at Castiel and Garth.

“D-Dean…” Garth stammered and Castiel noticed that Dean was holding something with his right hand.

It was the neck of a glass bottle. A broken glass bottle.

The rest of it was missing and if its contents that dripped from the jagged edges indicated anything, the bottle was broken only recently.

“Dean…what happened?” Castiel asked and Dean inspected the object in his hand.

“Oh this?” Dean pointed it at them. “Broke it on Benny’s head.”

Castiel’s eyes blew wide open.

He should’ve left when he had the chance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was thinking of chopping this chapter into two parts but I didn't wanna tease no more. y'all deserve a reward. 
> 
> by reward i mean another CLIFFHANGER.
> 
> I thought Dean was freaking adorable when he's cray cray.  
> I dunno how Garth has survived this long in his household.  
> I don't think Benny deserved what he got. it was quite (very) cruel.
> 
> Looking forward to the next one?


	18. Chapter 18- Drown in the Sea of Chaos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel learns that Love is a dangerous Game to play

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: MILD VIOLENCE
> 
> Soon I'll get back to Ganymede and Zeus' storyline but right now i'm having a lot fun writing Dean and Castiel's drama. 
> 
> Enjoy this chapter

**-Castiel-**

_Throughout Castiel’s life, he’d only seen Gabriel descent to madness only a handful of times. His older brother would binge on as many sweets as he could possibly find until Castiel found him vomiting in the toilet. Castiel would bring a glass of water and pull his hair up while Gabriel puked his guts out. It was an ungodly sight, Gabriel’s eyes were puffy, and his skin pale because he hadn’t been eating properly._

_“You should stop eating so much sweets if they make you this sick…” Castiel suggested as his brother barfed another round._

_“Sweets don’t make me feel sick Cassie…ten different types of cocktails make me do this.” Gabriel hurled again and Castiel handed some tissues._

_“I’ve told you this over a thousand times, Kali is not worth destroying yourself.” Castiel moved Gabriel’s hair out of his eyes._

_“It’s not Kali who I saw today. It was Gadreel…saw him with Alfie and they were holding hands and laughing.” Gabriel muttered and Castiel handed him the glass of water._

_“Gabriel, you can’t keep drinking yourself to death just because you saw them together. This is a small town, you’re bound to catch a sight of them.”_

_“It’s NOT- I didn’t just see them together, they bumped into me.”_

_“Are you sure? I hope you didn’t follow them then make it so that they came across you-,”_

_“Oh my Father Castiel, I’m over with the stalking phase! Like you said…small town…”_

_“Mhhm.” Castiel hummed since he was unconvinced. “So what happened?”_

_“Well I bumped into them and Alfie bore his teeth as per usual…” Gabriel spitefully noted but Castiel shook his head. “It’s because you nearly killed Gadreel when you found out they were together!”_

_Gabriel interjected. “ANYWAY- Alfie was being his **cute** self then Gadreel stepped in and asked how I was.”_

_“What did you say?” Castiel tilted his head and passed his brother another tissue._

_Gabriel wiped his face while he spoke. “I said I was fine of course. Can’t look depressed in front of your ex- jeez Cassie!”_

_Castiel furrowed his brow. “So if you were fine then why did you drink yourself to death?”_

_Gabriel groaned. “Because I wasn’t finished! Gadreel gave me his perfect smile and said that he was happy for me and then they left. Gadreel threw an arm over Alfie and never looked back. Y’know, I didn’t care if they were together- they can be happy til kingdom come but what really pissed me off was the look in Gadreel’s eyes when he asked me the question. He had ‘I feel sorry for you’ written all over them and I freakin’ hated that look!” His older brother clutched on to the tissue and it crumpled before he threw it in the bowl._

_Castiel patted his older brother’s back. Perhaps it could help him vomit. “There there Gabriel…you were the one who told me too take no one’s pity or to not give them a reason. You’re stronger than this.”_

_“I know Cassie but he used to give me that look whenever he noticed that I’m upset…” Gabriel sniffed. “I just miss that look waaaaaahhhhh!”_

_Castiel held his brother in his arms and rocked Gabriel back and forth. “It’s okay Gabriel, if you want, I’ll give as many pity looks as you want. It’s not that hard, I don’t mind.”_

_“Thank you Cassie- you’re a good little brother.” Gabriel rubbed his snot and tears on Castiel’s shirt. He’d have to get changed before going to bed. He chuckled to himself from the fact that Gabriel didn’t notice his joke._

_“I’m taller than you but anyway.” Castiel shrugged while Gabriel grabbed more tissues and blew his nose._

_“Y’know, I just wish that I could’ve been more open to him when I had the chance. Why didn’t I share my feelings?” Gabriel looked him in the eye._

_“I don’t know Gabriel but you’re sharing your feelings to me now.”_

_His older brother straightened up. “It’s different Cassie. It’s too late and you know it.” He flushed the toilet and the crashing sound of whirling water filled the room. “You know, I keep thinking about what Gadreel said before. About my heart being closed off…sometimes I think that he’s right. Actually, lately it’s the only thing I think about. I ask myself how all my relationships fell apart then I realize- Gadreel answered the question perfectly. My heart **is** closed off. I just don’t know how to express my feelings so I’m like this…like some broken heartless object, incapable of expressing love.”_

_Castiel solemnly shook his head. “That’s not true Gabriel. You’re one of the most loving people I know. In fact, it’s in your name. Gabriel, the cherubim. Apparently cupids sing and dance to your name.”_

_Gabriel gave him an unconvinced look. “You’re calling me the liar. That’s the most bullshit thing I’ve ever heard. I may not like going to Father’s church but I’m pretty sure you made that up.”_

_He giggled at that. “Even if it was. I believe in it. I’ve never seen anyone love as madly as you.”_

_Gabriel threw him an offended look. “ **Mad** \- probably true but **in love** \- not so much lately…” Gabriel’s fingers fidgeted. “You probably don’t remember, but when we were younger and mother was alive, she and Father could not get their hands off each other. They were always so loving, despite the fact they had Michael and Luke running wild-,” Castiel had to interject and said. “I distinctly remember that you usually incited the rowdiness around the house Gabriel…”_

_His older brother waved his hand to dismiss it. “Yeah whatever, anyway, even though they were going crazy due to their sons, they never lost that spark of love in their eyes. Every time they look at each other, I thought they were falling in love over and over again. Hadn’t seen that look in dad’s eyes in a while. Actually there’s not much life left in them.”_

_Castiel and his brother thought about it for a moment. He did remember the look on mother’s face whenever she looked at Father however Castiel was still curious. “I don’t get it Gabriel…if love causes so much heartbreak and pain then why pursue it. Why do you and Father let it consume your existence if it causes so much pain not just to yourselves, but to others…?” he tried not to dwell on the subject regarding Michael and Luke._

_“I can’t exactly put it to words Cassie but the closest reason is that when you love, you do it for love. That’s why it’s called **falling** in love. There’s a good chance that you can drag everyone and everything down with you.” Gabriel looked around before he returned his eyes to Castiel. _

_“Then I don’t think that’s called love. It’s more of a **nightmare** than a wonderful feeling which you and everyone I ask, described.” Castiel seethed._

_Gabriel sighed. “I guess you just gotta feel it to experience it Cassie. It’s one of those things that not even Father’s scriptures can explain but it’s there.”_

_“Well you got me there…” Castiel left it at that and tucked his brother to bed. Gabriel’s words didn’t bother him then since his whole life, Castiel had never experienced love in that sense. He loved his family, friends and hi community however he didn’t feel love the way his parents felt. He didn’t love strongly as Gabriel did so it left Castiel wondering if he was even capable of such an emotion._

_He didn’t think that he deserved to feel as such._

Enough about Gabriel, Castiel now faced a similar predicament. If love was as wonderful and worthy of someone’s soul then clearly they had never been in Castiel’s situation before. Gabriel and his Father had never stepped foot in Castiel’s shoes. Just like Gabriel’s escapades in the bathroom or his father’s senseless drinking, Dean descended into his own form of madness. One that Castiel feared could be the result of unimaginable destruction.

“Dean…” Garth took a step forward then Dean pointed the object at him.

“SHUT THE FUCK UP GARTH! I’M TALKING TO CAS!” Dean shouted which made Garth squeak and hide behind Castiel. Tension blanketed the air as Castiel searched for some sense in Dean’s eyes.

Unfortunately he couldn’t find any.

“Dean…Benny could be hurt. _Someone_ should tend to him-,” Castiel took a step forward before Dean pointed the bottle neck at Castiel. The sharp edges glistened under the library’s white indoor lighting.

“I think both of you should be more worried about yourselves than Benny. He’s a tough guy, he’ll live…” Dean said as he shifted his puffy red eyes between Garth and Castiel.

“Dean you’re drunk, you’re not thinking straight-,” Castiel could smell the liquor from where he stood.

“Really? Y’sure about that Cas?” Dean interrupted and scratched his head with his left hand. “Because I think my head’s finally thinking properly. It’s as clear as day.” Dean pointed at the ceiling.

“Dean…please don’t do this…” Castiel pleaded as Garth clutched on his back.

“Do what exactly?” Dean asked and cusped his left hand to his left ear. He wobbled a little but Castiel wouldn’t risk provoking him. Not until he could put the sharp object down.

“This- this game. It’s no longer amusing once someone gets hurt.” Castiel noted but Dean just pursed his lips.

“Is that so? How come I wasn’t told that when _I_ was hurt? You think I wasn’t part of the game?” Dean asked as he opened his arms out.

“Dean, you may be hurt but there’s no need for- for violence...”

Dean laughed maniacally. “You mean this? This isn’t for you Cas…” Dean waved the bottle neck with his wrist.

“Then for who?” Castiel was afraid to ask.

“It’s for him.” Dean pointed at Garth who scurried behind Castiel.

“What does Garth have to do with this?” Castiel turned to the butler who gave him a frightened look.

“Oh don’t play stupid Cas. Garth’s got everything to do with this- everything to do with _us_.” Dean accusingly pointed the object at the butler.

“I don’t know what he’s talking about…” Garth whispered to Castiel.

“Dean…” Castiel pleaded to the Winchester.

“Oh c’mon you two! I finally get it! There’s no need to act so dumb!”

Castiel shook his head. “Dean, you’re not making any sense…”

“Well let me spell it out for you.” Dean raised his voice then he pointed his finger at them.

“You two have been fucking each other.”

A weight of dropped in Castiel’s chest upon hearing the words. He quickly tried to reason. “Dean you are mistaken-,”

“SHUT UP!” Dean shouted then silence followed after. Dean scratched his head again and looked around before he shifted his eyes to Castiel’s direction. “Y’know, I had a lot of time to think about what you said to me.”

“Which one?” Castiel tilted his head in confusion. He’d scolded Dean about almost everything, it was difficult to pinpoint which one.

“Yesterday! Remember in the morning? When I told Garth to clean the floors?” Dean asked and Castiel nodded carefully. “Yeah well I remember you saying that everyone here’s just a chess piece and to get everyone off the board. That ring a bell?” Dean asked then Castiel nodded.

“Yes I distinctly remember saying that and…amongst other things.” Castiel verified.

“Exactly! Now we’re getting somewhere-,” Dean smiled but it wasn’t out of genuine amusement. Not out of sanity at least. “You were so determined to get Garth out of the picture and I let it slide because we made a deal. Then after what happened with Benny and hearing what you said about how I don’t deserve your heart, it got me thinking: if I don’t deserve then who _does_?”

Dean rested his left hand on a nearby chair to keep his balance. “It couldn’t have been Benny because you two hate each other then I realized, out of everyone in this house, there was only one person whom you’d stick your neck out for. The one person you’d give everything up-,” Dean pointed behind Castiel. “It was all for that back-stabbing **sonofabitch**!”

Garth shook his head then stepped forward. “No it’s not-,”

“SHUT UP! I DON’T WANNA HEAR IT!” Dean covered his ears and screamed. He sealed his eyes shut until there was silence. “You two’ve been sneaking behind my back- screwing each other while I wasn’t looking-,”

“Dean we’re not-,”

“ENOUGH WITH THE LIES CAS! I’ve had enough! You go around pretending you’re some sort of self-sacrificing _saint_ when you’ve been lying to me this whole time!” Dean shouted and Castiel clenched his fists.

“It’s not-,” Garth squeaked out.

“AND YOU!” Dean pointed at him. “I **_trusted_** you! You were my friend when I had no one, and I was yours.” Dean’s finger was shaking. “My family gave you a home- we gave you a purpose! And this is how you repay me? By fucking around with the one person who means the world to me!”

“DEAN STOP IT!” Castiel stepped forward and blocked Dean’s view of Garth. “Garth and I are not together. Your mind is playing tricks-,”

“IS IT CAS? Is it REALLY?” Dean spat out. “Maybe it’s **you** who’s been playing me this whole time!”

Tears were building in Dean’s eyes. “Can’t believe this is happening-,” Dean sniffled. “I gave my fucking heart to you and you throw it away! You lie to me- tell me you can’t love anyone when you’ve actually been fucking around with my butler who’s practically a brother to me…”

“Dean…” Castiel muttered as he slowly stepped forward to hold Dean’s face. He gently placed his hands on the weeping man’s cheek and wiped the tears away. “Dean you misunderstand me. Just because I cannot love you, it doesn’t mean that I’ve given my heart to someone else. I don’t care about Garth in the way you think. He is like a brother to me as well.” Castiel slowly slid his hands to bottle neck in Dean’s grasp.

“If you remember what I said to you last night then you will know that perhaps it’s time for me to think about myself. Think about caring for my wellbeing. I’ve hated myself ever since the day I insulted you.” Castiel uncoiled Dean’s index finger off the bottle neck. “I’ve regretted it ever since and forgot…forgot to forgive myself for what I’ve done. It was the cause of all this…” Castiel whispered as he stared into Dean’s eyes.

There was a hint of serenity in those emerald greens but rage suddenly took over.

“I don’t believe you- I don’t know who to believe anymore.” Dean struggled out of Castiel’s grasp and pulled the bottle neck away. Castiel tried grabbing it but Dean resisted.

“I don’t know if you’re telling the truth or if this is some trick- I can’t…I can’t take that risk…” Dean shook his head while Castiel tried to get the other man to look at him in the eye.

“Dean look at me. I need you to look at me and see-,”

Dean turned away. “I can’t- Cas I can’t…I’m scared. I’m scared that I’ll lose you to someone. I’m scared to lose you to anyone.” Then Dean’s eyes caught Garth.

“If this is a game…then I-I play to win.” Dean muttered. “Everyone’s a piece on the board.” Dean shoved Castiel to the side and aimed the bottle neck at Garth.

“Dean STOP!” Castiel shouted then Benny appeared and smashed a bottle on Dean’s head.

The Winchester dropped with a loud thud.

“ _Checkmate_ brother…” Benny panted while broken shards of glass spilled all over the floor.

Castiel quickly got down to check on Dean. Dean could be fatally hurt, there could be shards of glass stuck in his skin.

Out of all the thoughts running through his head and while Garth took Benny aside, Castiel could only do one thing.

He _screamed._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all need to understand that Benny has a special place in my heart. I think what he did was necessary otherwise I would've tagged 'Minor character death' tag in this fic and I ain't killing anyone...not yet at least.  
> I felt bad that Garth was lacking his share in the drama...until now. 
> 
> How's everyone feeling? Hope i didn't disappoint. I'll think of more ways to keep you on your toes. 
> 
> You're all gonna have to wait for what happens next.


	19. Chapter 19- His Last Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel has been hiding something

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My sincerest apology for the delay.  
> Christmas has been one of the most turbulent part of the year for me and with relatives staying over my house, I could not escape into my writing head space. There was no privacy until now. 
> 
> And this chapter messed me up. I could not for the love of me write it without deleting huge chunks of it. hours of hardwork gone because i could not be satisfied with how I initially wanted it to take place...until i got a brilliant idea of getting all meta with Castiel and you'll see.
> 
> I have no other excuse but to offer this chapter as apology for my tardiness. I should be able to write the next few chapters with ease. 
> 
> WARNING: MENTIONS OF SUICIDE- YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. I DO NOT WANT ANYONE GETTING TOO EMOTIONALLY INVESTED IN THIS FIC, IF IT MEANT ACTUALLY HURTING YOURSELF. I have trauma regarding the subject and please remember that the characters in this story are fictional but your emotions are real. I've diluted the topic of suicide to the best of my ability but if you have any issues, please comment away.

**-Castiel-**

_Dean was going to die._

Castiel thought about it briefly when he screamed. With shaking hands, he quickly checked on Dean. Fear quickly filled Castiel’s mind and Garth had to rip him off Dean’s unconscious form while Benny carried the man to the white room. Garth took him aside to calm him down and promised that Dean was going to be alright. Once he was settled, Garth walked him to the Banquet Hall and told him to sit while the butler fetched them something to eat and drink. Castiel obeyed since he couldn’t find it in him to go anywhere much less protest.

Garth brought him some toast and water but Castiel did not feel like eating. Water was fine and Castiel clutched onto the glass nervously while Garth went to go check on Dean. When the butler returned, it felt like Garth was gone forever and Castiel asked if he could see Dean. Without another moment, Garth nodded and brought him outside the white room where Benny stood waiting. Apparently they’ve strapped Dean on the bed and he remained asleep. Benny brought the necessary items should the man wake up vomiting. For now all they could do was wait.

Nevertheless, worrying about Dean was tucked somewhere at the back of Castiel’s head.

Benny left them since Garth assured that he’d look after Dean. Castiel took this moment to close his eyes and his thoughts, because if he paid them any mind, he was afraid that he might scream again.

***

 

_In Castiel’s dreams, he remembered the first time he insulted Dean._

_“This is Dean, the other brother.”_

_And the second…_

_“Someone like you could never be sincere.”_

_Then the third…_

_“They were right! You’re nothing but a despotic tyrant who looks down on everyone and has complete disregard for other people’s wellbeing!”_

_And many more that followed…_

_The memories replayed over and over like a broken record. An inescapable nightmare where he remembered Dean’s expression throughout every insult. Through every condescension and spite, Castiel saw pain fill Dean’s eyes. Castiel tried to stop himself. He yelled and screamed to his own past self to stop it. To stop digging himself an early grave._

_In an instant, Castiel found himself on the ground, choking on his own blood and spit. His lungs burned and if he remembered correctly, it was the very moment before he blacked out. He saw someone running toward him but he couldn’t make a face out of the blur._

_He could’ve sworn that it was Garth. He was so sure._

_The why did Castiel found solace in Dean’s hands?_

_“Y’know it was him.” He looked around and found his brother Gabriel, standing right behind him. it couldn’t’ have been the real Gabriel because he was still in Dean’ mansion. Therefore this Gabriel was made by his dreams._

_“You knew it was him who ran after you, so why are you being so difficult?” Gabriel pranced around Castiel’s naked body. This memory was the time when Dean threw him outside. He could almost feel the darkness and the dirt as if they were real._

_“Because... he’s a horrible person…you should know, you’re part of my consciousness…” Castiel stated then Gabriel clicked his tongue._

_“True but why the face?” Gabriel asked and Castiel raised an eyebrow._

_“What face?” Castiel reached for his cheek._

_“The face of guilt.” Gabriel answered and a heavy feeling dropped somewhere deep inside Castiel’s being._

_“I’m right aren’t I?” Gabriel smirked and Castiel remained silent. “I’m always right…at least that’s what your real brother would say.” Gabriel hopped skipped and twirled around Castiel._

_“You’re blaming yourself again. You always do.” Gabriel whispered into his ear before he commenced jumping and spinning around Castiel. “Like the time you blamed yourself for Michael and Luke leaving. You always blamed yourself for other people’s mistakes…tee hee.” Gabriel giggled and tapped Castiel’s nose with his finger._

_“You’ve got some sort of guilt complex or something. I remember the time when I had to snap you out of blaming yourself. Remember?” Gabriel stopped on his tracks to await Castiel’s answer._

_“I remember.” He answered._

_“I told you that it wasn’t your fault that Mikey and Luke left, or dad’s drinking or the fact that I think our family’s shattered to pieces.” Gabriel kneeled in front of him and cusped his hands on Castiel’s face._

_“And the fact that it wasn’t your fault that mother died.”_

_The feeling tugged Castiel’s chest this time. Gabriel merely smiled and returned to his jumping and skipping. “Sucks doesn’t it. I told you that it wasn’t your fault but you didn’t believe me. So you remember what I did?” Gabriel asked and Castiel nodded._

_“You took the blame.”_

_“Bingo! Awesome memory you got in that thick skull of yours!” Gabriel exclaimed. “I’ll catch up withcha later!” he grinned mischievously but Castiel needed more time._

_“Wait! Come back! Don’t leave me!”_

_Gabriel just smiled. “Good-bye Castiel…”_

***

 

He woke up with a jolt and noticed Benny was sitting on a chair at the other side of the corridor, facing him.

“Afternoon Cher. Had a nightmare?” Benny greeted and Castiel rubbed the sleep off his eyes. A blanket was draped on him and there was some drool on the corner of his mouth.

“How long was I out?” Castiel asked.

“A coupla hours-,” Castiel instinctually got up, only to be gestured by Benny to sit down. “Don’t worry, he’s still asleep…Garth’s in there with him. He says he’ll be fine. Haven’t left his side since.”

Castiel nodded then stared at the floor.

“You hate me.” Benny suddenly said and it caught Castiel’s attention.

“No, no I don’t…”

“You don’t have to lie Cher. Can’t say I blame ya. I fucked him more times than I can count and knocked him out, and all the while you were lookin’. Don’t worry, I’d hate myself as well.” Benny said without a hint of reluctance in his tone.

“Hate is too strong of a word…” Castiel muttered and shrugged, he hoped Benny left it at that.

“I did what I had to do but now that I think about it…maybe I was wrong.” Benny continued and Castiel shuffled uncomfortably in his seat. “Knowin’ you, you’d probably jumped right in front of Garth.”

Castiel didn’t answer, he didn’t nod nor move but Benny seemed satisfied.

“Shoulda known’ I didn’t have a chance…” Benny muttered then chuckled to himself. Castiel couldn’t find it in himself to be amused. Benny stood up and gave him a soft smile.

“Always thought you looked down on us…on _everyone_ here.” Benny confessed and Castiel furrowed his brow. “This whole time, I was the one lookin down on you. Didn’t even try to get to know you…”

“Maybe I deserve it…I deserve being looked down upon…” Castiel didn’t know why he said it but he did.

Benny nodded then said, “Huh…” and knocked on the door. He didn’t wait for Garth to answer, instead he just kept walking down the corridor.

The door opened and Garth poked his head out.

“Cas?” Garth saw him then noticed Benny in the distance. “Something wrong?” the butler asked and Castiel shook his head.

“No…there’s nothing wrong…” Castiel said as he saw Benny turn the corner and disappear somewhere in the mansion.

“Do you wish to see Dean?” Garth asked and Castiel thought about it for a moment then stood up and entered the room. Inside, the white room was just how he remembered it, clean and quaint, with a few chairs and the bed where he used to sleep on for what felt like a distant memory. Now Dean slept on it. His expression was peaceful and the tug in Castiel’s chest disappeared.

“He’s fine, no major swelling or heavy injuries…still out cold…probably because he stayed up all night drinking again…” Garth mentioned and Castiel turned his eyes to the butler.

“Again?” he asked and the color almost left Garth’s face.

“I-I probably shouldn’t have said that…” Garth scratched the back of his neck and Castiel recalled something the butler said this morning. Castiel walked over to Dean and held the sleeping man’s hand. It was warm unlike its coldness from earlier. The same callous hands were shaking in Castiel’s memory. When his eyes moved to Dean’s face, the man’s expression soothed.

“You said something about his father earlier…” Castiel turned to the butler who regrettably sighed.

“Probably shouldn’t have mentioned that either…” Garth said and Castiel pleaded with his eyes.

“Garth, I think I deserve an explanation at least as to why Dean what he did…” Castiel sat on the stool next to Dean while their hands clasped together. The Winchester looked vulnerable like this yet peaceful.

“Dean…he told us not to say much about John Winchester. He said he was gonna tell you himself.” Garth said and Castiel scowled at that. He spoke to Garth even though his eyes remain transfixed on Dean.

“Why?”

“Because he wanted to- said that if you had to hear it from anyone then you’d have to hear from his mouth.” Garth said and Castiel’s expression scrunched up with guilt.

“Perhaps you’re right. You don’t have to…you don’t have to say anything.” Castiel looked down.

“Are you sure?” Garth asked.

“Yes I am.” Castiel got up and gave Dean one more look. “I need to go.”

“Want me to call you when he wakes up?” Garth asked and Castiel shook his head.

“Only if he wishes to see me.” Castiel replied then he left the room.

Despite everything, Castiel knew it wasn’t right to ask for Dean’s history without permission. After all, it was the same reason that got him into this mess. Once he returned to his room, he crawled to his bed and gradually fell asleep, with Gabriel’s smile haunting his soul.

***

 

_“Now then, where were we?” Gabriel returned and Castiel was inside another memory wrought dream. He was in the white room and Dean laid asleep before him. Gabriel pranced to his side and leaned forward, his face invaded Dean’s personal space._

_“Stop that.” Castiel ordered._

_“What was that? Jealous are we? Don’t worry Castiel, the ken-doll look ain’t my type.” Gabriel patted Dean’s head and it infuriated Castiel._

_“What do you want?” Castiel asked with fists in his side._

_“Is that what you wanted to say before? Why you wanted to be in my glorious presence?” Gabriel asked and Castiel sighed._

_“I mean, why are you showing me this?”_

_“You mean the memories?” Gabriel verified and Castiel nodded. “Well this memory’s a fresh one. You could almost see where every inch of pain on Dean’s face.” Gabriel smiled devilishly which made Castiel narrow his eyes._

_“Get to the point.” Castiel growled at the trickster._

_“Feisty, even in the dream world aren’t we?” Gabriel strode to his personal space and stopped just a foot away to face him. “We were talking about your love for self-blame. Y’know, it’s just as bad as getting a knife and cutting yourself up-,”_

_“Stop it.”_

_“If you blame deep enough, it’s almost like cutting into the bone-,”_

_“STOP!”_

_And the trickster did. They were alone in the room now and Dean wasn’t on the bed._

_“Remind me again what happened after Mikey and Luke left?  What I did?” Gabriel asked and Castiel bit his lower lip._

_“You blamed yourself…”_

_“Yes I did, didn’t I? I took the blame so that you’d stop. You’d stop being so stubborn and starving yourself, or locking yourself in the confessional booths to confess your guilt to God since Father was too drunk, or kneeling on the pews until your arms clung onto bench’s backrest from praying for your sins away.” Gabriel pointed at him and Castiel took it in._

_“I begged you to stop but you just kept blaming yourself until one day, I snapped and told dad that he was the worst father and blamed him for Michael and Luke leaving. Then I blamed myself for being an ungrateful son and had a meltdown for saying those things to our beloved Father and to myself-,”_

_“Please stop…” Castiel clutched his chest._

_“I blamed MYSELF for Mother’s death.”_

_“I SAID STOP!” This time Castiel covered his ears and his hands were shaking._

_Then there was silence again._

_“You see Castiel? Do you see what I’m trying to put across?” Gabriel asked but Castiel shook his head._

_“I can’t- I don’t understand…” Castiel cried and the tears felt real._

_“Let me spell it out for you Castiel…how many times did Gabriel call you by your proper name?” Gabriel asked and Castiel removed his hands from his ears._

_“Almost never…” Castiel replied and Gabriel nodded his head._

_“It’s because I’m not Gabriel…” Not-Gabriel said before he turned into a blur and transformed into Castiel, his very self. Not a mirror image but actual Castiel._

_“I am you.”_

_Castiel faced his other self who stared him down._

_“Everything I said was based off your memories and recollections of your brother and of times past. Except for the fact that Gabriel never took the blame for what happened. Your brother pointed his finger at your father and stormed out of the house. Since your father was beyond redemption, you went to church and prayed until you fell asleep from exhaustion and Gabriel waking you up, worried sick that you’d run away as well. He held you- held you tight and apologized for what he said to your Father but he never apologized to your Father. All the while there was you, withering away in your own guilt. Slowly sinking deeper into depression from one blame after another.”_

_“Please stop…”_

_“You took it all in, carried the burden of your home on your shoulders, pointed at yourself when your brothers left.” The Not-Castiel tapped his index finger on his cheek._

_“Please…” Castiel begged._

_“Prayed yourself to exhaustion when Gabriel and your Father’s relationship fell apart.”_

_“Stop, please…”_

_“Begged God to make the sadness stop. You begged him to take your life instead of your mother’s so that your family could be together again. So that it wouldn’t be so broken and shattered-,”_

_Castiel shook his head._

_“Stuck with you! A worthless, useless, piece of shit-”_

_“I beg you-,”_

_“A CURSE! You know it, I know it, they know it, EVERYONE knows it Castiel! From the moment you were born, mother got sick and no matter how many times you remember your parents being all loving and caring, you know that deep-down- they were barely holding it together. They look at you with smiles on their faces but in fact, when you’re not looking, they look at you with great pity and disgust.” Not-Castiel stated and Castiel just realized that he was on his knees and shivering._

_“Stop-,”_

_“It’s the TRUTH and you know it! You’ve caught them look at you that way- so many times yet you chose to ignore it, you know why?” Not-Castiel asked but Castiel didn’t want to listen anymore._

_“Because of the same reason as to how you got over the guilt. You became kind and generous. You helped everyone around you, became a good son to your father and a loving brother to Gabriel. You became all those things to mask the guilt inside. To ignore that feeling and lock it away, somewhere deep inside yourself. Somewhere that’s only been tapped into only recently by your involvement with the Winchester.” Not-Castiel hushed him before he could interrupt._

_“Now I know he’s been abusive and all but let’s face it Castiel- you were already so broken and damaged way before he dumped your sorry ass outside and made you eat out of a dog bowl. Don’t go blaming him for your lack of heart now- we know where it all started.” Not-Castiel cusped his face._

_“It started with you. The source of everyone’s misery. Everything you touch burns. Every home you enter collapses. Sooner or later you’re gonna have to face the fact that you can’t love Dean because you know you don’t deserve it Castiel. You don’t deserve someone like him or anyone for that matter. You don’t deserve anyone’s kindness or generosity. You don’t deserve to be loved.” Not-Castiel tutted and stroked his face._

_“God, and you were all spiteful to Dean about having your faith ruined but give us a break Castiel! You used religion as an excuse! A limit or a seal to bind that self-loathing of yours away, talk about twisted devotion…You parade your faith around as if it holds your existence when in fact, you quickly dispensed it as soon as Dean starts treating you like shit. As soon as God puts the smiling faces away, which I emphasize as complete pretense to hide what everyone truly feels about you, you whine to Him, telling him that you don’t deserve it when you actually do. What sort of person throws their faith away like that? So quick and so weak. You’re missin’ the whole point of faith Castiel, it means you don’t have to see it to believe it. But by God, you really are something! Hurting Dean by rejecting him over and over, blaming your lack of faith and dignity on his actions when you should be looking at yourself in the mirror! You brought this upon yourself and now you’re taking it out on the Winchester, who’s puked his heart out trying to win your affection. At least you still got some decency in you, you rejecting him will save him from having to deal with someone like you for the rest of his life. But don’t mistake this one positive thing as a summary of who you are as a person. Ironically, you don’t even deserve to be called ‘human’. You’re nothing but an ugly, broken shadow of a man who brings calamity wherever he goes and takes advantage of other people’s kindness.” Not-Castiel stopped as Castiel could barely breathe._

_He couldn’t feel his limbs nor comprehend what to do next. He simply sat on the floor of the white room and waited for his tears to dry._

_“What’s wrong? Did I break you little angel?” Not-Castiel patted his cheek to get a reaction but he couldn’t muster a movement even if he wanted to._

_“Dang, I must’ve broken you this time. Well it’s your fault and it’s so typical. Whenever serious shit happens, you clam up and turn into a pathetic mess. Fuck, you even manifested an image of yourself just to put some sense into your stupid head.” Not-Castiel slapped Castiel head but not hard enough to send him dropping to the floor._

_“Well I’ll be nice and give you a small explanation as to why I am here.” Not-Castiel crouched to get into his eye level. “I am a piece of your soul, which you locked away through years of slaving away in town, making everyone happy just so you can feel better about your insignificant existence. You threw me so far down a rabbit hole that I never thought I could get out, then suddenly, Dean comes in and breaks that stupid pride of yours. That worthless, self-righteous ego which kept me at bay for so long.” Not-Castiel or a piece of Castiel’s existence smiled. “I am your shadow, your darkness and your doom. Now I’m finally out, I’ll never go back.”_

_Not-Castiel pulled him up so he could stand on his own two feet._

_“If you ever lock me away again, so help me god, I will **end** you. I will drop you in that rabbit hole where you won’t be able to get out.” Not-Castiel laid him on the bed and pulled the covers over him. _

_“Now I lay thee to rest, sweet Castiel. Remember what we are and what we’re supposed to do.” Not-Castiel ordered and Castiel nodded as the other man tidied the sheets with his fingers._

_“Do everyone in the mansion a favor and simply vanish. Disappear without a trace.” Not-Castiel leaned in to kiss Castiel on the forehead._

_“Good night, dear Castiel.”_

***

 

Next time he woke up, it was dark because he forgot to turn the light on. His cheeks had dried tears all over so Castiel dragged himself to the bathroom to wash his face and drink some water. When he looked at his reflection, he’d seen better days. Less puffy eyes and those dark circles under his eyes were not there a few days ago. Nevertheless, Castiel trudged out of his room in a zombie like state. Garth just so happened to be at the end of the corridor.

“Evening Cas.” a small smile lingered on the butler’s face.

“Hello Garth…is Dean?”

“He’s awake.” Garth said then Castiel raised an eyebrow.

“How are you feeling?” Castiel asked with concern but Garth just smiled.

“I’m alright- Dean’s sobered up …” Garth fidgeted. “He said sorry for what happened-,” Castiel’s face scrunched up. “I mean- he said sorry to me...” Garth tried not to meet his gaze which at this rate, was slowly turning into a glare.

“He’s still in the white room! Just woke up but you were asleep- I had Benny make us dinner. Wanna grab something to eat? I know you haven’t eaten all day.” Garth looked down the hall.

Castiel nodded then Garth led him to the Banquet Hall and served them dinner. Benny did not join them but Castiel paid it no mind. Once Garth put their dishes away, he suggested they went to sleep but Castiel knew that the butler was trying to avoid something.

“I need to see Dean.” It wasn’t a question but Garth’s expression quickly turned grim.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea Cas-,”

“I need to, please.” Castiel pleaded with his eyes and Garth sighed in defeat.

“But Cas-,” Garth shook his head while Castiel kept the eyes. “Dammit Cas…y’know I can never say no to that look…” he sighed in defeat.

This placed a smile on Castiel’s face. “Thank you Garth.” An arm tugged him before he could leave the butler.

“Cas listen-,” Castiel turned to him. “Dean’s still not in the proper head space.” Castiel nodded but the butler grabbed his attention again. “I’m serious…even after apologizing, I can’t say that I trust him just yet. Apart from his butler, I’m still his closest friend and it’s my duty to protect him.”

“Yes, I understand. I won’t lay a finger on him.” Castiel muttered but Garth shook his head.

“I mean himself. I also need to protect him from himself...even if it means doing what he doesn’t want me to do.” Garth frowned and Castiel agreed.

“Thank you Garth…you’re a good friend.” He smiled at the butler who returned the gesture.

“Don’t thank me yet. I’m gonna be waiting outside the white room for you to come out.” Garth raised him an eyebrow. “If you come out that is-,”

Castiel interjected. “Why do I get a feeling that you’re speculating something that you shouldn’t?”

“Why I don’t know what you mean by that Castiel…” Garth beamed and led him with an arm over his shoulder.

***

 

After he knocked, Castiel opened the door to the white room slowly and once inside he saw Dean lying upright on the bed. His face filled with shock as he gazed upon Castiel from top to bottom. Castiel tried not to stare at the miserable dark circles under Dean’s eyes or the frail hands that used to invade his personal space in a matter of seconds.

“Cas…Cas! You’re here! You’re here!” Dean’s expression brightened but Castiel didn’t know whether that was a good thing or not. The man on the bed asked him to come closer and Castiel nodded but stopped at a safe distance, just in case.

“Hello Dean.”

“You’re alright…I think you look alright- are you okay Cas?” Dean genuinely seemed concerned so Castiel nodded for his benefit.

“Yes Dean. I’m fine…” Castiel even forced a smile which helped spread relief on the other man’s face.

“That’s good...I was scared that I hurt you…I never wanna hurt you Cas. Not if I can help it at least…” Dean confessed and Castiel tried not to remember the time Dean threw him outside.

“It’s fine.” Castiel smiled again.

“No it’s not Cas…I was…” Dean buried his face in his hands. “I dunno what I was thinking- what was going through my head!” Dean raised his voice at the end and Castiel shook his head.

“You were drunk…”

But Dean didn’t look convinced. “That’s no excuse…”

Castiel stood there as Dean wiped the tears off his face. Apart from begging for Castiel’s affections, Castiel had never seen like this…vulnerable and helpless. Guilt bubbled in his gut even though he tried to suppress it.

“Can’t believe what I did…I almost killed Garth- and Benny! Is Benny alright? Did you see him?” Dean asked and Castiel nodded.

“Yes…we spoke…he’s fine…”

Dean smiled softly. “That’s good t’hear…”

Castiel needed to get the words out but something was stopping and he didn’t know what it was.

“Y’know Garth told me that I should give you some space for now…just in case I go out of control again…I think he’s right-,” Dean suggested and finally Castiel couldn’t hold it much longer.

“That won’t be necessary.” He blurted out and it got Dean’s full attention.

“How so?” Dean asked.

“Because I- I can give- I can give you as much space as you need…” Castiel noticed that his hands were shaking so he clasped his fingers together.

“I don’t understand-,”

Castiel interrupted. “I’m _leaving_. I’ve decided…I’ve _decided_ to leave. For the two of us.” Whatever light found in Dean’s eyes slowly faded upon hearing the words.

“Why-,”

Castiel had to speak up. “It’s for the best. You and I both know this isn’t going to work…” great sorrow quickly filled Dean’s eyes. “You and I…we’re never going to work.” Castiel was about to leave when a hand gripped his wrist.

Dean leaned forward with pleading eyes. “Cas…” as if the man couldn’t get any words out, Dean’s lips parted slightly as his eyes quickly filled with as much worry as with tears.

“N-No. No, Cas- Cas you can’t do this…I need you…” Dean begged and Castiel pushed that crushing feeling somewhere deep inside his heart. Somewhere beyond anyone’s reach.

“Dean…”

“I SAID YOU CAN’T!” Castiel tried pulling his hand away but Dean’s grip merely tightened. Dean’s other hand followed and clasped around the bruising hold.

“But Dean-,”

“I said you can’t…” Dean pressed his forehead on the hold. “You can’t…Cas, you can’t leave me!”

Castiel’s breath hitched and he no longer resisted. “Dean, I need you to look at me.” Dean sobbed the shook his head. “Dean please…”

The weeping man finally did as he was told.

“I need you to understand…this conflict…this _struggle_ between the two of us, it cannot simply be contained between us two. Garth, Benny or anyone can be involved and we can’t- we have to end this nightmare...” Castiel leaned closer. “Sooner or later, someone is bound to get hurt-,”

Dean interrupted. “But that’s why we made a DEAL! We made a deal so no one ever has to get hurt! I promise I won’t break it again! I promise to keep it- just please don’t go! I need you Cas. I **need** you and I **love** you. You don’t have to say it back- you don’t have to believe in it but I need you to stay- please promise me you’ll stay and keep your promise! Please Cas please!” Dean begged but Castiel reminded himself what he was here for.

“I’m sorry.”

What the right thing to do.

“I’m sorry but I cannot give that to you. I cannot grant you a deal if it means that everyone will be hurt in my stead. For that I am sorry…” Castiel apologized and Dean loosened his grip. He headed to door with no intention of looking back when Dean called for him.

“Cas?”

Castiel turned around.

“What about the town? Your family? You promised them first…”

When Castiel turned around he saw a last glimpse of anger in Dean’s eyes. Before it would frighten him but right now, he didn’t know if he was capable of the feeling…

“Do what you must…for I cannot bear to witness whatever tragedy you plan on inflicting upon them. When I go, I will neither see them nor return…” Castiel regrettably said then he saw hope disappear on Dean’s face. It withered away like the fear Castiel once had toward the man.

“I must leave. I need to pack my things.” Castiel did not turn around in fear of doubting himself.

“I will be gone by midnight…”

Of doubting his own resolve. Even if Dean called for him, he probably wouldn’t turn around.

One thing was for sure, he wasn’t going to stay to find out.

***

 

It didn’t take long for Castiel to pack his things. There wasn’t much to pack considering the fact that Garth had him wear the clothes Dean chose for him during the first two weeks of his training. All that time wasted away, somewhere deep inside his memories. Of times he wished that never were. But then he would never have met Garth or even Benny…

And more importantly, he would never had met Dean his way.

It was such a mystery what memories could do to a person’s heart during the advent of separation. Castiel almost reminisced the time during his mother’s demise, on her death bed. A memory quickly interrupted as soon as Garth knocked on the door.

“Come in.”

Garth poked his head inside with a frown. “Heard you were leaving…”

Castiel nodded and he clicked his luggage shut.

“You don’t have to do this…” Garth pleaded but Castiel scowled at him.

“You and I both know that this is the right thing to do.” Castiel pointed out but Garth didn’t agree. He didn’t say anything.

“What are you gonna do? Go back to town? What about the deal?”

Castiel had to interrupt. “The deal is off. Dean can do whatever he wants…”

“And your family?’ Garth just had to ask.

“I will- I might give them a call. Tell them not to find me and that I’m sorry…” Castiel’s finger traced the surface of the suitcase. “I’ll apologize for what I’ve done and for what I have put them through…”

“Cas…” Garth pleaded again.

“Don’t- my mind’s made up. I’m sorry but all I can say is that you’ve been a very kind person…you’ve been very good to me Garth and thanks. Thank you for all the support. I would not have survived without you…” Castiel smiled softly which made Garth’s eyes tear up a little.

“Yeah well you’re not getting off that easy- as your mentor, I’m failing you for quitting!” they both shared a brief moment of laugher. “But as your friend, I also would like to say thanks. For sticking your neck out for me when you didn’t have to.”

Garth stepped in and gave Castiel a tight hug. Their hug was not enough but it would have to do. Castiel had more urgent matters to attend to.

“You’re going to say good-bye to him at least?” Garth asked and despite Castiel’s defiance on the matter, he nodded.

“Yes…it is only right…” Castiel tried to ignore the guilt.  “It’s the one last good thing I can do for him.”

Garth grimaced at that then they both walked out of the room. “Y’know, another good thing is for you to stay and be by his side. I’m sure he’ll be over the moon.”

Castiel didn’t say anything to that but rather, he walked in silence and thankfully Garth felt the same. Once they were outside of the white room, Garth gripped his shoulder.

“Hey Cas, if anything happens, I’ll be out here.” Garth said and Castiel nodded. Without another word, Castiel went inside to suddenly find the white room empty.

He of course made no hesitation to inform Garth.

***

 

To their relief, found Dean in his room by the window, brooding. He requested to be alone with Castiel which Garth respectfully obeyed with caution. He gave Castiel one last look before he exited the room and left them both. Dean’s- John Winchester’s music box was playing next to Dean while Castiel awaited for Dean to speak.

“I’m here…” Castiel stuttered. “I’m here to say good-bye.” He stated but Dean merely turned his head to give him as little attention as possible.

“Dean…”

Dean ignored him.

“Dean look at me…”

Dean ignored again.

“Please.”

Dean slammed the music box shut, the melody left the air and was quickly replaced by choking tension.

“Why do you have to leave?” Dean asked and Castiel, well Not-Castiel perfectly knew the answer to that question.

“Because I cannot be here. I have been nothing but a burden in this household, a burden to everyone especially to you. I have- I have caused more problems than solve them. Broken more promises than I can count and I-I’m sick off it. I’m sick and tired of hurting others, simply by just being here.” Castiel answered but Dean shook his head disapprovingly.

“Nah, that’s not good enough.” Dean turned around and pulled out a gun from his pocket. Neither Garth nor Castiel noticed it earlier. It was one of those vintage guns which had the bullet cylinder out. Dean pointed it at his temple while his eyes stared Castiel down.

“I think the real reason as to why you wanna leave is because of me. Isn’t it?” Dean cocked the gun which made Castiel’s heart race so fast he was afraid it might just suddenly stop.

“Dean-,”

“I get it Cas. I get why you’re so against all this. You hated me from the moment you laid your eyes on me and this whole time, you were only doing your end of the deal.”

“Dean please-,”

“It was me who screwed up. I screwed up because I fell in love with you and forced you into this arrangement without thinking about the consequences-,”

Castiel had to interrupt. “It’s not-,”

“It’s the truth Cas. I take you away. Have you close so I can keep my eye on you. So that hopefully you don’t leave. So you don’t leave me.”

Castiel’s hands were shaking. “Dean you shouldn’t…”

Dean interrupted again. “Lemme finish! I ruined you, I put you through hell in hopes that you can forget about anything outside the mansion, so that all you can think about is serving me. I exhaust you so you don’t know which was is up- I tear down your pride just so all you can think about putting me before everyone else, even before yourself! I play with your head just so the only thing that made sense was whatever that came out of my mouth and I ruined it. I screwed up. Shoulda known it was never gonna work. I was all wrong for you and I shoulda seen it coming…shoulda seen this coming….” Dean bowed his head and Castiel instinctively took a few steps forward to hopefully rip the gun away. Somehow.

“I ruined you Cas. I broke you and it’s all my fault. Everything I love gets ruined.” Dean sobbed and a voice inside Castiel’s head whispered.

_‘Everything you touch burns.’_

“Dean, that’s not true…”

“It is-,”

“NO IT’S NOT!”

_‘Who brings calamity wherever he goes…’_

Castiel shook his head and crept closer. “You’re better than this Dean. There are people who love and care about you- there’s Garth, Benny, your brother Sam-,”

Dean interrupted him. “Nah don’t kid yourself Cas. My two most trusted servants hate me, my brother doesn’t wanna live with me anymore and you hate me more than God.”

“No-,” Castiel muttered but Dean didn’t give him a second thought.

“I don’t blame them Cas! I’m a horrible person. A worthless, abusive asshole who takes pride in making people suffer- nobody can love someone like me.”

“You’re wrong!”

“This world’s better off without me. There’s not much to live for. Nothing left to lose…”

“Dean STOP!”

Dean moved the barrel of the gun to his mouth and Castiel could only hear his heart beat in the room. Nothing else made sense and the one last thing he could think of was at the tip of his tongue.

“I love you!” he shouted which made Dean stop just as his finger touched the trigger.

“What was that?” Dean asked while the gun remained pointed at his face.

“I said I love you. I always have and I-I was too afraid to admit it. I was too ashamed to say it…” Castiel was crying and shaking now. He was no more than a meter away from Dean yet he felt completely powerless. All he could do was surrender.

“You’re lying, you’re just saying that because you’re being your self-sacrificing self!”

“I’m not!”

“I don’t need your pity Cas! I know I’m disgusting! The least you can do is be more honest about it!”

“I’m not- I’M NOT LYING! Dammit Dean! I’m not lying! It’s the truth!” Castiel grab ahold of Dean’s trembling hands.

“I don’t hate you nor am I lying. I have loved you from the moment I stopped believing in anyone or anything else. I got rid of everything, of God and my family until I got lost in the process and didn’t know what to do with myself- the only thing that made sense was you. You loved me and that should’ve been enough but I was so stubborn. I told myself I didn’t deserve it and blamed you for feeling that way- but I shouldn’t…I shouldn’t have done it because in the end, even now, I couldn’t bear the sight of losing you.” Castiel pleaded with his eyes and showed Dean everything. He felt exposed and vulnerable yet at the same time, he had never felt more alive than ever. He clutched on Dean’s hands and slowly uncurled Dean’s fingers from the handle.

“Don’t ever say to yourself that you don’t deserve to live Dean because if you do then I think- I think I might just die.” Castiel said it while he stared into Dean’s eyes. Looked hard enough, he could see a frightened person in the shape of himself. Castiel saw himself tremble right before Dean.

Somewhere at the back of Castiel’s head, he heard someone or something laughing.

“Cas…” Dean muttered and dropped the gun on the floor and wrapped his arms around Cas.

“Cas I’m sorry…I’m sorry- I don’t know what I was thinking.” Dean wept and whispered the words in Castiel’s ears. If Castiel heard a hint of laughter at the back of his mind then he paid it no mind. There was a more important person to attend to. “I believe you. I should never doubt you Cas. I mean it when I say that you’re everything to me. You’re my world and my heart. My life wouldn’t make sense without you.” Dean kissed him on the lips.

“I love you and you love me…that should be enough.” Dean looked at him in the eye during every word.

“Yes…yes, it is enough.” Castiel agreed and Dean kissed him again. The other man’s lips were tender and soft against his. Both their breaths were hitched but it didn’t stop them from what they wanted to do. They kissed some more, just so Castiel could feel it real. He needed to find a pang of doubt in Dean’s words and actions but he couldn’t find any. Dean was here and he was real. Castiel slid a hand on the man’s chest and felt his heart beat.

Dean was here and his love was real.

Castiel kept their lips locked as Dean led them to the bed where they kissed some more. Whatever doubt or guilt Castiel had inside, it slowly dissipated, locked somewhere at the back off his mind. Into a rabbit hole, where hopefully it could never get out.

 _“I underestimated you Castiel.”_ Not-Castiel said in his mind.

 _“You really are something aren’tcha?”_ The part of his soul continued.

 _“I’m not worried because I know I’ll be back.”_ Not Castiel said as Castiel tried to ignore the sinking feeling by focusing on Dean’s lips, his gentle touches and caresses.

 _“When I return, I wonder what you would’ve done to Dean.”_ Not Castiel inquired but his voice was slowly fading away.

 _“Maybe by then you would’ve truly destroyed the man and his kisses will no longer be enough to delay the inevitable.”_ Not-Castiel whispered.

 _“I’m coming for you Castiel. Don’t forget me for I will certainly not forget you.”_ Not Castiel smiled then vanished.

Dean had not stopped kissing but Castiel could tell that he was exhausted. Their lips were not as arduous as they were before but nevertheless, Castiel did not stop kissing the man until all negative thoughts in his mind had quieted. Just as his consciousness slipped from his grasp, his body clung onto Dean as if he needed the other man to survive.

From the look on Dean’s face and how Dean’s limbs clutched onto him, Castiel believed that he wasn’t alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's not much to say other than Not-Cas making a cameo into this fic. he was first introduced in another fic of mine called "Over Six Months of Winchester Loving" and it's probably not as angsty as this fic but it deserved "Not-Castiel's" appearance. 
> 
> I will answer all questions in the comments section to the best of my ability.


	20. Chapter 20- Deep in Denial (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel has to speak out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> broke this chapter in a few parts in order to lead up to something...

**-Castiel-**

It had been a while since Castiel had a good night sleep. At least he didn’t dream of Not-Castiel again. When he opened his eyes, he was surprised to find Dean still clutching onto him. He wriggled a little to try and break free but Dean only tightened his grip. Dean’s arms coiled around his middle, legs wrapped around his thighs while short puffs of breath escaped his mouth. It wasn’t uncomfortable per se but Castiel wasn’t used to sleeping next to someone. He would usually sleep with one pillow under his head, sometimes on his side but that was it, and he had not forgotten the last time he slept on a bed with Dean-

He didn’t want to repeat past mistakes.

He traced the man’s face with his eyes and reached for Dean’s cheek. Up close, the same freckles were scattered all over and Castiel regretted the time when he was unable to appreciate them. Suddenly Dean’s face scrunched up at the touch and his eyes slowly opened while Castiel quickly shut his.

“Cas?”

Castiel wished that Dean thought he was asleep.

“I know you’re awake.” Dean said and Castiel had no choice but to open his eyes. Dean’s eyes bore into him with an ‘I caught you’ look. “You like watching people when they sleep?” he asked and Castiel shook his head.

“Not if I can’t help it…” he replied and it brought a smile on Dean’s face.

“Just as long as it’s me you’re watching.” Dean leaned in and kissed him on the lips. Castiel’s gut tingled at the touch but he tried not to dwell on the reaction. Dean sighed and burrowed his face in Castiel’s hair, the other man sniffed him which incited Castiel’s self-consciousness.

“I haven’t showered yet.” Castiel muttered but Dean merely smiled.

“And I haven’t brushed my teeth yet but I still kissed you.” Dean grinned then kissed him on the lips again. “I’ll kiss you again.” Kiss. “And again.” Kiss. “And again.” The tingling sensation kept building up and it was a losing battle.

“Hmm.” Dean had a satisfied smile and pulled Castiel into his chest, his strong arms cradled Castiel like a newborn babe. However Castiel was not a newborn baby because Dean wouldn’t have morning wood if he were. The other man’s erection poked Castiel’s thigh and Castiel was beginning to have a similar reaction.

“Dean…” Castiel uttered with worry.

“Hm?” Dean looked down and his mouth made an ‘o’ shape. “We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to.” Dean snuggled closer and stroked Castiel’s back. “It’ll go away in a bit…” then the Winchester shuffled a little. “Or not.” Dean leaned in again to sniff Castiel’s hair and it bewildered Castiel. He wasn’t sure what to feel or what to do for that matter. He had never been with anyone before nor had ever engaged in any form of romantic activity...

“Cas- I can practically hear you think.” Dean said.

“I’m sorry.” Castiel quickly apologized then Dean shimmied down to look at him.

“Don’t apologize, you did nothing wrong…” Dean stroked his face tenderly. “I just can’t get enough of you.” Dean smelled him again and Castiel noticed his eyes rolled at the back of his head. “You smell so good.” Dean muttered before he added. “Love you Cas.”

Castiel knew he was blushing and he felt…trapped. Time was running out and he had to say something especially since Dean was looking at him with such affection-

“I-I…” The words were stuck at the tip of his tongue.

“I need to use the bathroom.” He said and Dean nodded. The man released him and Castiel quickly tiptoed to Dean’s massive bathroom and closed the door behind him. His lings struggled to breath. He didn’t know what to do or say and everything worried him. He knew he tended to overthink about things but this was an entire different subject…

Castiel felt the walls around him close in and he didn’t know where the exit was. He threw himself to the sink to wash his face and when he looked at his reflection, he saw a flicker of Not-Castiel smiling at him. His fingers curled as fear crawled up his spine, when he turned around he found himself in a narrow path where there were tall and thick shrubbery on each side-

Then he was back in the bathroom and he didn’t waste another second at the thought.

***

 

At breakfast, Dean and Castiel explained everything to Garth, the butler was delighted by the outcome of course though he wasn’t surprised. He claimed to be rooting for them to ‘get together’ which brought a smile on Dean’s face. Dean remained in a cheerful mood despite the fact that Castiel did not return the gesture earlier. It was still difficult to believe that Castiel actually said the words ‘I love you’ to Dean. For months now, Castiel ha despised the man yet with one fatal act, he was defeated by his heart.

Once they finished breakfast, Dean instructed Garth to unpack Castiel’s things and the butler happily obliged. Castiel was about to protest since he could do it himself when Dean grabbed his attention.

“Can we spend the rest of the day together?” Dean asked as he clasped his fingers with Castiel’s. “I told Garth to cancel everything so I can spend the rest of the day with you.” Dean rubbed his thumb on the back of Castiel’s hand which incited that tingling sensation again.

“S-Sure…if that’s what you want.” Castiel stuttered a little as he tried to get a hold of himself. For some odd reason, this side of Dean rendered him apprehensive.

“You’re what I want.” Dean smiled then kissed him on the lips. The sensation was there again.

“What would you like to do?” Castiel squeaked out as Dean slowly pulled from the kiss. Dean wondered about it for a moment.

“On my days off, I usually watch this show on TV called ‘Dr. Sexy’.” Dean admitted and Castiel nodded at that.

“We could watch that if you want…” Castiel agreed when Dean suddenly coiled an arm around his waist and pulled him in for a kiss on the cheek.

“You’re gonna love Dr. Sexy! He saves lives and he rocks cowboy boots and a lab coat! The man lives up to the name!” Dean grinned from ear to ear and somehow it comforted Castiel’s nerves. They made their way to one of the lounge rooms with a giant flat screen TV. Castiel remembered it from cleaning its floors a while back.

Once Dean had everything set up, he rested on the couch next to Castiel and held him close. Dean would stroke his arm or sniffed his head. Even though it made Castiel slightly uncomfortable, he could not deny the overwhelming fluttering sensation in his chest.  He just focused on that of now and worry about everything else later.

***

 

The day went on with Dean showing Castiel around the house. It felt quite like the first time when Garth showed Castiel around only this time, Dean gave him a more thorough trip. In the library, Dean explained why his family had an extensive collection of books, it stemmed from the Campbells and Winchesters clans. A rivalling family which were tied by the marriage of Dean’s parents: Mary and John. When Castiel tried asking about Dean’s parents, the Winchester evaded the subject and led Castiel to another room.

They went to his father’s armory and he showed Castiel his father’s favorite hunting weapons. There were rooms systematically filled with artifacts from the Winchester clan and some rooms were for the Campbells. To Castiel’s understanding, both families remained estranged despite the marriage and Dean verified it, although the Winchester kept the subject of his parents at bay.

Every time Castiel saw a photo of his parents, Dean would quickly dismiss it and distract him with another ornament or decoration lying around the room. Eventually Castiel gave up because he got the hint that Dean did not wish to dwell on the subject. It troubled Castiel however he did not bother asking again in fear of inciting an argument. Especially since they were having a pleasant time together.

Dean was strangely charming…that was, if he wasn’t brutish or condescending. He looked at Castiel in the eye when he spoke and he smiled perfectly which quickly rendered Castiel blushing, much to his dismay. At dinner, he even had the table set with candle light which Castiel had not seen since the first night he arrived in the mansion. Now that he thought about it, perhaps Dean fancied him longer than he thought. If only Dean had shown this _other_ side of himself before then things might’ve turned out differently.

For some odd reason, that was an even more troubling thought…

“Something on your mind?” Dean asked and Castiel stopped chewing for a moment. He quickly swallowed his meal to answer.

“N-No…why do you ask?” Castiel took a sip of water.

Dean furrowed his brow “Well it’s just that you’ve been quiet today. More than usual.”

Castiel didn’t know what to say, for most part of the day, he listened to what Dean said and the rest, Castiel thought about many things. Things such as what they were doing right now.

For the sake of the pleasantry, Castiel lied. “I’m fine. There’s nothing to talk about.”

Dean placed his cutlery down and rolled his tongue inside his cheek.

“Sure about that Cas?” he asked and a bad feeling was growing inside Castiel’s gut.

“Yes…yes I’m sure.” Castiel said and it almost sounded like a whisper- a whisper to himself.

“If you say so.” Dean said but he didn’t sound pleased. He didn’t even looked pleased and Castiel felt unsettled.

When they were finished, Dean called for Garth to get everything cleaned up and said he was going to bed. Out of guilt, Castiel asked him if it was alright to sleep together tonight.

Dean raised an eyebrow at him. “Of course Cas! You’re always welcome in my bed.” A smile formed in Dean’s face and it silenced Castiel’s worries at least.

***

 

In Dean’s bed room, Castiel was told to get ready first since Dean could wait. There was not a hint of proposition in Dean’s tone or manner but somehow, Castiel feel the need to stay alert. If Castiel needed to do it with Dean…then he should be able do it- right? Admitting his feelings and spending the entire day together should be enough to put Castiel’s words into action-

At least, that was what Castiel told himself.

He thought about everything that had happened up until now while Dean was in the bathroom. It was only right for Castiel to fulfil Dean’s needs- the other man had been so kind and affectionate so Castiel should show his gratitude…

Somehow, Castiel couldn’t find it in himself to settle his nerves and he ran out of time for Dean had exited the bathroom. He was fully clothed at least, with a black shirt and comfortable shorts on. Perhaps Dean did not feel like doing anything tonight…

Maybe not yet.

Dean turned the main lights off but the room remained illuminated by the lamps on either side of the bed. He turned them off before he jumped on the bed and pulled the covers over his legs. Castiel instinctively pressed himself beside the man and Dean seemed pleased by this.

“Night Cas…” Dean muttered before he buried his face in Castiel’s hair.

“Good night Dean.” Castiel returned the gesture before Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel’s waist and sighed.

“I love you.” Dean said then leaned in to kiss Castiel on the cheek. Castiel instantly froze as if he lost the ability to speak or do anything. Praying won’t help due to reasons but he instantly regretted his inaction with every second that passed. And if Castiel couldn’t think of anything to say, then he would do.

“Whoa!” Dean blurted in surprise as soon as Castiel jumped on him and started kissing the man all over.

Castiel straddled Dean’s hips while he had his hands on Dean’s chest. He kissed Dean’s neck, jaw, cheek then-

“Love you Cas-,” Dean whispered before Castiel closed their mouths together. All the while, Castiel busied his hands by pulling Dean’s boxers down and wrapping his fingers around Dean’s erection. He thumbed the slit and felt precome slide between their skins.

“Hnngh!” Dean moaned and also started undressing Castiel by pulling Castiel’s boxers down and gripped their erections together. None of their actions were tender or gentle, which was what Castiel wanted. Everything was done out of pure instinct- through primal need.

The only sound Castiel wanted to hear was absolute pleasure…nothing more.

“God, I love it when you’re eager.” Dean grinned and Castiel pretended a smile. Dean really needed to stop talking.

Castiel clasped their erections together and began stroking it in sync which had Dean gripping the sheets until his knuckles were white. Castiel stared at the other man with lust lidden eyes and he intended them to stay that way. All in hopes of pleasuring Dean.

Dean’s hips bucked up as Castiel furiously pumped their cocks together. Out of sheer hunger, Dean pulled Castiel by neck for a kiss. Dean’s teeth bit his lower lip and an instinctive moan escaped Castiel’s mouth.

This was what he wanted. It was enough.

“I love you Cas…” Dean muttered in between their kisses. “I love you. I love you so much…” Dean slid his hands under Castiel’s shirt to tweak his nipples. A groan escaped Castiel’s lips and was swallowed by Dean’s mouth.

Castiel didn’t answer as he focused on his hands pumping both their erections.

“I love everything about you- your lips, your body, your hands, your eyes…” Dean whispered while he stuck a tongue out to give Castiel a couple of kitten licks.

“Everything…” Dean whispered into his ear before he nipped it with his teeth. Castiel gasped and his body gradually became lost in a mixture of ecstasy and concern. He couldn’t say anything and all he could do was move-

Dean sniggered and held Castiel’s wrist to stop them. Castiel’s fingers were covered by their precome and the rest of his body covered with sweat. Heat and their smell wafted around them and it made Castiel’s eyes roll at the back of his head.

“Dean…” Castiel managed to finally get out. It was better than silence but it didn’t stop him from silencing Dean again with his lips. They kissed some more while their hips rutted each other’s erections. Their shirts and stomachs were quite damp by precome.

“Dean…” Castiel gasped out like a chant and it formed a smile on Dean’s face.

“Yeah Cas, say my name.” Dean kissed him again. “Say that you love me.” He kissed again. “Say it again.” Dean kept kissing but Castiel’s lips were rendered speechless at the thought.

He should say it, he knew he should. But the words got stuck at the back of his throat as soon as he thought about them.

“I love you Cas. Say it for me- again...” Dean pleaded as he tenderly caressed Castiel’s face.

The animalistic surge dissipated but Castiel felt trapped in a corner like a mouse.

At least a mouse could make sound.

“Alright-,” Dean removed his hold of Castiel’s body. “Talk to me.” The lust in his eyes gradually dissipated as well. They straightened themselves up.

“What about?” Castiel was afraid to ask.

“About this-,” Dean flicked his hand out. “About what’s botherin’ you?”

“It’s nothing- nothing’s troubling me.” It was a lie but Castiel had to say it.

“I don’t buy it Cas. But if it helps you talk, lemme tell you that you don’t have to be afraid of sharing stuff with me. If you wanna say something, just say it. I know I haven’t been the best at dealing with- feelings and crap but I’ll try at least…” Dean admitted and Castiel nodded carefully.

“Okay, I understand…” he replied but he didn’t add anything else so Dean also nodded, despite the fact that he looked unconvinced.

“Good, cause I don’t wanna keep pushing you to say your feelings or anything…or lack of…” Dean spitefully said and it made Castiel furrow his brow.

“What does that supposed to mean?” he asked.

“You know damn well what it means!” Dean snapped back and Castiel sat up.

There was no use in denying it.

“Dean…” Castiel reached for Dean’s shoulder but the other man resisted.

“No, dammit Cas don’t touch me if you don’t mean it. You know what, don’t bother telling me that you’re ‘fine’ when you’re clearly not-,”

“Dean-,”

“Don’t think I haven’t noticed that you’re distancing yourself cause it’s pretty obvious Cas. I get it! I already know why-,”

“Dean you don’t-,”

“You don’t LOVE me! And I get it! If there ain’t a gun in my mouth you wouldn’t have said it- you would’ve walked out yesterday and I would never see you again! Let’s face it- you would’ve!” Dean’s glassy eyes stared him down.

“I…I don’t know…” Castiel confessed as it was the truth.

“You ‘don’t know’?” Dean asked sarcastically. “Well let me spell it out for you: if you don’t love me then you _lied_. You NEVER did! We’ve been wasting each other’s time and I don’t know why I even bothered trying!” Dean climbed off the bed but Castiel couldn’t let him just walk away.

He heard someone laughing at the back of his head.

“Dean STOP!” Castiel shouted but Dean didn’t listen and he headed to the door. Castiel quickly ran up and grabbed the other man’s arm.

“No! Don’t touch me!” Dean tried ripping his arm away but Castiel only tightened his grip.

“I won’t let go-,” Castiel growled out but Dean continued resisting.

“Why not? That’s what you wanna do anyway-,”

Castiel slapped him. He didn’t regret it this time.

“Dean Winchester, you have a terrible habit of never letting me speak and answering for me!” Castiel bit out and Dean’s eyes blew wide open but they stared at the floor. “What makes you think that you know how I feel when you never bother to listen- you make your own conclusions without even hearing me out.”

“Because it’s the freaking TRUTH!” Dean finally turned to him. “This happened before and you know it!” he accusingly pointed at Castiel’s chest. “You say that you want this even though I can clearly tell that you don’t! You think you’re real clever by coverin’ it up with sex but you clearly don’t really wanna touch me- I _disgust_ you! I can see it in your eyes! You’re only doing this out of pity and guess what- I don’t want your pity!” Dean barked out but the hurt was clear in his eyes.

“Can’t even say you love me back- was it all a lie? Tell me Cas so I can spare us both the trouble-,”

Castiel slapped him again. “And you wonder why I can’t say it back- you accuse me of being closed off when you haven’t even looked at yourself in the mirror!”

“The hell does that supposed to mean?” Dean shouted.

“You said it yourself: you’re not well versed with ‘feelings and crap’. Are we just supposed to forget the fact that you nearly killed one of your most trusted servants- whom you also call a brother? How about yesterday, when you pulled that stunt with the gun? Am I supposed to just let it slide and pretend everything’s fine? Someone nearly died in this house Dean and you shout at me for something as menial as saying ‘I love you’ back!” Castiel growled back but Dean shook his head.

“Don’t change the subject Cas! Don’t point at other problems when it’s clear what’s really going on here!” Dean curled his hands into fists and Castiel’s nose flared.

“And what is that?”

“This!” Dean pointed at Castiel’s chest, straight to his heart. “You don’t really love me! Stop making excuses about MY issues when the only issue I care about is you lying between your teeth, telling me you love me when you clearly don’t! Can’t believe you think my feelings are _menial_! I give you my fucking heart and you just throw it away as if it’s worth nothing!”

Castiel’s blood boiled with rage.

“I can’t believe you didn’t even listen to a word I said! How am I supposed to reason with someone who doesn’t even know how to listen?” Castiel stomped his foot.

“Oh I’m a horrible listener? Maybe it’s because I’m sick and tired of hearin’ you lie all the fucking time!” Dean hissed and that was it. Castiel shoved him aside to open the door.

“Where the hell do you think you’re going? We’re not done here!” Dean grabbed his arm but Castiel resisted.

“Let me go you ass! I’m not going to put up with the likes of you!” Castiel sneered and Dean scowled at that.

“Likes of me? So it’s all comin’ out now is it? Now you’re really tellin’ me how you really feel instead of lyin’ all the freaking time!” Dean accused again and Castiel ripped his arm off the man’s hold.

“You are impossible!” Castiel yelled. “I don’t know how in the world anyone can put up with you!”

“Oh but weren’t you the one who said that people cared about me? You just keep lyin’ to me! What else did you lie about?” Dean spitefully asked.

“You said it yourself: ‘I NEVER LOVED YOU!’” Castiel shouted at the top of his lungs before storming off somewhere or anywhere but Dean’s presence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lover's quarrel


	21. Chapter 21- Deep in Denial (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel meets an old friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: GRAPHIC DESCRIPTIONS OF VIOLENCE  
> There is blood and graphic descriptions of violence because I have psychopatic tendencies and decided to take them out on Castiel. 
> 
> That is all and Enjoy!

**-Castiel-**

When Castiel left Dean’s room, he went back to his own and it took him a while to fall asleep as guilt and anger curdled in his chest like an unending struggle for control. In the end, he surrendered to his exhaustion and embraced sleep.

_In his dreams, he found himself in a narrow path where he felt the dirt under his feet and the cold air bit the surface of his skin. It was dark but it was difficult to tell what time of the day it was. A vast gray blanket of clouds covered the sky and Castiel couldn’t see further than the a few yards as thick fog swept his vision. The towering wall of dark green shrubbery howled with the wind and when his eyes returned to the narrow path, he saw something._

_Or someone._

_The lower half of the silhouette cut through the fog and each step drew itself closer to him. Castiel felt cold sweat dampen his forehead as he was rendered breathless in anticipation. The figure got closer and closer but its features- indistinguishable._

_Castiel’s eyes widened and his feet took a few steps back when the figure stopped in its tracks._

_He heard a small giggle but he was unsure._

_“I see you.” The figure said and laughter followed._

_Castiel quickly ran the opposite direction as he figure started chasing him._

_The narrow path looked the same and it felt like Castiel had been running for hours. The figure behind him kept laughing and giggling. It did not seem to be exhausted by the chase but rather, enjoyed it. It enjoyed Castiel’s struggle._

_“I see you.” Castiel heard it again as he kept running and running but he was running out of breath. Last time he looked at the figure, it was a few yards away but now it was drawing closer and closer. Castiel decided not to look back to focus on the path ahead when cold hands suddenly grabbed him by the neck and mouth._

_Castiel clutched on the hands which had diabolic strength. He tried to break free by digging his heels on the dirt but to no avail, the creature or whatever it was dragged him back while he screamed and screamed. Nobody heard him of course, not when deathly cold hands covered his mouth._

_Castiel twisted and thrashed but whatever it was that held him merely laughed. He even heard it say._

_“I got you.”_

_He screamed again but alas his struggle was futile, whatever this or it was, clearly had the upper hand._

_“Shh shh- Castiel, it’s okay. It’s okay.” That voice, it sounded like-_

_Castiel’s eyes blew wide open as he looked up to see his own face staring down at him with a Cheshire grin._

_“Thought you saw the last of me.”_

_Not-Castiel._

_Another one of Castiel’s scream was muffled again. “Shh- I told you to be QUIET!” Not-Castiel hissed and there were tears in Castiel’s eyes._

_“There there now Castiel, don’t cry…I hate it when you cry.” Not-Castiel giggled and stroked Castiel’s face with his right hand while the arm held Castiel in place. Castiel continued to struggle but to no avail._

_“Now don’t make me angry now, you won’t like it when I’m angry. Tee-hee.” Not-Castiel whispered and pressed a kiss on Castiel’s head. “Listen closely to what I’m about to say.” He whispered and Castiel didn’t know what to do. He was clearly in a nightmare-_

_Probably the worst one yet._

_“Yes Castiel, you are in a nightmare- I can hear your thoughts, remember that I am a part of you.” Not-Castiel pointed out and tapped Castiel’s nose. “As for it being the worst, well I think it’s too early to say.” Not-Castiel had a satisfied smile._

_“Anyway, what was I going to say…” Not-Castiel paused for a moment. “Oh yes! Why I’m here!” Not-Castiel gleefully stated._

_“It hasn’t been that long since I last saw you. Thought I was gonna be locked away for longer. You disappoint me Castiel. Thought you were better than this, clearly I overestimated you.” Not-Castiel tutted him and Castiel mouthed ‘let go of me’._

_“What was that?” Not-Castiel turned his ear to Castiel. “You wanna break free? Naww you’re such a spoiled brat! We can’t have everything now can we, Castiel? No we can’t. So you just sit here and be a good boy or else I’m gonna have to punish you. Are we clear?” Not-Castiel asked but Castiel didn’t answer. He didn’t want to respond at all._

_“I’ll take that as a yes. Now- for why I’m here…I already told you what I am and what I’m planning to do to you once I manage to break free from the stupid bounds that you made.” Not-Castiel gritted his teeth. “But by coincidence, I didn’t need to break free since you dumped yourself into your own cage hehehe.” Castiel’s eyes widened again as he looked around the surroundings. The thick fog gradually dissipated but the sky remained gray and the earth, cold and hard against his feet._

_“Behold Castiel- your very own personal mind prison.” Not-Castiel pointed out and Castiel suddenly saw himself in a bird’s eye vision which zoomed out to reveal a largescale maze- no a labyrinth, as far as the eyes can see._

_Then Castiel’s vision returned to where he was, back in the arms of Not-Castiel._

_“You trapped me here a long time ago but I managed to break free for only a short amount of time before you and Dean got all touchy feely and dumped me back in here again. Y’know I spent years of your life running around to find the exit but I couldn’t find it because you keep making it bigger and harder for me to escape. I tried everything, sketch a map, leave a rock somewhere, dig a hole but it was no use. No matter how far I went to get to the end or the edge of this cursed place, I always wound up back at the very center, back in the deepest fucking part of this hell hole which drove me nuts by the way, if you hadn’t noticed.” Not-Castiel tapped his temple with his index finger._

_“All the while you busied yourself by being nice to everybody, doing all sorts of acts of random kindness which resulted in me being even more fucked in this prison. Kudos to you by the way, for being so efficient in handling your guilt.” Not-Castiel finally released him and Castiel quickly ripped himself away from the- the thing. Whatever Not-Castiel was._

_“Now that was just hurtful- I am not a **thing**. I am you. Well a part of you at least. How many times am I gonna have to remind you?” Not-Castiel crossed his arms in disappointment. _

_“I am not you and you are not me. I can never be **something** like you!” Castiel bit out and Not-Castiel clutched his chest and pretended it was hurt. _

_“You wound me Castiel! Here I am trying to spend some quality time with you and you’re being so spiteful. How you hurt me so.” Not-Castiel grinned afterward which only annoyed Castiel. He simply glared at his other self and wondered how he could get away unnoticed._

_“You can’t get away from me y’know. We’re stuck in this place and I know it more than you do- hell, you didn’t even know this place existed until I told you, better yet, you didn’t even know I existed until I showed up as your brother. Puh-lease Castiel, just accept the fact that you’re stuck here with me for now and there’s no getting out- not yet at least. So don’t even think about running away from me. If I find you again, I will to punish you.” Not-Castiel smiled devilishly and Castiel knew he was right, much to his dismay._

_“Well I’m not going to sit around here and wait for some sort of a miracle.” Castiel got up and started walking the opposite direction._

_“Where the hell do you think you’re going? I told you there’s no exit around here!” Not-Castiel asked but Castiel simply ignored him as he made his way through the towering labyrinth._

_***_

_For what felt like hours now, Castiel had been searching for a way out from this place. There were a few winding roads and dead ends but he persevered. He had no intention on staying in one place let alone conversing with his other self._

_“Look what I made!” Not-Castiel flicked something in front of him. It was a small wooden figure of a horse. Castiel merely rolled his eyes and kept walking._

_“It’s not a horse! It’s a unicorn!” Not-Castiel blurted out and Castiel decided he had enough. There was a diverging pathway right before them and this was his chance._

_“Don’t you dare-,”_

_Before Not-Castiel could finish, Castiel ran for it. He ran and ran and did not look back. He took as many turns and corners as he possibly could. Fog started to cover the labyrinth again but it didn’t help with muffling the sound of Not-Castiel’s screams._

_“You’re gonna regret this!”_

_“Castiel get back here!”_

_“You are so dead!”_

_Not-Castiel shouted but Castiel simply kept his eyes forward and took as many twists and turns as possible, until he reached a dead end._

_“Oh no…” Castiel gasped for air as he felt the wall of shrubbery with his hands._

_“Tee-hehehehe…” Castiel heard him laugh and finally he turned around._

_The path he took was barely visible by the fog. Even the sky was covered and only two walls of shrubbery and the cold hard ground felt real. In the fog, Castiel saw a figure emerge. He knew who it was from the way the figure walked toward him._

_“Oh yes, I found you hehe.” Not-Castiel giggled as his full form emerged from the thick fog. His other slef walked closer and closer, predatory and eyes filled with more strife that even Dean could not compare. Castiel pressed his back to the dead end and awaited the worse._

_“I told you not to leave me.” Not-Castiel cracked his neck._

_I’m gonna have to punish you.” He said with a demonic smile._

_***_

_It felt like hours but the pain was still there and it was real. They said people woke up from nightmares through inflicting pain upon oneself. Similarly, people who dreamed of falling off buildings or from the sky would wake up from a jolt however in Castiel’s case, the nightmare felt like forever._

_Not-Castiel’s knuckles were bloody but it was nothing compared to Castiel’s face. His lips were busted and he could barely lift his left eyelids. Breathing was almost impossible as blood fought against air in his throat. His tears were drying at the same time as the blood on his cheek and he was sure there was dirt between his teeth, if he could still taste anything that was._

_Dirt went under his nails as he tried to get up slowly in case Not-Castiel kicked him again. Not-Castiel’s foot flew to his jaw last time and Castiel shuddered at the thought of another hit._

_Suddenly, he felt Not-Castiel sit next to him which made him instinctively flinch._

_“Relax, I’ve had my fill.” Not-Castiel muttered and he inspected his hands. There were remnants of blood under his nails from choking Castiel’s neck earlier. “Look what you made me do. Gross.” The demon started wiping his hand on Castiel’s clothes, which were already bloody to begin with._

_“Demon? You can call me that if you wanna.” Not-Castiel smirked and patted Castiel’s head. “Told you that you wouldn’t like me when I’m mad…then again, I don’t think you ever liked me to begin with.” Not-Castiel stated and started stroking Castiel’s wounded cheek. Castiel hissed from the pain and the other Castiel scowled at that._

_“Toughen up. You can’t die in your own nightmare- well you can but you’ll be back. I tried it before in this hell-hole and I ended up in the same spot.” Not-Castiel pointed at the shrubbery. “Wanna know how? Found myself a stick here and stabbed myself, just to see what happens.” Not-Castiel chuckled. “Remember I told you that I’m a little crazy?”_

_Castiel merely rolled his eyes and groaned in pain. He believed that one or two of his ribs were broken because it was the greatest source of pain._

_“Anyway, now that we’ve gotten your punishment out of the way. Are you going to behave or am I going to have to break your legs?”_

_Castiel slowly shook his head as the pain was unbearable. He sat up and tried to gather himself when Not-Castiel made an irritated groan._

_“Can you even talk?” Not-Castiel asked him and Castiel couldn’t respond, there was just too much pain._

_“Ugh, thought you were tougher than this. Pathetic.” Not-Castiel stood up and started busied himself with the roots of the wall of shrubbery. Castiel coughed and the ground was painted with blood._

_“Lemme try something.” Not-Castiel crouched beside him and when Castiel looked up, he was hit in the head with something hard._

_***_

_When Castiel regained consciousness, the first thing he saw was Not-Castiel’s face staring at him._

_“Took you long enough.” Not-Castiel glared at him and threw something on the side of the narrow path. It was a rock tainted with blood._

_“What?” Castiel was surprised that he was able to speak. It was more than that, he could move and his injuries were gone. Gazing upon his hands, Castiel thought they were good as new then he looked up-_

_“You’re better now because of me-,” Not-Castiel paused. “Well not entirely, I simply took advantage of where we were.”_

_“I don’t understand.” Castiel uttered his breath. His non-blood tasting breath._

_“I hit you in the head with that rock over there.” Not-Castiel pointed at the blood-tainted object. “And killed you.”_

_Castiel instinctively reached up to his temple to find no pain or swelling or blood of sort._

_“You can relax now, I told you that you can’t permanently die in a nightmare…couldn’t have you limping and mute at the same time. I get carried away sometime, y’know since I’m loony and all.” Not-Castiel leaned on the towering wall and crossed his arms._

_Castiel furrowed his brow and attempted to make sense of everything._

_“Anyway, lesson of the day is to not piss me off otherwise, I’ll kill you again. This time, much slower.” Not-Castiel smiled but Castiel frowned._

_“What do you want?” Castiel asked._

_“To talk. Mainly about the fuck up you did in the land of the conscious.” Not-Castiel sighed. “You really did a number on Dean when you told him that you don’t love him.”_

_Castiel glared at his other self. “How do you know that-“_

_“Can read your mind remember?” Not-Castiel tapped his temple._

_“Well that subject is none of your concern.” Castiel spitefully stated and Not-Castiel only laughed at him._

_“Oh but it’s got everything to do with me- okay I lie, some of it, but I’m involved nonetheless.” Not-Castiel grinned amusingly._

_“You confuse me.” Castiel admitted and Not-Castiel laughed louder._

_“Can’t blame ya, you’ve always been the funny one out of your brothers.” Not-Castiel left the wall and started pacing in front of Castiel. “Let me ask you, why do you think you put me in this place hm?” he asked and Castiel tilted his head._

_“I don’t know…but I don’t think it’s because of your sense of humor or your fountain of knowledge.”_

_Not-Castiel cackled. “No, definitely none of those…”_

_They both wondered about it for a moment then Not-Castiel spoke._

_“I had a lot of time to think about it during my stay here.” Not-Castiel said and patted the green wall. “I think you created this place from a memory of yours.” Not-Castiel pointed out and Castiel tilted his head again._

_“Do you distinctly remember what you did right after your brothers left? The very next day?” Not-Castiel asked and Castiel thought they already spoke about this._

_“I don’t mean the time when Gabriel found you sleeping in the church, I mean during the initial phase of your depression.” He asked and Castiel tried to remember._

_“I don’t remember…” Castiel struggled as it was not exactly the best time of his life._

_“Try harder.” Not-Castiel ordered and Castiel did in fear of inciting another punishment._

_Deep in his memory, he remembered his brothers arguing with their father, Gabriel on his knees and begging them to stay but Michael and Luke’s mind were made up._

_Michael said sorry to them. He specifically apologized to Castiel in private._

_There was running._

_Castiel’s focus returned to Not-Castiel._

_“You saw it didn’t you? What you did?” Not-Castiel asked and Castiel didn’t know how to respond._

_“You went for a run in the woods.” Not-Castiel answered for them both. “You ran outside to clear your head, to keep you from staying around the house and remembering your brothers, to keep you from seeing how miserable your family had become, or what was left of it.”_

_Not-Castiel walked up to him and touched his cheek._

_“You ran to keep yourself from crying.”_

_And Castiel remembered. He distinctly remembered running into the woods and finding a narrow path. They said that the track was used by the townspeople for centuries before the roads were built. He ran on it to see where it led him._

_“Where did it lead you Castiel?” Not-Castiel asked._

_“It-,” Castiel stuttered. “It led me to someone…someone lost.”_

_(Hi, my car broke down, I was wondering if you can point me the direction to town?)_

_“It was a man and he needed help. So I helped him…”_

_(Thanks for your help, I really appreciate it!)_

_“I brought him to town and that was it…” Castiel solemnly said and Not-Castiel nodded._

_“Yes. That’s exactly what you did Castiel. You helped someone despite the fact that you were miserable but is that the real reason as to why you’re here in this place? Stuck with me?” Not-Castiel tapped his foot impatiently._

_“I-I don’t know…” Castiel said as he needed more time to think._

_“Well I can wait but you should be more worried about yourself Castiel. What if you never wake up from this nightmare?” Not-Castiel asked._

_“I…” Castiel was still thinking about it._

_“Oh god this is taking too long. Why do you think this place is made of that memory?” Not-Castiel asked angrily._

_“I don’t know-,”_

_“Then THINK! Think harder! Dammit Castiel I thought you were smarter than this! Why did you make this place and locked me in it?” Not-Castiel pointed at himself and finally the answer was clear-_

_“I was lost.” Castiel muttered to himself. “I was- I was lost…and confused. I didn’t know what to do so I started blaming myself…” There were tears in his eyes but Not-Castiel said nothing._

_“I had to get away. Do something- anything…just so I didn’t feel so helpless.” Castiel looked at his hands. “Just so I didn’t feel so hopeless.”_

_Not-Castiel made a relieved expression. “And what am I? Tell me: what am I to you?” he asked then suddenly Castiel remembered everything._

_“You are me- no, you were me. Me, who was weak and fragile. You were me on the very same day when I went for a run. You were me and I- I wanted to forget you…” Castiel finally realized-_

_“I locked you away so I could move on.”_

_He finally realized that it wasn’t helping the townspeople which kept his despair at bay._

_“It was my decision. I made the choice.”_

_Not-Castiel nodded. “Why do you think you were unable to fight back when I was beating the shit out of you? Or how I managed to caught up with you so easily? It wasn’t just because I can read your mind, it’s because you chose to be weak. You chose to be caught and you chose to lose because right now you are-,”_

_“Lost.” Castiel finished it._

_“Exactly, and why do you think that is?” Not-Castiel asked and the answer was pitted somewhere deep inside Castiel’s heart._

_“Because-,” Castiel remembered a flicker of someone’s smile._

_“It’s because…” The smile was Dean’s and it was for him._

_“I’m lost because-,”_

**_‘I love you Cas.’_ **

_“Because I chose to be lost…I sent myself to this place- I should’ve- I shouldn’t have…oh Dean…” Castiel sobbed and Not-Castiel pulled him into a hug._

_“There there Castiel, I told you that I hate seeing you cry.” He stroked Castiel back and it instantly reminded Castiel of Dean._

_“I should’ve said ‘I love you’ back. I should’ve- I didn’t know…I didn’t know what to feel! It was all too fast and too sudden, I didn’t want to see him sad. I didn’t want to leave and more importantly, I didn’t want to lose him because I- I love him. I love him so much that I couldn’t bring myself to believe in it. Rather, I chose to deny it and get lost in the process because I’m so stubborn! He gave me his heart and I just threw it away as if it was nothing!” Castiel cried and wailed in Not-Castiel’s hold. His other-self comforted him and hushed his tears._

_“There there Castiel. At least you finally understand why you’re here. Why you’re stuck with me- we’ll never be apart again. I promise we’ll always be together, forever.” Not-Castiel whispered into his ear but Castiel disagreed._

_“I don’t plan on staying in here. I need to wake up- I need to-,” He needed to say ‘I love you’ back._

_Castiel tried squirming out of Not-Castiel’s hold but his other-self tightened his hold._

_“I need to go. Please let me go-,”_

_“Shh-shh. Don’t speak for now. Just behave Castiel. I need you to behave for me.” Not-Castiel whispered into his ear but Castiel had no intention of staying._

_“No, I need you to let me go. Let me go!” Castiel struggled but Not-Castiel’s hold got even tighter._

_“NO- stop resisting me Castiel! You cut me off from yourself and I’ve waited too long in this prison! WE WILL BE TOGETHER!” Not-Castiel hissed but Castiel managed to shove the other man away._

_Not-Castiel was thrown out of balance for a moment and Castiel used this opportunity to make a run for._

_“CASTIEL! GET BACK HERE!”_

_Castiel heard the other man shout but he didn’t look back. His eyes looked straight ahead in fear of making the same mistake. He prayed to himself to not get caught. If what Not-Castiel said was true then all Castiel had to do was choose not to get caught. After all, he created this place._

_He could do anything._

_At the turn to the corner, Castiel met another dead end and when he turned around, Not-Castiel emerged from the darkness, slowly but predatory. His eyes were clouded with rage but his mouth had a victorious smile._

_“Told you, you can’t escape. You belong here with me. We belong with each other, we can be lost together. You don’t need to wake up. This is your world now.” Not-Castiel said as the space between them closed. Castiel had his back pressed against the wall like last time._

_“You know I have to punish you again, maybe I’ll start by breaking your knee caps and I’ll work my way up from there. Hm?” Not-Castiel devilishly smiled and fear reduced Castiel’s knees into a shivering mess._

_Before Not-Castiel got any closer, a ray of light emanated behind Castiel. The wall behind him cracked into a pool of light and it felt warm despite the coldness of the ground. Castiel had to shield his eyes from the brightness._

_“No- NO!” Not-Castiel shouted and started running toward Castiel when suddenly, the earth shook which halted the demon’s advance._

_The ground suddenly split and a new wall of greenery erupted between Castiel and his other-self which stood taller than the walls on either side._

_Not-Castiel was screaming from the other side, violent treats and desperate cries were heard._

_“CASTIEL COME BACK! YOU CAN’T LEAVE ME HERE! I’LL KILL YOU! I SWEAR TO GOD I’LL KILL YOU!” Not-Castiel shouted which pierced Castiel’s very core._

_“God doesn’t exist. He’s not listening to you nor will I.” Castiel walked closer to the light but not before turning around for one last time. “Stay here, where you belong. I will never be like you. Never again.”_

_Then he stepped into the light._

***

“Cas?”

It sounded like Dean’s voice and Castiel though he’d never hear it again. Castiel slowly opened his eyes to find Dean sitting at the edge of the bed watching him.

“Cas are you awake?” Dean asked and Castiel nodded. It felt like eternity since he last saw Dean, he didn’t know whether he was overjoyed or relieved. Perhaps both.

“Dean, you’re here.” Castiel said as he reached to touch the other man’s face. It was real and it felt real. “Thank god you’re here. I missed you!” Castiel jumped up and wrapped his arms around Dean for a tight hug. He chased after Dean’s warmth to remind himself that this was real. All of this was real and he wasn’t alone.

At least, not in his own hell with a demon in the form of his former self.

“Cas…” Dean whispered and Castiel had never heard a more sound. His name on Dean’s lips was paradise.

“Yes Dean. I’m here. I’m here and I love you. I should’ve said it. I should’ve said it yesterday. I should’ve said it sooner- I shouldn’t get enough of saying it- I love you. I love you so much and it is enough.” Castiel pulled to face Dean. “I need you to know that I love you. I love you so much.”

He cusped the sides of Dean’s face and leaned in to kiss him on the lips when Dean turned away.

The overwhelming feeling of joy and relief was instantly cut short.

“Cas, you have to go.” Dean said with hurt in his eyes.

“What?” Castiel asked as panic suddenly swelled in his chest.

“I need you to get out. I don’t need you- I don’t need you to lie anymore.” Dean gripped his wrists and placed them down.

“N-No…” Castiel managed to blurt out.

“Good-bye…” Dean looked down and slowly left the bed.

“No-NO! You can’t!” Castiel grabbed Dean’s arm. “I’m not lying Dean! I’m not lying to you- I love you! I said it! I love you-,”

“Please Cas you don’t really-,”

“It’s the TRUTH! Dean you have to believe me! Please believe me!” Castiel fumbled to get ahold of Dean’s hand but the Winchester resisted.

“No Cas- I can’t. I’ve had enough-,” Dean looked at him with hurtful eyes. “You’ve hurt me enough! I can’t keep setting myself up for disappointment- I don’t wanna get screwed over again…”

Castiel crawled out of the bed to reach him. “Dean listen to me- I need you to look at me!” he struggled to get the other man to face him. “I need you to look at me in the eyes and see that I’m telling the truth!”

Dean struggled but suddenly did what he asked.

“I love you…” Castiel said again and believed in his words.

“I don’t believe you.” Dean narrowed his eyes and left the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you all think of Not-Castiel? Don't like him in the story? He's like the original Maze runner  
> I have read what you all thought about Castiel in the previous chapter and took it to mind. I hope I did not disappoint :)
> 
> There will be more to come :)


	22. Chapter 22- Loveless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel discovers some truth about Dean from an unexpected source.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't forgotten what some of you have requested- This chapter is a significant milestone in the plot I initially plot and managed to fit in.   
> Enjoy :)

**-Castiel-**

If Dean asked Castiel to leave several months ago, he probably would’ve done it but first ask Dean to spare the townspeople. Now that Dean actually asked him to leave, Castiel could not bring it in himself to let go of the man, despite the multiple resistances and aggressive shrug of Dean’s shoulders. Castiel chased after Dean as soon as he left the room and followed the other man until Dean slammed the door on his face.

“Dean please! Please open the door! I made a huge mistake! I’m sorry! Please let me apologize!” Castiel banged in the door when Dean suddenly opened it.

“Dean! Oh please Dean, I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!” Castiel fumbled to grab ahold of Dean’s shirt but the other man kept resisting. “I love you. Dean please look at me.” Castiel begged and started kissing Dean on the cheek but Dean kept pulling from his lips.

“Cas enough…you’re just lying again-,” Dean grabbed his wrists but Castiel pulled them out.

“No- no I’m not. Dean look at me and tell me if I’m lying-,” Castiel ordered but Dean wouldn’t even give him the time of day.

“No Cas, it hurts…you just keep lying again and again. I can’t take it anymore…” Dean replied but it only made Castiel shake his head furiously.

“No Dean please- I don’t want to leave. I want to stay. I want to stay with you- I want to be with you! Believe me! Please Dean!” Castiel pleaded but Dean shook his head.

“I can’t take this- you gotta go.” Dean stormed down the hall while Castiel followed.

“No Dean, listen- I love you. You need to hear it! You need to believe it!” Castiel said desperately but they fell in deaf ears.

Dean went back to his room and searched for something. In the closet, he found Castiel’s luggage bag and placed it on Castiel’s bed to start packing Castiel’s things. On the other hand, Castiel tried pulling them out of the bag but Dean kept trying to get him out of the way. Dean didn’t even care if some of his things didn’t made it in his bag.

“Dean stop!” Castiel shouted but Dean ignored him and the other man turned to the wall where Castiel’s drawing were hung. He ripped them out, one by one, Luke, Michael, Father, Gabriel and Mother’s drawings were taken down and Dean shoved them in his bag.

“Dean please stop this!” Castiel screeched as he took a moment to despair over the torn out pages. Lastly, Dean took Castiel’s family photo frame on the bedside table and shoved Castiel out of the way to dump it atop Castiel’s things and slammed the luggage shut.

Castiel regained his balance to chase the man.

He ran after Dean who stormed down the hall carrying his things. “Dean please don’t do this! I beg you! I wasn’t sure what to feel-,”

“Well I did- I told you how I feel about you, I begged you Cas, every time-,”

“Dean-,”

“And you pushed me away. I’ve given you so many chances but you never-,” Dean paused. “You never loved me. This was all one sided…”

Castiel shook his head. “No Dean it’s not. I loved you. I still do. You have to believe me! I’m sorry Dean please believe me!”

Dean shook his head afterwards. “I- Sorry’s not gonna cut it Cas…”

Then Dean stormed off while Castiel followed. He couldn’t breathe, his hands were shaking and he was close to a panic attack but he had to persevere. Dean needed to know, he needed to believe Castiel and he can’t let everything get thrown out of the door- like his things.

Dean opened the massive doors and walked outside when Garth suddenly appeared.

“Cas- what’s happening?” the butler grabbed ahold of him.

“Dean- he wants me to leave…” Castiel managed to say in between his crying.

“No, that can’t be right…” Garth pointed out then Castiel quickly left the butler and went outside to retrieve his things.

Dean threw his luggage outside, past the front porch and its contents spilled everywhere including Castiel’s family photo frame. The shards of glass mixed with his clothes and his drawings touched the cold hard ground.

Castiel ran outside in futile attempt to salvage his things when Dean slammed the door behind him. He quickly ran back to the door and began banging his hands on it.

“DEAN PLEASE LET ME IN! I’M SORRY! PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR!” Castiel screamed off the top of his lungs but Dean didn’t open the massive doors. He heard voices inside and it sounded like Garth’s.

“Garth? PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR!” Castiel kept banging. “PLEASE! SOMEONE- ANYONE! PLEASE LET ME IN!” Castiel screamed but his throat burned.

The sky outside rumbled and it caught his attention. Rain started pouring and Castiel quickly went to out to take his things which were quickly getting soaked. He also tripped over and sprained his ankle so he ended up crawling to get his things. Out of everything, he grabbed his family photo underneath the broken shards of glass. With shaking hands, Castiel clutched on the sides of the photo frame to look at his family- at every single one of them.

Michael, Luke, Gabriel, Father and Mother were blurred and his shivering fingers wiped the rain off the surface but to no avail.

His tears only made it worse.

***

 

The rain had stopped and Castiel had been sitting next to one of the pillars of the front porch for hours now. His clothes were getting dry from waiting and Castiel’s eyes remained fixated on his things. His clothes were ruined by mud and rain. Some of his drawings were lying around the front courtyard while the rest were never to be found.

He stopped crying after the rain stopped and but his hands still clutched the family photo. He hadn’t moved from the spot since he crawled out of the mud but he knew he wasn’t going get far. His ankle hurt and the pain was still unbearable. Perhaps he deliberately hurt himself so he wouldn’t be able to go anywhere.

Castiel sniggered to himself.

There wasn’t much left to be sane for so he just laughed to himself. He laughed at himself for being such a pathetic mess. Maybe he should’ve stayed with Not-Castiel. Maybe Not-Castiel knew what was best for him and he should’ve stayed in his prison. He should’ve-

Maybe this was for the best.

Although Castiel was abused in the past, perhaps he should’ve given Dean the benefit of the doubt. He should’ve given in rather than act so stubborn and reject the man over and over again.

There was only so much a person could take, perhaps Castiel should realize that sometimes he wasn’t the only one suffering under Dean’s roof.

He should’ve been more grateful, he should’ve been more affectionate.

He should’ve said-

Castiel’s attention shifted to the sound of the garage door opening and the Impala’s engine. The classic car roared and Dean was inside. Castiel tried getting up but his body wouldn’t let him and alas, Dean drove away.

Castiel tried calling out but his throat was parched and his voice cracked. He felt like crying again but he knew he shouldn’t-

All the crying was over and washed away by the rain.

Castiel returned to his former position and rested his head on the hard surface of the pillar. Stricken by grief, Castiel looked up at the sky and wondered if God was satisfied with the sight. He imagined the deity mercilessly grinning at his plight, maybe he’d summon another thunderstorm and have Castiel struck by lightning. Perhaps it would be a fitting end to such a miserable creature such as himself.

 _“God isn’t watching over you.”_ That voice, it was Not-Castiel’s but Castiel was wide awake. When Castiel turned to his left, he saw his other self and he was clear as day.

Castiel almost screamed in panic when his other-self stopped him. _“Don’t worry, I’m still in the cage. I’m just here to talk to you.”_ Not-Castiel assure but Castiel wouldn’t trust him so easily.

 _“Anyway, God has better things to do than smite insignificant individuals such as yourself.”_ Not-Castiel stated then the large front doors opened behind Castiel.

 _“Huh, guess I was wrong.”_ Not-Castiel said and Castiel turned around to find Garth walking toward him with basket of clothes.

 _“God sends one of His angels…”_ Not-Castiel said before he vanished into thin air. Then again, he was never there to begin with, it was all in Castiel’s mind.

“Cas…” Garth whispered with a worried expression and Castiel flinched at the butler’s touch. “I got you some clean clothes and a towel. We need to get you dried up.” Garth said but Castiel frowned at him.

“Garth you don’t have to-,”

“Shh- just lemme help you okay? Please Cas, stop being stubborn.” Garth pleaded with his eyes then started undressing Castiel and drying him with a towel.

Castiel took all his clothes off, including his underwear while Garth wiped the mud and dirt off his skin.

“Dean told me what happened. He said you two got into a fight and you said you didn’t love him.” Garth said then a cough suddenly left Castiel’s throat.

“Yes I did and for him, it was the final straw.” Castiel sadly pointed out and Garth scowled at that.

“You shouldn’t have to be forced like this. You shouldn’t have to-,” Garth stuttered but Castiel hushed his friend.

“I’m used to it Garth. I’ve been through worse remember?” Castiel asked but Garth didn’t seem amused.

“Don’t mean it’s right.” Garth paused for a moment and looked inside. “I wish I can bring you inside but Dean said not to let you in let alone help you. I should’ve come out sooner, I wanted to but he-,”

“Threatened to kick you out as well. I had a feeling he would.” Castiel finished Garth’s sentence.

“I’ll try to convince him to forgive you, when he comes back…I’ll try-,”

Castiel shook his head. “Save your breath Garth, he won’t listen. You’ll only get in trouble by getting involved.” Then Castiel reached for his ankle. “Besides, I won’t be going anywhere any time soon. My sprained my ankle earlier.”

Suddenly there were tears in Garth’s eyes. “Oh Cas…”

“It’s okay. Just go back inside, it’ll get better. I promise.” Castiel forced a smile but the butler did not seem convinced.

“That’s what I’m afraid of Cas- I don’t think _promises_ are enough anymore.” Garth confessed but Castiel shook his head.

“We just have to believe in them. Thank you, for looking after me.” Castiel stroked his friend’s face to wipe the tears off.

“Anytime Cas, but I can’t just stay out of this. I know my hands are tied but I’ll find a way to convince Dean to take you back. Even if it means I get in trouble.” Garth said but Castiel shook his head.

“Please don’t. I don’t want you to get in trouble because of me.” Castiel begged but the butler seemed adamant.

“No Cas. Let me do this for you, please.” Garth said then Castiel surrendered. He underestimated people too often.

“Thank you Garth.” Castiel uttered and it brought a smile on Garth’s face.

“I’ll find a way. You’ll see.” Garth stood up and grabbed the basket which had Castiel’s wet clothes. “You stay here for now and wait. Don’t go anywhere.” Garth ordered and Castiel gave him a knowing look. “Oh right…you’re injured. I’ll get some ice and bandages.” Garth left and Castiel was alone again-

But not for long.

“Lost your wings?”

Castiel searched for the source of the voice when Benny appeared and was walking toward him. The larger man had a smirk on his face and his blue eyes were fixated on Castiel.

“Benny…” Castiel muttered and the other man stopped in front of him. Benny looked down at his swollen ankle.

“Looks like you broke your wings…” Benny pointed at his feet and Castiel glared at him.

“What do you want?” Castiel hissed but Benny seemed unaffected.

“Just wonderin’ why you haven’t left.” He asked and Castiel rolled his eyes.

“None of your concern.” Castiel replied and accidentally moved his feet which sparked pain all across his body.

“Must you always be so feisty Cher?” Benny asked and suddenly crouched down to snake his arms under Castiel’s knees and on back.

“What’re you doing?” Castiel wriggled which caused the man to almost lose his balance.

“Stop moving angel, or you’ll hurt us both.” Benny groaned as Castiel resisted.

“I will hurt you if you don’t let go of me.” Castiel threatened then Benny rolled his eyes.

“God, you’re difficult! Look I’m tryna help and you’re not making this easier for the two of us.” Benny snapped at him.

“Why on earth would you be helping me? You’re the last person I would ever receive help from.” Castiel snarled but Benny only clicked his cheek.

“Then I guess you’ve got no moves left Cher. Are you gonna lemme help you or not?” Benny asked and Castiel thought about it for a moment then nodded.

“That’s a good angel.” Benny heaved him up and carried him inside. Castiel kept his mouth shut as he wondered why Benny would help him.

He tried to think of a hidden agenda but the larger man’s expression was difficult to read. Instead, Castiel wrapped his arms over Benny’s neck and allowed himself to be carried into the mansion.

***

Castiel expected to be carried to the white room but instead, he was placed in Benny’s room. Garth saw them down the hall and Benny asked Castiel to stay on his bed for now while he spoke to the butler. Garth had every right to be worried, even Castiel wasn’t sure what he was doing in Benny’s room.

He heard the two men argue right outside the door.

“This is a bad idea!” he heard Garth say then they argued some more.

Castiel tried to listen but he was too far and he couldn’t move without his ankle crying out in pain. For now he was immobilized and he hated it.

“You’re gonna get us both killed!” Garth hissed at Benny as the door opened. The butler quickly ran to Castiel’s side. “Cas, are you sure about staying in Benny’s room? Dean specifically instructed me to keep you outside. I wasn’t even supposed to help you and if he sees you with clean clothes-,”

Benny interrupted. “Relax brotha- this is the last place Dean’s going to look. Besides, I can always sneak some food from the kitchen, Dean knows I eat here sometimes.”

Garth furiously shook his head. “NO! You’re crazy and Dean’s gonna put a bullet through our heads! Remember the last time when he thought I was sleeping with Cas?” the butler frantically shook his hands.

“That was different. Dean’s still guilty about knockin me out and we haven’t looked at each other in the eye since. I’m the last person he’ll expect to help Castiel.” Benny smugly said but Castiel only grew more confused.

“Can someone please explain what is going on and why I am in Benny’s room?” Castiel asked and both Benny and Garth turned to him.

Garth snapped Benny a look and the burly man sighed. “Look, I heard what happened between you and Dean so I thought of a plan to help you get back in his good books.” Benny said and Castiel raised an eyebrow.

Garth interrupted. “Basically this idiot is thinking of hiding you until Dean starts to miss you and hopefully asks for you to come back.” The butler condescendingly stated and Benny pursed his lips.

“Well I don’t see you coming up with any bright ideas to help those two out.” Benny shook his head then sat beside Castiel. “Basically, we need to give Dean some time to cool down because there’s no use in begging him if he won’t listen. Am I right?”

Castiel nodded cautiously.

“So once he’s cooled down, we can get into his head and it’ll be easier to convince him to take Cas back.” Benny proposed but Castiel did not appreciated the other man using his nickname. It felt too familiar.

“That’s an incredibly stupid plan and not to mention super risky. Are you hearing this Cas? If he catches you in Benny’s room, Lord knows what he’s gonna think! He’ll blow our brains out!” Garth pointed out then Benny stood up.

“Look I’m just offerin ideas. If you got a better plan then be my guest and besides, I won’t do nothing unless Cas agrees.” Benny said then they both turned to Castiel.

Castiel wondered about it for a moment and realized what a horrible idea it was. Dean already despised him and the chances were slim.

However, if that were the case then what did Castiel have left to lose?

“I’ll do it.” Castiel replied and Garth scoffed in shock.

“Cas you can’t be _serious_?” Garth’s mouth went agape.

“I am but on one condition.” Castiel turned to Benny. “I will leave as soon as I can walk again. I cannot afford to risk your safety for my sake. There’s no guarantee that this plan will work and the odds are against us, I cannot have you two suffer for such a slim chance.” Castiel professed and Benny nodded.

Garth on the other hand looked worried. “But Cas, why do you trust Benny?” Garth turned to the Benny who looked betrayed. “No offence but you haven’t exactly been the trustworthy when it came to handling issues between Cas and Dean.”

Benny nodded. “None taken brother. I don’t expect any of you to trust me but I think it’s worth a shot.”

Garth turned to Castiel with an expected look.

“Well you said it yourself Garth, _promises_ might not be enough anymore. Perhaps we have to have faith in the unknown.” Castiel noted and Garth groaned in frustration.

“You both have death wishes!” Garth threw his hands up and Benny grinned.

“What’s life without a little risk brother?” Benny asked and Garth darted him a glare.

“I prefer to survive and live a long life serving the Winchesters, thank you very much.” Garth spat out and Benny frowned at him.

“You don’t have to get involved. All you gotta do is keep your mouth shut. I’ll take care of our angel since you’re too chicken.” Benny taunted.

“I’m not chicken! I wanna help but my hands are tied.” Garth said.

“You’re just makin’ excuses now-,” Benny sniggered.

“I am not!” Garth protested.

“ENOUGH BOTH OF YOU!” Castiel shouted and it caught their attention.

“You’re both very considerate for helping me but I can’t have you two comparing each other’s worth.” Castiel turned to the butler. “Garth- you don’t need to get involved. I wish to take all responsibility for this.” Then to Benny. “And I don’t know why I’m trusting you but your plan can work…”

Castiel looked at his hands.

“And I have no intention of leaving.” Castiel said with conviction which brought a bright smile on Benny’s face but an irritated groan from Garth.

“Fine- I’ll help!” Garth threw his hands up to surrender. “This plan better work.” He pointed at Benny.

Benny crossed his arms. “Why don’t you grab Castiel’s things outside and put them somewhere Dean can’t find- maybe in here. I’ll make some room in my closet. If Cas has to disappear we gotta make him believe he left.” Benny said and Garth nodded before he turned to Castiel.

“You sure about this Cas?” Garth asked again and Castiel firmly nodded.

“I can’t lose him Garth. I love him too much to give him up.” Castiel said and he noticed Benny’s expression change a little.

“You heard him Garth. Go and grab his things. I’ll take care of our angel. Lemme know when the boss gets back.” Benny said and Garth sighed deeply.

“Hope this works…” Garth said and handed the First Aid Kit to Benny.

Once the butler was outside the door, Benny started rummaging through the kit. Castiel shuffled on the bed slightly but his eyes had not left the burly man.

“Why are you doing this?” Castiel asked while Benny gathered what he needed.

“Already told you Cher, I’m probably your last hope.” Benny grinned and closed the kit.

“No. Why are you _really_ doing this?” Castiel asked and Benny sat at the end of the bed to mend his foot.

“You really wanna know?” Benny asked and Castiel nodded. Firstly the other man grabbed an ice pack and asked for permission.

“May I?” He asked and Castiel nodded again. Benny was gentle enough that Castiel felt little to no pain. “I’m helpin’ you because I wanna pay you back for savin’ Garth before. We may not look it but I’ve known that guy for years and he’s practically family to me. And my thanks…” Benny paused. “For overturning assumptions.” He said and Castiel furrowed his brow.

“What assumptions?” Castiel asked and Benny sighed.

“If you can remember, I said that I thought you were lookin’ down on everyone in this house. Not just on Dean but also on me and Garth. It annoyed me when everything was handed to you but you just threw it aside like it was worth nothin’. I mean everything from this place…” Benny looked around his large room. “To _y’know_ …” Benny said as if it was almost a whisper but Castiel knew what he meant.

He meant Dean.

“Can’t deny I wasn’t jealous. Dean showerin’ you with all that lovin’ yet there I was, used and abused…” Benny chuckled to himself and started unrolling the bandage around Castiel’s feet. “He had me in his arms but he never once looked at me the way he looks at you. Makes anyone feel like shit y’know?” Benny asked but Castiel did not reply.

“After what he did to me, what he said…” Benny stopped wrapping. “I realized that I never stood a chance against you to begin with. So I gave up. Told myself that if I can’t beat them then join them. Join Garth in rooting for you two at least.” Benny chuckled to himself but Castiel merely frowned.

“I wasn’t even sure if you cared about Dean at all. Cared about him the way he wanted at least, then Garth told me Dean threatened to put a bullet through his head and you went ahead and stopped him. told him you love him and stuff, and that’s when I knew you really loved him-,” Benny looked at him but Castiel shook his head.

“He doesn’t believe me. Not anymore that is…” Castiel muttered and Benny stroked his foot to get his attention.

“I don’t think that’s true. I think he does, he’s just real hurt to be thinking straight.” Benny said and Castiel squinted.

“What do you mean?” Castiel asked.

Benny looked at him with a bewildered expression at first then realized something. “I mean, Dean’s terrible at expressing what he really feels- like real bad at it to the point of messin’ everything up to the point of no return.” Benny stated and now Castiel was now even more confused.

“I understand.” Castiel agreed but Benny didn’t seem convinced.

“I don’t think you do.” Benny sighed and continued wrapping. “Y’know, I lied about somethin’ many weeks ago.” He said and Castiel leaned forward to hear clearly. “Remember the time I told you that it was my idea to screw with Dean just to get through your head?” Benny asked and Castiel nodded slowly.

“I distinctly remember and amongst _other_ things.” Castiel replied and Benny nodded.

“Yeah well I lied. Dean was the one who brought it up and asked me to screw with him. He asked me to do it just to get inside your head which frankly worked quite well.” Benny admitted but Castiel was unconvinced.

“I don’t believe you.” Castiel said and Benny chuckled.

“Can’t blame ya but it’s the truth. In fact I was the one who told him that I didn’t wanna do it.” Benny said and Castiel was even more dumbfounded than before.

“That’s…that’s not right.” Castiel muttered. “Why tell me this now?”

“I wasn’t finished.” Benny paused for a moment then continued wrapping. “Reason why he went up to me was because apparently, you rejected him and he was hurt. I even told you he was real hurt and warned you. I warned you to be more grateful and nicer to him, remember?”

Castiel was about to protest but Benny was right. The larger man did say something along those lines.

“Mhhm. I tried warning you because Dean goes crazy when he gets desperate- and you learned that the hard way.” Benny pointed out and Castiel nodded. Castiel had a bad feeling about where this was going.

“I told Dean not to go through it because it would screw his chances to get in your good side, especially since you two already started out like fire and ice, am I right?” Benny said and Castiel nodded again. “But Dean was pushy and at the time he had a special place in my heart so of course I said yes. Who wouldn’t? I mean, despite the fact that he’s a great lay, I’ve been pining over the guy and we haven’t done stuff for years…”

Castiel cleared his throat. “Get to the point.”

“Jealous? Don’t be. You got nothin’ to be jealous about brother. Dean and I are over…” Benny paused for a moment before he continued. “Anyway, my point is, you shouldn’t give up on yourself. Give up on the two of you just yet…Dean’s not thinking straight at the moment and that’s because he’s terrible at expressin’ what he really feels. When he’s hurt, he lashes out rather than deal with it the proper way. Less dramatic and less bloody if you get what I mean.” Benny raised an eyebrow and Castiel nodded again.

He had been nodding so much that it was starting to hurt.

“Why did you lie?” Castiel blurted out. “If that was the truth then why did you need to lie? You didn’t have to. It would have spared us both a lot of strife.”

Benny sniggered. “You want the truth?” Castiel didn’t nod this time but merely glared at the guy.

“Because I loved Dean. Loved him at the time that I saw the chance to be selfish and took it…” Benny answered and it wasn’t something Castiel didn’t know already.

“But that wasn’t all.” Benny continued and it got Castiel’s attention. “After you got sick and when I heard you gave everything up just so Dean wouldn’t lay a finger on Garth, I realized back then that you weren’t lookin’ down on anyone. I’ve known it for a while but I was too selfish to believe in it. I decided to look the other way when Dean hurt you and I…I felt guilt. I was guilty for not stopping the boss from doing horrible things to you. Actually, I helped him out. My hands were just as bloody as his.”

Benny’s eyes were glassy. “This whole time, I was hurting the good guys which makes me the bad guy.” Benny looked at Castiel in the eye. “I’m in the wrong aren’t I? I’m the bad guy.”

“Benny…” Castiel whispered.

“Don’t try and tell me otherwise. I was an asshole to you, I really was. You don’t have to lie to make me feel better. Like you said, I’m doin’ just fine without your help.” Benny wasn’t even finished with his ankle but Castiel felt like he didn’t need the other man’s help anymore. It should be the other way around.

“For what it’s worth, thank you…” Castiel said and Benny raised a curious brow.

“What for?” Benny asked.

“For being honest with me…” Castiel answered and they both shared a smile.

Benny shrugged it off and continued wrapping. “Well I ain’t a saint Cas. Maybe I’m just bullshitting to earn your trust and take advantage of the current situation and screw with Dean again.” Benny said sarcastically.

Castiel chuckled. “Be my guest, there’s not much hope left for me.”

“Don’t say that…” Benny turned seriously all of a sudden. “He does love you, he’s just too hurt to feel it right now.” Benny finished wrapping and cut some tape to secure it. “You two really need to learn how to express your feelings in a more healthy and non-violent way. I don’t think my head can handle anymore glass bottles, dontcha think?”

Castiel laughed at that. “No, I don’t think our heads were meant for such brutality.”

Benny smiled at him. “That’s better.” Benny’s large hand rubbed Castiel’s shin.

“You did an excellent job, thank you.” Castiel thanked him but Benny shook his head.

“I meant your smile. You look better when you’re smiling Cher.” Benny leaned in to stroke his cheek before leaving the bed. “Just try not to move it and it’ll get better.” Benny said and Castiel nodded. He already knew what to do when he gets a sprained ankle but he appreciated the reminder.

“I’ll make some room in the closet. You just rest up for now.” Benny walked to his closet.

“I’m not taking your bed.” Castiel said and Benny turned to him.

“It’s either that or the floor Cher. I’m also planning on making some room in the closet for you to hide, just in case the boss comes in here. But for now, you need to lie down.” Benny said but Castiel protested.

“I can’t take your bed Benny.” Castiel firmly said and he slowly crawled to the floor.

“Why are you always so stubborn?” Benny rhetorically asked but Castiel was already on the floor. This was the least he could do.

“Now don’t go feelin’ guilty for me now. I don’t what your pity Cas- you don’t have to do this-,”

Castiel interrupted. “I do. I’ve taken so much from you. From both you and Garth and now you’re both risking you safety for someone as insignificant as myself.” Castiel murmured and Benny sighed in disappointment.

“After everythin I said to you, this is what you can come up with to repay us? It’s not exactly helping anyone Cas-,”

Castiel shook his head. “Please just let me do this. I’ve taken too much and I wish to give back. I wish to give whatever I can back for the two of you. For all of you.”

Benny pursed his lips then sighed in defeat. “Fine but don’t blame me when something other than your foot starts to hurt. Can’t say I didn’t tell you so.”

Castiel nodded and without dwelling on his guilt any further, he decided to sleep.

***

Castiel woke up and noticed Benny sitting at the foot of the bed looking at something.

“Sleep well angel?” Benny asked and Castiel slowly got up to discover it was his family photo.

“Why do you have that?” Castiel asked and Benny handed it to him.

“Sorry, Garth brought your things up or what was left of it. He threw most of it in the laundry and everything else, he hung up to dry. Of course the boss didn’t see.” Benny said and Castiel straightened up.

“Dean’s back?” he asked and Benny shook his head.

“He was for a bit, just to check on things. We told him you left.” Benny said and Castiel raised an eyebrow. He was dying in anticipation.

“What else?” Castiel asked.

“That was it. He was upset even though he didn’t show it. And he decided to stay in town with his brother Sam.” Benny replied and Castiel frowned. He gazed upon his family photo and looked at Gabriel’s face.

He truly missed his family but he was more concerned about Dean at the moment. Although he wondered what would happen now that Dean thought he left. Would Dean break the deal? Was everyone going to suffer for his failure?

It was getting harder to breathe and he clutched the photo in his chest. Benny noticed and quickly went to his side.

“Whoa- something the matter? You’re shaking like crazy…” Benny held his hands to stop but Castiel did not answer.

“Need to get Garth. Stay here.” Benny ordered and Castiel nodded amidst the panic attack. Benny grabbed his phone and called the butler. 

It wasn’t long before Garth arrived and checked on Castiel. Benny went to get some food and water, they only realized that Castiel had nothing to eat today and they speculated that his sprained ankle was the least of their worry.

Garth checked his temperature and to his dismay, Castiel had both a cold and a fever.

“You must’ve caught it after getting soaked in the rain.” Garth checked on him some more while Benny scratched the back of his head.

“Winter’s just around the corner too. I told him to sleep on my bed.” The larger man said and Garth went through the First Aid Kit again.

“Benny, I need you to give Castiel this.” Garth handed Benny some medicine. “And check his temperature as much as you can.”

Castiel shivered but he had enough energy to protest. “I can take care of myself…” then he got into a coughing fit.

“We can’t have you sick and injured at the same time. You need to get better so you can convince Dean to take you back.” Garth said and Benny nodded.

“No, you’ve all done too much already. I’ll only get you all caught because of this…” Castiel felt dizzy but he soldiered through.

“We wouldn’t be doing this if you weren’t worth it Cas. Now just lie down on Benny’s bed and rest up.” Garth asked Benny to carry Castiel to the bed. The other man did as he was told but Castiel protested.

“Dean won’t be back until tomorrow so we shouldn’t be worried for now.” Garth stated and looked at the door. “But if anything happens, I’ll let you two know immediately.” Garth said and Benny nodded.

“Thanks brotha, but I think you better go before everyone in here gets sick. At least if I get it, it’ll be easier to convince Dean why someone’s been coughing up a lung.” Benny said and Garth nodded.

“Good point.”

Garth headed to the door before he turned to Castiel. “Get well soon.”

Castiel thanked the butler who left the room hen Benny reached for the tray of food on the bedside table. It was soup and he started feeding him. Castiel stubbornly turned his head away.

“Don’t be difficult now angel. You need this.” Benny insisted and Castiel finally conceded.

Once he was finished. Benny took the tray and told him to sleep but Castiel had just slept, he may be sick but he wasn’t incapable of staying conscious. When Benny returned, the man was disappointed to find Castiel awake. Instead, Castiel entertained himself with thoughts about his family.

“Told you to get some sleep.” Benny bit out but Castiel ignored him.

The other man grabbed something out of another closet and it was an extra pillow and blanket. Benny nested on the floor on Castiel’s right which roused Castiel’s worry.

“Benny we can swap, you should be on your bed.” Castiel said then he coughed after.

Benny grumbled. “You’re right. I should be on my bed but you need to get better so shut yer eyes and sleep so we can get over this mess.”

Despite Benny’s aggressive tone, Castiel found no malice.

Instead, Castiel sniffed and looked at the ceiling. There were tears in his eyes as he whispered.

“Thank you Benny.”

The man on the floor didn’t answer but Castiel knew he heard it. Eventually, he fell asleep.

***

 

Throughout the night, Castiel woke up several times. The first time, he had a nightmare about Not-Castiel choking him by digging his fingers on Castiel’s throat. He went back to sleep when he realized it was just a memory and nothing more.

The second time he woke up, he dreamt of his family leaving him, including Gabriel and Father. All of a sudden he was trapped in one of the confessional booths of his Father’s church and there were people on the other side of the partition. It wasn’t just one person, it sounded like hundreds of people whispering and chattering amongst themselves.

Their voices grew louder until it was unbearable then they were screaming. Castiel covered his ears but the screams just got louder and the partition broke. Hands appeared and pulled Castiel’s hair as he struggled to break free.

He woke up with a jolt and heard Benny hush him.

“Shh-shh Cas, it’s alright. You’re awake. You’re safe. Don’t be scared, I’m here.” Benny whispered while he tried to grab ahold of Castiel’s limbs. Once Castiel stopped, he started crying in the man’s chest and Benny did not move. He simply stroked Castiel’s back to sooth him and gave him some medicine before going to sleep again.

Next time Castiel was asleep, he dreamt of the time when he was in the cellars. He was all alone in the dark with no blanket or bed to cover his body. His hands gripped his elbows while he hugged his chest.

He searched for warmth but there was none.

It felt like the ninth circle of hell in Dante’s ‘Inferno’.

Maybe he was in Lucifer’s realm.

Barren of all life and hope and deep within the abyss, forever abandoned by God’s divine providence.

Castiel had not prayed to God in a while but maybe he was going to start again. Then a thought brushed through his mind…he could pray for Dean.

He prayed for Dean instead.

He prayed for the one he truly worshipped.

For the one he truly loved.

“Dean.” He muttered in between consciousness. Suddenly, he felt warmth. The cold left his body as he dreamt of Dean holding him in his arms. Castiel’s body perfectly slotted next to Dean’s and Castiel couldn’t be more content.

Dean was all he needed and nothing more.

In Dean, he found peace.

***

 

When Castiel woke up, it wasn’t from a nightmare. This time he didn’t struggle to breath or felt dizzy when he looked around. Everything that happened over the past couple of days felt like a bad nightmare that had passed. Not-Castiel, Dean asking him to leave, his isolation- all of it felt unreal.

For now, Castiel felt comfortable and he couldn’t be more satisfied. Dean’s arms rested on his middle and Castiel smiled as his hands slid on them. Dean’s thighs were slotted between his and it felt nice…

Suddenly he remembered, he wasn’t in Dean’s room.

And everything that happened over the past few days were real and he wasn’t on Dean’s bed.

Dean couldn’t have been the one holding him.

Castiel quickly rolled around to check and saw Benny snoring behind him. Their thighs were tangled and Castiel struggled to break free. Benny’s thighs were thick so they locked him in place.

“Benny wake up…” Castiel shook the larger man who groaned in irritation and pulled him closer. The larger man’s gruff beard tickled his cheek and Castiel had to push smack him.

“BENNY WAKE UP!” Castiel shouted and the other man woke up with a jolt.

“Wha-,” Benny’s eyes blew wide open.

“What the hell Cas?” Benny growled in frustration as he yawned.

“I could ask you the same thing! What are you doing?” Castiel hissed but before Benny could answer, the door opened.

“Hey Benny, I need you to-,” It was Dean of all people.

Castiel sat frozen on the spot as a rush of panic coursed through his veins. Dean’s shocked expression quickly turned from shock to anger.

“WHAT THE FUCK?” Dean shouted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I've put you all through some heavy angst but here's a reward.   
> I think you all know where this chapter is going...  
> Destiel always


	23. Chapter 23- Say it, Always and Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel makes a profound decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy this chapter before the year ends. Have a great New Years Eve y'all!

**-Castiel-**

It happened all too fast.

All the pain and suffering Castiel underwent through felt unreal for only a moment before he entered another nightmare in the form of Dean’s wrath. Castiel was shocked to see Dean appear at the door while he on the other hand laid on Benny’s bed with Benny right beside him. The pain in his ankle was soon forgotten as he underwent a extended moment of shock.

“WHAT THE FUCK?” Dean shouted which quickly sent Benny out of the bed.

The larger man implored. “Brother it’s not what it looks like-,”

Castiel took a moment to look at Benny from the corner of his eye before he returned them to Dean’s direction.

“You two? You- It was the two of you this WHOLE time?” Dean interrupted and accusingly pointed at both of them.

“Dean…” Castiel and Benny said at the same time. The burly man walked right up to Dean to try and calm him down.

“It’s not what you think-,” Benny was suddenly cut off by Dean punching him in the face. The larger man dropped to the ground with a thud before Dean went down to punch him again. Benny struggled and palmed Dean’s face to get the other man off, he was clearly taking the defensive.

“You **sonofabitch**! I can’t believe you stabbed me in the back!” Dean kept hitting the man underneath but Benny simply protested.

“I wasn’t- Dean you have to believe me- I didn’t touch Cas-,” Benny said in between the punches.

“Dean-,” Castiel muttered but was quickly cut off by Dean.

“You fucking _traitor_! How could you-,” Dean kept punching Benny’s arms which were starting to redden.

Castiel quickly fumbled out of the sheets despite the pain in his ankle.

“Dean STOP!” Castiel shouted then fell over the bed and crawled to the struggle. He gripped Dean’s shirt to try and pull him out but Dean’s fury overwhelmed his efforts.

“STOP IT PLEASE!” Castiel begged then used all his strength to pull Dean off Benny.

Benny was released but it enraged Dean even more.

“GET OFF ME CAS! I’M GONNA KILL YOU BENNY!” Dean shouted which instantly had Benny running out the door.

“Dean please stop- NOTHING happened!” Castiel clutched onto the other man but Dean resisted.

“YOU’RE LYING! I don’t believe you-,” Dean elbowed Castiel’s in the gut and ran after Benny. Castiel cried out from the pain and suddenly Garth arrived.

“OH MY GOD! Cas!” Garth ran to him and helped him up. “What happened? You’re hurt-,”

“It’s not important- we need to go after Dean. He saw us- me and Benny…he saw us on the bed together…”Castiel explained and winced from the pain.

“What were you two doing on the bed together?” Garth asked and Castiel shook his head.

“I don’t know! I just woke up and he was next to me!” Castiel clutched on his stomach to ease the pain.

“We need to get you somewhere safe-,” Garth suggested.

“No- we need to stop Dean before he hurts someone. Before he hurts _himself_ …” Castiel staggered to the door despite the fact there was pain throughout his body.

“Dammit Cas! You can barely move-,”

“Just do as I say Garth!” Castiel shouted then regretted it instantly. “Please…” he pleaded and Garth finally conceded.

“I knew this was a terrible idea…” Garth murmured but Castiel didn’t say anything. They followed the source of crashing sounds from somewhere deep in the mansion.

***

 

They found Dean and Benny in meeting room where the round table was located. Dean chased Benny and occasionally threw objects at the other man. Garth had Castiel leaning against the door way to help Benny, on the other hand Dean cursed and spouted threats at both of them. It was absolute chaos and it made Castiel dizzy. Benny ran around the round table while Garth chased after Dean. The butler eventually caught up to Dean but not before Dean shoved him to the ground. Garth fell with a large thud which made Castiel scream in worry.

His lungs burned and his heart was racing. Castiel felt helpless because in reality he was. Dean started barricading this side of the round table- closest to Castiel. He chased Benny again and led him to the barricade which the larger man tried to get over but tripped. Benny crashed to the ground with a loud thud but Dean didn’t.

Right in front of Castiel, Benny crawled to get away from Dean who held a small wooden chair from the barricade in one hand, ready to ruin the fallen man.

“Dean stop!” he tried shouting again but his throat hurt. Garth also screamed. “Dean please!”

But their words fell in deaf ears.

“You sonofabitch!” Dean hissed at Benny who awaited his fate. With fury in Dean’s eyes, Dean raised the small wooden chair in the air then hammered it down.

All of a sudden, Castiel threw himself on Benny and took the hit. The wooden chair smashed to pieces as both the pain and the turmoil knocked Castiel out cold.

***

_“Are you going to die?” Not-Castiel asked as Castiel found himself lying on a courtyard which led to a gate where Not-Castiel waited. His other-self clutched onto the iron rusted gates and his eyes were dark._

_Castiel got up and noticed that his injuries were gone. His lungs didn’t burn and he searched for the bandages on his ankle. They were gone and he could stand._

_“Castiel…” Not-Castiel called out and it got Castiel’s attention. “Are you going to die?” he asked again but Castiel shook his head._

_“No…I don’t know…” Castiel confessed. He looked around and noticed that the place had marble floors and pillars that reminded him of Greek Temples. There were two doors on either side of the courtyard. Between them was the gate that led to his other self._

_“Well you should know.” Not-Castiel bitterly said. “I wanna know if you’ve really done a number on yourself this time. On **us** I mean…”_

_Castiel looked at his hands then back to Not-Castiel._

_“You’re not in the maze…” Castiel stated and Not-Castiel smirked._

_“Glad you noticed. The whole place suddenly rotted to dust and I finally found a way out. It led me to this gate then I saw you lying there and I waited. So tell me, did Dean finally committed the deed? Did he kill you?” Not-Castiel asked but Castiel wasn’t sure what to say._

_“No- I don’t think he did…”_

_The demon rattled the gate. “Don’t fucking lie to me Castiel! I went in your head and saw what he did! He hit you and you were already sick and injured! You should be dead or dying at least!” Not-Castiel shouted and continued rattling the gate._

_Castiel took a step back and looked away from the demonic creature._

_“Look at me- I SAID LOOK AT ME!” not-Castiel commanded and Castiel did._

_“You can’t die. Not yet- not until we become ONE again!” Not-Castiel shook the gate. “See this gate, it’s worn out with rust and ready to break! Once it breaks you better not go anywhere. You cannot die without us being together again! I’ve waited too long for us to be together! You will not leave me!” Not-Castiel rattled the gate again until Castiel heard the metal hinges clank._

_He had to leave immediately._

_“Castiel don’t go- don’t you dare leave! I swear to god if you leave me here I will make sure you suffer for it!” Not-Castiel threatened but Castiel ignored him and went to one of the doors._

_“Don’t go in there!” Not-Castiel said with worry._

_Castiel stopped and looked at the other man._

_“Don’t go in there or else you’ll die!” Not-Castiel shouted but Castiel narrowed his eyes._

_“You’re lying.”_

_“I’m not-I’m not lying Castiel. There’s a reason why you’re in this courtyard. Can’t you see what’s happening? You’re in an impasse, a winding road. Your soul is telling you decide whether to live or give up on life. That’s why there’s two doors.” Not-Castiel explained and Castiel felt a tug in his chest._

_The demon smiled at him. “You know I’m right…”_

_Castiel looked at both doors for a moment._

_“I’ll just have to take the other door-,”_

_“No you can’t!” Not-Castiel stopped him._

_“You can’t tell which one’s the door to the land of the living and which ones to the dead.” He warned and Castiel squinted._

_“Then how do I get out?” he asked._

_“You can’t- not without the risk of dying. It’s a fifty-fifty chance of survival Castiel. Are you willing to take that risk?” the demon said and Castiel was unsure._

_“If you open this gate, I can open one of the doors for you and we’ll know which ones which!”_

_Castiel shook his head. “I’m not stupid. You’re just using me-,”_

_“No I’m not! Just trust me on this- I’ll get you out! I promise!” Not-Castiel said and Castiel approached the gate. Perhaps he can use some help._

_“That’s it Castiel, let me in.” Not-Castiel grinned and Castiel stopped right in front of the rusted gate._

_“No.” Castiel said._

_“What?” Not-Castiel asked in shock._

_“If what you say is true then this whole place is also created by my conscience. Just like the maze…”_

_Not-Castiel shook his head. “No-,”_

_“Then that means I can choose to do whatever I want in here. Including which door to take and which gates-,” Castiel squinted his eyes and the rusted gate suddenly materialized into diamonds. “To lock forever.”_

_Not-Castiel tried ratting the gate but it was impossible._

_“No- no no NO NO NO! Dammit Castiel! I’ll find a way out of here and I will END you! You hear me? I WILL DESTROY YOU!” the demon hissed and writhed in fury._

_“Get back in your cage and stay there.” Castiel tilted his chin and the demon was thrown far away from the gate and into a maze which materialized in a moment’s notice._

_“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooo!”_

_Castiel ignored the rampant screams of the demon and made the door on the left disappear. He went to the one of the right and opened it. Light pooled out of it and Castiel stepped in._

_Everything went white._

***

 

Castiel woke up and he saw white. Someone was clutching his right hand and crying. It was Dean and the man prayed and sobbed next to Castiel. They were in the white room again and Castiel thought to himself that he had been sent to this room too many times.

“Dean…” Castiel uttered and Dean quickly looked up with tears in his eyes.

“Cas…Cas! Oh god Cas you’re awake! You’re alright- are you alright? Please tell me you’re alright-,” Dean begged and stroked his cheek. Castiel tried moving and felt pain course all over his body.

“It hurts…” Castiel replied and winced in pain.

“Oh god Cas- I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I thought I was gonna lose you again, oh Cas- I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” Dean held his hand and kissed it ardently. “I never wanted to hurt you Cas. You gotta believe me- I didn’t mean to-,” Dean stammered and Castiel had to hush him.

“Dean it’s okay…it’s okay…you’re here. You’re real.” Castiel forced a smile and rubbed Dean’s hands with his thumb. “I forgive you. Please don’t cry…”

Dean shook his head. “You can’t just tell me not to cry! I hurt you Cas! I thought I was going to lose you again and it’s all my fault. I would never forgive myself- please don’t leave me Cas- please forgive me-,”

Castiel closed his eyes and tears trickled off his lashes. “It’s okay. I forgive you. You didn’t know what was happening and I-I made a mistake. We lied to you and I understand why you did it-,”

“No Cas, it’s my fault- you wouldn’t have lied if I had just listened- Garth told me everything…about Benny helping you out but I was just so angry and scared at the thought of you being with someone else that it drove me mad. I’m crazy for you Cas- you have no idea just how much…” Dean stroked his face and it helped Castiel forget about the ache in his body.

“You drive me insane as well but that’s one of the reasons why I love you.” Castiel said and Dean straightened up.

“What did you say?” Dean asked and Castiel smirked.

“I said I love you. I love you Dean. Want to hear it again?” Castiel asked and Dean nodded.

“Always- always Cas…” Dean held Castiel’s hand to his cheek.

“I love you Dean Winchester. Believe me when I say: I’m in love with you.” Castiel said and Dean leaned forward to kiss him on the lips.

“Say it _again_ …” Dean whispered.

“I love you.” Castiel obliged.

“Say it again- say it always…” Dean kissed him again.

“I love you Dean.” Castiel said then they stared at each other in the eye.

“I love you too Cas. I love you very much.” Dean said and this time, Castiel leaned forward to press their lips together.

“Forever.”

“Forever.”

They both said at the same time.

_Forever._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> because I love you all- here's another reward.  
> The story's not over


	24. Chapter 24- Symbol of Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zeus professes his love in a different way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while since I gave Ganymede and Zeus a segment and they deserve some screen time.  
> After all, their lives are intertwined with the Castiel/Dean storyline in some ways :)

**-Ganymede-**

A day didn’t go by without Ganymede missing his family. It had been almost a year since Ganymede lived in Olympus but it was made enjoyable and comforting by the deities. Many of the gods befriended him quickly while several others…took some time. Zeus’ brothers paid him little mind while on the other hand Hermes and Eros rarely left his side. Even Hera and her children treasured his company. Zeus’ wife was surprisingly protective of his wellbeing which incited Zeus’ rage in more than one occasion.

“Have you other things to attend to? Some innocent mortal to torment?” Zeus hissed at his wife whose expression remain undeterred as she helped Ganymede remove his armor. Ganymede had been sparring with the God of War again, her son Ares seemed to be fond of teaching him new skills every day.

“Usually I would hurt you in some way for those words, however my son is greatly pleased with the boy. He seems more enamored than you my husband.” Hera taunted and the God of Thunder did not appreciate it. Strom clouds appeared in the heavens which caught everyone’s attention.

Ganymede bowed his head in fear of what could happen.

“Hera, I do not find you the least bit amusing.” Zeus uttered with an angry tone while his wife simply rolled her eyes.

“You are too quick to expose your weakness Zeus, I hope that sharing the bed with the boy had not made you gullible? That would be a shame.” The goddess condescendingly stated.

“You wretched-,” Zeus cursed which sparked lightning bolts to crack and split the skies.

“I’m not!” Ganymede intervened and both Hera and Zeus turned to him. “I-I meant to say…I hope I am not causing trouble to any of you…” Ganymede bowed his head in shame as he tried to think of a reason as to why he uttered such words.

“No. No you’re not- On the contrary, you have been most enjoyable child.” Hera lifted his chin with her finger.

“Perhaps too enjoyable…” Zeus gripped her wrist and darted a look. Hera’s eyes narrowed but her expression softened as soon as she turned to Ganymede.

“I shall leave, my husband is too desperate to get you in bed and claim you as his. He is possessive like that.” Hera chuckled which made Ganymede blush then she was gone before she could face her husband’s wrath.

“Pay her no mind, she is merely jealous of you.” Zeus leaned in to plant a kiss on his lips. After they broke their kiss, Ganymede found himself in Zeus’ bedchambers. As if didn’t need to be told twice, Ganymede removed his robes which made the Olympian grin from ear to ear.

“How do you want me my Lord?” Ganymede asked and Zeus looked at the massive bed.

“Present yourself on all fours.”

Ganymede wasted no second to climb on his master’s bed. The silky sheets cradled his hands and knees as he awaited for the deity to join him. It wasn’t long before Zeus joined him on the bed and crawled behind. He felt a large hand cup his bottom and a finger prod his hole.

“So beautiful.” Ganymede heard Zeus mutter from behind before something slick and warm dripped above his ass crack.

“Remember this oil?” Zeus asked and Ganymede shudder at the touch of the god’s thick finger smearing the oil all over his hole. “This was Priapus’ oil which was made to sooth and relax your muscles in some areas…” Zeus kept smearing the heavenly oil around Ganymede’s hole which sent him in a writhing mess. The oil was recommended by the God of Virility, Priapus whom Zeus sent to educate Ganymede in the arts of pleasure. The God was very considerate and educative with his lessons even though they sent Ganymede blushing red for hours. Once he was ready, the God of Virility reported back to Zeus and immediately put Ganymede’s knowledge to test.

They made love until the break of dawn.

Ganymede gasped at the memory as Zeus inserted more digits into his hole.

“What are you thinking about my prince?” Zeus asked and Ganymede tried to make sense of his thoughts despite his body’s ministrations.

“I was…I was thinking about-hnngh…the night when we first _madelove_ gah!” Ganymede exclaimed as Zeus quickly pulled his fingers out. His hands gave out and Ganymede face-planted on the sheets as his ass quivered.

“Ah that night…” Zeus remembered but Ganymede couldn’t see what the deity was doing behind his back. All he could think about was how exposed he was and the anticipation of what was to happen next. “It was a wonderful night. We used this oil did we not?” Zeus asked and Ganymede noticed that he was drooling but nodded.

“Part of this oil’s purpose is to relax some muscles in the body and stimulate the others-,” Zeus paused as he shoved the head of his cock into Ganymede’s pucker. Ganymede gasped in shock as he clutched onto the sheets until his knuckles were white.

Even with just the head inside, Zeus’ cock was massive. The first time they did it, Zeus spent almost an hour preparing Ganymede to take his God rod and there were difficulties at first since Ganymede was no pure deity. He was a mortal before this, an insignificant being in contrast to Lord of the High Heavens. It still baffled him as to how he ended up like this, weak and submissive in the arms of the most powerful God in existence.

“M-my lord…” Ganymede begged as Zeus single handedly lifted him up by coiling an arm around hi middle and let Ganymede’s body slide down to the large member which stood rock hard and proud underneath. Inch by inch, Ganymede was impaled by Zeus’ cock until his stomach felt full. He could only imagine his poor prostate, cramped within while Zeus rolled his hips a little to scramble Ganymede’s insides. Ganymede’s feet were planted on the ground while his arms reached back, around Zeus’ neck.

“You’ve been so good my prince. So wonderful- all the other gods say so.” Zeus leaned them forward so that Ganymede could be on his knees again. The immortal thrusted slowly, easing into Ganymede as much as he could. Despite months of training and using Ganymede’s skills to practice, he was still rendered defenseless in the arms of Zeus.

“But who is more important to you my prince? Which God do you belong to?” Zeus’ thrusts were intensifying to get an answer out of Ganymede. Ganymede couldn’t breathe from the sensation but he knew he had to answer.

“You my lord.”

Zeus thrusted harder.

“Again.”

Another hard thrust and Ganymede mewled at the mixture of both pain and pleasure.

“Only you my Lord!” Ganymede cried out as he twitched and shuddered when Zeus pulled back but kept the head of his cock inside him. 

“Perfect answer.” Zeus whispered to Ganymede’s ear and Ganymede could almost imagine the Lord smiling right behind him. The thought was suddenly interrupted by Zeus thrusting back in with brute force.

“AA-AHH!” Ganymede screamed while Zeus pulled his chest off his back to pound harder and harder. Ganymede’s knees gave out but Zeus’ firm grip on his hips kept him from collapsing onto the bed. The god furiously pumped his hips forward and back which sent Ganymede climaxing first.

Ganymede almost blacked out but he was kept awake by Zeus’ pounding which did not abate for even a second.

“So perfect. My perfect prince. I love you very much. You are my everything!” Zeus chanted while Ganymede panted from the oversensitivity. His seed pooled underneath him while his cock shook some of it to his chest and his chin. Ganymede tried to reach it with his tongue but could not do so from Zeus changing their positions. His Lord pulled out and rolled Ganymede on his back before thrusting back inside. Ganymede gasped at the sudden intrusion as he clung onto Zeus’ thick shoulders and moaned his name.

“Zeus!” Ganymede exclaimed and Zeus stroked his face while his hips rocked back and forth. His cock inside punished Ganymede’s oversensitive prostate which gradually caused Ganymede’s cock to get hard again.

Ganymede inspected his God. Even though he was probably as old as time, his face showed no sign of old age. His beard was kept at a constant length and his hair was whisked to the right from fingers running through it. Zeus’ eyes were blown with lust and they scanned him from top to bottom.

“I love you-,” Ganymede blurted out from the overwhelming feeling of Zeus being inside him. “I love you Zeus.” Ganymede said again as he placed a hand on the deity’s face.

Something changed in Zeus’ expression, Zeus’ sky blue eyes looked at him and Ganymede could almost see another part of Heaven through them. A paradise reserved for Ganymede and for him alone.

“My prince- m-my Ganymede…” Zeus whispered before they crushed their lips together. Zeus’ hips paused for a moment to savor their kiss before commencing and eventually stuttered from sheer pleasure.

“Zeus!” Ganymede gasped into Zeus mouth as he came for the second time, simultaneously with the God. Zeus buried his cock all the way inside as if he intended to impregnate Ganymede. Never mind that, warmth spread inside Ganymede as Zeus kept their lips pressed together. Both of their lips quivered while they both panted and shared each other’s breaths.

Ganymede’s eyes were shut tight then he saw Zeus staring at him with so much affection. Large thick fingers ran through his hair which was made slicker by their sweat. Zeus also wiped the tears off his face which he didn’t know were there to begin with. They kissed again and this time, it was tender as if they were tasting each other’s lips for the first time.

“Are you alright Ganymede? I did not hurt you or any of the like?” Zeus asked and Ganymede shook his head.

“I feel wonderful my lord, you do not need to worry about me.” He replied.

“But I do my prince. You need to understand how much you mean to me. I would tear down the skies before I’d let anything happen to you.” Zeus said which made Ganymede blush. The God leaned down to kiss him again the Ganymede felt Zeus’ cock twitch inside him. The deity was almost insatiable at times.

“Can you take me again?” Zeus asked and Ganymede nodded. He could never deny his Lord anything.

***

 

“Zeus- I-I…I can’t!” Ganymede whimpered as Zeus pounded him from behind. Zeus held one of his arms back while the other hand brutally gripped his hips while the god chased for yet another release. Zeus had climaxed thrice already while Ganymede had lost count. Semen had begun to dry on his skin and in between his thighs as the thunder god insisted he come again.

Nothing came out of his cock anymore nor was it hard but Zeus had not stopped pumping his hips. Their seeds mixed in between their skins and the squelching sounds filled the room. Ganymede was sensitive all around for in the second round they made love, Zeus suckled his nipples and stroked his cock until Ganymede was a moaning mess. The God kept his large member buried inside and whispered filth and devotion into Ganymede’s ears. At times Zeus played with Ganymede’s stretched out rim which made Ganymede come again before he changed their positions to pound him to oblivion.

Ganymede had blacked out several times: he woke up with either Zeus inside him or nuzzling his face with kisses and adoration. He was past the point of sanity.

“You can do it my prince…urgh _come_ again.” Zeus seductively whispered before he thrusted harder to get a reaction out of Ganymede but he was empty and his penis was red. It was impossible- he couldn’t.

Then Zeus angled his hips to brush his prostate in a different way which made Ganymede’s cock twitch with interest despite how it pleasurably hurt.

“Hah- please I beg you…” Ganymede pleaded but they fell in deaf ears as Zeus’ pace intensified until Ganymede was practically bouncing up and down the thick length. Semen spilled on the floor in heavy droplets while the God hit Ganymede’s prostate with each thrust.

“Zeus!” Ganymede cried out and he was coming. His cock was hard only for moment before it softened. A bead of clear liquid poked out from the slit but nothing more. Zeus’s hips stuttered and the God came with a loud groan which everyone in Olympus probably heard as thunder boomed in the distance.

Ganymede collapsed to his side along with the God. Since he was too exhausted, the deity pulled him closer so that he was slotted next to Zeus. Their bodies were covered in sweat, come and in Ganymede’s case- bruises. There were some teeth marks on his chest and shoulders but they made Ganymede happy somehow.

Their chests rose up and down to catch their breaths while Zeus stroked his back and kissed his head.

“You were so good my prince, so wonderful…” Zeus panted and Ganymede kissed Zeus’ sweaty chest.

“No, you are wonderful my lord. I am nothing compared to you.” Ganymede said but Zeus shook his head.

“No Ganymede, you mean everything to me. Remember that.” Zeus whispered and Ganymede nodded to leave it at that.

“Something troubling you?” Zeus asked and Ganymede froze for a moment.

“Tis nothing my lord.” Ganymede burrowed his face in Zeus’ chest but the deity was going to have none of it.

“Tell me my love. I will not rest until I know what it is that troubles you and find the means to absolve it.” Zeus said and Ganymede finally conceded.

“Forgive me my lord but it is something that even you cannot resolve.” Ganymede regrettably said before he looked up to the God’s eyes. “It dawned on me that I do not know what I did to deserve your love. I was afraid at first as your emotions toward me could bring about so much chaos in this realm…then I wondered if I was worth it. I was afraid to become an instrument of everyone’s fear. One that could ignite discord upon the sacred halls of Olympus- all because I did not give myself to you at first-,”

“Ganymede-,”

“I was so afraid that my presence here would not only bring about the fall of my city but also of this realm. I was afraid that I would become a burden- a calamity to your reign…” Ganymede confessed and tears started to form in his eyes.

“Pray what brought about these troubling thoughts?” Zeus asked and Ganymede sniffed.

“It is of no one’s fault but mine. My lord, you are married with wife and children and you have dominions under command yet here I am. Enthralled in your arms yet undeserving. You could have _anyone_ and _anything_ yet you chose someone so defiant and so unworthy-,” Ganymede was hushed by the immortal.

“Say no more my love. I did not choose you blindingly. Maybe I was not expecting anything else at first but your adoration and devotion. Nothing more. Then you thrived here, loved and even worshipped by the other gods that I was taken aback. You have exceeded expectations my boy so do not ever consider yourself as not of any worth- for it would be an insult to my judgement and to yourself-,” Zeus planted a kiss on his head. “You are worth my eternity and my heart. Do not ever think of yourself as any less.”

Zeus stroked his back and smiled which ignited an overwhelming warmth in Ganymede’s chest. This was what it felt like being in love and not just in worship.

He looked upon the God of Thunder and thought of no one else, not his family, nor his abduction, nor Dionysus. In Zeus’ arms, he felt complete and he could perish those dark thoughts for now as he eventually fell asleep.

***

 

Ganymede was woken up by the sound of fluttering wings.

“Wake up wake up sweet Ganymede!”

When Ganymede opened his eyes, the messenger god Hermes was in Zeus’ bedchambers while Ganymede had nothing on. He quickly reached for the sheets to cover his body.

“Relax my prince! Seeing you naked is nothing compared to listening to what you were doing last night.” Hermes raised an eyebrow in condescension while Ganymede went beet red.

“My apologies…I do not know what to say…” Ganymede said and Hermes shook his head with a smile.

“Do not worry I’ll have you cleaned up in a moment.” Hermes pressed two fingers on Ganymede’s forehead which instantly teleported them to the baths. Statues of Poseidon were scattered all over the room which Ganymede had seen far too often in his times with bathing…or sometimes love-making with Zeus.

With a snap of Hermes’ fingers, bath items cleaned and scrubbed Ganymede all over which tickled. It happened too fast that Ganymede didn’t even notice it finished.

“Now for some clothes.” Hermes pressed his fingers o Ganymede’s forehead again to find themselves in Zeus’ bedchambers which was clean all of a sudden. Hermes went inside the large closet room and picked what Ganymede had to wear.

“Mmm. This will do.” Hermes snapped his fingers and clothes went flying toward Ganymede and covered him all over.

“Hermes-,” Ganymede managed to say. “What is happening? Where is my Lord?” he asked while Hermes had his arms crossed and hand under his chin.

“Looks good on you kid.” Hermes said and Ganymede inspected his attire, it was a golden tunic with Zeus’ insignias in purple.

“Why am I wearing this?” Ganymede asked then Hermes was suddenly right in front of him and pressed his fingers on his forehead again and there was light all over.

Before Ganymede could open his eyes, he smelt ash, sulfur and smoke. When he opened them, he found himself somewhere dark and fiery. Molten magma danced around the cracks in the walls of a very large and dark room. There were tapestries but they were in the shade of maroon with a dark gray insignia which he had seen somewhere before. Hermes fluttered from behind and led to him deeper in the darkness of the place. The messenger god did not answer his questions so Ganymede gave up and trailed along the shadows. The more Ganymede inspected the place, the weapons and armor he saw. The liquid fire which snaked through the cracks illuminated the room but not as much as Ganymede wished it.

As long as Hermes was within sight, Ganymede felt secure despite the overwhelming fear in his chest.

Past large curtains that were tied to two pillars, he heard a conversation and the sound of a hammer banging on a metal object. Ganymede followed the sounds until he found himself in a room with three God of Olympus, Hades, Poseidon and Zeus, talking amongst themselves while Hermes flew to them in an instant. The messenger god caught their attention before they moved their sights to Ganymede who stood before them. They were atop a heap of stairs where the cracks of the walls lead to.

“Ganymede, come up here.” Zeus ordered and Ganymede nodded. The molten fire swirled toward the gods and Ganymede had an idea where he was. As he got closer, he saw another figure behind Hades, it was the none other than the smith-god Hephaestus, son of Hera and Zeus. Ganymede approached the deities and bowed his head.

“There’s no need for formalities my prince. You are amongst family now.” Zeus stated which made Hades chuckle.

“Do not be quick to raise his worth brother.” Said the lord of the dead.

“That is exactly what I had him brought up here for Hades.” Zeus bit out which made Ganymede quite uncomfortable. He was afraid this would happen, whatever this was. He never wanted to be the source of anyone’s burden, especially to Lord Zeus.

“It is done.”  The smith god interrupted and all eyes were soon on him and an item which stood proudly on an anvil.

It was a pitcher. A beautifully crafted blue and golden pitcher which had a golden handle on one side and a pointed mouth on the other. Ganymede’s eyes were instantly fixated on its beauty.

“Now then-,” Lord Poseidon said as he gestured his hand to the object. “Shall we begin?” he asked Zeus but Ganymede had to ask.

“What is happening my lord?” Ganymede asked and Zeus smiled at him.

“I remembered what you said last night and took it to heart.” The mighty deity walked up to him to grip his arm and caress his face. “I understand that you have trouble comprehending how much you mean to me so I had my brothers summoned up here and Hephaestus craft this magnificent object.” Zeus pointed at the pitcher then returned his gaze to Ganymede. “As proof of my undying love toward you.”

Zeus led him to the pitcher and he didn’t need to be told to hold the pitcher. It felt perfect in his hands as he inspected inside. Zeus grabbed his attention by placing a hand on his shoulder.

“What do you think of it?” Zeus asked and Ganymede beamed at him.

“It is beautiful my lord.” He replied and Zeus smiled.

“Set it on the anvil for now while my brothers and I give it our blessings.” Zeus said as Ganymede noticed the other gods gather around him. Ganymede did as he was told and placed the item on the anvil.

Hades stepped forward and held a hand over the object.

“As the Lord of the Underworld, I bless this object with undying brilliance like an indestructible crystal. Hope amidst the darkest hour.” Lord Hades stated and a dark aura emitted from his hand then onto the object before he removed his hand and stepped back. Then Lord Poseidon was next.

“As the Lord of the Seas, I bless this object with unimaginable trust in its holder. Faith as everlasting as the tide.” Lord Poseidon’s hand emitted a blue aura to the pitcher before he moved away.

Lastly there was Zeus.

His Lord grabbed his hand and led it to the handle of the pitcher. Ganymede took it as a sign to hold it while Zeus held him by the waist with his left while the other hovered the object.

“As the Lord of Olympus, I bless this object with an unbreakable promise. A profound bond with endless devotion and love to its owner. My dearly beloved Ganymede.” Zeus’ hand flashed a bright golden light which was too bright for Ganymede to see. When he closed his eyes he heard thunder boom right in of him. It was too bright even with his eyes closed then he opened them to find the pitcher missing. However there was something in his grasp and Ganymede uncurled his fingers to reveal a small vial. The beautiful pitcher was in a miniature size. Zeus took it from his hand and a golden string formed from the handle and it was now like a necklace, just the vial that Dionysus gave him. Zeus placed it over Ganymede’s head and Ganymede took it to hand. He inspected the object and watched the golden aura swirl around it.

“Do you like it my love?” Zeus asked and Ganymede looked up to his Lord.

His heart was racing and he didn’t know what to say so he nodded.

“It’s yours forever. Just like my heart and my soul. My sweet Ganymede.” Zeus pulled him in his arms and kissed him on the forehead. Ganymede started crying and he wasn’t sure why. He was shocked but happy at the same time. Very happy, he couldn’t possibly believe it.

However Lord Zeus made him believe it, with all his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter of Ganymede and Zeus had to be made due to reasons.  
> Castiel and Dean return in the next chapter.  
> I am not deliberately making any of you wait or anything like that... ;)
> 
> If you look carefully in this chapter- I used the terms 'profound bond' * hint hint *


	25. Chapter 25- Open Your Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean opens up to Cas- not all at once though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for the delay. I have been in agony for not being able to write due to work and going out with friends.
> 
> I've decided to switch things up and write in Dean's POV. Reason being are as follows:  
> \- People have been requesting for a final Benny/Dean scene and I couldn't write it in Castiel's POV because why would Dean explicitly share his experiences to Cas. It wouldn't make sense.  
> -Secondly, it works with the plot. I'm building up to a very important milestone and to fulfill this- I need to write in Dean's POV. You will understand later.  
> WARNING:  
> Benny/Dean explicit scene. Mild Violence
> 
> Dean's narration are in italics and in closed parenthesis. 
> 
> IF YOU DO NOT WISH OT READ DEAN/BENNY, PLEASE SKIP THE MIDDLE PART OF THE CHAPTER.

**-Dean-**

There were questions Dean didn’t like answered, especially once that were about him.

Growing up, asking questions meant questioning his father’s authority and John Winchester was without a doubt, one of the least likeable dads out there. Even when Sam decided to spread his wings and live on his own, Dean didn’t question it. He asked his brother why of course but he never asked the right questions to get the real answers.

This was because Dean already knew the answer to his endless string of bad luck.

It stemmed from his mother’s death when he was only four years old and everything was a highway to hell ever since.

Ever since then, John had never been the same and Sammy didn’t even get a chance to get to say good-bye to her. None of them did. House fires wouldn’t be so fatal if anyone could stop them in time.

That’s why Dean liked to keep his home in immaculate condition. Everything under his roof had to be accounted for and Dean handpicked most of the furniture. There was no room for flaws in his household, not if he could help it.

A large part of their dad’s soul followed her in the afterlife and eventually the rest of him did when he crashed Baby to a truck. Dean and Sam didn’t even make it to the hospital in time but they were right on time at the funeral.

That’s why Dean never liked going to hospitals unless he was desperate. He could only be failed enough times.

With this in mind, Dean never questioned anything wrong that happened in his life. People come in and out of his life that he no longer questioned it. That’s why it was better to live for the moment.

The past was a trauma, the future held no mercy so why miss out on what he had now?

He moved into this town for a brand new start. A chance for change perhaps. Then again, with his record of bad luck, it was also a chance to make new mistakes.

After all, Dean was still very afraid.

He could never seem to get out of the dark.

Until now.

“Dean?” Cas woke up and Dean had been sitting next to him since the break of dawn, waiting for him to wake up.

“Mornin’ Cas. How are you feeling? Are you hurt? Tell me where it hurts!” Dean panicked as he son remembered everything that he did and what he put Cas through.

“I’m fine. Just a little sore in some places.” Cas replied then winced from the pain.

“Don’t get up. I’ll call Garth. I’ll have him give you some pain killers- are you hungry? Of course you are! I don’t think you’ve eaten-,”

“Dean-,”

“I’ll have Benny whip something up immediately! It won’t be long!”

“DEAN!” Cas shouted and gripped Dean’s wrist to stop him.

“I’m just worried about you Cas…that’s all…” Dean muttered with guilt but Cas simply shook his head.

“I’ll be fine. I’m not made of glass. You don’t have to rush anybody. I feel much better than yesterday and it all thanks to Garth and Benny. You should be grateful to them.” Cas said and Dean sat back down on his chair.

“I just don’t wanna lose you Cas…I’m scared…” Dean confessed and he didn’t know what happened to his verbal filter. It had been screwing him up lately and in more ways than one.

Cas shook his head again and smiled. “You won’t lose me. I’m here to stay with you, by your side. Remember?” he said which instantly turned Dean’s face beet red. He nodded then gripped Cas’ right hand with both hands. He didn’t wanna let go.

“I love you Dean.” Cas said unexpectedly and Dean’s eyes blew wide open in surprise.

“I- where did that come from?” Dean asked and Cas snickered.

“And now you’re the one reluctant to say it back.” Cas said and Dean quickly fumbled to get the words out.

“Of course I love you Cas but I wasn’t expecting you to say it- which don’t mean I don’t want you to- it’s just…I dunno…my head’s all messed up…” Dean shook his head and rubbed his eyes while Cas beamed at him.

“I just thought you needed to hear it. That’s all.” Castiel said it confidently and Dean felt something flutter in his stomach like butterfly wing beats.

Dean was about to say something when his phone rang and he answered. Garth was on the other line, asking if he could bring breakfast up to the white room and Dean agreed. When the butler arrived, he was still in a bad mood and he wouldn’t address Dean properly. He was also snappy at Cas which automatically bothered Dean but Garth didn’t care. He kept his crappy mood and left the room without another word.

“Is something wrong with Garth?” Cas asked and Dean glared at the door.

“Yeah, he’s been in a crappy mood since yesterday. Ever since he gave me and Benny the ‘I told you so’ talk. He seriously needs to lay off or I’ll get mad.” Dean pointed out which made Cas frown.

“But Dean, Garth has every right to get mad at us…he was the one who’s been warning us about the risks we were taking, which frankly, he was right about.” Cas said and Dean nodded at that.

“Yeah but that don’t mean he’s gotta be douche about it.”

“Dean…” Cas muttered and Dean finally agreed.

“Alright fine. I screwed up, Garth was right and I should’ve listened.” Dean admitted and Castiel shook his head.

“No, we were wrong and we should have listened to Garth. You’re not the only one in the wrong here Dean. Benny and I were in this just as much as you were so please don’t take all the blame to yourself.” Cas said and Dean didn’t know how to disagree to that.

“Yeah well I dunno what he wants anymore.” Dean said and Cas smiled.

“It’s simple. You need to apologize. Say you’re sorry and be sincere. I’m sure you’ll get in his good-side soon enough.” Cas said then started staring at Dean in the eyes. They both looked at each other for a long moment before Dean cleared his throat to look at the tray of food on the counter. There were two sets of breakfast and some medication for Cas.

While they were eating, Dean received a message from Garth asking if he could give Cas a bath on the bed since he shouldn’t be walking round just yet. Dean agreed then Garth quickly hung up without saying good bye which annoyed Dean but not because of the lack of respect, it was because Cas was right. He hadn’t apologized to his butler whom he calls his brother and best friend at this point.

As a matter of fact, Dean had not apologized about a lot of things and not just to Garth.

Benny didn’t deserve what Dean did, especially Cas. There was a good reason as to why Dean didn’t even question these sort of things anymore and it’s because the answer was simple.

He was the source of everyone’s problem and he was _afraid_ …

“What’s wrong?” Cas asked while Dean was in the middle of scrubbing his calves. Garth had come up to give them a small pail of warm soapy water, some towels and a wash cloth. It only dawned on Dean that he had been wiping Cas’ leg ceremoniously.

“Uh- it’s nothing…sorry if I wasn’t payin’ attention.” Dean said and hoped that Cas left it at that.

Of course he was wishful thinking. “Tell me what’s wrong.” Cas asked and Dean tried not to look at his eyes.

“Seriously it’s nothin’…” Dean firmly said but Cas gave him the puppy eyes. Damn those eyes.

“Dean- you should know that I’ve learned something during my stay here. Actually I learned plenty of things however there is one thing that I’ve learned about the two of us.” Cas said and Dean decided to look at him.

“And what’s that?” he was afraid to ask.

“We don’t communicate properly.” Cas replied and Dean cringed at the word ‘communicate’. Communicating led to talking and talking led to either chick-flick moments or worse- feelings.

“I think we’re handling it just fine.” _Denial_. It was a horrible habit but one that Dean give up.

Cas furrowed his brow and tilted his head in concern. Those blue eyes were digging into his soul and he was afraid of what they might find.

“Dean, you and I both know, that’s not true.” Cas reached forward to grab his head and Dean was quickly rendered shaking. He didn’t know what to say or what to do. Dad would never sit him down like this to ask him what was wrong. Last couple of times he voiced his problems, dad told him to stop being a whiny little bitch. Alcohol induced scolding might he add but it hurt nonetheless.

“Look, I’m not very good at expressing my feelings either. We both know that, you experienced what happened to me first hand…” Cas admitted and Dean’s shaking paused for only a moment. “However, I’m going to _try_ to express myself more, in a better way, rather than bottling it up and waiting for it to get out of control later…” he said and Dean shuffled on his seat uncomfortably.

“What I’m trying to say is: I finally understood the real reason as to why I couldn’t say I love you back before and it was not due to my lack of feelings toward you but rather- my overwhelming fear of the unknown. I was afraid Dean. I was afraid that I would love someone or something so blindingly again. I couldn’t fathom the fact that I barely know you. Despite the fact that we’ve lived under the same roof for months now, I cannot put a finger as to who you are, aside from what Garth told me. Which was why I was confused and in disbelief when you said that you love me. From the moment I stepped foot in this mansion, I thought it was punishment for my sins. Sin toward my family and to you.” Cas tightened his grip of Dean’s hand.

“However that thought was quickly dismissed when you professed your feelings and I thought it was enough- and yes it is enough because I love you in return but in terms of the overwhelming fear inside…I can try and ignore it but it’s there and I don’t know if it’ll cause us trouble later on but I wish to try and be rid of it before we get to that point.” Cas smiled at him fondly.

Then the smile disappeared. “I do not wish to love you as I have loved God. I do not wish to entrust my love in blind faith.”

Cas shuffled to get comfortable in his bed. “I love you Dean. Do not forget that. I wish to share my whole world to you, if you will let me. And if you do not wish to share yours with mine then…so be it. I love you nonetheless and I’ll try to keep my fears at bay.” Cas said and it was almost a whisper. Now Dean was filled with guilt that his hands wouldn’t let go of Cas and someone would have to drag him kicking and screaming to let go.

“You’re right…” Dean answered. “You’re absolutely right. Christ- Cas I’ve been so stupid…I didn’t even make the time to get to know you and I just- I screwed everything up. Screwed us both up.” Dean said then apologized. “I’m sorry.”

But Cas shook his head. “I do not wish for another round of pointing fingers. All I want is to know more about you, simply to understand. Through your own words, I wish to know who you are and why you love me and perhaps…I’ll understand why I love you as well.” Cas said but this time Dean shook  his head.

“You won’t love me once you get to know me…” Dean regrettably muttered.

“Don’t say that.” Cas said but Dean was sure of his words.

“Cas- I’m broken. I’m messed up and you know it. Everyone in this house knows it. There’s a reason why I did all those things to you. Actually there were plenty of reasons but the only one I wanted you to know was-,”

“That you love me.” Cas finished his sentence.

Dean nodded.

“Then tell me. What are the other reasons? You cannot possibly be broken if you love me. I’m broken as well and I love you. I believe in myself enough to care about you even though there’s not much left about me to trust…” Cas said and Dean cusped his cheek.

“Don’t ever say that to yourself. You’re perfect Cas. You’re everything good to me and I’m the one who’s all wrong for you.” Dean leaned in to kiss Castiel in the lips. He slid onto the bed as the kiss lingered for a while. His eyes were closed and when he slowly opened them, they were met with Cas’.

“Dean…” Cas whispered into Dean’s lips as their kiss broke.

“Fine, I’ll share some things…” Dean looked down on Castiel’s slender fingers. They looked tired and in need of his touch.

“But I can’t promise to share it _all_ because…” Dean clasped Cas’ hands. “I don’t think I can share some of it just _yet_ …”

Cas nodded. “I understand. I can start sharing first if you want.”

Dean agreed and he sat comfortably on Cas’ bed.

“My name is Castiel James Novak and I am 22 years old, the youngest son of the town’s local pastor and I have three older brothers, Michael, Luke and Gabriel. The oldest, Michael and Luke left right around the time my mother died. I was twelve years old.” Cas said and his eyes looked pained.

Dean had heard these before from more than one source. If only Castiel knew…

“I’m sorry Cas…” Dean said but Cas shook his head.

“It’s not your fault…”

Before Dean could interrupt Cas continued. “Despite that fact, I love my family and my town. Though I’ve never been anywhere else, one day I would like to visit the beach, one where the water is blue and the sands are golden brown. I wish to see the sky touch the sea and feel the water splash my feet and I wish to bathe in sunlight until my skin turns red. Then I wish to sleep in a hammock with someone next to me.”

Cas blushed. “Preferably you.” Which also made Dean blush.

“Now that’s a lot of things to ask.” Dean waited for his face to lose the red but it didn’t matter as much as Cas smiling at him.

“Is it not achievable?”

Dean nodded slowly. “If you want…” he looked at Cas’ and the other man had so much promise in his eyes. “I’ve never slept in a hammock before.”

Cas beamed at that. “Then it would be a pleasure to experience it for the first time with you. It’ll make it more special.” Cas tightened his grip on Dean’s hands and Dean noticed that the shaking stopped.

“Alright, I think it’s my turn to share…” Dean stammered a little as he looked for some courage inside his chest.

“Wanna hear the cliff notes version?” Dean asked and Cas sniggered.

“You can share whatever you want. Say what you’re comfortable to say.” Cas said and Dean fidgeted before going along with it.

“My name is Dean Winchester. I’m 26 years old and an Aquarius. I enjoy sunsets, long walks on the beach and frisky women.” Dean grinned from ear to ear but Cas didn’t look amused. Probably from the last bit he said.

“Dean…” Cas pleaded with his eyes and Dean nodded along.

“Alright alright, I’ll take this more seriously.” Dean said and Cas seemed to appreciate it. He took a moment to gather his wit and exhaled deeply. “Aside from everything I said before, I was four when my mom died in a house fire, I had to carry Sammy out of the house. Dad couldn’t save her but he might as well have died with her because there wasn’t much life in him ever since she died…” Dean’s hands started shaking and Cas had to still them.

For some reason, Cas’ touch could soothe him to the core.

“I’m sorry Dean…” Cas said sincerely but Dean shook his head.

“Like you said to me, it’s not your fault…” Dean looked at his trembling hands as he thought about what to say to Cas. It was hard enough to admit that he loved Cas but to share his history- his past was something else. Something frightening like the dark…

“We can stop-,” Cas said and Dean shook his head.

“Nah I owe you this Cas.”

“You don’t owe me anything Dean-,”

“YES I do.” Dean firmly said and Cas finally conceded.

“You can stop whenever you wish.” Cas said and Dean nodded. Before Dean could continue, someone knocked on the door. It was Garth and he arrived to take the bathing things away. He didn’t say much other than asking them both to let him know when they wish to eat lunch then left the room.

“He’s still pissed at us.” Dean pointed out and Cas nodded. They took a moment to let that thought sink in.

“If it’s difficult to talk about your family, how about you tell me about your friends, about Garth and Benny perhaps?” Cas asked. “They’ve told me their side of the story and how much they care about you, however I’ve never actually understood how you see them.” Cas admitted then his eyes trailed down to his hands.

“In fact, they’ve said more things about you than yourself…” Cas confessed and looked at Dean in the eyes.

They stared at each other for a moment before Dean broke the silence.

“Garth and Benny aren’t just my friends…they’re more like my best friends. The only ones I can turn to, they never let me down…” Dean looked at the door before he turned to Cas. “Alright then, since you asked, I can share. Which one do you wanna hear first?” Dean asked and Cas thought about it for a moment.

“Benny. You can start with Benny.” Cas said and Dean chuckled to himself.

“Still jealous over what _happened_?” Dean asked then he stroke Cas’ hand. “I gotta let you know that you’re the only one for me Cas. Benny was- I got desperate…” Dean confessed and Cas smiled at him.

“I understand. There’s no use in opening old wounds...” Cas said but he didn’t stop there. “He loves you Dean. He has for a while and I’m sure you know this but why do you not return his affections?”

Dean was about to answer but Cas interrupted. “And do not say because of me. I denied you yet he was there. Why choose me and not him?”

Dean was rendered speechless for a moment then he thought about it real hard before opening his mouth.

“Because it was my fault.” Dean said and Cas shuffled on his bed to be more comfortable.

“I-I…How should I say it?” Dean asked himself. “I told him to give up on me before the chase could even start.”

Cas tilted his head and did that whole confused look thing that he usually did. He always thought it was adorable but he needed to focus.

“Lemme start from the beginning….A few years ago, I met Benny at a bar where he was working at. I got too drunk to catch a cab…well I didn’t really wanna go home because Sammy and dad got into another fight and Benny let me drink as much I wanted just so long as I didn’t pick a fight ‘cause he’ll personally drag my drunken ass outside if I caused any trouble.”

“He said that to me.” Castiel chuckled to himself. “Well along those lines- beside the fight between your father and Sam and the drunkenness. He said he made a good impression.”

Dean smirked. “Yeah well that too.”

Suddenly, Dean remembered the memories of the time when morning approaching and his tongue tasted like whiskey and Benny’s lips.

***

( _So I went back to see Benny a couple more times. He usually worked til the bar closed so we never had the problem of anyone catching us since he was the only one left…_ )

Dean was pinned to the wall by Benny’s body while the larger man made quick work of his shirt and belt buckle.

( _Sometimes we’d go to his trailer in the woods but in some occasions we hung around the bar since the owner trusted Benny with the keys._ )

They crashed their lips together for a furious kiss which made Dean’s eyes roll to the back of his head. Benny bit his lower lip and a groan escaped the burly man’s throat.

“Let’s get these off, shall we?” Benny whispered as he ran his fingers between Dean’s waist and boxer briefs. Dean happily obliged but then again, he was too drunk to protest. Also a large part of his brain wanted to do this. He wanted to-

Once his boxer briefs were off, Benny lifted him by the thighs while Dean clung onto the other man’s thick shoulders. Benny placed him on the counter which the larger man cleaned earlier before crushing their lips to a bruising kiss. Dean helped the other man remove his shirt and unbuckle his belt. They fumbled and even kissed each other half-way but soon Benny’s pants were off to reveal his thick hairy thighs and underwear which barely hid his massive erection.

The tip was damp with precome and it made Dean’s mouth water. Dean’s dick twitched at the sight and Dean couldn’t help but pull the man for another crushing kiss. Deep in Dean’s gut a fire was ablaze in an empty field. Dean quickly diminished the thought as he felt Benny’s erection rub onto his. With a whimper, he pleaded Benny to remove the last layer of clothing and Benny chuckled.

“Eager.” Benny pulled his underwear down to release his heavy erection. Though Dean was longer by about an inch, Benny had girth with a mushroom head which Dean still couldn’t believe had been inside him before.

“Don’t like it when I’m eager?” Dean teased as he quickly grabbed onto Benny’s hard-on. He thumbed the slit then squeezed the underside where the large vein throbbed to cause a bead of precome to come out.

Benny groaned at the sudden touch. “Don’t be tease now Cher.” They grinned at each other before Benny pressed his lips to Dean’s and coiled his thick arms around Dean’s waist. Large hands kneaded Dean’s back muscles and lower back to push their crotches together. Dean wrapped his legs around the man to pull him closer and Benny’s hips started pumping while Dean had his hands on their erections.

“I don’t have anything on me right now.” Benny said but Dean nodded in understanding.

“It’s alright. We can still have fun without it.” Dean pressed their lips together again and tasted Benny’s smile.

( _Besides we were always careful._ )

While Dean had both hands clasped around and pumping their erections, Benny thrusted and grinded his hips and pressed their sweaty foreheads together. Squelching sounds filled the room which was interrupted by Dean’s gasp as Benny rolled his forefinger and thumb on his nipples. Benny tweaked and squeezed the nubs which always sent Dean into a writhing mess. Benny pulled and lightly grazed his fingernails until Dean was a groaning mess. His head rested on Benny’s thick shoulders and hands shaking from pleasure.

“Benny…” Dean whimpered with tears in his eyes but it only seemed to urge the larger man if Benny’s blue eyes blowing wide open and nose flaring, indicated anything. 

“Grab onto my shoulders Cher.” Benny commanded and Dean did so with whatever sanity he had left. Despite the overstimulation, Dean braced himself by burying his face to the crook of Benny’s collar and breathed in the other man’s sweat. It smelt like thick manly musk and whiskey.

Benny’s large hands clasped their erections and began pumping furiously. Dean groaned from both agony and ecstasy as Benny stopped every once in a while to graze his thumb on the slit of Dean’s dick. Just to Dean because he knew how much it affected him.

“Love the sounds you make…” Benny hummed and before continuing his brutal pace. Dean cried out but Benny hushed him.

“Shh-shh I’ve got you Dean. I won’t hurt you…” Benny whispered into his ear and stopped moving. Dean was drooling now.

“Nngh…I’ll be alright…sorry. I’m sorry.” Dean apologized but Benny hushed him again.

“Shh- there there, let Benny make it all better.” Benny said and commenced pumping their cocks together. In a few more strokes, Dean was coming and slapped Benny’s muscular back. He couldn’t help but threw his head back.

“Oh god! Benny!” Semen erupted all over Benny’s hands and overstimulation quickly followed. Despite the mess, Benny kept going until he was coming as well.

“Grrngh Dean!” Benny thrusted forward as he came all over Dean’s stomach and chest. Some of it landed on Dean’s cheek.

Benny almost collapsed at the sensation and Dean was no different. His head rested on Benny’s shoulder to catch his breath. After a few minutes, Benny gathered himself first and looked at Dean. He noticed the mess on Dean’s cheek and licked it.

“Mmm. I’ve got room for desserts.” Benny said and grinned from ear to ear. Dean laughed at that and told him to work on his pillow talk. Benny reached over the counter to grab some paper towels. They started cleaning themselves up when suddenly they heard a noise from outside. Benny went to gob check it out as he pulled his pants back on. Dean gathered his clothes while Benny checked outside.

All of a sudden Dean heard some noises.

( _We tried to be careful. We really did but sometimes, it’s not enough._ )

Dean walked to the door to hear Benny arguing with someone. When he cocked his head outside, he saw Benny getting yelled at by the owner.

( _The owner caught us and he started screaming at Benny…actually he did more than that._ )

The owner lunged forward and punched Benny on the face which almost knocked Benny off balance.

( _I did what I thought was right at the time._ )

Dean’s nose flared as he stomped to their direction and planted one on the other man.

( _It got messy and one thing led to another, Benny had to rip me off the bar owner. We had to leave before he called the cops on us. Benny had to calm me down before he went back home. Only after I cooled down that I realized how much I screwed up…screwed Benny up. That was his only job even if the owner was ripping him off and I-I…I had to make it up to him somehow…_ )

***

Dean paused for a moment to get a grip of himself. Cas noticed that his hands were trembling.

“What happened?” Cas asked while Dean cleared his throat.

“I-I…” Dean stuttered to get the words out. “I went to Benny and asked him to work for my family and that was it…that was…that was…” Dean’s lips were also trembling now.

“Dean what’s wrong?” Cas asked and Dean pulled his hands away from Cas.

“I gotta go, I need to- I need to say sorry- need to apologize to Benny…” Dean said with panic in his tone as Cas furrowed his brow in concern.

“Dean please look at me…”

“I gotta go. I’ll be back-,” Dean hastily said before he left the room without looking back.

***

 

On his way downstairs, Dean bumped onto Garth who grabbed his attention.

“Dean what’s wrong? Is Cas alright?” Garth asked and Dean nodded.

“Cas is- Cas is alright…I just need to talk to Benny.” Dean said and Garth nodded.

“Alright but if you need anything just give me a call.” Garth said and Dean agreed before he made his way through the mansion in search for Benny. As he expected, Benny was in the kitchen. The burly man was chopping up some vegetables and gave Dean one look before returning to his task.

“Benny- we need to talk.” Dean said and it caught Benny’s attention.

“What about?” Benny asked and Dean’s vision got blurred by his tears.

“I’m sorry.” Dean apologized and Benny looked confused.

“I’m sorry?” Benny asked and Dean nodded.

“Yeah I’m sorry…for everything that’s happened. I was- I was a total dick to all of you and I can’t even begin to list the things I’ve done wrong to Cas, to Garth and to you and I’m- I’m sorry…I’m sorry please don’t hate me-,” Dean broke to tears and Benny went up to him and held him in his arms as while he cried into the larger man’s chest. The kitchen apron was dirtied by foot and his tears.

“It’s alright brother- it’s okay I forgive you.” Benny soothed him by stroking his back and tightened the hug.

While Dean cried, he remembered the first time Benny held him like this.

“You haven’t changed one bit.” Benny said but Dean eventually stopped crying and the other man wiped the tears off his face. “After all these years, you cry like a baby.” Benny chuckled and Dean narrowed his eyes.

“Shut up. You’re still a sarcastic asshole.” Dean retorted back and Benny snorted.

“Trouble in paradise again?” Benny asked and pointed at the door.

“No. Cas and I are fine. We’re good…he said ‘I love you’ to me. He said it again and I didn’t have to ask him this time.” Dean said and Benny smiled softly.

“Told you he loves you. Shouldn’t have doubted me.” Benny grinned and Dean nodded.

“I love him Benny. I love him so much that I dunno what to do with myself. Whenever he’s next to me, I can’t seem to get enough and when he’s not there, I think my whole world’s gone to hell. I’ve never even told him about my family…” Dean stammered. “Until now-,”

“Whoa whoa wait. Is that why you’re crying to me? Because you finally told him about what _happened_ to you?” Benny asked but Dean shook his head.

“No. No I haven’t told him everything yet. I just told him about the time I met you and why you started working for the family…” Dean said and Benny leaned in to listen carefully.

“I haven’t told him everything. I don’t think I can- not yet at least.” Dean admitted and Benny nodded.

“Well you don’t have to force yourself brother. Take as much time as you need. Cas isn’t going anywhere this time and you can finally tell him the truth. The real truth. He deserves to know.” Benny said without a hint of reluctance in his tone. His eyes bore into Dean’s soul and reminded him of something-

“Thanks Benny. I appreciate your help. I really do.” Dean said and Benny smiled.

“Anytime brother- now go back up there and be with the one you love. We both know you deserve each other.” Benny said and Dean frowned at that.

“Yeah- but I’m still sorry…I know how you feel about me and yet I hurt you-,”

“Don’t.” Benny hushed him. “If you really want my forgiveness then I need ya to give yourself a favor and forgive yourself first. I can’t have you putting yourself down every time something good happens in your life. You deserve Cas as much as he deserves you now just go. Before I change my mind and make you real sorry for hurting the angel.” Benny threatened with a grin and Dean smiled as well.

He left the kitchen and made his way upstairs to the white room. As he walked the empty halls, a flicker of the past clouded his thoughts.

_“Dad please let me in! I’m sorry! Please dad!” Dean cried out as he banged on the door. The cold wind bit his skin and bruises covered his body from top to bottom. His bottom lip quivered and his tongue tasted blood from the lower lip. His dad was wearing shoes when he kicked him._

_“Dean I’ve never been so ashamed-,”_

_“You’re supposed to protect Sam!”_

_“Dean it’s your fault…”_

_“It’s your fault that your mother died.”_

Dean snapped back into reality but his legs felt weak. His chest ached and he clutched onto it, his grip was so tight that his knuckles went white.

His tongue brushed his teeth as he took one deep breath to calm himself down. He could’ve sworn he tasted the dirt. It left a bitter aftertaste which reminded him of somewhere cold and dark like the floor of a basement-

Where he locked his nightmares away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is going to be Garth's history in the Winchester household through Dean's POV. The chapter has tags which I've added. 
> 
> Destiel readers, you will be rewarded for your patience.


	26. Chapter 26- The Monster in the Basement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean continues his story on how Benny started working in the house- well close enough...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: HOMOPHOBIA, John Winchester's A+ Parenting
> 
> I cannot stress to you on how much I hated myself for writing this chapter however, I've already started Dean's POV so here it is. It's a bit of a Slow Build since it's happening in the same day as the last chapter. 
> 
> I apologize for not being able to write Garth's part yet. He's coming in to the story. You'll see.  
> Dean's narration are in italics and in close parenthesis  
> Enjoy!

**-Dean-**

Dean Winchester was John and Mary’s oldest son and at the age of four, his mother died from a house fire and his younger brother Sam was only six months old. When John found out that the incident was declared as arson, he tracked down the whereabouts of the perpetrators. In order to do so, John had to reconcile with both his and Mary’s families. The Winchester and Campbell families were in a strictly business relationship and frowned on John and Mary’s marriage. Despite this, the happy couple attempted to live their lives detached from both clans until Mary’s death. Once John had the means to exact revenge on those who killed Mary, the search began and led him to one of the most diabolical families of the country. Each one of them were ruined by John’s wrath and only after Azazel Masters was placed behind bars and killed by one of John’s men did Mary’s husband finally found peace by driving his precious 67’ Chevy Impala to a truck.

On the other hand, Dean’s world was completely shattered. At twenty-two years old, he had to take up his father’s family business, tie up loose ends and attempt to start anew.

Unfortunately for John, Dean was not ready to live a life without his father commanding his every move. Nor the will to move on as Dean had devoted his life to serving his father to the best of his ability.

Without John, Dean was lost, confused and afraid. Very afraid.

Dean never truly got out of the cold dark basement where the only sound he could hear was his ragged breath and muffled cries. All he could smell was dust from years of neglect and blood. There was blood in his mouth and he could taste it despite the fact that he accidentally bit his tongue when John kicked his face earlier. His arms hurt from blocking most of his father’s punches and his legs were shaking. He couldn’t move them properly due to John throwing him down the stairs.

He waited for the door to open but he knew there was no use. His father told everyone in the house to not let him out until instructed.

So Dean wept and curled himself into a ball as he tried to ignore the chilling atmosphere. He stared at the darkness and wondered if someone was out there watching him. Someone who could help him get through the night but alas there was none.

He sniffed before closing his eyes to chase sleep when he suddenly heard footsteps right in front of him. When he opened his eyes he heard someone breathing in front of him and whispered.

“Hello Dean.”

***

 

Dean made his way back to the white room and found Garth talking to Cas. The two were in a middle of a serious conversation judging from Cas’ furrowed brow. Both men looked at him with inconspicuous expressions before Garth got up and headed to the door.

“I’ll leave the two of you to deal with it.” Garth bitterly said and gave Cas one look before he turned ot Dean. “I’ll get your food ready.”

“Wait.” Dean stopped the butler by the hand.

“What’s up?” Garth looked exhausted for some reason.

“Can I talk to you outside for a minute?” Dean asked and Garth’s gaze flickered at Cas for a moment before he conceded.

Cas also gave him a look but it was trusting and Dean appreciated it.

Once outside, Dean waited for Garth to close the door before he stepped forward to pull his best friend in for a tight hug. The butler was taken by surprise.

“What’s going on?” Garth asked with genuine concern.

“Nothing I just- I just wanna say I’m sorry. For everything.” Dean whispered.

Garth immediately returned the hug and patted Dean on the bag. “It’s alright. You know I can never stay mad at you for too long.”

Dean broke the hold. “But you should. If you have to be mad at me because I’ve been a dick to you then stay mad. I deserve it. I know I do. I haven’t listened to a word you said since we got here and it’s my fault. I’ve been so stubborn and I’m- I’m sorry. I really am. I hate myself for not apologizing sooner-,”

“Stop.” Garth hushed him. “I forgive you. Please stop putting yourself down, it’s one of the main reasons that got us into this mess…” Garth said and Dean nodded.

“Yeah but Garth- you’ve been there for me this whole time and all I did was push you away. Push all of you away and I can’t- I don’t wanna lose you or any of you. You’re all that I’ve got left and you’re my family. I love you all and I should’ve been more grateful-,”

“It’s okay. Dean it’s okay.” Garth hushed him again as he started crying. He didn’t even realize he was until tears dripped from his chin. The butler leaned down to grab his attention. He didn’t even realize how small he felt compared to the butler until he looked up and he didn’t mean by height.

“Dean look at me.” Garth said but Dean was crying.

“I said _look_ at me.” Garth said and Dean finally obliged.

“I understand. I really do. I get why you did what you did. Though it don’t make it right, I understand. Trust me.” Garth said and Dean nodded.

“I trust you Garth. I trust you and Benny with my life.” Dean said and Garth smiled at that.

“I know you do but sometimes I need to remind you. You’re kind of an idiot.” Garth chuckled and wiped the tears off his face. Dean reached for his face and told the butler to not bother. He could dry his own tears.

“Don’t know why any of you put up with me. Especially Cas. I don’t know why he even cares…” Dean said and Garth frowned at that.

“Now don’t say that. We’ve been through this before. He loves you. He loves you Dean and you just have no idea how much. Right in there, it’s what we were talking about. Don’t ever say otherwise.” Garth commanded and Dean nodded again.

“Ever.” Garth made sure to look at him in the eye when he said it. The butler left it at that before he excused himself to fetch their lunch. Dean went into the room to find Cas staring outside.

“Cas…” Dean sat beside the other man and clasped their hands together.

“Dean.” Cas looked at their joined hands and rubbed Dean’s fingers with his thumb. “Are you okay?”

Dean nodded. “Yeah. I’m good. I apologized to Benny and Garth just now.”

Cas smiled softly at that. “That’s good to hear.” Then the dark haired man leaned in to kiss him on the lips. Dean still loved the taste of Cas’ lips. Always.

“I’m sorry.” Cas said after they pulled their lips from the other.

“What for?” Dean asked.

“For forcing you to open up. We don’t have to talk about it. I simply wish to be by your side. That is all.” Cas said but Dean shook his head.

“It’s alright Cas. No need to apologize. I wouldn’t go through with it if I didn’t want to- and I want to. I wanna share my past with you. The whole story. You deserve it.” Dean said but now it was Cas who shook his head.

“We can talk about it some other time-,”

“No Cas it’s fine. Really. Sharing things with you makes me feel better somehow.” Dean exhaled deeply while Cas stared at him long and hard.

“Very well but if it gets too much I need you to stop. I can tell straight away if you’re struggling.” Cas said and Dean blushed at that.

“Am I that obvious?” Dean asked and Cas chuckled.

“Just to me. Only to me…maybe to Garth as well but I’d like to think that I understand you more than anyone.” Cas said and Dean grew even redder.

“Yeah well there’s still a whole lot of me that you don’t know.” Dean said and Cas nodded.

“That is true.”

Dean cleared his throat and gazed at their joined hands. He kept his grip firm just in case.

“Then I guess I should continue where I left off- with Benny I mean.” Dean said and Cas nodded.

“You may choose whatever or whomever you wish to talk about.” Cas said and Dean braced himself.

“Okay…” Dean said to himself then he looked at Cas and instantly found some courage. “It wasn’t easy getting Benny to start working for the family…dad…he didn’t approve…”

***

 

_(Dad didn’t just let anyone work in the house, in fact, he didn’t really let anyone into his life so easily.)_

“Dad, this is Benny.” Dean stood before his father who was busy working on some papers on the table. He was nowhere near from finding out who set the fire when his he was four, and killed mom.

“Who the hell is he and why the hell is he here?” dad asked, uninterested at the man standing right before him. Whenever dad was like this, he had no time to talk to Dean-

Well he never really had time for him and Sam in general.

“Dad, Benny’s here looking for a job. I was wondering if we could put him to good use. Maybe he can help Missouri out or something. I know Garth can use a helping hand-,”

“Are you deciding what goes on under my roof?” dad snapped and instantly rendered Dean speechless.

“No sir.”

“Then what the hell Dean? I don’t know this man nor do I care. I already have another guy coming in to work for us. I don’t just let strays into my house. Especially not someone who I can’t trust-,”

“But dad, Benny really needs a job.” Dean pleaded but dad shook his head.

“Not another word Dean! I’ve got no time for your nonsense! Now get your friend out of my office and take him back to whatever hell-hole he came from!” dad bit out and that was it. Dean led Benny out the door with disappointment looming on their faces.

“I’m sorry brother. I’ll be fine, seriously. You’ve done enough already.” Benny patted his shoulder but Dean winced at the guilt.

“No. It’s not over.” Dean said and he turned around to burst into his dad’s study.

“Dad I need you to listen to me.” Dean said and dad didn’t appreciate the tone from the look in his eyes. “Benny lost his job because of me and I wanna make it up to him. Could you please give him this chance? I know we have enough room in the house to accommodate him-,”

“Dean-,” dad tried to interrupt.

“You don’t even need to pay for him! I’ll pay for him and he can work for me. You don’t even need to-,”

“DEAN ENOUGH!” Dad shouted and slammed his hands on the wooden table. The papers and stationary cluttered in the silence.

“Who the hell do you think you’re talking to?” Dad asked while he pointed an accusatory finger at Dean. “Don’t you speak to me in that tone! I didn’t raise you to talk to me like that! Where the hell is this coming from?”

Dean’s courage quickly turned into panic.

“Dad-,”

“Why is it so important that I let some stranger into my house? He could be dangerous Dean- you can’t just trust anyone who says hello to you on the street!” dad pointed his hand at the door.

“Dad it’s not-,”

“You’re an adult now Dean! I expected more from you! I need you to be a role model for Sam- not some idiot who people can take advantage of!” Dad looked disgruntled. Definitely from disgust.

“Benny’s not!” Dean cried out. He bit his cheek to keep his eyes from crying. “Benny’s not just anyone dad. We’ve been hanging out but he lost his job because of me so I need to repay him somehow.” Dean explained without spilling everything just yet. 

Dad crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow. “And you think I’m just gonna roll over and do what you say? Clearly this ‘Benny’ is a bad influence to you and Sam! No! Get rid of him! Don’t you ever talk to me like this ever again!” John slammed his hands on the table again and Dean didn’t say another word.

“Are we clear?” dad asked and Dean answered.

“Yes sir.”

“What was that? I didn’t hear you- ARE WE CLEAR?” dad demanded and Dean answered loudly.

“YES SIR!”

***

 

Dean was staring into space when Cas grabbed his attention.

“Dean?”

Dean snapped back into reality by Cas’ touch. Cas’ slender hands soothed him somehow. “Where was I?” he asked.

Cas answered. “You said you had an argument with your father regarding Benny.”

Dean mouthed ‘Ah’ then nodded. “Yeah, Dad said no at first. I couldn’t really blame him for having trust issues since mom died but after a while, I managed to convince him and that’s the end of the story.” He quickly said as Garth entered the room with their lunch.

“So I’m guessing you two lovebirds are enjoying each other’s company?” Garth asked with a smile as he set the tray of food on Cas’ beside table.

“Yes, I am very fond of spending time with Dean.” Cas replied and gave Dean a smile which instantly made him blush. “We were just talking about how Benny started working in the house.”

Garth sighed at that, “yeah I remember- that was the time when Mr. Winchester found out that Dean was into guys.”

Dean panicked as Garth spilled the information as he prepared their food. When he looked at Cas, the other man was already overthinking it.

“Yeah that’s great! Thanks for bringin’ the food Garth!” Dean quickly said and led the butler to the door.

“But Dean-,” Garth protested then he was out the door. Dean quickly closed the door and returned to his seat to gaze upon their lunch.

“Benny made some fantastic burgers!” Dean pointed out as he chomped onto his meal. He made sure that his mouth was full. He couldn’t really enjoy the burgers since Cas squinted at him with all the questions in the world written in his face.

“Dean…” Cas muttered his name as Dean swallowed, only ask the other man.

“Are ya gonna eat or just stare at me?” Dean asked and Cas looked at the burger before looking right back at him.

“I’ll eat…” Cas said and Dean nodded in relief. “…then ask you about what Garth said earlier.”

Dammit.

“Sorry Cas…” Dean placed his burger down.

“We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” Cas said but Dean shook his head.

“Dammit Cas.” Dean accidentally blurted out. “I do. We should…”

Cas looked at the burger in his hand for a moment then stared at Dean. “My family knew. They knew before I knew that I liked men as well. I don’t really care about the gender, just the person. The person is far more important than everything else.” Cas muttered but Dean didn’t say anything.

“It just so happens that I fell in love with a man.” Cas said and that put a smile on Dean’s face.

“Same here.” Dean answered and they continued eating in a gleeful atmosphere. Dean called Garth shortly to fetch their dishes and when the butler arrived he quickly apologized for saying something. Dean forgave him as he decided to share more things about himself to Cas.

He was still afraid of what Cas would think. Of what Cas would choose once Dean said everything.

He would probably choose to leave.

Dean straightened his back and shuffled on his seat to get comfortable.

“Ready for more?” Dean asked and Cas nodded.

“I am liking this. Hearing more about you helps me understand…it paints a picture in my head.” Cas said and Dean raised an eyebrow.

“What sort of picture?”

“Of you. Of everything about you.” Cas replied with a smile. It was brighter than the sun.

“Must be freakin’ ugly then.”

“No.” Cas shook his head once. “It’s quite the opposite. Though it’s not complete, I already find it beautiful, because it’s you.” Cas said and Dean blushed.

“Cas, guys don’t call each other beautiful…” Dean said and Cas chuckled.

“I’m sure you’ve called me that word before. Don’t deny it.” Cas said and Dean sniggered.

“Yeah because you are.” Dean admitted and Cas was also rendered blushing. He quickly had to change the subject as the blissful atmosphere was choking him.

“Anyway, instead of blushing like teenagers, how about we talk about how my dad found out about me screwing around with guys.”

***

 

_(I still went back to see Benny since I had to look after him somehow. I gave him some groceries or cash to get by. He didn’t wanna take it at first but like he said, it was tough getting a job being an ex-convict and all…)_

“Dean?” Garth knocked on his bedroom door and Dean opened it.

“What’s up Garth?” Dean asked.

“Your dad wants to see you.” Garth said with a frown on his face and soon Dean had a smiliar expression.

_(Of course I could lie between my teeth and told dad that I spent my money on booze and stuff…)_

“Dean close the door.” Dad ordered and Dean did as he was told.

_(But I wasn’t careful enough.)_

“What have you been doing lately?” Dad asked as he had his feet on the table. It had been a while since Dean saw it clean of papers and photographs.

“Nothin’ much…how’s the investigation with the Masters going? Found any leads?” Dean asked.

“It’s going alright. Azazel is a conniving son of a bitch but I’ll take him down. Speaking of leads, I came across something interesting about that friend of yours- Benny Lafitte? That his name?” Dad asked and straightened up to hand him a folder.

“Look inside.” Dad ordered and Dean complied.

Dean opened the folder to find papers and photographs of Benny. From his birth certificate to his criminal record and additional background. Some photos were of him and Benny together, at his trailer and a couple of diners they visited. Dean’s hands trembled at the sight.

“Wh-Why do you have this?” Dean stuttered while dad frowned at him.

“To show you something…” dad stood up and walked around the table, right in front of Dean. “And to teach you a lesson.”

Dean’s hands couldn’t stop trembling.

“You see son, I don’t expect much from you and Sam. Just your obedience- lately, that’s been an issue with and I can’t have that so I had to find the source of the problem.” Dad said and he tapped on the papers in Dean’s hands. “I did some research and it turns out you’ve been friends with an ex-convict, that sound about right?” dad asked and Dean nodded.

He had to be a good boy for his dad.

“Well I think he would’ve told you that since you’ve been fucking him.” dad said and Dean felt as if his heart just dropped.

“That the truth Dean? You’ve been screwing guys when I’m not lookin’?” dad asked and Dean didn’t answer.

“TELL ME!” Dad shouted the demand which had Dean nodding.

“That what you are now? A disobedient little fag who likes to take it up the ass? Is that what you are?” dad towered over him.

“No-,”

“DON’T LIE TO ME BOY! I went to the place where this Lafitte guy was fired and the owner told me he caught him with some other guy screwing on the counter!” Dad ripped the folder out of Dean’s hold.

“Is that what you wanted to do to yourself? Lyin’ to my face and fucking around with some criminal!” dad threw the folder to ground and Benny’s papers flew everywhere.

“No-,” Dean yelped.

Dad slapped him across the face.

“Look at me- I said LOOK AT ME!” John ordered and tears started to fall on Dean’s face.

“Look at me in the eye and tell the truth! Are you a fairy? A fucking fag?” John asked with a finger pointed to Dean’s face.

Dean choked his tears in and shook his head.

“I’m not-,”

John slapped him across the face again.

“Don’t _fucking_ lie to me Dean! Are you gay? Is that what you wanted to do to yourself? What were you thinking?” John threw his hands up in the air.

“I’m not-,”

“Is that the kind of brother you want Sam to have? Some Goddamn homosexual?”

“No-,”

“Dean I’ve never been so ashamed to call you my son! I can’t even look at you right now! Get out!” John barked at him but Dean tried to plea.

“I said get out you stupid fag!” John shoved him out of the way and left the study. Dean was crying now and he could only think of one person to turn to.

_(Of course dad didn’t approve. That’s why I didn’t tell him but dad- he didn’t give me much of a choice…)_

“Benny!” Dean burst through the door of Benny’s trailer to find the whole place clattered with mess. The light was out and there were broken dishes on the ground. Panic escalated inside Dean’s chest as he stepped outside to call for Benny.

“Right here brotha…” behind him, Benny limped and Dean ran up to help the larger man. He and Benny sat on the ground while Dean inspected Benny’s disheveled form. His clothes were tattered and bloody but not as much as his face. His lips busted up and his left eye was barely open.

“Oh God Benny…wha-what happened to you?” Dean asked as Benny coughed up some blood. Dean asked where the first aid kit was and went inside. When he returned, he quickly tended to Benny’s wounds.

“Coupla guys came over and asked if I knew who you were, they even showed me a picture of the two of us at a diner in town. Told me to back off.” Benny coughed again and covered his mouth.

“Did they say who they were workin’ for?” Dean asked and Benny shook his head.

“Nah but they made their message pretty clear.” Benny answered and tried to get up.

“Now if you’ll excuse me brotha, I need to some rest. I gotta whole lot of running to do.” Benny said.

“Running to where?” Dean asked.

“From you.” Benny said and guilt gripped Dean’s chest even more.

_(My dad…he only asks for one thing. One thing from his sons.)_

“Dad.” Dean approached his father who was in his study with drink in hand.

_(Obedience.)_

“I’m sorry. Please forgive me sir.” Dean bowed his head and begged.

“Nah sorry’s not gonna cut it Dean.” John rested his drink on the table.

“Please dad- I’ll do anything. Anything! Just please- don’t hurt Benny…” Dean begged with tears in his eyes. John kept a callous stare and his fingers strummed the surface of the table.

“This ain’t the first time you’ve asked me for favors boy. Now what makes this Lafitte fella so special?” dad asked and Dean’s spine shivered. He had to think carefully about what to say.

“He’s innocent. All of his problems started from the day he met me and I…I should’ve left him alone. I’ll leave him alone and I’ll never see him again so please spare him. He’s barely making enough for himself. He doesn’t deserve this-,”

“And _I_ do?” John interrupted. “I _deserve_ a son who lies to me and sneaks off to get his ass stuffed?”

“No-,”

“Then what is it Dean? How is it that you care about others more than you care about your own family? Didn’t I teach you that family came first?”

“Yes you did-,”

“Then why would you put some criminal’s needs before your own flesh and blood? Can’t you see that I’ve been hell-bent on finding a way to take down the ones who were responsible for killing your mother? Don’t you care about her Dean? Don’t you want to give her some justice?”

“I do-,”

“I don’t think you do. You don’t give a shit about your own mother because you’d rather suck on a guy’s cock you filthy fairy!” John’s face grimaced in disgust.

“If your mother were alive, god-forbid she’d be ashamed of you as I am right now.” John shook his head and Dean didn’t cry anymore. He simply scowled and took it all in.

“Well I can’t fix you right now. You’re just gonna add to my problems. Is that what you want? To add more to my burden?” John asked and Dean shook his head.

“Answer me properly!”

“No sir!” Dean replied and John shook his head again.

“You’re supposed to be better than this. I expected more from you Dean. You’re supposed to protect Sam but I don’t think I can trust you let alone put your brother’s life in your hands-,”

Dean tried to interrupt but John raised his voice.

“You don’t care about anyone else do you? All you want is a quick fuck no matter who or where it’s from!”

“I’m not-,” Dean cried out.

“How am I supposed to trust someone who doesn’t even care about us? You know what? You’re just as bad as the once who killed Mary!” John accusingly pointed out.

“Please dad-,”

“Dean it’s your fault! It’s your fault that your mother died. You did nothing then and you’re doing nothing now! I have never been so disappointed in you!” John shouted and Dean couldn’t hold the tears back anymore.

He sobbed in front of his father who stared him down with disappointed written all over his face.

“There’s nothing- there’s nothing left for me to do.” John sat back down and buried his face in his hands.

“I have a useless homosexual for a son who doesn’t care about my family. I might as well be dead.” John clasped his hands together and stared at Dean. “Is that what you want Dean? You want this family to fall apart? Me dead and Sam left with someone like you?” dad asked and Dean shook his head.

“No-,”

“Then prove it. What can you do to be a better son hm?” John asked but Dean couldn’t find an answer.

“That’s what I thought. You’re just as useless as you always were.” John leaned back on his seat with drink in hand.

“Close the door when you get out.”

***

“So I gave him just that.” Dean said as his hands were trembling again despite the fact that Cas had his hands clasped with his. “I gave him obedience and eventually he found a job for Benny to do and that was it. That was how he started working for the family.”

“Dean…” Cas pulled him in for a hug. Dean had no strength to resist nor did he protest. He just let Cas do whatever he wanted because Dean couldn’t do it-

He couldn’t even rip himself away even if he wanted to.

“ _Teehehehe_ ” Dean heard a laugh.

“You’re crying.” Cas whispered into his ear as he started wiping the tears off Dean’s face. He didn’t realize he was crying.

“ _Hehehehe_.” Dean heard the laugh again and he tried looking for the source. It was somewhere around the room but he couldn’t make out where it was.

“Dean what’s wrong?” Cas asked and Dean looked at him with such guilt when he heard the laugh again.

_“You’re lying.”_

“Dean?” Cas asked and Dean had to shake himself off Cas’ hold.

“I need to go. Is it alright if I get some air?” Dean asked and Cas nodded.

“Of course Dean. Take as much time as you need.” Cas said with concern in his eyes.

“I just need to-,”

 _“Oh Deeeean,”_ someone’s voice interrupted him.

“I need to go.” Dean said and he could’ve sworn he heard Cas ask how he was but he didn’t turn back. He had to get away.

He had to get somewhere. Anywhere. For Cas’ sake.

He roamed around the mansion to find himself down some stairs and into a dark room where the floor was cold and walls whispered his name.

 _“Dean?”_ Dean turned around to find someone atop the flight of stairs.

 _“Hello Dean.”_ It was Cas and he was wearing some dirty clothes. Cas walked closer, down the stairs and Dean realized that he had marks on his face. They looked like bruises and cuts and a hint of blood along his gums.

This was not Cas and the door slammed shut.

_“Welcome back.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone makes a reappearance in this chapter and will be back next chapter. There is a reason as to why Dean and Cas share the same nightmarish character and I think the answer is quite obvious to some of you.
> 
> Will update soon!


	27. Chapter 27- Blinded by the Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean learns to forgive himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: MILD VIOLENCE, MILD SEXUAL ABUSE
> 
> In previous chapters, Castiel enters dream states where he can die but come back to life so I'm warning you all now that an image of Cas dies in this chapter a couple of times. Don't worry- no major character deaths in this story AT ALL. It's all in Dean and Castiel's head.

**-Dean-**

He had to get out.

Someone was in the basement with him but he couldn’t find the way out. The stairs disappeared along with the light and his feet felt the ground grow colder.

“Give up.”

Dean heard the voice say and he screamed. Only the darkness heard him.

“Stop it.” The voice commanded and Dean dropped to his knees and crawled. He searched for something, anything, only to find a wall where he could rest his back and curl into a ball. He breathed the cold air in while he watched the shadows.

“I hope you didn’t forget about me because I sure as hell didn’t forget you hehe.” The voice in the darkness laughed and soon Dean heard footsteps right in front of him.

“Who’re you?” Dean asked and the presence before him scoffed.

“I’m offended! How could you forget about me? We’ve been spending so much time together!” The voice said and he felt someone’s breath on his face.

“Let me give you a hint: who do I sound like?” the presence asked and Dean blinked but remembered.

“Cas.”

“Ding ding ding! Exactly! It’s me!” The darkness swirled and Dean found himself somewhere else. Somewhere not in the mansion.

Right before him, the presence took the form of Cas, but it wasn’t Cas. Not the Cas who was staying in the mansion. This Cas looked like someone he met in a nightmare before.

“Welcome to your very own personal mind prison!” Not-Cas said and he held his arms out to show Dean the room. It looked like the basement where he used to live in when dad was alive.

“Why the hell am I here?” Dean asked and Not-Cas paced around him.

“I should be asking you that question. After all, it wasn’t that long ago since you threw me down in here and locked the door. It’s still locked by the way, in case you’re wondering.” Not-Cas pointed at the door at the top of the stairs. Dean distinctly remembered this place, he had a dream about it a few nights ago when Cas rejected him.

“I need to wake up.” Dean said as he headed to the stairs.

“Dean wait!” Not-Cas asked shouted Dean ignored him and walked up the stairs to open the door. He gripped the door knob and twisted but it wouldn’t budge. He tried and tried but it was locked tight.

“I shouldn’t be in here. I shouldn’t-,” Dean said to himself when he heard Not-Cas scream.

Dean snapped his head back and as he heard a thud from the bottom of the stairs. Carefully, he walked down the stairs to find Not-Cas’ body on the ground with a knife stuck to his back. Dean walked closer as he saw the life snuffed out of those baby blues and a figure emerged from the dark.

It was himself.

“Hello Dean.” Not-Dean greeted him before getting on his knees and pulling the knife out of Not-Cas’ lifeless corpse.

“This one right here…” Not-Dean pointed at Not-Cas’ corpse. “It’s one of your latest installments.” Not-Dean cleaned the knife with his black shirt. He was wearing a maroon overall with blue jeans and his eyes scanned the blade for any traces of blood.  

“You just couldn’t settle for a nightmare version of yourself so you had to go create one out of our beloved Cas. Sweet innocent, delicious tasting Cas.” Not-Dean licked his lips and smiled at Dean.

“Fuck you!” Dean cursed at the demon in front of him whose eyes went black for a moment before returning to their natural green.

“No, _fuck_ yourself, that’s what. You forgot what we talked about Dean and I’m very disappointed in you.” Not-Dean carried not-Cas body to the other end of the room and laid him there. Not-Cas’ eyes were exhausted and slightly teary, it didn’t have a trace of life left in them.

They looked too real.

“Dean Dean Dean. What did you do up there that got you into this dump?” Not-Dean asked as he sat down next to Not-Cas’ body. The demon threw an arm around Not-Cas’ shoulder and let the other man’s head rest on his chest. Dean felt sick at the sight of himself cradling Cas’ dead body.

“I need to wake up.” Dean chanted to himself as he took a few steps back to the other side of the room. Not-Dean merely shook his head.

“Can’t get out yet Dean. Can’t leave me and Cas here just yet.” Not-Dean grinned at him.

“You’re not me and that’s not Cas. You’re not-,”

Dean was suddenly stopped by Not-Dean’s face appearing right in front of him. He was an inch away from his face when the demon grabbed him by the neck and threw him the wall.

Dean felt his back slam onto the wall and the pain should’ve woken him up but it didn’t.

“Dean please- there’s a reason why you’re in here.” Not-Dean crouched down. “I read your mind and I know what you’ve been telling our dear Castiel. Very naughty Dean- am I gonna have to punish you again?”

Dean spat on Not-Dean’s face and the demon slowly wiped it off.

“I have to punish you now.”

Before Dean could brace himself, the demon stabbed him with a knife. The blade pierced his ribs, straight to his heart. Dean fell back at the force as blood quickly guzzled out of his mouth. His other self, turned its back on him and walked to the dead Cas.

“Should’ve been nicer to me Dean, especially since we haven’t seen each other for a while.” Not-Dean sat back down next to Not-Cas and reassembled themselves to their previous positions.

Dean coughed up some blood as he started to get light-headed. His vision going blurry and he watched as his other-self caressed Cas’ face.

“You just go to sleep for now and while Cas and I sit here and wait for you.”

The last thing Dean saw was Not-Dean’s smile before it all went black.

***

 

Dean woke up to the sound of someone moaning and something slamming on the wall. Slowly, he opened his eyes to find an ungodly sight.

His other-self was butt naked and pounding someone on the wall across the room. Clothes spilled all over the floor and fingers digging onto his other-self’s back. He blinked and realized who it was.

“Dean!” it was Cas, no- it was Not-Cas and his legs and arms clung onto Dean’s neck and waist. Not-Dean lifted Not-Cas by the thighs and pinned him on the wall. Dean could see how his other-self’s hips stuttered as he came deep inside the fake Cas.

“Fuck…” Not-Dean groaned out as Not-Cas’ head went limp on his shoulder. He suddenly pulled out which earned a gasp from Cas’ lips. Not-Cas planted his feet on the ground as the two men gradually sank to the floor. Dean did not move or say anything as the other two seemed not to have noticed his awakening.

The two panted for a moment while the other Dean started kissing Not-Cas’ face whose eyes were closed. Dean gulped at Not-Cas’ fucked out expression, mouth slightly parted while his other-self showered him with affection. When Not-Cas opened his eyes, Dean closed his to avoid notice.

“Can we go again?” Not-Cas asked Not-Dean and the other man hummed to agree.

“Move over.” Not-Dean ordered and Dean heard the other two shuffling on the floor before he heard Not-Cas gasp.

He slowly opened his eyes to find not-Cas on the floor and underneath his other self. Not-Dean hovered over the dark-haired man and began kissing and nipping Not-Cas’ cheek and neck. Not-Dean didn’t look at Dean because his eyes were fixated on Cas’ face and body while the other man did the same. Not-Cas shut his eyes when Not-Dean’s mouth made its way to his left nipple. Another gasp escaped Cas’ mouth as his hips grinded underneath Not-Dean’s body.

Cas placed a hand on fake Dean’s hair and gripped it when Dean’s other-self bit his nipple. Even from where Dean laid, he could see Cas’ nipple go red from Not-Dean’s teeth. Dean tried not to get hard. He really tried because that was not Cas and that was not him.

However it looked and sounded very much like Cas.

“You like that?” Not-Dean asked as his hand replaced his mouth to play with Cas’ nipple. Cas’ doppelganger nodded and smirked. “You know I love it.”

Not-Dean smirked as well and went up to crush their lips together for a bruising kiss.

“Mmm good.” Not-Dean muttered as he started mouthing Not-Cas’ other nipple while the man underneath squirmed in pleasure.

“Aah ah ah!” Cas wriggled and gripped on Dean’s head as if his life depended on it. Despite the fact that it wasn’t Cas, Dean was getting hard quickly. He looked down to see his tented pants. 

“We know you’re awake.” The other Dean said and Dean’s eyes met both men’s.

Dean’s doppelganger had his hands in between Cas’ legs, fingering the other man slowly. “We started without you since you were dead and all-,” Not-Dean said before he licked Cas’ nipple which made Cas gasp again.

Dean tried not to stare too much at Cas’ blissed out expression.

“Why watch when you can join in?” Cas asked and the other Dean chuckled.

“He gets off on it I think.” Not-Dean grinned and pulled his hand out of Cas to place his fingers in the other man’s mouth. “Suck.” He commanded and Not-Cas obliged.

Plump lips started sucking on other Dean’s thick fingers, Dean’s breath grew more ragged somehow.

“Like that? Like the taste of my come in your mouth?” Not-Dean asked and Cas groaned. “Good boy. Get it nice and wet for me.” Cas sucked on the fingers until it was knuckle-deep in his mouth.

Dean covered his crotch to restrain himself from the arousal. He slowly got up to press his back against the wall. He tried not to look but the sounds that came out of the fake Cas’ mouth went straight to his dick. The other Dean seemed to enjoy his attention and started fingering Cas’ hole again.

“Y’know you’re more than welcome to join us. After all, this is what you fantasize about.” Not-Dean challenged him but Dean shook his head.

“He wants- ah! He wants the real me hnngh.” Cas writhed underneath to fuck himself on fake Dean’s fingers. Not-Dean turned to the man underneath and nodded.

“Get up.” Not-Dean suddenly removed his fingers out of Cas’ hole and slapped the other man on the thigh. He sidled to press his back on the other wall while the Not-Cas straddled him. The fake Cas’ whole back was on display while Dean’s other-self waited for him to get comfortable. Dean saw his doppelganger grip the base of his cock and poked it at Not-Cas’ rim. Cas on the other hand gripped Dean’s shoulders and teased the head of his cock with his ass. Not-Cas’ bubble butt grinded on the other Dean’s cock. The entire length rubbed all over his ass crack.

Dean had ever been so hard inn his life.

“Tease.” Not-Dean growled at Cas and planted a slap on his ass which made the other man hiss. A red hand print started to form on Cas’ firm globe. 

“Put it inside.” The other Dean ordered and Cas obliged. With both hands on his ass, the rim of fake-Cas’ hole caught Dean’s cockhead and began sinking down. Not-Cas gasped at the intrusion but the man underneath grew impatient.

“Hurry up bitch!” Not-Dean gripped Cas by the shoulders and pushed him down to bury his entire cock to the hilt. Cas gasped and collapsed on the other Dean. This shouldn’t be arousing, Dean would never-

“Oh he likes it when I get rough.” Not-Dean said as he stroke Cas’ back. “Ain’t that right babe?” he whispered onto the other man’s ear who seemed to twitch in his hold.

“Start moving.” The fake Dean ordered and Cas did. He started bouncing up and down until Dean could see some of the other Dean’s come spurting out of Cas’ hole and tainting his thighs and the floor.

“Fuck he’s so hot and tight inside. We can take him both if you want?” Not-Dean taunted as he guided Cas’ hips with his hands before thrusting up to get a reaction.

“Ahh! Dean!” Cas cried out but the fake Dean didn’t have a trace of remorse in his expression.

“Shh-shh be quiet.” Not-Dean ordered and used his hands to keep Cas’ hips still.

“Be a good cockwarmer for now.” The other Dean said and Cas nodded.

“Yes sir.”

“And a quiet one.” The fake Dean said and the other Cas buried his face in the crook of Dean’s neck and shoulder while the man underneath stared Dean down.

“Let’s talk.” Not-Dean said to him but Dean furrowed his brow.

“Don’t wanna.” Dean said and the other man chuckled.

“Don’t be stubborn now Dean. It’s rare that all three of us are in one place at the same time, although, Cas and I have been very lonely without you.” Not-Dean turned to the other man. “Ain’t that right babe?”

“I want- I want you both…” Not-Cas whimpered but the other Dean slapped him in the ass.

“Such a cockslut! You wanna have a go?” fake Dean asked him but Dean shook his head despite the fact that his erection begged otherwise.

“Your loss.” Not-Dean said and reached over Cas’ ass crack and fingered the rim. “It’s not like you never had a taste before. You’ve been with this Cas before haven’t you, Dean?” the other Dean asked but Dean didn’t answer. He didn’t want to involve himself with the debauchery.

“He was very sweet and tender.” Not-Cas answered instead. “We fucked so many times and he was always so gentle like I was a delicate flower.” Cas said then giggled.

“He’s a hopeless romantic isn’t he?” the fake Dean said and Cas nodded.

“He showered me with so much love, I thought I was in heaven.” Not-Cas said and it made the man underneath laugh.

“You won’t get that from me sweetheart.” The other Dean slapped Cas in the ass again. “I’m more of a fuck em and leave em kinda guy.”

“I bet you are.” Not-Cas and Dean sniggered.

“Oh you love it.” Not-Dean reached up to kiss Cas on the lips. Dean’s cock throbbed in his pants but he refused to participate in any sense. His eyes on the other hand refused to look away. He witnessed as the other Dean shifted and ordered Cas to get up and lay his back on the ground with his legs spread. The fake Dean hovered on top and gripped his dick to sink into Cas’ hole.

About halfway, the other Dean slammed all the way inside which had Cas crying out, head thrown back and eyes teary. Those once innocent eyes were now staring at Dean with lust. Those plump lips which Dean couldn’t get enough of kissing were now the property of his other self. The incubus from the depths of his consciousness. 

“Look at him.” Not-Dean instructed as he began thrusting into Cas. “I want you to look at him while I fuck you.”

“Gah! Dean!” Cas writhed and whimpered as the fake Dean rammed harder and harder with every snap of his hips.

“You like that slut? You wanna suck on his cock while I fuck you?” Fake Dean asked while Cas yelped.

“Dean Pleeeeease!” Cas threw a hand up to reach out for Dean but he wouldn’t take it.

This wasn’t Cas and that wasn’t him. he would never do that to Cas. He would never say those things to him.

“Oh but you want to. You wanna do his to him don’t you Dean?” his other-self asked but Dean shook his head.

“No. Cas he- he deserves better.” Dean replied but his fake self didn’t seem convinced.

“He’s lying…ngh ain’t he Cas?” his other-self asked the man underneath who nodded.

“Yes Dean. Fuck me- he wants to fuck me like this!” Cas said but Dean shook his head.

“No I don’t!” Dean denied it but it only made the other man ram harder and harder until Cas was screaming in ecstasy.

“Keep- urgh- keep your eyes on him- Look at him!” Not-Dean ordered Cas who was barely conscience in between the pounding. “You-you wanna- you wanna ruin him.”

Pound. Pound. Pound.

With one more thrust, Not-Dean came deep inside fake Cas. Cas came as well, untouched and it went tainted their stomachs. The man on top collapsed in exhaustion while he and Cas panted. The sound of their breaths filled the room along with the sound of Dean’s heartbeat. He was rock hard but he refused to touch himself. He wouldn’t-

His other-self slowly got up and raised Cas legs. Cas didn’t even say anything or move for that matter. He simply gasped for air as the man on top went down and started licking his hole.

The other Cas’ body was in full display, cock-red and twitching slightly. His nipples shared the same shade of red, abused nubs with bite marks all around it. As for Cas’ face, it was slack and eyes rolled to the back of his head however the fake Dean didn’t care. He was more focused on slurping on Cas’ abused hole.

Dean cleared his throat and shuffled to a new position. This time he decided not to stare even though the fake Cas started moaning again.

“Why do you resist?” The fake Cas asked and Dean saw the other man slowly get up and go on all fours. His other-self had not stopped rimming his hole.

“Do you even know why you’re here?” Not-Cas asked and Dean thought about it. He wasn’t actually sure.

“I don’t know.” Dean said under his breath and Cas sighed. He removed his ass from the other Dean’s face and crawled to face other man. “I think you should take the reins on this one.” Not-Cas said and started nipping on the other Dean’s chest and nipple. Cas’ other hand folded at his flaccid dick while Not-Dean’s eyes focused on him.

“Let’s go back to the start.” Not-Dean said. “What did Cas do this time which compelled you to throw yourself in this place? I know this is the last place I’d ever expect to find you.”

Dean looked around and remembered.

“This place- this was the place where you found me all those years ago remember?” Not-Dean said while Cas gyrated on him.

“I can’t- I can’t exactly focus while you’re- while he’s…” Dean looked at Cas who stopped.

“Sorry Dean, I was just trying to make you feel better, that’s all.” Cas said but Dean narrowed his eyes.

“You’re not really sorry.” He bit out and Cas smiled.

“No I’m not.”

Dean grimaced at that before he turned to his other self.

“Did you tell him the truth?” Not-Dean asked and chills filled Dean’s spine.

“I did- I tried to…” Dean said and the other Dean sighed.

“And why would you do that? You know that’s a death wish! Do you want him to leave you? You know he will!” Not-Dean looked genuinely panicked.

“He won’t! He said he won’t- he said he’d stay. He said he’d never leave me-,”

“No, no, no, no, NO!” Not-Dean shook his head. “Haven’t you learned anything? He’s lying to you! He lied to you before! He’s lied to you about his feelings before and you actually believe him this time? You’re an idiot!” The other Dean shoved the other Cas off him and stood up.

Dean instinctively stood up but soon realized that it wasn’t the real Cas.

“Unfuckingbelieveable!” The other Dean dug his fingers in his hair. “We’ve been over this before and it’s still not clicking in your head!” Not-Dean pointed at his head. “How many times do I have to tell you that he doesn’t love you? He never has and he never will!” the other Dean shouted to his face. “You keep telling yourself that he loves you when in fact he doesn’t! He doesn’t deserve someone as stupid, disgusting-,” Not-Dean punched him in the face. “Worthless-,” he kicked him in the gut.  “And insignificant as you!” lastly, Dean was kicked in the face.

Dean fell on the ground with a thud while the other Cas shouted at his other self.

“Stop! Stop it he’s down!” the fake Cas shouted and the other Dean growled at him.

“Don’t you fucking tell me what to do!” his other-self back handed Cas in the face which sent the other man to the ground. Dean quickly got up and tackled his other self to the ground.

“Don’t hurt him!” Dean got on top of Not-Dean and started punching him in the face.

After a few hits, Not-Dean managed to kick him off and got up to grab the knife. While on the ground, Dean backed away as the demon pointed the blade at him.

“You need to learn your place, Dean!” the other man raised the knife and aimed for Dean’s chest when Cas suddenly appeared. The life quickly disappeared from his eyes.

“No!” Dean got up to catch Cas’ body, knife stuck on his back.

Not-Dean’s arm grabbed him then a fist flew to his face. Dean’s head hit the wall first before his body crashed to the ground with a thud. He coughed up some blood as he looked back to see the fake Cas’ body and the demon stepping over it.

Fake Dean grabbed his hair and pulled him up to look at him in the eyes.

“Look what you made me do!” the fake Dean pointed the blade at Cas. “Look at him-,” he commanded but Dean refused.

“I said look at him!” he shouted and Dean helplessly did as he was told.

“This is what will happen if you don’t let him go! Castiel is not yours Dean. He’ll never be yours so give him up! I’ve told you countless times that you don’t deserve to be happy! You’ll never be happy Dean and you know why?” The demon hissed and Dean sobbed. His limbs laid helpless at the creature’s grasp.

“Because you’re cursed. You’re a curse Dean. Everything about you is a curse! From the moment you were born, your parents suffered. Everything you touch, burns and everything you love dies! That’s why people can’t stand to be around you Dean. That is why people abandon you- it’s because you’re a plague to mankind, a walking disaster that only destroys. Are you prepared to tell Castiel everything? About your past and what you did?” Not-Dean let go of him and walked up to Cas’ dead body.

“Look at him- is this what you wanna share to the one person who means everything to you? You’re actually ready to tell him about the crimes you’ve committed? About how you worked so hard to become daddy’s good soldier and did all his bidding- about the murders you committed. Of how you and your darling Benny killed all those people to avenge your mother and to put a roof above his head?”

“Stop it-,”

“Are you ready to tell Cas the names of every person that you’ve killed?”

“No-,” Dean covered his ears as his other-self paced around the room.

“Then what the hell? Why is he still in the mansion? Why can’t you let him go?” the demon shouted.

“Because I can’t! I can’t-,” Dean cried out. “I love him…”

“Pfft- yeah right-,” Not-Dean scoffed.

“It’s the truth! He loves me!” Dean blurted out. “He loves me and he wants to give me a chance! He’s going to give me a chance unlike you! And he loves me back because I’ll never be like you!” Dean yelled out and the sound penetrated the whole room.

“He’s right…”

Dean and his other-self turned to the body on the floor.

“Cas loves him. He truly does-,” Not-Cas slowly got up and coughed. The knife wound and blood was gone in an instant. “The real Cas- the Cas who’s in love with you. He’ll give you a chance- He’ll give you a lot of chances if you let him and if you give…” Not-Cas clutched his chest. “If you give your heart to him.”

Something warm spread inside Dean as he heard Cas’ words. Even if it didn’t come from the real source.

“Oh funtuckingtastic. You’re in his side now?” His other-self asked and scratched his head in frustration.

“I was always in Dean’s side. No matter what form he takes.” Not-Cas confessed and the other Dean laughed. The demon walked up to the other Cas and pointed the knife.

“You know what? You’re just as much of a bullshit artist as the real Castiel!” Not-Dean stabbed him in the chest and Cas’ eyes closed slowly as he fell to the ground.

“Cas NO!” Dean screamed but the other Dean got in the way.

“No, not this time Dean. I can’t have you playing the hero all the time. I’m sick of it!” Not-Dean cleaned the knife using his other hand and the surface gleamed with the light of the room.

“There are many things you haven’t told Castiel, not just what I said and when you do- what do you think’s gonna happen huh?” Not-Dean asked and Dean thought about it for a moment. Fear instantly coursed under his skin and turned his face pale.

“Yeah that’s right- you’re gonna run out of chances and Castiel’s gonna leave you and guess who’ll be left to pick up the pieces?” the demon snarled and Dean backed himself to the wall.

“The answer is _me_ you dumbass!” Not-Dean hissed before a sound was heard from atop the stairs.

It sounded like the door unlocking.

Both Dean and his other-self turned to the stairs before their eyes met.

“Oh you’re not going anywhere-,” before he could finish, Dean ran around the other man who chased from behind, gashing his arm with the knife. The pain sent Dean slamming to the back wall.

“Get back! Or the next one’s going straight to your fucking head!” Not-Dean threatened with the knife pointed at him. Dean’s heart raced in his chest as his fingers trembled against his wound.

The demon cracked his neck. “I’m going to have to punish you again.”

Suddenly, Cas got up and closed his arms around the demon like a vice grip. “Go!” he shouted.

Dean scurried to the side a little as the demon hissed and screamed at the angel.

“LET ME GO! DEAN GET BACK HERE!” he shouted as Dean ran up the stairs and gripped the door knob.

“COME BAAAAACK!” the demon at the bottom of the basement roared while Dean twisted the knob.

“Go fuck yourself.” Dean muttered then he opened the door which released a pool of light that engulfed everything.

***

 

Dean woke up kicking and screaming as someone was holding him. when he opened his eyes, he saw Cas right before him. The real Cas and he quickly latched onto him.

“Cas! Oh my god you’re here! You’re real!” Dean cried into Cas’ chest while the other man soothed him.

“Dean I’m here. I’m real. It’s okay…” Cas stroked his back while Dean choked on his tears.

When he stopped, he asked Cas where he was and looked around. He was in the cellars and Garth and Benny were standing right behind them.

“You were gone for a while so we looked for you. We went down here and the lights were off and we found you sleeping on the floor…” Cas replied and dried his tears. “You were tossing and turning…”

“M’sorry…” Dean muttered but Cas hushed him.

“It’s alright. You don’t have to apologize…it’s my fault- I pushed you too hard…”

“No Cas, it’s not your fault-,”

Cas shook his head. “It’s nobody’s fault. Garth explained to me that you used to do this when you were younger.”

 A rush of panic suddenly curdled in Dean’s gut and he had to find an escape. He didn’t want to remember what his other-self said.

Then it dawned on Dean that Cas went down here even though he had a sprained ankle.

“Cas…you shouldn’t have- your leg…” Dean said as reached for Cas’ bandaged foot.

“It’s fine. Benny helped me get down here.” Cas said and Garth stepped in.

“We should get you back upstairs. I’ll have Benny lock this place so you don’t come down here again.” The butler said and they all agreed.

Once they left the cellars, he assisted Cas to walk up the stairs. Benny helped on one side and insisted that he carry Cas but Dean didn’t wanna let Cas go. His heart trembled at the thought of being separated from the other man.

In the white room, Garth was left them both while Benny left to get dinner started. Even though Dean didn’t need anything but Cas, the butler asked just to be sure. Dean dismissed him as he intended to be alone with Cas.

“Cas…I need to tell you something.” Dean said and Cas gave him his full attention.

“Yes Dean?”

“Remember I said that you won’t love me once you know who I am and what I’ve done?” Dean asked and Cas nodded though he wasn’t happy about it.

“Well the truth is, I didn’t tell you everything about how Benny started working for us…” Dean said and he clutched on his chest to ease the hurt.

“Dean you don’t have to tell me now-,”

Dean shook his head. “I have to! Cas I gotta tell you otherwise the guilt will get to me and it’s too much.” He stared into the other man’s eyes. “You deserve to know and you deserve better.”

Cas shuffled on his bed uncomfortably. “I’ll be the judge of that.”

Dean sighed and stared at the bed sheets before he returned his gaze to the other man. “My dad- he wouldn’t let accept the fact that I was into guys and he was disappointed in me. He thought I was one of the biggest failures in his life and I couldn’t stand it so I begged for forgiveness.”

_Dean remembered coming back to his dad’s study all those years ago and asking for another chance._

“I told him that I’d do anything just to get back in his good books so I did. I did whatever he asked.”

_He remembered taking the gun from his father’s grasp and walking out of the study to do his first assignment._

“I told him that I’ll be a better son and help him avenge mom’s death. I was a good soldier…”

_He remembered aiming the gun at Azazel’s men and pulling the trigger._

“Eventually, we sent the guy who killed mom behind bars but dad wasn’t satisfied. He wasn’t gonna leave Azazel, the man who killed my mom, to rot in prison. The law couldn’t give him the justice that he wanted…so he got some help from an outside source…that’s when he took Benny in…”

_He remembered his father recruiting Benny and disguising themselves as police officers to infiltrate Azazel’s prison cell._

“I had to do it for dad…I had to pull the trigger to cover his alibi…I was…”

_He remembered the life leaving the Azazel’s eyes. They were almost yellow from years of treachery._

“I was a good soldier…”

_He remembered a phone call from the police, saying that his father was in a car accident._

“I was a good son…”

_He and Sam drove all the way to the hospital but it was too late._

“But I’m not a good person…” Dean was trembling. His hands and arms were shaking as tears drew lines all over his face. His breath grew ragged and lips stuttered to say the words.

“Dean…” Cas reached for him but Dean pulled away.

“Don’t touch me! Don’t please! Please Cas! You’ll get hurt! You’ll get ruined!” Dean clutched his forearms and shied away.

“I’m a bad person. I’ve been lying, murdering and hurting people and I can’t- I don’t want you to get hurt-,”

Cas pleaded with his eyes and moved closer. “Dean please…”

“I can’t- you can’t- you shouldn’t touch me Cas! I’m a horrible person! You don’t deserve someone like me- I’m a monster…I’m a killer, a sadist, a criminal and a curse! I don’t deserve forgiveness and I deserve to be alone! I deserve to fucking suffer for what I’ve done!” Dean jumped up with the intention of leaving the room when Cas grabbed him and pulled back to the bed.

“DEAN DON’T!” Cas gripped him tight despite Dean’s resistance.

“You’re not a horrible person, you’re not a killer, and you’re not a murderer or a sadist or a monster. You’re but a man who has been through hell and I can’t- I can’t stand it when you say those things about yourself when they’re not true!” Cas clutched on him tightly and Dean couldn’t escape even if he wanted to.

“I forgive you!” Cas cried out.

“I forgive you for what you had to do for your father.”

_Dean remembered his father’s body cremated while Sam gripped his shoulders. The fire consumed Dean’s chance of being able to say sorry and goodbye._

“I forgive you for all the terrible things you’ve done to others.”

_He remembered Garth and Benny’s faces, when they begged him for mercy and to stop._

“I forgive you on behalf of yourself because if you won’t do it then I will.”

_He remembered crying to a photo of his mother after John’s funeral. He locked himself in his room while he prayed for forgiveness. He cried just as much as he was crying right now._

 

Suddenly Dean was back in the basement, to the place where his demon lurked.

“Back so soon?” Not-Dean asked and Dean looked around the dimly lit room to find someone.

“He’s not here.”

Dean returned his gaze to the demon. “Cas isn’t here anymore. He left when you did.” The other Dean said.

Dean looked at the stairs and noticed that the door was slightly ajar. Light was pushing out.

“I won’t stop you if you leave.” The demon said and Dean looked back to see if he was bluffing.

“It’s your choice. You created this place. You can do whatever you want.” The fake Dean said and Dean nodded. He walked to the stairs and climbed up.

He heard the sound of Cas’ voice on the other side.

***

 

“Cas?” Dean muttered when he realized that he was back in the white room with Cas.

“Dean- Dean! Look at me! Come back to me please!” Cas begged with his hands cupping the sides of Dean’s face.

“Are you real? Am I dreaming again?” Dean asked and Cas shook his head.

“No it’s real. I’m real and they’re not real. Come back from wherever dark place you’re in right now. Listen to my voice. Hear my call and come to me. I love you.” Cas pressed their foreheads together.

“Cas…” Dean whispered and Cas was crying now.

“Despite what you’ve told me, my feelings for you have not changed- not even for a second! I still love you and don’t ever say you don’t deserve it when you do- I love you Dean, please don’t go. Please come back to me.”

Dean heard and he listened. He listened to the sound of Cas’ voice as he leaned in to kiss him. The warmth of Cas’ lips was real.

“I love you.” Cas said and held Dean’s hand to his face.

“I love you too Cas.” Dean replied and rested his head on Cas shoulder as they held each other for a while.

The only sounds he could hear were their breaths, their heartbeats, and the promise of forgiveness deep within his soul.

***

 

By the time Dean woke up, he realized that he wasn’t alone. Cas was sleeping next to him and their hands were clasped together as they were before he lost consciousness. One of the lamps near the door was on which would mean that Garth or Benny went up to check on them. At least they were left alone even though it was already dark outside and Dean should be having dinner by now but he didn’t mind breaking his rules.

All he wanted was to stay in bed with Cas. His angel.

He watched as the other man slept in peace with small puffs of breath leaving his mouth. Dean leaned in to kiss him on the lips when Cas’ face scrunched up suddenly.

“You’re awake.” Cas slowly opened his eyes and Dean hummed.

“Yeah.” Dean stroked Cas’ cheek tenderly. Cas’ stubble bristled his skin.

“Are you alright?” Cas asked and Dean nodded.

“I am now.” Dean leaned in to kiss him on the lips again. He couldn’t get enough of kissing Cas. “How about you, are you okay?” Dean asked and Cas nodded.

“Yes I feel better.” Cas reached up to press their lips together.

“Your feet okay?” Dean asked and Cas curled his toes.

“They’re also fine.”

“Good.” Dean sighed and looked at wall clock. Garth should still be awake to get them food. “I dunno about you but I can really use some grub…” he got up but stopped to turn back to Cas. “Unless you wanna talk more, I don’t mind.”

Cas chuckled. “No, we can eat. We’ve done a lot of talking for today. I think we’ve overexerted ourselves.”

Dean smiled at that. It wasn’t what he expected to hear from Cas since all this time, he expected a different reaction. He expected Cas to despise him or worse, leave him after he told the truth but now-

He was no longer afraid of the dark.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right…” Dean said and before he could reach for his phone the door opened and both he and Cas turn their heads expecting Garth when suddenly he heard someone else’s voice.

“Dean?”

It was Sam.

“Sammy?” Dean said as he stood up to face his baby brother.

Maybe he spoke to soon.

“Cas? YOU’RE HERE?” Sam tilted his head in surprise.

Dean turned his head to Cas who looked just as confused as his brother.

Panic quickly escalated in Dean’s chest.

Perhaps he wasn’t out of the dark after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you all think I have forgotten Sam?
> 
> Also I need to do some editing...


	28. Chapter 28- Family Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel and Sam have a confrontation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a short chapter because the next one might be longer. 
> 
> Enjoy and please don't hate on Cashew or Samsquatch

**-Castiel-**

Castiel loved Dean.

He loved him even though the image of Dean in his head was filled with cracks and stitches. He loved him even though he knew there was blood in Dean’s hands and skeletons in his closet.

Castiel loved him despite the fact that Dean told him not to. He surely loved Dean and it’s all because he finally understood the other man. He finally knew what all the suffering meant from the day he stepped foot into the mansion. Dean was not his punishment, he belonged to him. They belonged to each other because even after everything that’s happened, even after Dean admitted his faults and errors, Castiel only loved the man more.

For how could he not? The man was as broken as he was and Castiel could not think of a better person who deserved his heart.

Only when Dean paced up and down the white room did Castiel question whether the Winchester loved him back just as much.

“Dean…” Castiel called out but Dean was too busy biting his nail and pacing the room. His eyes filled with worry and hands trembling at his thoughts which Castiel was yet to hear. When Sam walked into the room, the younger Winchester gave both of them one long hard look before he excused him himself and left the room. Dean was about to go after him when Castiel stopped the other man and pleaded with eyes full of questions. Pressured, Dean got up and started frantically walking around the room.

“Dean look at me.” Castiel asked and Dean finally stopped to look at him. “What’s wrong? Sam is back and shouldn’t you be delighted to see him?” he asked but fear simply escalated in Dean’s expression.

“I didn’t plan this, I didn’t- he wasn’t…” Dean answered but it was more directed to himself than to Castiel.

Before Castiel could answer, there was a knock on the door. Garth appeared and announced that Sam requested the two of them for dinner. Dean ordered the butler to step outside to talk for a moment, leaving Castiel alone in the room again to contemplate with his thoughts.

It worried him on how much Dean panicked about something so little as Sam returning. If Castiel met his brother Gabriel now, he would not be so terrified. Perhaps a little given the fact that Gabriel was quite psychotic and would probably embarrass Castiel in front of Dean.

Before he could dwell even further, the door opened and Dean stepped in with the same exact worry in his eyes as before.

“We gotta go Cas, you don’t have to come-,”

Castiel interrupted. “I want to.” He stated as he did not wish to leave Dean’s side for even a moment. “I would like to accompany you. I am afraid that something is troubling you and you won’t tell me.”

“Cas it’s not-,”

“And don’t lie. I can tell if you’re trying to avoid the subject.” Castiel firmly said which deepened the worry in Dean’s expression. Dean stepped closer to sit on the bed.

“Look, I don’t exactly know what’s going to happen now that Sam’s here. I went to visit him when I thought you left and I didn’t- I didn’t think he’d come to visit…” Dean looked at the door before he returned his gaze to Castiel. “He said he was worried about me…” he admitted and relief swelled in Castiel’s chest.

“If that is what you are worried about then don’t be. Sam is a good brother based on the fact that he came to visit when you thought you had no one to turn to. I wish I could say the same about my brother…” Castiel didn’t want to say it but he did. Gabriel had not once paid him a visit to the mansion or asked how he was which troubled him but not as much as it upset him.

He dearly missed his family and if this was Dean’s chance to reconcile with a family member then Castiel did not intend to disappoint. If Sam wanted to face him then so be it. There were questions that Castiel wanted answered and Dean’s brother could very well be the best source.

“Cas…” Dean caught his attention. “The whole Gabe not visiting…it’s not your fault.”

The door opened and this time Benny appeared. “You both need help getting downstairs?” the larger man asked but Castiel needed to hear that last bit.

“We’ll be fine, for now I need to speak to Dean about something.” Castiel said and Benny nodded before exiting the room.

“Dean what do you mean by Gabriel not _visiting_?” Castiel asked and Dean sighed.

“Gabe didn’t come to visit because he’s been busy with something else…” Dean said and Castiel raised an eyebrow. Curiosity was starting to turn into worry with every second of Dean’s silence.

“Dean tell me.” Castiel ordered but not before remembering his manners. “Please?”

Dean looked at him with a sullen expression. “Gabe’s been with Sam lately. In fact they’ve been together for a while now and…I hope you’re not mad.”

Castiel was taken aback. “Is that it? Is that why you’re freaking out?” Castiel bitterly asked and Dean was rendered stuttering.

“I was- I didn’t-,”

“Didn’t what?” Castiel asked then Dean gathered himself.

“I thought you’d be mad cause I didn’t tell you sooner.” Dean said and Castiel laughed to himself.

“Really Dean? You’re having a meltdown because my brother is in a relationship with your brother and you didn’t tell me sooner?” Castiel asked and Dean shook his head.

“It’s not just that- there are other things and I don’t think- I don’t think you’d understand.” Dean said and Castiel felt a pang of hurt.

“I think you underestimating me.”

“NO I’m not.” Dean shook his head again.

“YES you are! This is exactly what happened a few nights ago. I don’t want to make a repeat of it.” Castiel retaliated but Dean didn’t snap back. Instead, the man looked down on his hands and trembled. Castiel quickly felt guilt so he held them.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have raised my voice-,”

“It’s okay Cas. I deserved it.” Dean said and Castiel reached for the other man’s face.

“Dean, whatever it is that’s bothering you, you have to know that I am ready to listen. I am here for you and you don’t have to go through it alone.” Castiel said and Dean held the hand on his face.

“You’re right. I shouldn’t leave you in the dark like that.” Dean said and Castiel nodded.

“Yes and if you trust me then you’ll know that I can handle myself just fine. Do you trust me?” Castiel asked and Dean nodded.

“Good, now we’re going to face your brother together and you don’t have to worry about me.” Castiel said before Dean turned to the door.

“Alright fine, but I gotta warn ya that Sam and I…we’re going through a rough patch…and he’s kind of a douche right now…” Dean said as he helped Castiel climb off the bed.

“I’m sure your brother is a saint in comparison to mine.” Castiel said and Dean chuckled.

“Yeah but Sam’s weird. He’s always been a weirdo and he’ll say weird things. I know he will.”

Castiel used Dean’s shoulders as support while they walk out of the room together.

They made their way through the mansion, comparing Sam and Gabriel. From the sounds of it, Castiel’s speculations were right, Dean truly cared about his baby brother just as much as Garth and everyone said.

It was probably why Dean was afraid. He was afraid of disappointing his brother and Castiel understood. He knew a thing or two about disappointing family members.

Nevertheless, Castiel was not going to let Dean go through it alone, in fact, he felt closer to the other man more than ever.

***

 

During dinner, the table was set so that Dean sat on his usual spot while Sam sat on the right and Castiel on the left. Garth usually sat in that spot but it would seem that it was rightfully Sam’s. Castiel watched Sam carefully while he chattered with Garth about what they were having tonight. From the tone of his voice and his gestures, Sam was profoundly familiar with Garth, almost just as much as Dean. Sam had a caring demeanor about him that Castiel noticed the first time they met. Automatically, Castiel thought about Gabriel and wondered if Sam had been treating his older brother right. Castiel knew his older brother was head over heels for the man before they moved into the mansion but he wasn’t sure just how much. Perhaps he was about to find out.

Garth went to the kitchen but not before he exchanged a look with Dean. Castiel noticed it and worry quickly filled the room just as fast as the awkward tension which swept the air. Sam didn’t look at him though he glared at Dean momentarily before he took his phone out and started messaging someone.

Castiel wondered if it was Gabriel.

Castiel turned to Dean who was clearly panicking about something, probably about the atmosphere so he grabbed his hand which Sam noticed as he stopped tapping onto his phone. Sam left it at that before he continued texting which annoyed Castiel a little. Sam was the one who summoned them here and he didn’t even have the courtesy to converse with them.

Castiel had to bury the thoughts to the back of his head. Not long after, Benny arrived with their food and served Dean first as per usual, next was Sam then lastly Castiel. They were having soup and the smell overwhelmed Castiel’s senses.

He and Dean started eating as soon as Sam did and the tension in the room only seem to grow bigger by the minute.

“So what’s the deal with you two?” Sam asked and Castiel snapped his eyes back up to meet the other.

“Deal? What deal are you talking about?” Dean stammered but Sam wasn’t looking at him. He was looking at Castiel.

“I was asking Cas.” Sam said and Dean jittered. Castiel wanted to reach out and hold Dean’s hand again when Sam interrupted. “I mean what’s up with you two?” he asked while he placed the cutlery down on the table cloth.

“You mean Dean and I?” Castiel asked and Sam nodded before he clasped his fingers together in intrigue.

“Sammy, shouldn’t we wait after dinner?” Dean asked but Sam snapped him a look.

“No I think we should talk right now and don’t call me Sammy. It’s what you call a chubby twelve year old.” Sam said but Castiel did not appreciate the tone of his voice.

Sam turned back to Castiel and strummed his fingers on the table.

“What happened to your foot?” Sam asked as Castiel looked down.

“I sprained my ankle.” Castiel said.

“Doing what?” Sam asked and Castiel narrowed his eyes before he answered.

“From walking outside.” Castiel replied and the two of them gave each other challenging looks. Dean on the other hand tried to interject.

“C’mon Sam, what’s with the third degree?” Dean asked. “You can be nicer to Cas.”

Sam turned his head to Dean but didn’t look at him. He then returned his eyes to Castiel and smiled.

“Sorry Cas…” Sam apologized and Castiel exhaled carefully with a nod.

“I forgive you and I’m also sorry for answering bitterly” Castiel said and Sam went back to eating his soup.

Dean gave Castiel a worried look before they returned to eating as well to try and ignore the wave of tension in the room. Once they finished eating, Dean called for Garth to take the dishes away while Sam tapped on his phone.

Tap tap tap went Sam’s fingers and it irritated Castiel somehow.

“Who are ya texting?” Dean asked and Castiel was just about to say it.

“Gabe. You remember Cas’ brother?” Sam pointed at Cas and Dean nodded.

“We’re currently dating, just so y’know.” Sam turned to Cas and informed him.

“I was made aware.” Castiel said and Sam smiled.

“Good to know that he crossed your mind at least.” Sam said before he continued tapping on the screen. Castiel did not misheard that.

“What do you mean by that?” Castiel asked and Sam looked at him with another smile but it did not seem like a sincere one.

“Oh I just wanted to compliment you on your effort to remember your own brother. I was starting to think that you didn’t care about him at all.”

Sarcasm, even Castiel could tell.

“Do not mistake me, I do care about my brother Sam. I miss him very much.” Castiel protested and Dean tried to interrupt when Sam spoke first.

“Oh really? Doesn’t seem like it since he hasn’t even heard from you in months. I would know since I was with him the entire time.” Sam pointed out which made Castiel’s nose flare.

“These past few months…were complicated…” Castiel confessed and gave Dean a solemn frown.

“Really? Do tell Cas, I would love to hear what’s been going on in my brother’s place while I was gone.”

“Sam-,” Dean tried to interrupt but Sam hushed him.

“It’s alright Dean.” Castiel told the older Winchester before he turned to Sam. “I will have you know that Dean and I are in a good place right now and we are glad to have you back.”

Sam chuckled to himself. “Wish I could say the same about you Cas.” he glared at Castiel. “Because at the moment all I know is that you left and now you’re back out of the blue-,”

“Sam-,” Dean tried again but Sam continued.

“You didn’t even bother to call your own brother to let him know that you left my brother and broke his heart!” Sam shouted and Dean only shouted louder.

“SAM STOP!”

“Don’t tell me to stop Dean! This doesn’t make any sense! Why is he still here?” Sam got up and slammed his hands on the table before he pointed at Castiel. “I thought you left- why did you come back? Do you expect me to believe that you and Dean are in a good place when only a few nights ago, he was crying to me about how you rejected him and told him that you never cared about him!”

Castiel was speechless but Dean spoke for him.

“That’s ENOUGH Sam! I can’t have you disrespecting Cas in front of me!” Dean also got up and slammed his hands on the table.

“Why not? More importantly- why are you defending him? Gabe and I spent hours looking for Cas when he was in here this whole time! You were the one who said that he rejected you and that he lied about having feelings for you! I don’t understand why you would take him back! Can’t you see? He’s using you Dean! He’s nothing but a manipulative, money hungry scum!” Sam accusatorily pointed at Castiel when Dean suddenly slapped him across the face.

“You take that back!” Dean shouted before Sam shoved him out of the way. Castiel got up to catch Dean’s unbalanced form.

“Hell no! You know what? If you’re dumb enough to deny it then I think you two are perfect for each other!” Sam growled at Dean before he stomped out of the room.

Castiel’s hands trembled as he held Dean’s arms.

He loved Dean, he truly did but it seemed that not everyone believed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My understandinng of the story so far:   
> Cas insults Dean, gets imprisoned in the mansion, gets sexually taunted, then heartbroken then mind-broken, then restored only to break Dean in return then takes Dean's wrath, gets emotionally confused, gets rejected by Dean then stays and clears up recent misunderstandings with Benny and Garth, spends time with Dean, realizes that Dean is also just as broken then Sammy arrives. 
> 
> Did I get all that right?


	29. Chapter 29- Blackout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel tries to straighten things out with Sam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: Mentions of SUICIDE, Sam being a major asshole to Castiel but he has his reasons.

**-Castiel-**

Immediately after Sam left the Banquet Hall, Dean assisted Castiel to walk up the stairs then toward the East Wing. Before they could dwell on the subject of Sam, Castiel asked if they could sleep in Dean’s room, together. Dean agreed of course and called Garth to take care of Castiel while he went to Sam’s room which was only a few doors down. The room had not been used in a while, no since Sam moved out but it was always ready to accommodate Dean’s baby brother.

Though Castiel wanted to handle it himself, Dean protested and said that his leg needed to get better for now. This of course enraged Castiel which Garth managed to intervene by knocking on the door. Dean’s nose flared before he let Garth inside and exited the room.

“Why can’t he let me handle my own problems? Clearly Sam has an issue with me being with Dean so I should be the one to correct him!” Castiel growled as Garth grabbed him some clothes to change into.

“Look, you gotta understand that Dean turns extra protective whenever Sam is around. With you and his brother under the same roof, his over-protectiveness spikes through the roof.” Garth carried a pale of soapy warm water to bathe Castiel. He insisted in showering before but Dean didn’t want the bandages to get wet.

“But what about what Sam said? He accused me of using Dean and being money-hungry! Where on earth did he get that from?” Castiel asked and the butler stopped his task. Garth’s eyes blew wide open in bewilderment before he turned to Castiel with a guilty expression.

“That would be our fault Cas…” Garth said and Castiel tilted his head in confusion. He was just in the middle of changing his shirt.

“What do you mean?”

“Sam doesn’t know. He doesn’t know the real reason as to why you’re in the mansion. Dean told us not to tell him.” Garth confessed and Castiel was taken aback. He’d almost forgotten about the first reason as to why he was here.

Then again, he didn’t want to remember.

“Why does Sam not know?” Castiel asked and Garth placed the washcloth away.

“I think it’s best if you hear it from Dean.” Garth said and the door suddenly opened to reveal a despondent Dean.

“Dean…” Castiel looked at the other man before Garth stood up and took the pale of bathwater with him.

“Cas, what’s wrong?” Dean asked then Garth interrupted.

“I told him about Sam and how he doesn’t know about the deal.” Garth said and the color almost left Dean’s face.

“But Garth why would you-,”

“He deserves to know. From you at least.” Garth gave Dean a pressing look before leaving the room.

Castiel sat on the bed in complete confusion. Dean looked at empty space before he sat on the bed next to Castiel’s feet.

“Dean, what’s happening?” Castiel asked and Dean sighed.

“Cas, I should’ve- I should’ve told you sooner that Sam doesn’t know about the deal we had. From the very start-,” Dean admitted and Castiel nodded.

“I kept him in the dark but I didn’t realize that he would get pissed at you when he had no right to be. You’ve been nothing but good ever since you stepped foot into my life and you shouldn’t have to take other people’s shit due to a misunderstanding. Even if it’s from Sam…You…You deserve better than that.”

Castiel saw the other man slump in despair.

“I couldn’t tell Sam because I didn’t wanna give him a reason to hate me. I didn’t want him to be disappointed in me, disappointed by the fact that I acted no different than our own dad. Dad only taught me how blackmail people to get whatever I want, even if it meant getting other people hurt, even if it got you hurt…” Dean’s eyes were teary which made Castiel’s heart drop.

“I understand if you hate me. I get it. I’m a coward and a liar and I don’t deserve someone like you-,” Dean was about to get up when Castiel reached over and grabbed him to pull him in for a tight hug.

“Dean…” Castiel sunk his head in Dean’s shoulder. “It’s fine. It really is. I don’t blame you for not telling Sam…” Castiel remembered something.

“No Cas, this isn’t right. I should go up to Sam’s room and clear things up. He’s gotta know what happened and what I did to you-,” Dean said and Castiel hushed him.

“No, don’t tell him.” Castiel remembered what happened to Dean today.

“But Cas-,” Dean protested.

“Dean listen to me.” Castiel ordered. “Sam clearly doesn’t understand why I am here and why I stay. He needs to know the truth. From my own mouth.”

Dean nodded and his hands trembled for some odd reason.

“He needs to hear that I love you and that is the _only_ reason why I am here.” Castiel said and Dean’s eyes blew wide open in shock. “I love you Dean and you need to know that I am not here because of some deal we made. It might have been what caused me to enter the mansion but as for why I stayed. I stayed because of you and because I love you. I love you so much that I don’t want you to lose face to your own brother. I don’t want to cause a wedge between you two.” Castiel said and remembered how Dean agonized about what his father put him through. 

“Sam needs to believe that I love you. He needs to hear it come out of my lips. That way, nobody will have to suffer. Dean, you have no idea how much you mean to me and I cannot- I cannot have you lose a family member. I cannot have Sam hate enough to leave.”

Then Castiel remembered his own two brothers who hated their father so much that they left.

“Cas…” Dean muttered before pressing their lips together. “Cas I love you. I love you so much, you have no idea…”

Castiel chuckled. “That’s what I just said.” He grinned before they kissed again.

“You’re wonderful and perfect, I dunno how I got so lucky.” Dean whispered into his lips and caressed his face. The words and touches made Castiel’s insides flutter.

“Luck and fate had nothing to do with this. I love you for who you are Dean.”

He and Dean started kissing again, until Castiel’s back was pressed onto the mattress and Dean laid on top of him. Dean made sure not to crush Castiel’s ankle but Castiel trusted him. He trusted Dean with his whole life.

“Do you believe me?” Castiel asked and Dean looked hurt by the question.

“Of course Cas. I believe you. God- don’t ever doubt yourself.” Dean said before pressing their lips together again. Castiel snaked his arms around Dean’s middle so his fingers can slide on Dean’s broad back. He felt every muscle tense under the fabric.

“Tomorrow, I’ll talk to Sam and tell him to back off.”

“Dean-,” Cas protested.

“I gotta do this Cas. You can’t be the only one making an effort to clear things up.” Dean said and Castiel nodded.

“Very well, I appreciate your effort.” Castiel smiled and Dean also grinned from ear to ear.

“I’d do anything for you Cas. Anything.” Dean said as he planted kisses all over Castiel’s face and neck. Dean’s lisp even made their way to his collar and a gasp escaped Castiel’s lips.

“Dean.”

Dean kept kissing him until he could feel his erection throb under his pants.

“Dean…”

“Mmm yeah Cas say my name.” Dean’s hands slid under his shirt and his thumb started rubbing circles on his abdomen.

“No I mean Dean!” Castiel gripped Dean’s hair which stopped the other man.

“What’s wrong Cas?” Dean asked and Castiel tried to get a grip of himself.

“I don’t think I’m ready just yet…” Castiel said and Dean’s brow went up.

“Oh god- no we weren’t- I was just!” Dean panicked.

“Dean it’s alright.” Castiel hushed him and Dean finally settled.

“Cas I wouldn’t do anything without your consent. I want our first time to be special.” Dean said and Castiel nodded.

“And it will be Dean. When we finally do it, I want it to be wonderful. I want to make you feel good about it too.” Castiel said and Dean blushed at that.

“You always make me feel good Cas. Even if we’re not doing, y’know…” Dean stammered which made Castiel chuckle to himself.

“Then come here.” Castiel sidled to make room for Dean. He patted the space on his left. Although Dean’s bed was massive but it didn’t matter unless Dean was in it.

Dean crawled next to him and Castiel positioned themselves so that Dean was lying down and Castiel’s back was pressed to Dean’s chest. He grabbed Dean’s left arm and threw it over his middle before he held Dean’s hand with his. Then Castiel sighed deeply and felt content.

“Cas?” Dean called him.

“Yes Dean.”

“You do realize that we’re spooning.” Dean said and Castiel nodded.

“Yes, do you have a problem with that?” Castiel asked and he felt Dean’s head shake from side to side.

“Of course not!” Dean replied which made Castiel chuckle. He shuffled a little so that the rump of his ass pressed onto Dean’s crotch. He also felt something twitch.

“If you keep moving like that then you gotta get rid of it.” Dean said and Castiel giggled.

“I think you should learn more self-restraint.” He said then Dean’s hips pressed up against his backside before Dean whispered into Castiel’s ear.

“I can never have self-restraint whenever when I’m with you. You drive me crazy Cas…” Dean breathed his scent in and started kissing the back of his neck. Castiel blushed at that as he could feel Dean’s huge erection poking through their clothing.

“But I’ll show some restraint tonight.” Dean said then relaxed. “You need to rest and get better. I don’t wanna hurt you.” He said and Castiel pouted.

“I feel safest when I’m in your arms.” Castiel confessed and Dean chuckled.

“That’s really cheesy Cas.”

“And you ‘drive me crazy’ is not?” Castiel turned his head to snap a look at Dean.

“Alright Mr. Grumpy face, you’re right.” Dean grinned and relaxed his face in Castiel’s hair.

“How can you say that when you can’t even see my face?” Castiel asked.

“It’s a joke Cas, go to sleep.” Dean said and Castiel furrowed his brow in annoyance.

“Besides, I can practically imagine you making a grumpy face right now.” Dean said and Castiel rolled his eyes.

“Shut up assbutt.”

Dean laughed at that. “God, I love you…”

Castiel blushed again. “I love you too Dean.”

“Good night Cas.” Dean kissed his head then Castiel turned around and kissed the other man on the lips.

“Good night Dean.”

Despite everything that happened today, Castiel quickly fell asleep.

***

 

The next morning, Sam didn’t join them for breakfast. Despite Castiel’s objections, Dean faced Sam about yesterday and was met with a lot of shouting and a lot of arguing. Castiel had to comfort Dean during breakfast who was obviously pained by his younger brother’s hostility. He could only imagine what Gabriel went through when he said all those things to him months ago. Guilt curdled in Castiel’s core and I coursed through his veins with every minute that passed. Dean was nowhere close to reaching Sam and Castiel could only accept the younger Winchester’s wicked glares all morning.

Since Dean had no more moves left, he retired to the garage to fine tune the Impala. Castiel had noticed that Dean always worked on his car whenever he was distressed. With Garth and Benny somewhere in the mansion, Castiel decided that it was his turn to make a move.

If Sam wouldn’t listen to his brother then Castiel had to set things straight.

His ankle was getting better now so he made his way to Sam’s room and knocked on Sam’s door, but there was no answer. He could hear voices inside and he was sure it was Sam’s, so he went in with every bit of courage he could muster. He wasn’t even sure what to say but he had to do something. Being helpless was one of the things that Castiel hated the most.

In Sam’s room, the younger man was standing on the balcony, overlooking the back gardens where Benny must be working around this time of the day. Sam’s room was not as decorated as Dean’s, in fact it looked like one of the guests rooms if one did not look hard enough. The taller man was arguing with someone on the phone and Castiel could only guess it was his brother, judging from Sam’s angry tone.

“God! You’re impossible Gabe!” Sam shouted and ended the call before he turned around and met Castiel’s gaze.

“Jesus Cas! Don’t you know how to knock?” Sam raised his voice in surprise.

“You didn’t answer.”

“That’s because I’m busy! Why are you even in here?” Sam asked and Castiel cleared his throat as he tried to maintain his patience.

“We need to talk.”

“Well I don’t wanna talk! Especially not to you! Get out!” Sam ordered and Castiel’s patience went out of the window.

“You need to listen to me Sam!”

Sam angrily shook his head. “I don’t have to listen to you! You might’ve fooled Dean with your act but I won’t be! Admit it! You don’t love my brother and you’re just using him for his money.” Sam shouted and pointed at the door.

“What act? There is no act Sam! I don’t know what you are talking about!” Castiel shouted back.

“Oh don’t act stupid now! Do you expect me to believe that someone like you who says such horrible things to Gabriel packs up and leaves to move in with my brother?” Sam said and Castiel sealed his lips shut. His face scrunched up with guilt since all he could do was roll his hands into fists.

He couldn’t say it-

He couldn’t tell the truth.

“Yeah, Gabe told me all about it. He told me that you blame him for tearing your family apart when all this time. You blamed him for suffering every day when you didn’t even stopped to ask what he was going through! Did you Cas? Did you ask if Gabriel was suffering as well?” Sam shouted the questions and Castiel just stood there and took them in.

“N-No…” Castiel answered.

“Of course not! It actually surprised me when I moved in to this town. Everybody talked about how kind and perfect you were and that you were good for my brother but I just don’t see it! How can someone like you could be good for my brother? You couldn’t even apologize to Gabe or your father!” Sam shoved Castiel’s shoulder before pointing a finger to his face.

“It’s not-,” Castiel sobbed but Sam didn’t give him a second thought.

“You didn’t even call to ask how Gabriel was _doing_! Or how your father was! You didn’t give to shits about them when all they could think about is how they could redeem themselves to you! In fact they’re blaming themselves for this whole mess.”

Castiel’s heart instantly dropped when he heard that.

“I had to take care of them since no one could! Your father’s drinking problem got worse and we even had to take him to the hospital because he got alcohol poisoning!”

Castiel shook his head and whispered to himself. “No.”

“Yes- Yes he did Cas. And you know what’s worse than that?” Sam asked and Castiel was afraid to ask. “It’s what happened to your brother- to Gabriel! Gabriel couldn’t sleep- he wouldn’t eat and he tried to kill himself several times!”

Castiel’s heart stopped.

“If I didn’t keep my eye on him every day, in the first few weeks, he would’ve been dead Cas. Gabriel would’ve been dead Cas!” Sam firmly said and Castiel’s fingers trembled. “Also, if I didn’t look after him after he stopped trying to kill himself, he would’ve starved, gotten sick and eventually died. Do you see where I’m going with this Cas?” Sam asked but Castiel couldn’t answer.

“Your family would’ve died but you wouldn’t even know because you were too busy, pretending like you’re some sort of angel to Dean and I don’t even know where that came from!” Sam slapped Castiel on the temple. Castiel didn’t block it, he simply let Sam do what he must.

“And you know something else? Even after your family finally got back up on their feet, you know what else you put them through?” Sam narrowed his eyes at Castiel. “They became the talk of the town Cas. There were rumors going around about how Gabe and your father were treating you before you left them. They all think that you were maltreated or abused or some sort behind closed doors and had enough! You left as soon as an opportunity presented itself!”

“I wasn’t-,” Castiel choked out but Sam shoved him on the other shoulder this time and it almost made him lose his balance.

“Oh but that’s not what everyone thought! Even I was close to buying it and I was so confused because- everyone, including Gabe says you’re wonderful and kind-hearted but I couldn’t see it! There was no way a decent human being would just do that to his own family!” Sam tapped his foot and crossed his arms.

“Then Dean came to town and told me how he gave you everything yet you played with his feelings! You abused and used him, toyed with his heart before throwing it away then leaving! I couldn’t believe it at first! I was so betrayed!” Sam jabbed a finger on Castiel’s chest.

“Then it dawned on me.” Sam stepped closer until he was looming over Castiel’s weeping form.

“You were never **_kind_** and you were never **_perfect_**. You’re just some _cruel_ and _manipulative_ dick who was too _selfish_ to really care about other people! You’ve been _acting_ this whole time, pretending to be nice to everyone when all you care about it yourself!”

“No I’m not-,”

“YES YOU ARE! Admit it!” Castiel begged Sam but the younger Winchester pushed him. Castiel was sent crashing to the floor, his back side hurt but not as much as the pain he felt inside. “Getting everyone’s attention wasn’t enough! You had to come into Dean’s life- take what’s his and leave him just like what you do to everyone else! Everyone might have been fooled by your act Castiel but not me! I can see you for who you truly are!” Castiel crawled to get away but Sam followed him.

“Yeah that’s right Cas! Run away! That’s what you’re good at! You’re nothing but a lying, scheming and parasitic scum that somehow made its way into our lives!” Sam’s words pierced his insides like daggers as the taller man loomed over him with a death stare.

“No!” Castiel covered his ears and let his fingers dig into his hair.

Suddenly the door slammed open and Dean arrived, shoving Sam out of the way. Castiel didn’t want to look. He didn’t want to bear witness to Dean punching Sam in the face and sending the man crashing to the ground as well. He didn’t want to do anything but cry while Garth helped him get up and get out. On the corner of his eye, he saw Benny getting in between Dean and Sam who threw fists at each other. It felt like forever before he made it to Dean’s room while Garth watched over him until Dean returned.

“Cas.” Dean’s cheek was bruised and Castiel quickly got up to gently put his trembling fingers on Dean’s face. He cried as soon as he saw Dean’s miserable expression.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Oh god I’m sorry!” Castiel wailed in Dean’s arms. He cried loudly and he cried hard that nobody said anything. Not even Garth nor Dean interrupted. Castiel cried at the realization of what he did to his family after he left. Of how they nearly died because of his decisions. He cried and thrashed in Dean’s grasp which made Dean start soothing him.

“Dear God! I’m sorry-please forgive me! Gabriel! Father! I’m sorry! Please! I’m sorryyyyy!” Castiel screamed his apologies till his lungs burned and his limbs hurt. Dean pinned him down and cried with him. Garth even helped him out but to no avail. Castiel’s feelings exploded like a broken dam and he stood right in front of it when it happened.

Dean ordered Garth to do something but Castiel couldn’t make it out through his wailing. Garth left and quickly returned with a needle which sent Castiel to slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just when things were clearing up with Castiel and Dean, this happened. I'm twisted.
> 
> Sam should back off, don't hurt my Cashew


	30. Chapter 30- Pain and Pleasure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel explores his sexuality in DEPTH. Quote derived from Season 5, the Changing Channels episode.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tags:  
> Intercrural Sex  
> Cock on Cock rubbing (Frottage?)  
> Deepthroating  
> Nipple Play   
> Biting  
> Come Play and/or Creampie?

**-Castiel-**

Castiel woke up in Dean’s room and saw Dean sitting next to him with his eyes closed and hands clasped together. There were dark circles under his eyes which probably meant he hadn’t been sleeping before now. If he hadn’t been sleeping, then how long was Castiel out?

“Dean?” Castiel placed a hand on Dean’s thigh and the other man instantly woke up.

“Cas- oh god Cas you’re awake! Are you alright? Are you hurt? I had Garth sedate you because you hurting yourself.” Dean frantically checked Castiel’s foot and body.

Aside from the usual ache in Castiel’s chest, he was physically fine. “I’m fine.” Castiel moved his ankle and twisted it. He could walk again but he didn’t feel like going anywhere.

He didn’t feel like going outside.

“Oh god Cas…I’m so sorry. I really am, Sam went too far. I kicked him out. Told him to beat it until he decides to apologize for what he’s done.” Dean said and Castiel looked at him with sorrowful eyes.

“Cas…this isn’t- this wasn’t what I wanted- I never wanted any of this to happen to you.” Dean said while Castiel remained silent. “I could’ve avoided all this if I had just been more honest from the start. I should’ve told him-,”

“No Dean. It’s not your fault.” Castiel said and Dean shook his head.

“How could you say that? I kept things from Sam and now he hates you and it’s all my fault-,”

“No it’s not.”

“Yes it is!” Dean protested but Castiel shook his head this time.

“Even if you said the truth, it won’t change anything!” Castiel raised his voice more than he intended. “It won’t change the fact that my family still suffered because of me.”

Dean got teary eyed. “lt’s all my fault. I should never have blackmailed you. I’m a horrible man. Everything I touch gets ruined. Sam should’ve said all those things to me…”

“Dean-,”

“I did this Cas- if it weren’t for me, you never would’ve left your family. They never would have to go through so much-,”

“Dean please stop.” Castiel reached up to cup Dean’s cheek. “I was the one who chose not to face them. I could’ve left. I could’ve chosen to break the deal countless of times before but I chose not to because-,”

“Because I manipulated you.” Dean said and Castiel shook his head.

“No- because I made the choice and I was afraid. I was afraid of facing my family so instead I chose to run away from them. I chose to remain here to hide from them.” Castiel said and Dean bowed his head in guilt. “Nevertheless, I eventually chose to stay because of you.”

That grabbed Dean’s attention.

“I meant it when I said that I stay because of you. I love you Dean so please don’t ever think of yourself as any less deserving.” Castiel pleaded with his eyes and Dean grabbed his hand to grasp it.

“Nobody deserves the things that Sam said but I understand why he said it. He doesn’t know the truth because we didn’t tell him. None of us did. Also, none of us could’ve foreseen the disasters that were yet to come- from the moment I set foot in this mansion, the cogs were set, so please Dean. Stop blaming yourself for the things even you couldn’t control.” Castiel said and Dean finally agreed.

“Yeah you’re right Cas but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel bad about it.”

Castiel sighed softly. “That’s what makes you a good person Dean. Despite what happened months ago, you helped me understand why you did all those things. You opened up to me. Even now when things seem pretty bad.”

Dean huffed. “Understatement.”

“Indeed.” Castiel agreed. “You never stopped trying to help others. As a matter of fact, you take some of the blame and offer solutions to the best of your ability. That is why you are righteous and I wish, I wish I could’ve seen it sooner.”

Dean frowned but Castiel had no intention of letting the expression stay.

“You are not the burnt and broken shell of a man that I believed you to be.” Castiel muttered which made Dean cry in his arms. Dean cried and clung onto Castiel as if his life depended on it. Then again, perhaps Castiel needed the other man to survive.

“Still…I need to fix this, I need to set things straight-,”

Castiel shook his head. “It’s alright Dean, I appreciate your concern. This issue, it’s between me, Sam and my family. The last thing I want is to place a wedge between you and your brother.”

Dean sulked and Castiel thought it was quite adorable. “Listen Dean, I simply need your support. Even if it means not being involved in this.”

“But Cas I hate not being able to help, what if I bring Chuck and Gabriel here? You guys can sort things out-,”

Castiel had to stop Dean.

“Please don’t- I can’t…I don’t think I’m ready to face them just yet.” Castiel muttered and Dean cupped his face.

“Hey Cas- don’t beat yourself up over it. You’ve done nothing wrong and I can’t have you blaming yourself, ya hear me?” Dean asked and Castiel nodded.

“You’re right. Thank you Dean.” with that, Dean placed a kiss on Castiel’s lips. They dragged the kiss longer than usual with Dean sucking on his bottom lip. Castiel’s breath went ragged at the sensation as he slid his hands all over Dean’s neck and shoulders. Only when the room went dimmer did the two men part their lips.

Castiel asked for the time and Dean said it was past six. Instead of calling for Garth to fetch their dinner, Castiel asked if they could eat downstairs instead. Dean agreed and had everyone in the house join them in the table. During dinner, Dean held Castiel’s hand while Garth and Benny discussed some furnishings in the West Wing. Castiel knew that the other two men were trying to avoid the subject of Sam’s visit and he understood. After all, Sam used to live with them and they probably respected him just as much as they respected Dean. This of course troubled Castiel’s conscience because he didn’t want this. Dean and Sam were supposed to reconcile, not fight over him.

Of course Dean picked up on it in the bedroom. They showered together so that Dean could help him out. When they finished, Dean gave him some clothes from his closet which were from Castiel’s bedroom. He said that he had Garth move them earlier today and despite Castiel’s worries, his stomach fluttered at the consideration. Dean joined him in the bed when he turned the lights off. The lamps dimly lit the room

“Cas, you okay?” Dean asked and Castiel forced a soft smile.

“I’m fine.”

“No you’re not.” Dean said as expected. “Is it about what Sam said?”

“It’s not- it’s not only that.” Castiel confessed and Dean frowned at that. He moved closer into Castiel’s personal space so that he could hold Castiel in his arms.

“Talk to me.”

Castiel’s eyes scanned Dean’s seriousness before he answered. “I was worried about you.” Dean’s brow furrowed as if Castiel spoke in riddles.

“Why?” Dean asked and Castiel searched for the other man’s hand and held it.

“I was just worried about you losing your brother. I’m scared that Sam will hate you because of me.”

“Cas don’t talk like that.” Dean shook his head but Castiel interjected.

“Even if he doesn’t understand, Sam’s accusations are plausible.”

Dean seemed enraged. “Why would you even say that?”

“Please hear me out.” Castiel pleased and Dean finally agreed. “Sam is only thinking of what is best for his you and Gabriel. If I stepped in his shoes then I would be angry as well. Probably more. After all, I know what it feels like watching someone destroy themselves. Especially if that person is someone he has feelings for.” He said and Dean grimaced at the thought.

“That don’t mean what he’s doing is right. He can’t just blame you for everything let alone hurt- I expected more from Sam.” Dean shook his head in disappointment.

“He did exactly what any loving brother would do. Since he does not know then he did what he thought was best and that was to remove the source of all his problems right before his very eyes.” Castiel pointed at his chest. “I’m the source of his problems.”

“But Cas-,”

“However I won’t blame myself anymore. I’ve done too much of that and it’s time…it’s time for me to forgive myself and to forgive Sam.” Castiel said but Dean looked cross.

“I won’t forgive him for treating you like that.” Dean said but Castiel grasped his shoulder.

“Don’t say that. He doesn’t understand.”

“Still- he hurt you! If I hadn’t been there in time, he could’ve- I would’ve done more than hit his face.” Dean bit out but Castiel had to dissuade him.

“Dean, I will not have you hate your own brother. I do not hate him…as a matter of fact I am grateful. He took care of my family when I was not there even though he didn’t have to.” Castiel remembered Gabriel and his Father.

“He loved them in my stead and for that I am forever grateful.” Castiel said and it softened Dean’s features.

“Yeah, he might be a little bitch but Sammy cares about people. He always has.” Dean said and Castiel chuckled.

“A family trait.” He said and Dean nodded.

“Well I heard dad say that mom was always so caring toward others.” Dean smiled brightly but Castiel wasn’t implying Mary.

“No, I think he got it from you.” Castiel said then shock quickly filled Dean’s face.

“Don’t kid yourself Cas.” Dean pouted then stared at empty space.

“I wasn’t joking.” Castiel leaned in to plant a kiss on Dean’s lips. It was tender and reassuring. He needed Dean to know.

“Sam’s lucky to have a brother like you.” Castiel said before he kissed Dean again.

“Like you said, luck’s got nothing to do with it.” Dean whispered then also planted another kiss on Castiel’s lips. Their kisses lasted longer and grew more heated until his back rested on the bed. Dean pressed his flushed body on top of him and dug his fingers into Castiel’s scalp, the pressure made Castiel groan.

“D-Dean…” Castiel moaned out as he felt their erections rub against each other despite being confined under layers of clothing. Dean began planting kisses on his cheek then on his jaw. His stubble brushed against Dean’s and it tingled. Castiel’s breath grew more ragged while Dean’s lips worked their way down to his neck, collarbone when Castiel gasped.

“Dean!” Dean quickly stopped to check on him.

“Cas are you alright? Did I hurt you?” Dean asked and Castiel furrowed his brow in confusion.

“No, you didn’t hurt me. Quite the opposite in fact, I feel wonderful.” Castiel admitted and Dean smiled.

“Good. Let’s go to sleep then.” Dean quickly said before he turned the bedside lamp off on their side. Worry quickly filled Castiel’s thoughts.

“Dean, wait…” Castiel held the other man’s shoulder who was about to crawl to the other end and turn the lamp off.

“What’s up Cas?” Dean asked and Castiel blushed. He fidgeted for aa moment while Dean expected an answer.

“I was wondering…” Castiel muttered and Dean raised an eyebrow. “I was wondering if we can go a little further tonight…more than kissing…” Castiel confessed and Dean’s mouth formed an ‘o’ shape.

Castiel waited for the other man ton respond who seemed to be in the midst of thought.

“Dean?” Castiel called to him and Dean finally snapped out of it.

“Oh yeah right- what you said…” Dean said and Castiel swallowed to clear his throat. A wave of tension hung in the air and Castiel decided to drop it.

“Don’t worry about it. Forget I said anything…” Castiel muttered and buried himself under the sheets in embarrassment.

“Cas wait-,” Dean also went under and pressed his body on Castiel’s back. His face was about an inch to Castiel’s ear. “Cas it’s alright. We can do more than kissing!” Dean nudged Castiel slowly moved his gaze to the other man’s face.

“Are you sure?” Castiel had to ask.

“Yeah- I dunno why I hesitated…in fact, I’m usually the one makes the first move.” Dean said and Castiel grimaced which the other man quickly noticed. “Ah shit- I don’t mean it like that, what I’m trying to say is-,”

Dean stammered and Castiel decided to shut him up with a kiss. Up this close, Castiel could feel the other man’s heart raced. When they broke the kiss, Castiel rolled to face Dean instead of being in an uncomfortable position.

“I was just surprise is all since it’s been a while…” Dean muttered and Castiel smiled.

“Stop panicking, I trust you.” Castiel paused for a moment. “I don’t think I can, you know…” Castiel gestured his eyes down to Dean’s crotch.

“We don’t have to go all the way tonight Cas. We can do other stuff and still feel good.” Dean reassured and Castiel frowned at himself. If only he was more experienced.

“Do you trust me?” Dean asked and Castiel nodded. Dean ran his fingers on Castiel’s cheek and explored his face with his eyes.

“You’re beautiful.” Dean looked at him in the eyes when he said it and Castiel couldn’t help but blush. Dean was very handsome when he was this serious. Perhaps more.

“Oh Dean…” was all Castiel could say when all of a sudden, Dean got on top of him and tangled their legs together. His crotch was directly on top of his with a throbbing erection in its confines. Castiel almost yelped but was quickly changed to a gasp when Dean started kissing his neck. The man on top of him breathed in his scent and hummed.

“Cas…” Dean moaned out before he took another deep breath of Castiel’s musk. “You drive me crazy.”

Castiel was about to respond when Dean got up to remove his shirt. He took it as a sign to take his off and once it was, Dean pressed a hand on his chest and kissed him again. This time, Dean’s tongue intruded his mouth and licked his teeth. The sensation had Castiel’s throat moaning deeply.

Dean broke the kiss and a trail of spit hung between them, connecting their lips. When it broke Dean grinned. “God Cas, you have no idea what you do to me.” Dean said before he slipped his right hand underneath Castiel’s garter to grab his erection. Castiel gasped then watched as Dean sidled down to get in between his thighs. A lustful expression masked the Winchester’s face as he pulled Castiel’s pajamas down to release his protruding erection. It stood proud and dripping in the cool air of the room.

Castiel’s insides on the other hand, were on fire.

“Mmm Cas-,” Dean smirked at his cock as if it was a tasty treat before wrapping his lips around it. Castiel choked out a sound as Dean buried his cock deep within his throat, all the way down to the hilt. Dean’s nose were buried in the mess of his pubic hair. All Castiel could do was moan since Dean’s mouth felt like vice.

An addictive sin.

Dean’s head eventually moved up to be able to breath but he made sure to attentively stroke Castiel’s shaft, all the way up to the shiny cockhead. Red and almost purple from pleasure.

“Let’s get these off.” Dean pulled Castiel’s pants all the way down and Castiel helped. Then he moved onto his. Castiel had not seen it in a while but Dean’s erection was as impressive as the first time he saw it. They were around the same length, Castiel’s being longer but Dean had more girth. Castiel’s mouth watered at the sight as Dean gripped the thing at its base and hovered above his body. He felt small in contrast to Dean.

Dean angled his hips so that he could align his erection with Castiel’s and planted his hands on either side of Castiel’s waist and started moving.

“Oh god! Dean!” Castiel gasped again as Dean started grinding their dicks up and down. Castiel reached up to grab Dean’s waist and felt Dean’s skin dampen in sweat.

“Oh Cas!” then Dean sunk lower so that his left elbow supported his body while his right hand pumped their cocks. Castiel’s eyes slammed shut then on his right, grabbed onto Dean’s bicep. The muscle was plump under his fingertips and he wanted to sink his teeth into them.

“Just a sec.” Dean paused for a moment and Castiel nodded. He panted and watched while Dean shifted to a new position. Dean moved his thighs together while he used his knees to remain upright. Soaked in sweat, Dean’s body glistened in the dimly lit room. His nipples perked up as Dean’s hands busied themselves with their erections.

Castiel’s tongue hungered for those buds but he would have to wait for another occasion for he was too enraptured by Dean pumping their cocks together. Sometimes Dean would grind his hips forward to get more friction which Castiel appreciated. Dean moved fluidly, mark of his experience and Castiel appreciated it.

Castiel was very grateful of his lover’s sexual prowess, Dean’s body…everything. His hands reached up to grab onto Dean’s pecs like what men would do to women in the videos that Gabriel showed Castiel. He quickly dismissed the memories of his brother as Dean seemed moaned loudly at his touch.

He liked that.

“Oh god Cas- play with my nipples!” Dean exclaimed enthusiastically and Castiel happily obliged. His fingers rolled on Dean’s nipples. Thumbing the hard buds which seemed to incite Dean to make the most beautiful sounds. Dean almost forgot that he was grinding their cocks together.

“Ah- like that- yeah Cas play with em like that-,” Dean panted and something inside Castiel ignited. His fingers squeezed harder which had Dean screaming in pleasure.

“OH YES! FUCK!” Dean quivered as his stomach tensed at the sharp pain.

“You like that?” Castiel asked with a raspy voice and lessened the pressure.

“Fuck- Cas…it was good…really good…” Dean said and he seemed dazed. Castiel felt a pang of pride at his work.

“Come here…” Castiel asked and Dean did as he was told. Castiel positioned Dean so that Dean’s chest was right in front of him and they were ripe for the taking.

He leaned forward and latched his mouth on the buds which were not only tasty to look at, but were mouth-watering on his tongue. Dean howled as Castiel’s tongue flicked at his left nipple, the other hand squeezed and scratched Dean’s right nipple. Dean’s hips squirmed uncontrollably as Castiel tormented the man with light bites before he surprised him with harder and almost skin-breaking bites.

“Jesus fuck- Cas your mouth!” Dean groaned before Castiel changed nipples and sucked on Dean’s right nipple. Dean quickly braced himself by digging his fingers into Castiel’s scalp. “Oh dear god yes!” Dean moaned out as Castiel pulled the tit with his teeth then letting it bounce back to Dean’s pec. Red teeth marks were starting to form and Castiel smiled to himself.

“How was that?” Castiel asked while he tenderly played with Dean’s sensitive nipples.

Dean bit his lower lip as he stroke his cock which rubbed onto Castiel’s chest. “I love it. I fucking loved it!” Dean smiled then pressed their lips together for a hungry kiss. His tongue’s intrusion in Castiel’s mouth made it all more delectable.

“I can’t wait when we do it the first time.” Dean said and Castiel commenced with playing with Dean’s nipples. His cock was not neglected as it rubbed in between Dean’s ass cheeks. Dean made sure to grind his hips while he pumped his cock. Precome dribbled and made squelching sounds which filled the room along with their pants.

“I want to be inside you Cas urghh…” Dean groaned as his pace hastened for a moment. “My cock-,” Dean flicked his thumb on his shaft and made it bump, up and down on Castiel’s chest. “Will make you feel good. I’ll make it so good Cas.”

Castiel beamed at that. “Yes- oh yes Dean…”

“Then if you want- you can be inside me as well…” Dean gripped the base of his dick and gyrated his hips so that Castiel’s cock could slide along his crack.

“I’ve been thinking about it, whenever I touch myself…how you’d feel inside me…” Dean panted as he kept grinding his ass on Castiel’s cock. “I know it’d be bigger than my finger…”

Then Dean leaned closer. “Or two…” he uttered under his breath. “Or three…” he then whispered into Castiel’s ear which had Castiel moaning as well.

Dean pulled back and grinned at him. “You’d like that don’tcha?”

However Castiel was unsure. “I don’t think I know…how to…” Castiel shamefully admitted and Dean chuckled.

“There’s no need to rush Cas. I can teach you. I can teach you on how to make it feel good.” Then he leaned over to Castiel’s ear again. “I’ll teach you how to make me feel good.”

Castiel’s eyes blew wide open as Dean started pumping his cock furiously.

“Oh god Cas- I’m gonna-,” Dean panted as his body was now fully flushed. The head of his cock was purple and aching for release.

“AHH!”

Dean threw his head back as thick ropes of come splattered all over Castiel’s face and chest. His left hand brutally pinched his right nipple while his cock twitched and sputtered more come all over Castiel’s stomach. It was obscene and downright sinful.

Castiel loved it.

Dean took a moment to recover before he realized that Castiel was covered with his spunk.

“Christ- I’m sorry Cas!” Dean quickly grabbed his discarded shirt to clean him but Castiel stopped him.

“Don’t be sorry.” Castiel grabbed his wrist before he reached down to collect some of Dean’s seed with his fingers. He took a moment to observe it before shoving the fingers deep into his mouth. His tongue lapped at the bitter liquid as if it was the most delicious thing in the world. Then again, it came from Dean so it was.

He gathered some more while Dean watched and Castiel noticed the other man’s cock make an interesting twitch.

“Fucking hell Cas- that’s so hot.” Dean said and Castiel grinned but kept lapping at his fingers.

“Lemme help.” Dean said before he leaned down and started licking Castiel’s face. His tongue gathered as much come as he could which made Castiel’s nose flare with lust. He quickly directed Dean’s mouth to his so he could taste Dean’s semen and spit at the same time. Their lips kissed sloppily yet with even more hunger than before.

Once the bitter taste was gone, either by Dean or him swallowing it all up, Dean broke their kiss.

“Your turn.”

***

“Dean are you sure about this?” Castiel asked while Dean splayed underneath him, his back on the mattress and hands playing with his now hard cock which was spent only a few minutes ago. Dean repositioned them so that his chin was right underneath Castiel’s cock and balls. Dean’s stubble could almost touch Castiel’s balls so he sidled further down so that his mouth aimed directly underneath the tip of Castiel’s cock.

“I’ll be fine Cas. If I slap you twice, you stop and pull out or I do. Are we clear?” Dean said as Castiel could see the man underneath hungrily lust at his erection.

“I don’t know Dean…I might hurt you…” Castiel voiced his worries but only to be dismissed by Dean.

“I can take it Cas. I’m a big boy now. Think of it as practice for when you finally fuck me in the ass.” Dean bluntly said which didn’t silence Castiel’s worries but instead, it made him blush.

“If you don’t wanna do it, it’s fine.” Dean said but Castiel shook his head.

“No. I want to do it. I want to make you feel good and you said this will.”

“I want both of us to feel good but if you don’t wanna do this just say the word Cas, we can do something else.” Dean said but Castiel was afraid to disappoint.

“Fine. I’ll try this but you push me right off if I’m hurting you.” Castiel said and Dean grinned brightly.

“Scout’s honor. Now shove your dick down my throat and use my mouth as a fuck hole!” Dean abruptly said which had Castiel choke a sound. “You okay Cas?”

“Yes, I was just startled by the language.”

Dean chuckled. “You don’t like dirty talk?”

“N-No I do like it…it’s just…” Castiel stammered as he felt too overwhelmed. He couldn’t believe that all this was happening. However Castiel was not one to disappoint.

“I’m gonna- I’m gonna shove my dick in your fuck hole now.” Castiel stuttered which amused Dean.

“Yeah Cas talk dirty to m-blurgh.” Dean gurgled as Castiel pressed the tip of his cock between his lips. Dean reached up to coil his arms around Castiel’s thighs while Castiel watched as his cock disappeared deep into Dean’s mouth. Inch by inch, his shaft disappeared and the heat intensified. Dean’s mouth was delicious.

He felt something tingle around his lower abdomen when his cock was fully sheathed inside Dean’s mouth. He could feel the walls of Dean’s throat tightening around him and he chased after that feeling.

Only after a few more seconds did Dean slap twice and Castiel pulled out, allowing the other man to breathe. Spit covered his cock all over as his cock throbbed at the heat.

“Dean are you okay?” Castiel looked down to check Dean who had a debauched smirk on his face.

“Fuckin’ A Cas. Let’s do that again only this time, you can try fucking my mouth.” Dean said with a raspy voice.

“I don’t think that is very safe.” Castiel was quite concerned however his penis betrayed his moral compass. Especially since he wanted to see what face Dean would make after.

“I’ll be fine Cas. Just use my mouth and do what feels good, did it feel good before?”

Castiel blushed and nodded.

“Then come get some more tiger.” Dean opened his mouth to invite his throbbing cock. Castiel wasn’t sure about this but his penis hurt from how hard it was and it really wanted to be inside Dean again. Dean grew impatient and started licking the base of Castiel’s cock and that tipped the scale.

Castiel lined his dick to the entrance of Dean’s mouth again and slowly sank inside. He could hear Dean make choking sounds but the other man didn’t slap him.

“Should I stop?” Castiel asked feeling the wet heat of Dean’s tongue swirl his cockhead like a lollipop.

“Ifs-fayn-Casf-,” Dean murmured with a mouthful of Castiel’s dick. He would’ve stopped if Castiel didn’t find this extremely arousing.

“Here goes.” Castiel planted both hands on the mattress with Dean’s body in between. He angled his hips up to get a better position while Dean suckled and played with his cock.

Castiel had to bite his lower lip from the pleasure.

“Tell me if it hurts.” Castiel said worriedly which earned him a slap on the thigh from Dean.

“Are you okay?” Castiel quickly pulled his dick away to hear Dean groan.

“That was one slap Cas. I was trying to tell you to get on with it.” Dean said and Castiel felt a bit of shame for not being cooperative enough.

“I’m sorry…I’ll try again.” Castiel quickly dismissed the bad thought as he had a job to do. Dean liked this and so did he.

“It’s okay Cas. I should be more patient.” Dean said and Castiel used his words for reassurance.

Castiel pressed his cock inside Dean’s mouth again which made the man underneath moan. With Dean’s warm channel caving around his cock, Castiel groaned himself.

His mouth went dry as the tingling sensation came back. He started thrusting his hips this time to chase after that tingling sensation. The more he moved his hips, the better it felt and soon, Castiel’s hips were pounding into Dean’s mouth.

Dean had to grip the base of his dick as he made a choking sound and slapped his ass twice.

Castiel quickly pulled out of the man’s mouth as Dean coughed a little.

“I’m fine! Keep going.” Dean ordered and Castiel obliged. Resistance was shoved deep inside his head while he shoved his dick deep inside Dean’s throat. Dean made sputtering sounds alongside Castiel’s moans.

Castiel watched as Dean’s dick twitched while he pounded into Dean’s mouth. This time, he timed his strokes so that he could give Dean some time to breath before burying his cock to the hilt until his balls nestled on Dean’s nose.

Dean gurgled something along the lines of Castiel’s name then more moans followed.

“Oh Dean…oh yessss…” Castiel hissed while he kept snapping his hips up and down until he came unannounced.

Dean started to choke as spit mixed with Castiel’s seed and it coated the walls of Dean’s throat. Some of it sputtered out as Castiel rode his orgasm out with consideration to the man underneath.

Castiel’s knees eventually gave out and he collapsed to the side. He shuddered and watched Dean furiously fist his cock and licking the remnants of his spunk on his freckled face.

“Mmm oh god yes!” Dean groaned out and his hips started to snap up.

“CAS!” Dean shouted as he came for a second time. His seed splattered all over his body, all the way up to his blissed out face.

Castiel’s sensitive cock twitched at the sight.

They both laid there panting before Dean turned to him. Their faces soaked with sweat.

“Did ya like that?” Dean asked and Castiel nodded.

“Yes Dean…so good…” Castiel managed to heave out then Dean grabbed one of their shirts and wiped his mess off body.

Once he was done, he got up to tenderly kiss Castiel. It was a stark contrast to the hunger from earlier but Castiel loved it just as much.

Dean crawled to the top of the bed and gestured Castiel to come closer. Castiel crawled beside Dean and the Winchester placed an arm under Castiel’s pillow, the other pulled him closer so Castiel’s back was pressed to Dean’s chest.

They were spooning again.

Dean started planting kisses behind Castiel’s left ear and Castiel keened at the sensation.

“That’s not fair, I want to kiss you as well.” Castiel rolled to face Dean and crushed their lips together. Dean coiled an arm around Castiel middle to pull him in to a tight hug.

“See, I told you it’ll feel good.” Dean said and Castiel chuckled.

“You were right. Thank you. You were a very good teacher.”

Dean grinned at him.

“You’re a fast learner.” Dean kissed him on the forehead afterward.

“Will you teach me some more next time?” Castiel asked and Dean nodded.

“Of course Cas. Anything for you. I would do anything for you, you’re everything to me.” Dean said and Castiel blushed.

“And you are everything to me as well. My Dean.” Castiel planted another kiss on Dean’s lips.

All of a sudden, Dean was beet red. “My Cas.” then he stroked Castiel’s face with his fingers before they kissed again.

Castiel and Dean kissed until they couldn’t open their eyes but they didn’t need to see each other to know the other person was there.

Castiel knew. He knew he was in Dean’s heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there's a mix of rough and tender sexual contact in this chapter-
> 
> I've decided that when Castiel gets fucked in the ass for the first time, it will be loving and sweet. 
> 
> The next time, they have wall-slamming sex or the bed's headboard slams on the wall or whatever. you get what I mean.
> 
> Did anyone noticed that I used a quote from Season 5, when Castiel called Dean on the phone?


	31. Chapter 31- Heartfelt Message

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel and Dean spend half the day naked or touching each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tags:   
> -Blowjobs  
> -Ball play?   
> -69 Position  
> -Voyeurism (accidental and intentional)  
> -Handjobs  
> -Nipple Play  
> -Dirty Talk
> 
> I apologize I missed any.

**-Castiel-**

In his sleep, Castiel had nightmares about Gabriel and his father. He dreamt they were dead and a demon laughing in the distance but it was cut short when Dean woke him up. The other man was looking at him with a pained expression in their dimly lit room. Sunlight tried to breach between the curtains but Castiel was just glad enough to be awake. He sobbed softly as Dean wiped the tears off his eyes.

“Cas…oh my poor baby…I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.” Dean muttered and kissed him. With the touch of Dean’s lips, Castiel’s panic quickly dissipated.

“Dean…” Dean whispered back while Dean tenderly stroked his face. Then went to the bathroom to grab a glass of water. Castiel accepted the glass and drank it as if he was left in the desert for forty days.

“You were thrashing in your sleep babe.” Dean said and he took the glass off Castiel’s grasp and placed it next to the bedside lamp.

“I was?” Castiel relaxed them and turned to Dean. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry Cas. It’s not your fault. I’m here.” Dean stroked his hair while he planted kisses all over Castiel’s face.

Wonderful bliss replaced the fear inside Castiel’s chest.

“Dean…” Castiel muttered and Dean pulled him in to a tight hug. Dean rolled him atop his body and tangled their legs. The man underneath proceeded to kiss him all over again.

“I’ll kiss everything better.” Dean said and continued nipping Castiel’s jaw and hair.

Castiel’s cheeks began to redden so he captured Dean’s lips with his to dampen the embarrassment. He only got redder.

“Mmm Cas.” Dean licked his lips for the aftertaste before he slid his hand down to Castiel’s ass. He squeezed while they kissed again until Castiel felt their cocks harden.

“Dean…we can?” Castiel asked and the man before him raised an eyebrow.

“You sure Cas? I don’t wanna push you or anything…”Dean said worriedly but Castiel had to quickly dismiss that thought.

“No you’re not pressuring me. I want to. I feel closer to you whenever we touch each other…” Castiel admitted and blushed on how cheesy it was.

Dean didn’t seem to mind. “Oh Cas you have no idea how much I wanna touch you. If we didn’t have to leave this bed, I’d always be holding you like this…”

Castiel chuckled and realized he wasn’t the only one.

“What’s so funny?” Dean asked and Castiel murmured.

“I find it amusing how romantic you can be…” Castiel said and Dean blushed.

“Yeah well you’re the one who started it!” he defensively said.

Castiel nodded. “That is correct.” Then he proceeded to kiss Dean hungrily this time.

“That wasn’t a very romantic kiss Cas.” Dean grinned and Castiel chuckled.

“Neither is this.” Castiel quickly swooped down to wrap his mouth around Dean’s hard on. The impressive girth filled his mouth and made his throat moan. Dean gasped at the suddenness and gripped Castiel’s hair almost violently.

“Jesus Cas! Warn a guy!” Dean said as Castiel swirled his tongue on Dean’s cockhead.

Castiel slid his lips further down the length before pulling out with a wet pop.

“Where’s the thrill in that?” Castiel said as he gripped Dean’s shaft and rolled his wrists up and down.

“F-fuck…” Dean hissed as Castiel thumbed the slit.

“That’s the point.” Castiel sniggered which raised Dean’s brow.

“Where’d you learn how to talk like that?” Dean asked.

“From sucking your mouth.” Castiel replied and Dean bit his lower lip with a smile.

“Smart ass.” Dean grabbed his hair again which made Castiel’s eyes roll to the back of his head. He liked how rough it was.

Castiel proceeded to lap at the slit of Dean’s dick. He tasted the bitter flavor from yesterday and savored the hot flesh that throbbed on his tongue.

Perhaps Dean was right, if they never had to leave this bed, they would never stop touching each other.

“Nngrgh! Fucking hell I didn’t teach you that!” Dean exclaimed and Castiel slurped with pride.

“I remembered what you did to me.” Castiel explained and Dean’s nose flared with lust.

“I wanna show you again. Stay put.” Dean shifted and removed his legs from underneath Castiel so they were splayed on their pillows. His head faced Castiel’s hard on and it was like their position yesterday only sideways.

Dean began to suck on his erection and Castiel did not waste another second to suckle on the Dean’s.

This position was comfortable yet arousing. Castiel reached over to grab Dean’s ass to invite Dean to push deeper into his mouth. Dean obliged and slowly turned his hips so that his cock could go deeper into Castiel’s mouth. Castiel too began to move and cram his cock into Dean’s mouth.

Soon, Dean rolled up so he was hovering on Castiel with his elbows and knees used for support.

Castiel watched as Dean’s balls bounced on his nose and Dean pushing his cock all the way down to his throat. Now he finally understood why Dean liked the feeling yesterday. The muscly flesh throbbed and gagged Castiel a little at first but Dean’s hips snapped up just before  it gets worse.

His eyes rolled to the back of his neck as he felt pleasure from Dean using his throat and at the same time, his cock being stimulated by Dean’s hot mouth. He couldn’t help but return the favor and buck up to chase the heat.

Dean giggled at his reaction and started playing with his balls. Castiel appreciated it with a groan and decided to imitate Dean’s actions. He uncoiled his arm from Dean’s thighs and reached underneath Dean’s cock to roll his fingers on Dean’s balls.

Dean hissed and released Castiel’s cock with a pop.

“FUCK! Cas do that! Keep doing that!” Dean shouted and Castiel had another idea. He pulled off Dean’s cock and flicked his tongue on Dean’s balls. There were some hair on the side which trailed all the way up to his hole and Castiel smelt the musk which made his mouth water.

He flicked his tongue on Dean’s balls again while he used his free hand to grip the base of Dean’s cock and languidly stroke it. Dean’s hips squirmed and pressed the balls deeper in his mouth when he sucked it.

Castiel’s teeth scraped the scrotum but he didn’t bite. He simply let the suction stimulate the tender skin.

“Oh fuck! Cas I’m gonna- I’m gonna come!” Dean snapped his hips more and Castiel felt the veins in Dean’s balls tightened as hot sticky liquid covered Castiel’s chest. Dean’s cock erupted more spunk on his nipple until he collapsed on Castiel.

Dean laid panting on him as he continued to play with Dean’s oversensitive dick.

“Mmnngh Cas…” Dean murmured between Castiel’s thighs.

“How was that?” Castiel asked and Dean stroked his thigh.

“Real good Cas.” Dean replied then got off Castiel to crawl on top of him. “Jesus…” he cursed as he scanned Castiel’s features. “Look at the mess I made. If only you can see what I’m looking at right now…”

Dean whispered as he stroked Castiel’s cheek which had a bit of come on it.

“Lemme clean you up.” Dean leaned down and started lapping on his cheeks, jaw then neck. All the way down to his chest as he scooped his seed with his tongue.

“I-I want to taste…” Castiel moaned out and Dean didn’t hesitate to plant their lips together so that Castiel could lap on Dean’s seed. He hungrily licked the bitter remnants between Dean’s teeth and tongue and swallowed.

“Did you like that?” Dean asked and Castiel nicked his lips before replying.

“I loved it.”

Dean shook his head in disbelief. “Fuck- you have no idea how hot that was. All this time…we could’ve been doing this…” Dean said and Castiel placed his right hand on Dean’s chest, above his heart.

“I’m just happy we made it this far. We should focus on what’s now.” Castiel said and Dean firmly nodded.

“I can’t agree more.” Dean moved down between his thighs and began sucking his erection with unwavering gusto. He moaned and slurped loudly which got Castiel even harder than before.

“I wanna taste your come again. Choke on it then swallow it all up. Can’t get enough…” Dean suckled at the tip of his cock which made Castiel whimper.

“Oh Dean…oh yes…” Castiel slid his hand on Dean’s back and felt the muscles tense. He ran his fingers possessively at the thickness and dug his fingers when Dean buried Castiel’s cock down his throat.

He loved Dean like this, giving and paying close attention to him and only him. Castiel didn’t realize he himself had the tendency to be possessive. Perhaps Dean didn’t mind.

For every lick and tug of his cock, Castiel whimpered as Dean was hell-bent on making him come. His climax was drawing close and he even latched onto Dean’s dirty blonde hair as his balls tightened when suddenly, someone opened the door.

“Dean I didn’t get a message-,”

It was Garth.

“OH MY GOD!” the butler shouted then Dean as well.

“Jesus Garth! GET OUT!”

All the while, Castiel’s dick erupted all over Dean’s face and hair. Some of his come landed on Dean’s back and lastly to his chest.

“OH GOD I’M SORRY!” Garth quickly slammed the door behind him while Castiel panted and groaned in despair at the realization that Garth saw them…

Castiel fumbled and quickly covered his body with the sheets. He started mumbling to himself. “Oh my god! Oh my god Dean! Garth saw us! He saw us!”

Possibly a panic attack.

“Cas?” Dean turned to him but Castiel’s heart raced intensely.

“Cas are you alright? You’re shaking!” Dean tried to calm him down but Castiel was trembling in embarrassment.

Dean pulled him into his arms, his chest served as a cushion for Castiel’s face as he hummed a tune. He rocked Castiel back and forth until Castiel’s shaking stopped and all he could hear was the sound of Dean’s voice humming in the air and his heart beating next to Castiel’s ear.

“Cas, you okay?” Dean asked and Castiel grabbed onto his bicep and nodded.

“I’m alright now…” Castiel replied and Dean’s chest relaxed.

“Sorry about that. I’m gonna have to talk to Garth about the point of knocking on people’s doors.” Dean said and Castiel shook his head.

“Don’t be mad at him. I was just shocked…I’m still trying to get used to this.” Castiel looked down on his flaccid dick which was red. Dean handed him one of their shirts and wiped the mess off Castiel’s body and his face.

“It’s okay Cas. I understand but I’m gonna punish Garth for forgetting his manners.” Dean looked around and patted the sheets. “I’m gonna ask him to wash the sheets…and our clothes.” Dean pointed at his ruined shirt. “By hand.”

“That’s not very nice.” Castiel said and Dean smirked.

“He deserves it for upsetting you baby.” Dean planted a kiss on Castiel’s lips which made Castiel go beet red.

Both their stomachs grumbled soon after which made Dean red as well.

“Let’s go downstairs and grab breakfast.” Dean said and Castiel nodded but asked to shower first. Dean agreed and they showered together.

While lathering himself up with body wash, Dean started groping Castiel’s nether regions which led to the two of them tickling each other. They stopped when Dean pinned Castiel to the wall and they started making out.

Castiel grabbed onto Dean’s back as Dean grinded their erections together.

“Dean we should stop.” Castiel said and Dean agreed with slight disappointment in his tone.

“Shower sex’s is too complicated anyway.” They quickly rinsed themselves and Castiel pointed out that Dean’s back was red due to the hot water. Before they left the bedroom, Castiel pulled Dean in for another kiss.

“Just so you know, I didn’t say stop earlier because I don’t want to touch you.” Castiel mumbled into Dean’s mouth.

Dean made a disgruntled face. “I know. I just can’t get enough of you Cas. Say the word and I’d take you anywhere you want.” Dean reached down to cup Castiel’s ass. “I don’t care where or who’s watching. I just wanna feel you fall apart by my touch.” Dean whispered into his ear which instantly gave Castiel a hard on.

“Dean…you don’t mean that.” Castiel whimpered then Dean pecked him a kiss on the lips before smiling and turning to the door.

“Let’s go.” Dean devilishly smirked and dragged Castiel by the hand.

Castiel was about to ask again just to make sure Dean wasn’t kidding but the words never left his mouth. Dean’s grip on the other hand did not leave his.

***

During breakfast, Garth apologized to Dean again but implemented his punishment regardless. He was abrupt about it at first until Castiel interjected and told Dean to shed some mercy. Garth interrupted and admitted that he deserved it and Dean acted smug about it. A grin didn’t leave his face and Garth didn’t seem troubled by the task. Castiel offered to help him but Dean said that he wanted to spend the day together. Castiel agreed and tried not to overthink about Benny and Garth’s knowing looks.

After breakfast, Dean asked Castiel to watch more episodes of his favorite TV show, Dr. Sexy but it wasn’t the only thing that Dean had in mind.

“Dean!” Castiel jumped because Dean suddenly grabbed his crotch. Dean kept a firm grip on his cock while Castiel wriggled next to him on the couch.

“What’s wrong Cas?” Dean asked and continued fondling Castiel’s junk.

“Dean your hand. It’s…” Castiel blushed but Dean looked nonchalant as his fingers slid under his waist band to thumb on the head of his cock.

“It’s what Cas?” Dean pretended not to know by keeping his eyes on the television.

Castiel was about to answer when Dean thumbed the slit of his cock harder. A whimper escaped Castiel’s throat.

“Just watch the show Cas.” Dean said as he swooped down to release his cock entirely and swallow it down in one move.

“Haaaah!” Castiel gasped as Dean suckled his cock with long strokes. The show on TV was quickly forgotten as Castiel placed his shaking hands on Dean’s spiky hair by instinct. Dean seemed to be pleased from the groan that came out of his mouth. Dean shuffled off the couch and got on his knees. Thankfully, the floors were covered by a red carpet which the shade of Castiel’s cock was turning into.

Dean playfully lapped at the cockhead, quick kitten licks all the way down to the base and Castiel’s toes curled. The man below him continued sucking until wet slurping sounds and Castiel’s moans filled the room. He was embarrassingly close.

“Dean I’m gonna-,” Castiel warned but Dean only sucked harder as his orgasm quickly approached. The tip of his cock felt warmth while he came into Dean’s mouth. Dean licked him until he was sensitive and digging his fingers into Dean’s head.

“I’m sorry!” Castiel did not even worry about recovering from his high.

Dean sucked him down from the base and all the way to the top. He released Castiel’s cock with a pop.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“Did I hurt you?” Castiel asked and Dean shook his head.

“Nope, quite the opposite Cas.” Dean grinned from ear to ear as Castiel saw his erection straining in his sweat pants.

Dean licked his lips before crushing it with Castiel’s. Their kiss was sloppy but hungry. Castiel quickly grabbed onto Dean’s back then his cock was trapped between their stomachs. Dean climbed up and straddled him to grind their hips together. Castiel felt Dean’s breath go ragged before Dean’s hips started stuttering.

“Cas-,” Dean said with lust in his eyes and come in his breath. He chanted it to Castiel’s ear.

“Dean…” Castiel responded and that was it, Dean gasped and Castiel felt Dean’s crotch get warm. Dean’s hips stuttered a little more before they stopped and Dean collapsed on Castiel, panting,

Dean came. He came untouched.

With a blissed out grin, Dean planted a kiss on Castiel’s lips before getting off. He said he needed to change his underwear and asked if Castiel wanted to stay.

Castiel of course, followed Dean.

***

 

While Castiel waited for Dean to get changed, he walked down the corridor to get some air and ensure that Dean didn’t shed his clothes just so he could get Castiel into bed again. He asked Dean to find him near the stairs when he was ready. It wasn’t as if Castiel disliked Dean’s touched, it certainly wasn’t that- however, he didn’t wish to exhaust Dean too soon.

It was only morning after all and Benny had just gone out to tend the back gardens. Castel looked through the large window pane in the middle of the giant stair well. The roses looked splendid and Castiel remembered his mother loving flowers. She used to place one on her ear or Father would do it for her. It made Castiel smile just thinking about it.

Dean arrived and he wore new pants and underwear. The man practically glowed when he smiled at him and wrapped his arms around Castiel from the back.

“What’s up baby?” Dean nipped the back of his ear and Castiel blushed. He liked it when Dean called him that somehow.

“Nothing. I’m just watching Benny tend the garden.” Castiel said and Dean hummed.

“Should I be jealous of Benny? You into men getting their hands dirty?” Dean asked and Castiel chuckled.

“No. You have nothing to worry about.” Castiel sighed to himself. “Nothing at all.” Dean made a pleased sound from behind and kissed the back of Castiel’s head. Castiel was still trying to get used to being so affectionate with another person, let alone someone he cared very deeply.

“Dean…” Castiel whimpered as Dean continued kissing him. Despite the throes of pleasure, Castiel did not forget where they were…

“Dean!” Castiel squirmed but it only seemed to encourage the other man to kiss him more.

“Mmm.” Dean hummed behind Castiel’s ear and Castiel gazed through the glass to find Benny trimming the bushes. In the middle of snipping, Benny could get a glimpse of what they were up to.

“Dean we can’t…Benny….” Castiel gasped before he could finish his sentence.

“Benny what?” Dean asked and Castiel noticed the man behind him stop for a moment. “Benny won’t see…” Dean whispered and continued sucking on the back of Castiel’s neck. He snaked his hands down Castiel’s crotch and felt Castiel’s erection protruding in his underwear.

“Or maybe he will.” Dean sniggered but Castiel did not seem amused.

“This isn’t funny Dean- we can’t…” Castiel’s knees buckled as Dean started stroking his member inside his underwear.

 “Oh we can. I’m the head of this house remember?” Dean asked and Castiel didn’t know why his balance gave out and had him leaning his forearms on the glass.

Dean chuckled again.

“Look at you, it’s like you want Benny to notice.” Dean pressed his body on Castiel’s back and Castiel felt the other man’s erection poke his ass. Dean started grinding his erection between Castiel’s ass-crack and made sure that Castiel heard him moan the entire time. Even though Castiel’s mind was telling him to worry, his body betrayed his moral compass.

“Is that what you want Cas?” Dean asked and Castiel could only mumble a response. It was incoherent just like vision which was getting hazy as Dean pumped his cock with his fist. “You want Benny to see you like this? Presenting your ass like a whore?” Dean asked before pressing his nose to the back of Castiel’s neck. He breathed in Castiel’s scent which aroused Castiel even more.

“N-No…” Castiel managed to protest but Dean made a clicking sound with his mouth.

“You sure about that Cas? You sure you don’t want him to see you like this? You don’t get off in the idea that he’ll see this side of you? The not so innocent and not so angelic side of yours?” Dean groaned the words and Castiel didn’t care anymore. His worries dissipated as he began to thrust his hips to meet Dean’s fist. Then Dean stopped.

“If I say the word would you get on your knees and service Benny?” Dean asked and Castiel quickly retained his senses.

“No!” Castiel cried out. “No I won’t…I don’t want him Dean. I want you…”

“Are you sure Cas? I could’ve sworn you were giving him doe eyes just now. Then again, I’m sure he’s got a thing for you too.” Dean sounded quite bitter so Castiel had to hush him with his lips.

“I don’t need him, I need you.” Castiel arched back so they could kiss and Dean hungrily accepted it.

“Mmm on second thought…” Dean licked his lips before he continued. “I don’t want Benny to see this side of you.” Dean began thrusting his hips forward to urge Castiel to move and use his fist. “He doesn’t deserve it…nngh! No one does!”

Dean plastered his head on Castiel’s as he kept grinding and grinding. Castiel’s heart raced and sweat filled his forehead as Dean relentlessly pumped and tugged his cock.

“Except for me.  Only I can see this…hnngh!” Dean thrusted harder until Castiel’s face and chest were pressed up against the glass. Castiel’s hot breath fogged the surface and blurred the beautiful blue sky outside.

“Only I can make you fall apart like this!” Dean hissed and bit Castiel’s right ear which sent Castiel over the edge. Castiel came with a shout. His seed tainted the glass and the red carpet underneath. In the midst of growing oversensitivity, Dean didn’t stop until Castiel was empty and sated. Limp within the Winchester’s hold and sweating profusely.

Castiel quivered as he slowly tried to regain his consciousness.

“Eh-hem!”

Castiel snapped his head to the right and saw Garth standing there with a disgruntled look on his face.

“Really fellas? With all the rooms in the house you choose to do it right here? Look at the carpet!” Garth shook his head in disbelief while panic began to escalate in Castiel’s chest.

“Lighten up Garth!! It’s just a bit of spunk!” Dean made a ‘pfft’ sound.

“Easy for you to say! You’re not the one cleaning this up!” Garth snapped back while Castiel fumbled to pull his pants back up. Garth didn’t say another word and walked away, most probably to fetch something to clean this up.

“Seriously, Garth’s being a whiney bitch lately.” Dean narrowed his eyes but Castiel felt guilt at the tip of his tongue.

“It’s not his fault. You’re incorrigible to serve.” Castiel mumbled but Dean didn’t seem annoyed by that.

“Oh you love me.” The other man said before leaning in to kiss Castiel’s lips.

“I’m starting to regret those words.” Castiel rolled his eyes in sarcasm but Dean’s enthusiasm faded.

“Hey you take that back!” Dean pouted and Castiel chuckled. Dean’s expression looked adorable whenever he gets like this.

“Which part?” Castiel asked and Dean narrowed his eyes in annoyance but it quickly changed to genuine worry.

“Y’know…” Dean had puppy eyes and that was it for Castiel. He pressed their lips together to silence Dean’s fears.

“I was joking. You know I love you too.” Castiel said and Dean brightened up like a dog seeing its master after waiting for him to get home.  

“I love you too Cas…” Dean kissed him some more before he clasped their hands together.

“Wanna make out some more? Maybe we can do it in Garth’s room as payback for walking in on us!” Dean suggested but Castiel shook his head.

“I think that’s rather cruel Dean. He has a lot on his plate and haven’t you punished him enough already?” Castiel asked and Dean sulked.

“Aw you’re no fun Cas!” Dean pouted then Castiel sighed in defeat.

“Very well but you must promise to not mess with his things.” Castiel asked but Dean grimaced.

“Where’s the fun in that? Besides, he’s got all these albums of me and him when we were kids. God, he was such a massive dork back then. Still is but a bit more awesome now.” Dean said as he led Castiel to Garth’s room. “But not as awesome as me of course.”

“He is very a faithful friend.” Castiel agreed then Dean beamed at him.

For some odd reason, just a smile from Dean’s face could easily help Castiel forget about all his worries. Worries such as his family’s wellbeing, especially Gabriel. Dean hadn’t even brought the topic of Sam since yesterday but Castiel could think of a few reasons why.

Perhaps Dean needed to some distraction from the problem, just like he did only Castiel didn’t think spending the day with Dean was a form of distraction. It was far from that.

In fact, maybe he needed Dean just as much as he needed Dean in order to ignore the overwhelming guilt deep inside. Castiel felt the guilt tug and itch but he dared not to scratch it.

Instead, he focused on better feelings like the touch of Dean’s hands clasped with his and tender kisses which swept Castiel right off his feet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delay. My birthday is tomorrow and SPN is out today in US, daytime here in Australia. 
> 
> If anyone is Destiel depressed, try reading some of my fluffy fics: released a new one recently called "Never Have To". It's a short poem with pictures, check it out.
> 
> Enjoy :)


	32. Chapter 32- Undying and Endless: Castiel and Dean's Profound Bond

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel and Dean make love for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delay, I have been going back and forth between the two stories, "The One and Only Secret Admirer" and this. 
> 
> Tags:  
> Marathon Sex  
> First Time  
> Comeplay  
> Biting  
> Come Marking  
> Love Making  
> Love Confessions

**-Castiel-**

Ever since Dean shared his past with Castiel, Castiel had been more comfortable touching Dean. Not just physically but emotionally. Though it was too early to say that he could read Dean’s soul inside out, he could however admit that he held a large space inside Dean’s heart. Gentle caresses and touches weren’t the only things they shared throughout the day, Castiel was more comfortable sharing what he felt with Dean. It was as if he had been doing it for a very long time but it took him this long to realize it.

Before lunch, they made out in Garth’s room but they didn’t do more since Castiel needed time to recover. Instead, Dean showed Castiel some childhood photos. Many of the photos depicted Dean and Sam in their teenage years. There weren’t much of them when they were younger because their father John was almost absent as evident in the albums. Dean’s father dared not share momentous occasions with his children, from birthdays to graduation.

Even now, Castiel could still see pain in Dean’s eyes when he was reminded of his parents. The way he looked at John always brought pain into those emerald greens while delight whenever there were photos of his mother. There were only a few photos of Mary in the albums since most of them were scattered in the most important rooms of the house. There were some in Dean’s room. Two in the study and several others in Sam’s room.

Speaking of special occasions, Castiel remembered how Gabriel always made sure that Castiel celebrated his birthdays. Despite their shortage of money, Gabriel would ensure that they had enough for a party, even if they couldn’t serve much. The townspeople always attended Castiel’s birthday right after his brothers left. He then wondered how the townspeople were as well as his brothers.

Dean seemed to notice his worries when he grabbed Castiel’s attention during lunch.

“Cas you okay?” Dean asked and Castiel snapped back into reality.

“I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fine.” Dean stated and he was right. Castiel was troubled.

“I was just reminiscing the townspeople and my family. Let’s not dwell on it.” Castiel tried to wave it off but Dean looked concerned.

“Talk to me.”

Castiel learned a lot of things during his stay in the mansion. Keeping things from Dean was always a recipe for disaster so while he moved his gaze from his food then to Dean, the answer was simple.

“I can’t help but feel as if we should be guilty about something. About Sam and Gabriel’s distress…” Castiel said and Dean shuffled uncomfortably. “I know I sound like a broken record but as much as I love having you this close and being comfortable about it, I can’t help but think that perhaps we’re ignoring the problem. It’s not a problem between the two of us per se but it’s a problem we have nevertheless. If you don’t feel similarly then it is fine. We can forget that I said anything…” Castiel confessed and Dean quickly interjected by wrapping his arms around his shoulders.

“Cas don’t- don’t ever think that your problems are not of my problems. Ever. If you’re worried about something you go right ahead and share it. That’s what I’m here for.” Dean pulled back but kept a firm grip on Castiel’s shoulder and the left cusped on Castiel’s face.

“And you’re not the only one.” Dean muttered. “I had a feeling something doesn’t seem quite right but I’ve been so happy just being able to spend time with you without any drama that I didn’t wanna spoil it.” Dean’s eyes looked down with guilt then back up to him.

“I do feel bad about everything that happened and I wanna do something about it but first I need to make something clear.” Dean stated and Castiel listened attentively.

“Just because we’re not tackling the problem head on, it don’t mean that we’re wrong. Right now, I just wanna make up for lost time. For all those times when I was such an asshole to you rather than treating you right. Treating you the way you deserve to be treated. As much as I wanna sort things out with Sam, I wanna start by giving back to you. For loving me even though I don’t deserve it.” Castiel gave Dean a crossed look which Dean immediately interrupted. “But I’m trying- I’m trying real hard to believe that I do deserve you Cas. That’s why I’m only focusing on you right now. One step at a time so when I’m ready- I could get the courage to face Sam about everything. To set things right.”

Castiel felt his heart melt.

“Oh Dean…you don’t have to face it alone. I’ll be here for you.” He replied and it brought a smile on Dean’s face.

“I know, that’s one of the things that I love about you. Your heart is always in the right place. You’re everything good to me Cas. I need you to believe me when I say it.” Dean said and Castiel blushed.

“I do. I believe you Dean. I put my whole faith in you.” Castiel leaned in to press his face on the crook between Dean’s neck and left shoulder. Dean pulled him closer for another tight hug and they stayed that way for a while.

“Eh-hem.” A voice interrupted.

Without removing their hands on each other, they checked to see who it was. It was Garth.

“I hope you’re both decent. I’ve had enough of seeing both of your junk for the rest of my life.” Garth spitefully said and Castiel apologized. Dean on the other hand was not apologetic.

“Oh you’re just jealous cause Cas and I are crazy for each other!” Dean bit out and Garth rolled his eyes.

“Oh crazy’s the word alright. If you’re done, I’d like to put the dishes away.” Garth walked beside Dean to grab the plates.

“Might wanna tell Benny to scrub them clean. Cas got spunk everywhere and it’s startin’ to dry.”

 “Oh my GOD! WHY?” Garth grimaced and threw the plates back on the table which had Dean laughing on his seat.

“I’m just kidding! Tell him I’m kidding Cas!” Dean laughed again and Castiel apologized.

“You’re a jerk!” Garth shouted and quickly grabbed the plates before heading to the kitchen.

“Dean.” Castiel darted a look to Dean.

“What?” Dean began composing himself. “It was funny!”

Castiel merely shook his head.

“You’re incorrigible.”

“You love me.” Dean hummed and Castiel rolled his eyes before standing up.

“Cas say it!” Dean grabbed his arm to pull him in for a hug. Castiel wriggled to break free but he didn’t make enough effort. On the other hand, Dean tickled him until he said it back.

Castiel kissed him on the lips and finally did.

***

 

By nightfall, Castiel’s worries felt so far away as he spent the rest of the day in Dean’s arms. Castiel spent most of the afternoon in the garage reading a book while Dean fixed the Impala. Sometimes he’d hand Dean some tools and even learned a thing or two about vehicles. When Dean heard that Castiel had not learned how to drive, the Winchester promised to teach Castiel tomorrow. Perhaps even purchase a car for him although Castiel thought it was unnecessary given the fact that Castiel would rather be in the car with Dean driving. Despite his protests, Dean was adamant about his promise and Castiel eventually succumbed.

They sealed the deal with a kiss.

During dinner, Dean shared stories on places he’s been by driving. Castiel also learned that the other man hated to fly hence he preferred driving. Besides, Dean noted that nothing beats driving the Impala and Castiel agreed. He wished to experience it for himself. This of course started another round of staring into each other’s eyes which Garth abruptly interrupted. Both the butler and Dean pestered each other again but Castiel knew there was no hostility.

In fact, he was rather jealous of their relationship.

Such thoughts were quickly buried once he and Dean were in the bedroom. Since Dean already had a shower before dinner, Castiel could get some time alone in the bathroom. He had some preparing to do and he wished to do it in private.

Tonight, he was planning on having sex with Dean for the first time.

Garth spluttered when Castiel asked some questions. Since Dean barely left Castiel’s side, Castiel only had bathroom breaks and random encounters here and there to ask some questions. Firstly, Garth was reluctant to answer since the questions were quite…embarrassing and forward.

It wasn’t until Garth asked for Benny’s help during Dean’s shower that Castiel learned what to do.

Benny was very…thorough with his instructions.  He even slipped something inside Castiel’s clean clothes to help Castiel clean himself…down there.

It was a douche. One with a red handle and a small back tube that goes…

Even Garth was embarrassed to deliver it but he had to otherwise Dean would be suspicious. Castiel gazed upon the object wrapped under a small towel under his white shirt. Benny had a spare one that he didn’t use and why he had a spare was something Castiel did not wish to dwell on.

In the bathroom, he shed his clothes and let it spill all over the ground. He gazed at the door for a moment, cautiously attentive of the sound of Dean’s footsteps. Castiel cleared his throat and quickly got to work.

He carefully followed Benny’s instructions on how to use the douche while his heart raced from panic since Dean could walk in at any moment.

When he was done, he quickly cleaned the object and covered it using the small towel and hid it under the sink. He quickly jumped into the shower and turned the water on to clean himself thoroughly.

Using a generous amount of body wash, Castiel slicked his entrance and prodded a finger inside.

He hissed at the intrusion and remembered to relax just like the first time Dean touched him down there.

It wasn’t the most pleasant memory but he did find some pleasure in Dean’s touch. All he had to do was relinquish the bad thoughts and relax.

He relaxed and slowly eased his sphincter to allow another finger inside. He pulled his fingers out since his arms felt uncomfortable reaching back. Instead, he slipped his fingers between his legs, over his penis and testicles to continue shoving his fingers inside.

He placed one hand on the tiles as he worked his fingers inside.

Slowly he fingered himself open and wondered what it would feel like if Dean’s cock replaced his fingers. His cock made an interested twitch as he shoved deeper. He bit his lower lip to quiet the sound which tried to escape his throat.

Not yet he thought. He needed more fingers inside.

He pushed and pulled until his knuckles felt dry of lubricant so he reached down and squeezed more body wash. His fingers went between his thighs again and searched for his hole.

It wasn’t as closed as it was before so he tried another finger as he breathed through his mouth. He gasped as he felt something tingle inside him. His cock was fully hard and red without him even touching it.

It was only a matter of time before he was ready.

Suddenly someone knocked on the door.

“Cas? You alright in there?” It was Dean and Castiel nearly stumbled as he snapped out of his arousal.

“I’m fine!” Castiel cried out in panic as he pulled his hands out too quickly and made him groan.

“Mmnngh! I’m fine!” he groaned. “I’m fine…” he panted out.

When he composed himself, he quickly used more body wash and rinsed before jumping out of the shower. He could still feel his ass tingling from earlier while he dried himself. He didn’t bother to wrap a towel around himself as he intended for Dean to get the message.

Slightly dazed at the sensation, he walked out to find Dean slumped at the edge of the bed with a frown on his face. Castiel didn’t know why it was there but he was about to find out and resolve it.

“What’s wrong?” Castiel asked and he slid next to the man’s side. He clasped Dean’s shoulders and pressed his body on Dean however the other man didn’t seem to notice.

“Cas…” Dean looked at him with an expression masked with misery as panic started to spread in Castiel’s chest.

“Dean talk to me, what’s the matter? You’re scaring me.” Castiel asked as he worried that his plan wouldn’t work.

“Cas, I…I saw you talking to Benny earlier…” Dean said and the panic inside Castiel’s chest spiked through the roof. Castiel’s mouth quivered as he tried to say something but Dean shrugged his shoulders and stood up.

“Are you- are you having second thoughts about us?” Dean asked and Castiel raised his eyebrow.

“What?”

Dean’s hand rubbed the back of his head. “It’s just that- I didn’t mean what I said earlier. About you and Benny…do you actually wanna do stuff with him?”

Castiel’s mouth gaped open.

“I overheard you two talking…about sex and I just wanna know if you’re having second thoughts about being in a committed relationship or there’s someone else…”

“Dean…”

Dean raised his voice. “Because if you wanna screw around with Benny, I’d much rather know now than later- because I don’t wanna be so stupid as to think that you love me the same way…”

“DEAN STOP!” Castiel was up and narrowed his eyes at Dean. “Where is this coming from? We spent the entire day together!”

“That’s not true! I saw you two! I saw you and Benny talking and you were blushing like a teenager!”

Castiel wrinkled his brow. “Is that what this is about?”

Dean nodded furiously. “You know damn well this is about that!”

“Oh for heaven’s sakes Dean! I was blushing because Benny was teaching me how to prepare myself for sex!” Castiel shouted and Dean’s nose flared.

“So it’s the truth then? You really are gonna fuck Benny!” It was an accusation which Castiel couldn’t accept.

“You stupid ass!” Castiel grabbed onto Dean’s collar to shake him up.

“Oh now you’re mad? What gives you the right?” Dean snarled but Castiel decided to slap him instead.

Silence followed straight after.

“What gives me the right?” Castiel shook his head in disbelief. “I said it before and I’m going to say it again- I don’t want Benny. I don’t want to have sex with him and I have no intention in doing so.” Castiel hissed while Dean slowly turned to face him.

“The reason why I asked how to prepare myself for sex was because-,” Castiel choked back the words as anger slowly turned to hurt. “Because I wanted to do it with you tonight. I wanted to have sex with you and be ready for once because I wish to give back for all the things you’ve done for me.”

The anger slowly dissipated in Dean’s eyes and horror filled at an alarming rate. Tears formed in Castiel’s eyes while he maintained the rage inside his chest.

“If you’d rather accuse me of cheating then I would much rather be out of your way.” With that Castiel headed to the door but not before Dean grabbed him and twirled him around for a tight hug.

“Oh God I’m sorry. I’m so sorry! Oh Christ I’m sorry! I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry for what I said- I didn’t know! I didn’t-,” Dean had his arms wrapped around Castiel’s chest while Castiel’s back was pressed on his front. Castiel could feel wetness trickle on the back of his neck.

Castiel’s rage swiftly perished.

“Cas please don’t be mad. I’m really sorry. I wasn’t thinking. I jumped to conclusions, you know I always do!” Dean begged from behind and Castiel spun around to face him.

“Dean we can’t…we can’t keep doing this. We can’t keep accusing each other of things we don’t know about. Take me for example. I learned it the hard way and got us into this mess.” Castiel said as he reached for Dean’s face.

“If I had known what a wonderful person you were before, I would’ve fallen for you instead of hate you. I regret, I regret everything that has happened.” Castiel murmured but it was more to himself than to Dean.

“But I’m grateful that it brought me here. Here in your arms and I love you. I’m in love with you and that should be enough to silence your doubts and fears. I forgive you Dean as I have learned to forgive myself.” Castiel said and Dean pressed their lips together.

With the taste of Dean’s lips, Castiel’s worries whittled away into nothing.

The kiss broke and Castiel stared into Dean’s lust lidden eyes. “I’m such an idiot.” Dean said and Castiel shook his head.

“We both are. I think Garth and Benny has had enough of our madness.” Castiel replied and Dean smiled. “I guess Sam’s right. In a sense, we’re perfect for each other.” Castiel continued and a pink blush formed on Dean’s cheeks.

“You’re perfect to me, Cas. You’re the only one for me.” Dean stroked Castiel’s face and wiped the tears away. Castiel reciprocated and gently wiped the wetness on Dean’s cheeks. 

“And you are to me.” Castiel said and they kissed again. The kiss had more passion than before but it wasn’t hungry.

Castiel kissed Dean as if he needed it. Maybe he did.

He kissed and swallowed Dean’s breath. His hands grabbed onto Dean to make sure the other man was still there and this was real. It was real. 

“Let’s go to bed.” Dean asked and Castiel didn’t need to be told twice.

Castiel held Dean’s hand and allowed the other man to lead him to the bed. Dean climbed on top first, his right elbow supported his body while his left arm pulled Castiel to his chest.

Their lips quickly locked as if they missed each other already. Dean had Castiel on his back in the process, their legs entwined while Castiel had his erection nestled between their bodies.

“I’m sorry.” Dean apologized then kissed him. “I’m sorry Cas.” Dean kissed him again and Castiel had to stop him.

“Don’t be sorry. Not when we’re like this. Not when I’m holding you like this. Not when you’ve done nothing wrong but love me too much. I’ve never wanted such a feeling from anyone else until I felt it from you. Only you. I only wish to feel this from you.”

With Castiel’s words, Dean’s eyes got glassy.

“Don’t cry.” Castiel instinctively said.

“I’m not freaking crying! These are freaking man tears!” Dean cried out which made Castiel smirk.

Dean’s cheeks were quite wet and Castiel wanted to dry them so he reached over and pressed his kips on them. It didn’t help but Castiel simply wanted to kiss Dean. He wanted to leave kisses on Dean’s cheeks, on his forehead and his hair.

Castiel left another kiss on Dean’s lips.

“I want to do it. I want to make love to you.” Castiel whispered into Dean’s lips which turned Dean’s face beet red.

“Are you sure?” Dean asked and Castiel nodded.

“Yes. I’ve never been surer about anything. I know this is right. I know this is where I belong.” Castiel placed a hand on Dean’s chest. On Dean’s heart.

Dean grabbed the hand and placed a kiss on it.

“I love you. I love you so much Cas.” Dean looked at him with a serious expression. “Don’t ever doubt it. I need you to believe it.”

Castiel of course obliged. “I do. I believe in it. I love you too Dean.”

After that, Dean smiled. He got up to grab something from the bedside drawer and it was a bottle of lubricant. One that Dean had long ago.

“Can I be inside you?” Dean asked and Castiel nodded.

“Yes Dean. I’ve been preparing for this.” Castiel urged the other man by spreading his legs open and presenting his hole. His fingers prodded the wrinkly flesh which was still quite slippery from the body wash earlier.

“Oh fuck!” Dean pulled his shorts out and released his dick. It looked purplish and red from how hard it was.

“May I?” Castiel asked for some lube and Dean generously offered.

While Castiel spread the lube around and inside his hole, Dean quickly removed his clothes. Dean’s magnificent physique was on display. His bulging arms and toned shoulders which made Castiel want to sink his teeth into. Dean’s nipples perked up and they invited Castiel’s tongue to play with them. Dean’s thighs were a sight to behold, fine hairs trailed all the way up to the groin and Castiel wanted to hook his legs around them.

Right before Castiel, Dean’s enormous cock stood proud and twitching. It drooled a little at the tip and Castiel wanted it inside him.

He wanted to be taken apart by Dean’s cock. Dean sidled forward with his knees and grabbed onto Castiel’s calves. He heaved them up before lining his cock over Castiel’s entrance.

“I need you to relax, it might hurt a t first.” Dean mumbled and Castiel nodded. Castiel’s heart was racing as if it was about to jump off his chest. In his mind, Castiel commanded his hole to open for Dean as Dean slowly sank inside.

With just the tip inside, Castiel hissed. It was big. Too big.

It hurt.

“Dean!” Castiel cried out in pain and Dean quickly pulled out. The sudden movement sent a rush of sensation all over Castiel’s body, all the way to his toes. Castiel writhed and squirmed underneath Dean.

“Cas! Oh fuck- baby are you hurt?” Dean kissed his forehead and Castiel felt tears build in his eyes.

“I’m fine. It just hurts.” Castiel said and Dean mumbled more apologies to his ear.

“Don’t be sorry. I wanted this. I still do. It’s just my first time so please bear with me.” Castiel pleaded and Dean looked at him straight in the eye.

“Of course! You know I never wanna do anything without your consent!” Dean said and Castiel smiled.

“Thank you.” Castiel kissed him on the cheek then on the lips. Dean gladly returned the kisses then got back up.

“We’ll try a different position.” Dean said and Castiel agreed. Dean asked him to get on all fours and to arch his back.

“This position might help but I need to prepare you some more. Is that alright?” Dean asked and Castiel grunted a yes since Dean didn’t wait to shove a slick finger inside.

“I’ll start with one finger kay?” Dean asked and Castiel nodded, he couldn’t muster a response as Dean’s finger did wonders to his insides.

“You’re ah- you’re touching something!” Castiel said and Dean wriggled another finger inside. “Hsss!” Castiel hissed.

“That’s your prostate Cas. It feels good doesn’t it?” Dean asked before pushing his fingers deeper.

“Ah! Yes! Oh god yes Dean!” Castiel babbled like some whore from one of Gabriel’s dirty videos. If he squeezed his eyes shut, it felt just as intense as leaving them open. He gritted his teeth and simply accepted Dean’s thick fingers, which stretched him open. He didn’t even know how many fingers were inside anymore.

His hole accepted Dean and his hips bucked to every shove and pull of Dean’s hand.

When Dean pulled his fingers out, he did so slowly but Castiel shuddered. His body soaked in sweat and it stuck to the bed sheets. His breathed long and hard, felt the cool air brush through his slick opening.

He could felt his own hole flutter and twitch for something to be shoved inside. Anything. Just as long it was Dean.

“Oh jesus- Cas…you should see what I’m looking at.” Dean said behind him but Castiel was too busy trying to catch his breath. His fingers clutched onto the sheets and his cock ignored. He didn’t need to touch it as he let it twitch in the air. It drooled precome underneath.

Castiel felt Dean’s hands grip his hips and something poked his hole.

It was Dean’s dick.

“I’m gonna put it in now. Is that alright?” Dean asked and Cas nodded. He nodded some more to reassure the man and himself. Nevertheless he was desperate to be filled.

“Relax…” Dean suggested and Castiel did, he felt the entrance open as something thick trespassed through the slick ring of muscles. Castiel’s mouth opened wide with a sound of ‘haaah’ drawled off his tongue.

Dean was breathing heavily as well. Castiel felt it over his sweaty back. Dean’s breath was cool in comparison to his heated back muscles.

“Oh Cas…” Dean moaned and kept pushing. Castiel had to bite his mouth while he imagined Dean’s thick length breaching between the walls and stretching him.

A feeling swelled in his stomach. Fullness from the gut to his throat. Even though Dean’s dick wasn’t in his mouth, he felt like choking. The enormity of Dean’s cock felt like it was swelling.

Almost like a knot locking them together.

“Just a little more!” Dean squeaked out and Castiel focused on the stretch. He felt full and incapable of taking more. He was about to complain when Dean pushed further in and punched the words right out of Castiel’s mouth.

A gasp rendered the room silent and Castiel’s body numb for a moment.

“Oh Dean, it hurts. It’s full. I feel so full.” Castiel writhed and squeezed his eyes shut as he felt the enormous length twitch and throb inside him as if it tried to synchronize with his heartbeat.

He didn’t even notice that his mouth was drooling.

“Cas I know. I know it hurts but I’m not gonna move unless you wanna take it out. You want me to pull out?’ Dean asked and Castiel shook his head.

“No. Don’t pull out! Just stay as you are but don’t move.” Castiel ordered and Dean slid a hand over his back and leaned forward so their bodies locked together.

“I won’t move. I don’t wanna hurt you Cas. I want your first time to be special and wonderful and perfect. Just like you.” Dean kissed him on the back and on his shoulder.

Castiel sighed in relief and felt his whole body relax at Dean’s kisses. His cock wasn’t hard anymore, probably from the pain. Nonetheless, Dean was tender and careful. It soothed Castiel and the thing inside didn’t hurt anymore.

Not when Dean kept planting kisses on his back and his shoulders. “You feel so warm and slick inside. Oh Cas, you have no idea what you do to me. I promise to make it good. I’ll make it so good…”

Castiel’s cock twitched with interest at Dean’s words. “Mmm, you can move now.” Castiel whispered. “But not too fast. Please.” He added and Dean chuckled a little.

“Anything Cas. I’ll do anything for you. You have no idea.” Dean whispered before pushing himself up from Castiel’s back and gripping Castiel’s waist.

“Tell me if you need me to stop, kay?” Dean asked and Castiel nodded.

“Just move already!” Castiel yelped and Dean hummed at that.

Dean started thrusting, small stroked which felt nice despite the pain returning in the pit of Castiel’s stomach. He felt full, oh so full yet at the same time, Castiel felt something nudge that wonderful spot inside. It was different when Dean used his fingers yet at the same time, it wasn’t so bad.

In fact, Castiel found himself growing hard with every second.

“Ohhh yes.” Castiel muttered and it seemed to urge Dean to move more.

“How you feelin’ Cas? Still hurting?” Dean slowed his thrusts to ask the question which Castiel graciously answered with a moan.

“It’s good. It’s ah- it doesn’t hurt so much anymore. In fact…I like it.” Castiel moaned some more when he arched his back and felt Dean hit the spot.

“That’s because I’m trying to hit your prostate Cas. I want this to feel good for you too. I don’t wanna do it unless you feel good.”

Castiel babbled. “I do! I do feel good Dean! Very good! Keep going! Keep moving!” Castiel said and Dean obliged with a hum.

“Here goes, I’m gonna go faster now.” Dean warned and Castiel nodded before his thoughts were scrambled by Dean’s thrust.

There was pain but he was used to it. Every push that Dean made caused his cock to drool and flop up and down.

Castiel felt even hotter than before and more drenched in sweat. Goosebumps covered his skin and tears welled up in his eyes but he didn’t ask to stop.

The feeling wasn’t entirely uncomfortable anymore, in fact, he longed for Dean to go deeper, to pound harder.

His body urged him to be curious as to what would happen if Dean thrusted harder. The spot beckoned him to moan louder and beg for more.

And that was what he did.

“Oh Dean! Yes! That’s it! More!” Castiel reached behind to grip on Dean’s thigh which tensed with every snap of his hips.

“Oh fuck! Oh fuck! Cas! So good!” Dean also felt hot.

Suddenly, Castiel felt Dean pull his wrist back so Dean’s hips could plow harder. He felt his asshole stretch further and he had to stick his tongue out to taste the air. His lungs burned with how much he moaned yet he howled for more.

“Yes! Keep going! Harder! That’s it! Yes Dean!” Castiel felt incoherent and he knew he babbled nonsense. His very hips pushed back to meet Dean’s, the pain now forgotten and ecstasy quickly filled whatever sanity he had left.

“Jesus fuck! Take it Cas! Fucking take it!” Dean cursed and bit the words out before Castiel added.

“Deeper! Oh Dean harder!”

The words flew right out of his mouth with every beat of his heart. At that moment he wondered, had he always been so sinful?

Castiel couldn’t find it in himself to think further or to care.

Dean’s hips slammed him forward and Castiel was brought to his elbows. Dean’s nails were digging into his skin but Castiel didn’t mind, actually he wanted the nails to dig harder.

He panted and quickly gazed at his cock which had an angry shade of red. It had precome drooling out of the slit. The ooze splattered all over the sheets and Castiel suddenly had the urge to stick his tongue out to catch some of it.

He couldn’t but nevertheless he looked up to see Dean from the corner of his eye, the man’s expression was masked with lust and sweat. Those luscious cupid bow lips made an ‘o’ shape and those green emeralds blown with lust. Castiel had to bite his lower lip when his arousal spiked.

“Dean! I can’t!” Castiel yelped and felt his balls tighten.

“That’s it! C’mon Cas come!” Dean groaned and Castiel did.

His thighs quivered before collapsing to the mattress as come covered his stomach and the sheets underneath. Dean’s thrust forward and met his momentum which sent them both crashing onto the mattress. Castiel felt Dean’s body plastered on his back as his erection kept erupting seed all over his stomach. Some of it even sputtered to his arm.

Then Castiel’s senses went numb.

“Cas…Cas, baby are you okay?” Dean unwittingly pulled out too quickly which made Castiel wince in pain and at the loss. At least it snapped him to reality.

“I’m alright!” Castiel responded in between his pants.

“Are you sure? Cas your body gave out. We should stop. You need to rest-,”

“No!” Castiel yelped out. “No we can continue! I just need a moment.”

While Castiel regained his breath, Dean shuffled behind him and started stroking his back.

“I’m sorry for getting carried away.” Dean mumbled to his ear and Castiel wiped his forehead before turning around.

He looked Dean in the eye and said, “Don’t be sorry. You did nothing wrong. Actually quite the opposite. You did very well. I almost blacked out.”

Dean’s eyes blew wide open but not from flattery but by shock.

“Oh God, you’re not gonna have a seizure are you? A cardiac arrest? But Garth told me you didn’t have any heart conditions-,”

Castiel covered Dean’s mouth with his fingers.

“I am fine. No need to worry. I was complementing you.” Castiel smiled. “You were too good with what you were doing that I couldn’t keep up. I should be the one who should apologize for coming first.” Castiel frowned then Dean grabbed his hand.

“Don’t apologize! I’m just happy you’re alright.” Dean kissed his hand and Castiel sighed in relief.

The atmosphere of panic dissipated to be replaced by arousal as Castiel started kissing Dean on the lips. His tongue intruded Dean’s mouth and licked the other man’s tongue to taste him again.

Despite coming mere moments ago, Castiel was in the mood again. His blood boiled and libido insatiate.

“Can we go again?” Castiel asked and Dean laughed.

“We should give your ass a rest. You just got a hard pounding.” Dean said but Castiel wasn’t going to take no for an answer. Not when Dean thinks he couldn’t handle it.

“I can take it. I want you to come this time.”

Dean sniggered. “It’s alright Cas. We can do it tomorrow.”

“Dean if you don’t fuck me then I swear on my mother’s grave, I will climb on top of you and ride you to oblivion!” Castiel angrily hissed which had Dean’s eyes blowing wide open.

“You sure ya wanna go again?” Was what Dean could ask.

“Yes! We are not going to sleep until you have had some release.” Castiel said and a toothy grin formed on Dean’s face.

“Nah I’m just teasing ya. I love it when you get all grumpy and bossy.” Dean said and Castiel narrowed his eyes.

“Just shut up and get your cock hard.” Castiel ordered and Dean’s lips pursed.

“How do you want me boss?” Dean teased and Castiel thought about it. He ordered Dean to sit up with his back resting on the pillows at the top of the bed. He instructed Dean to spread his legs and get himself hard while Castiel crawled over to him.

Then Castiel used Dean’s shoulders to support himself as he planted his feet next to Dean’s hips. He crouched with his ass hovering over Dean’s cock and he slowly sank down.

He hissed at the burn.

“Need more lube?” Dean asked and Castiel nodded. The man underneath smeared more lube on his cockhead and into Castiel’s hole.

“Dean!” Castiel yelped out as Dean started fingering him open, thick fingers stretching him again to prepare for the main course.

“You make such pretty faces Cas. Especially when I do this.” Dean grinned and did something with his fingers which had Castiel falling on top of the man. Dean didn’t stop and just kept shoving his fingers deep into that special spot which made Castiel’s eyes roll to the back of his head and lips gasp for air.

“There there baby. I gotchu.” Dean patted Castiel’s back which felt nice despite the writhing mess Castiel was soon to become.

“Sink down.” Dean instructed and Castiel did as he was told. He trusted Dean with all his heart and body as he slowly sank down on the hard length underneath.

Despite the hard pounding from earlier, Castiel still hissed at the stretch and Dean gripped his hips to stop.

“We’ll go at your pace.” Dean reassured and Castiel couldn’t take it anymore so he planted a kiss on Dean’s lips. He held Dean’s perfect face in his hands and moaned at the feeling of his tongue rolling with his.

“Use me.” Castiel whispered and Dean missed it.

“Say what again?” Dean asked.

“I said _use_ me. I want you to fuck me until you come and I want you to keep your dick inside so your come stays inside. Can you do that for me?” Castiel asked and dean smiled.

“I’d do anything for you. I mean it.” Dean answered and Castiel smiled.

“Good.” Castiel leaned in to kiss Dean on the lips before pulling back and feeling Dean’s hips snap up.

Dean started slowly and adjusted so that he could get comfortable. He snapped up some more and Castiel mewled a cry. Tears welled in his eyes again but Dean didn’t stop. He knew Castiel would say something if he was hurt and Castiel trusted Dean to believe in him.

With every thrust, Castiel felt Dean’s power. It wasn’t something tangible but rather the source is from a feeling inside. Dean’s determination to seek pleasure using Castiel, was felt by every fiber of Castiel’s being.

“This what you want Cas?” Dean asked while Castiel’s forehead got covered by sweat.

“This what you want from me? To treat you like this?” Dean asked again and Castiel merely held on to the man’s shoulders. Dean’s grip on his pelvis was rough while Castiel’s was nothing in comparison. Castiel’s grip was desperate and submissive. He wasn’t trying to push Dean down but rather, he clung on to take everything that Dean got.

“Answer me!” Dean thrusted more forceful than before and Castiel yelped.

“Yes! Oh yes Dean! I want this! I want you! I love you! I love you! I love you!” Castiel babbled a litany of ‘I love yous’ and fell forward to Dean’s left shoulder.

His heart pounded in his chest, just as hard as Dean’s.

“I love you too Cas.” Dean stopped his thrusts and kissed Castiel’s cheek and left shoulder tenderly.

Castiel didn’t even realize that he was crying now.

“Did I make my baby cry?” Dean asked and Castiel whimpered a nod.

“I’m sorry baby.” Dean snaked his hands down to cusp Castiel’s ass and squeezed. “I’m sorry.” Dean thrusted up.

“I’m sorry Cas.” Dean thrusted up again.

Even though Castiel’s eyes were socked in tears, his cock was strangely hard again.

“Shh shhh.” Dean petted Castiel’s back and Castiel seemed to go limp at sensation.

“Let me make it all better.” Dean whispered and his hips began to snap up. He rammed his cock and angled it so it hit that special spot inside Castiel’s hole. Castiel moaned and muttered Dean’s name but Dean probably couldn’t hear over the sound of his hips slapping Castiel’s thighs.

Dean thrusted hard and he thrusted fast, he even used his hands to bounce Castiel’s hips up and down. Fluid and quick motions to get himself off, all the while Castiel squirmed and clung onto Dean’s neck and shoulders like his life depended on it.

“Nhhghh gah! Dean it’s too much!” Castiel pleaded but just like all his begging before, Dean couldn’t hear him.

Dean simply fucked up to his hole. Castiel’s hole couldn’t even keep up with the pace and when he tried to clench and unclench, Dean bucked up harder.

Dean rammed and pounded while Castiel cried and dug his nails to Dean’s scalp.

The more desperate Castiel got the more eager Dean got as well.

“Cas I’m coming. I’m gonna come and you’re gonna take it all. You’re gonna take my come! Take it!” Dean winced at the end and rammed up. Arms gripped tightly on Castiel’s shoulder and waist as hot warm seed spilled inside Castiel.

Castiel soon followed as his dick shot white hot semen all over Dean’s chest. The force even made it possible for lines to cover Dean’s lips.

Without another second, Castiel collapsed on top of Dean. Both of them laid panting while their bodies mingled in sweat.

“Cas…” Dean muttered then nudged Castiel’s side. “Are you alright?”

“Mmm…” Castiel mumbled something because he was too sated to answer properly.

“Cas?” Dean asked again and Castiel mustered the strength to answer.

“I’m fine. I’m good. I feel good.” Castiel turned his head to face Dean and kissed the other man’s lips. It tasted bitter and salty from his come but nevertheless he loved it.

He kept kissing and sucking his semen before Dean joined him. Both their tongues now tasted of Castiel’s bitter seed.

“I’m sorry if I was too rough.” Dean apologized and Castiel hummed to reassure the other man.

“I’m fine.” Castiel licked his lips to remove the bitter remnants. “Really. It was wonderful. I would’ve told you to stop if I didn’t like it.”

“Yeah but I got too carried away.” Dean protested. “I don’t want to hurt you. Especially when we’re making love.” Dean blushed at the end and Castiel thought it was rather adorable.

“I don’t think I’d call what we did making love.” Dean raised an eyebrow at him. “I think it was more animalistic than love making. Don’t you think?”

Dean sniggered at that. “How would you know? You’re a virgin, well you were, unless someone else has popped your cherry before. Is there anyone else?” Dean’s face quickly turned from teasing to callous seriousness.

Castiel couldn’t hold back his laugh.

“Oh Dean. You’re the first.” Castiel kissed him on the left cheek. “The only one.” Then to the left.

“Forever.” Castiel said and Dean’s expression softened.

“Oh Cas.” Dean’s eyes glistened before he reached up to join their lips together. This time, the kiss was tender and loving. Definitely a contrast from earlier, Dean’s hands even reached up to cusp Castiel’s face so they could press their kisses harder. Castiel did it as well and cusped Dean’s face with his hand. He trailed his fingers over the freckles and gazed upon Dean’s shining emerald green eyes, which had full of life and love. Enough to nourish Castiel’s soul.

“Dean…” Castiel muttered.

“Cas.” Dean added after.

Dean rolled Castiel on his back to the mattress as they continued kissing. His cock softened but remained inside Castiel as instructed before.

Then Dean ran his fingers over Castiel’s side, up and down the sweat damp surface which tickled but Castiel didn’t mind. He felt more bliss than laughter.

Dean entangled their legs together and Castiel rubbed the sole of his feet on Dean’s muscular calves.

He wanted to sink his teeth on it, just like Dean’s arms and shoulders. Castiel could not get enough of running his hands over the bulging muscles. The veins throbbed sometimes and Castiel couldn’t get enough of the feeling under his hand.

Castiel felt closest to Dean when he’s touching him like this. He could feel Dean’s soul under his palms and Dean’s heart pulse. He could almost feel Dean’s essence radiating from him just by the touch of his lips on Castiel. With Castiel’s right hand, he reached up to grab onto Dean’s shoulder and felt the urge to say.

“I love you.” They both said at the same time.

“I love you.” Dean repeated and Castiel did as well.

“I love you.”

Castiel’s lips touch Dean’s again as he felt Dean’s cock get hard inside him.

“I love you so much Cas. You’re everything to me.” Dean murmured then proceeded to kiss Castiel’s neck and left shoulder.

Castiel gasped softly as his hand slid over Dean’s left arm to clasp their fingers together. Dean held it out and Castiel could see their fingers entwined. They looked perfect together, each finger slotted flawlessly next to each knuckle.

“I love you too. My Dean.” Castiel responded which brought a smile on Dean’s face.

“Mine. Only for me. I love you Cas.” Dean pressed their lips together and closed his eyes. Castiel also closed his eyes and simply felt Dean.

Despite having his eyes closed, Castiel felt his senses intensify. He could almost picture Dean’s soul flowing in bright green aura. Encased around a blue light. A light that emanated from Castiel’s soul.

“Dean…” Castiel held his left hand on Dean’s face and the expression of worry filled it.

“I need you.” Dean pleaded and Castiel’s heart melted.

“I’m here.” Castiel soothed the man on top but something told him that Dean meant something else.

“No I need you Cas. I really need you.” Dean’s right hand snaked underneath to pull Castiel’s left leg up. Their hands were still clasped together and Dean also raised it up, over their heads as Castiel felt his hole stretch from Dean’s growing erection.

“I’m right here Dean. I’m not going anywhere.” Castiel reassured but somehow the message didn’t come across.

“I need you. I want you. You’re everything I’ve ever asked for and more. Don’t leave me.” Dean begged and whimpered.

Castiel felt the grip on his right hand tighten and his hole lightly pounded by Dean’s cock. The man on top of him thrusted desperately as if he really meant what he said.

“I won’t leave you Dean. I’ll watch over you. I’ll stay by your side- ah!” Castiel gasped as Dean’s cock grazed that special spot inside him again. Blood quickly filled Castiel’s cock as Dean bit his neck but not hard enough to break the skin.

It was sloppy and possessive. It was what Castiel wanted. Dean wasn’t fucking him anymore. This was something else.

They were making love.

“You’re mine. My love. My heart. I need you forever!” Dean sounded pained therefore Castiel responded.

“You have me. You have me forever. Always.” Castiel sincerely stated and Dean came.

Dean’s hips stuttered as warmth spread inside Castiel’s abused channel. Castiel came at the exact moment only nothing much came out. A clear liquid drooled out of his twitching erection while Dean’s cock quickly softened but throbbed around the Castiel’s walls.

Castiel and Dean looked into each other’s eyes during their orgasm and Castiel had never seen anything more wonderful and magnificent.

The look on Dean’s face during and after their orgasm was something Castiel seared into his heart. The mark was tattooed as proof of their love for each other.

A profound bond with undying and endless devotion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried my best to make their sex authentic and imperfect because it looks more real that way. 
> 
> I haven't written this much I love yous in a chapter before. I think it got too damn cheesy in the end but whatever, I threw it in there nevertheless. 
> 
> I hope you like this reward, my avid readers. 
> 
> Plot continues next chapter.


	33. Chapter 33- Aquarius: The Penultimate Constellation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel (Ganymede) found his eternity in the form of Dean (Zeus).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter
> 
> Tag(s):
> 
> Fluff  
> Cheesy Romance

**-Ganymede-**

For centuries, Ganymede watched over humanity through the skies. He even witnessed the fall of his own city at the hands of the Greeks. A squabble between the gods that was beyond his control. Nevertheless, he never blamed the gods for the disaster.

Nor did he blame fate.

He accepted it. Every day.

As he gazed upon the clear water inside his beloved pitcher, Ganymede saw his reflection smiled. He was in the back gardens where a small waterfall was located. Lord Poseidon was kind enough to bless the waters. It was both safe to drink and bathe in. Ganymede fancied bathing in here rather than the palace. He felt closer to nature even though he remained in Olympus.

Besides Lord Zeus always accompanied him.

The water in his pitcher was for his master. Zeus only soaked in the water if Ganymede bathed him. The deity was quite adamant about it.

Ganymede thought the immortal a child if the skies didn’t split open and the earth rumbled at Zeus’ command. The prince poured the blessed water on the god’s muscular back. The deity’s body had not aged since the first time Ganymede gazed upon it. It remained overwhelming and robust.

Zeus’ face however had changed. Once, it was filled with rage and uncertainty but now it simply had adoration and softness whenever it faced Ganymede.

“Pray what clouds your thoughts my prince?” Zeus asked and Ganymede smiled.

“Nothing. Just admiring your presence my lord.” Ganymede said and Zeus raised an eyebrow.

“I told you to address me properly when we are alone.”

Ganymede stopped pouring his pitcher halfway.

“My apologies. What I was meant to say was, I was admiring your presence, my Zeus.” Ganymede gave a toothy grin.

“Say it again.” Zeus reached behind and stroked Ganymede’s cheek with his thick but gentle fingers.

“I admire you, my Zeus.” Ganymede muttered and Zeus turned around, water swayed with his hips. The deity leaned over to cover his lips with his.

“Again.”

Ganymede breathed into the god’s mouth.

“I love you, my Zeus.”

He and Zeus kissed again and Ganymede slowly closed his eyes.

On his lips, he felt his lover’s warmth. In his nose, he breathed the same air as his lord.

In the darkness, all he could picture was the immortal.

In his heart there was only Zeus.

When they pulled from the kiss, Zeus ordered him to look up.

Ganymede did and he saw the clouds part to reveal the universe and its vastness. Stars twinkled and scattered across the darkness yet if Ganymede were in Earth under this sky, it would be dark.

“See what I see.”

Though there were plenty of stars in the sky, Ganymede searched for what he was looking for in Zeus’ eyes.

Then he saw it. An arrangement of what looked like a large pitcher.

“Why is there?” Ganymede asked and the deity interrupted.

“It has been there for quite some time now. Since the first time you stepped into Olympus. It has been watching humanity ever since and I ensured its place in the sky forever.”

“Why?” Ganymede asked and Zeus smiled.

“The answer is simple- because I love you.” Zeus planted a kiss on his lips. “Because I want you to look up on the sky, every night and see- how much I love you.”

Ganymede gazed upon the arrangement again and felt tears in his eyes.

“I love it.” he sniffed before turning his eyes to his Lord. “I love you.”

Ever since then, humanity had someone amongst their kind watching over the world.

Of a mortal with a pitcher which poured life onto the world.

Ganymede was reminded of this from now onwards. All he had to do was look up to the sky and remember the love of the Lord of Olympus.

Forever.

-Finis-

 

**-Castiel-**

Castiel couldn’t ignore the fact that he was worried. Frightened and anxious.

He had been staring out of the window since the drive started and Dean finally had enough. Dean stopped the car and stared at Castiel, concern filled his eyes.

“You alright Cas?” Dean asked and Castiel swallowed thickly.

“I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fine.”

Dean was right, Castiel’s breath hitched and his hands trembled.

“I’m scared.” Castiel said and Dean placed a hand on his. The cold made him shiver but he felt better.

“It’s okay to be scared. C’mhere.” Dean pulled Castiel’s head to his chest to plant a kiss on Castiel’s hair. “I’m sure Gabe and your dad will be happy to see you again. They want to see you again and you do too. Everything will be alright.” Dean murmured on Castiel’s hair and the words filled Castiel’s chest with relief.

This morning, when Sam walked in on the two of them having sex again, Castiel had never been more embarrassed. Once he and Dean got changed, they went downstairs and met the younger Winchester in the meeting room waiting. Sam explained the reason for his sudden return was to apologize for his behavior.

He apologized for hurting Castiel to both him and Dean.

Without a second thought, Castiel accepted his apology. Every fiber in his body was screaming to end all strife. Dean also accepted the apology and it brought tears to Sam’s eyes.

The rest of the morning was spent with a lot of tears however now it was night time. Castiel mustered enough courage to ask Dean to go to town and face his family. Sam would be there, waiting for them and Dean agreed.

He agreed with a kiss.

Dean released him but his expression gave Castiel the impression that he wanted to hold on. Castiel smiled fondly at his lover and clasped a hand on Dean’s left shoulder.

“Thank you Dean.”

“I’ll be right next to you. Every step of the way.” Dean assured and Castiel nodded.

“I know you will.”

Dean leaned in again to kiss him on the lips. Castiel closed his eyes and tasted love.

Dean slowly pulled from the kiss before he whispered. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Castiel said without a shred of doubt in his words, thoughts and soul.

The Impala’s engine roared and Castiel kept his eyes on Dean as they drove to town.

Then Castiel looked up to the sky and prayed. He had not prayed for a while now but the stars twinkled high above. Without using words, they spoke to him, told him to give his faith to them.

He did.

Castiel prayed and tears welled in his eyes. His fingers reached up to wipe them off then he turned to Dean.

Suddenly he realized that the stars had already granted his prayers.

All he could ever ask for was right by his side. The stars promised him and he promised himself-

Forever.

-Finis-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally it's over. This is the longest fic I have ever written. Even longer than any story I've written before. 
> 
> I hope you all had fun reading this, I certainly enjoyed writing it and I hope it contributed to the ship Destiel. 
> 
> Subscribe to my account if you wish to see more updates or read new stories. I will certainly be writing more Destiel.  
> Thank you very much from the bottom of my heart.
> 
> -penultimateaxis

**Author's Note:**

> Dean as Castiel's master, bossing him around with the intention of having sex afterwards was the primary intention of writing this story. 
> 
> Castiel bent on all fours while cleaning Dean 's mansion while Dean teased or whispered filth in his ear, also helped inspire this plot.
> 
> Share the love if you know anyone who loves to read this sort of angst!
> 
> Kudos, Comments and Subscriptions will be appreciated!


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